What was he thinking?

Chapter1: sunshine and lollypops

Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer- this is a work of fanfiction.

AN: I apologise in advance for Paul's sick, sick mind…

What a complete waste of yet another afternoon. Sam is insisting that we follow around the sainted, soon-to-be-alpha wolf, Jacob Black, with his perfect freaking family and his pretty, pretty sisters. Pity they are not around. And here he is, wasting yet another afternoon desperately trying to get into the pants of that mousy little brunette; what's her name?

Jeez, you think the amount of bonfires Jacob attends that he would actually be smart enough to work out that the wolves of our sainted freaking history actually exist? Shows how much he knows. Doesn't even notice when three guys age almost ten years overnight and grow a good six inches. Yeah, all kinds of observant is little Jacob Black. Not so little these days, maybe Sam is right; he must be getting close. Billy says he is getting warmer too. Nearly hot enough to fry an egg on. If he wasn't so fucking happy all the time he might have phased; weird. How can anybody be that fucking happy considering they have never even got their rocks off. I mean what does he have to be happy about? Never seen him with any other girl or heard of him dating. Half the rez girls would offer to pop the cherry of Jacob Pretty Black. Lucky, they settle for me instead.

Swan; that's it, Bella Swan – Charlie's kid. Haven't seen as much of the Sheriff since the 'rents took off.

What will I do tonight? Wonder if I can get up to Port Angeles later and see what I can pick up in that bar; I could do with a long hard fuck and a full stomach, maybe not in that order…Maybe catch up with that blond; damn what was her name? Who cares about her name when she can suck dick like…

S: Enough, Paul! You are supposed to be watching.

P: Jeez, Sam, nothing is happening. Just little sunshine boy and the leech lover playing happily together in the garage.

S: This is serious, Paul. Do your job properly.

P: Yeah yeah; watch sunshine boy and the leech lover, I know. So do you reckon she really did?

S: Did what?

P: Fuck the leech? I mean that's gotta hurt right? Like sticking your hand in the freezer or something. Man that would be some freezer burn. Maybe his come would be like little ice cubes?

S: what?

P: Also how does he even get an erection? They are like stone, you can't inflate a stone dick? It would just snap off. And what does it fill with; they don't have any blood?

S: Honestly I give up.

Well that worked; made Sam phase out. Snort.

Honestly what does Jake see in that girl? She's been a freaking zombie since the leech dumped her sorry ass in the woods and we all had to be out searching for her. Missed a hook up with one hot cougar because Sam insisted we help find her. What the fuck for? The girl hangs with vamps, she's half dead in my book anyway. Whole dead soon enough when she makes it onto their menu. Vegie vamps my ass. She must look like a walking snack bar to them.

Weird girl; I mean what the fuck? Vampire boyfriend? And then they all just fuck off and leave her. Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

Oh, shit, I wasn't paying attention and she walked close to the forest where I'm hiding. Hey she's not so bad looking; big brown eyes; brown like milk chocolate; …yum. Fuck what am I doing? I'm inching forwards. Shit; stay stupid dog, stay.

What the fuck is that? I feel like I am being pulled towards her; like she's the sun and she's pulling me into her orbit… I feel all warm inside…oh, no…all flappy …oh, no…wow, she's beautiful…fuck…no way.

No, no, no, don't move another step – rustling in the bush like a fucking epileptic. She'll see you and Sam will beat your sorry ass. Oh, no, she's walking away.

I have got to get out of here. Sam's going to beat my ass anyway. But I think I want to stay right here close to her.

Fuck, I am sooo fucked.


I sit at Sam's table with a half eaten sandwich in front of me. Sam looks concerned.

"Jeez, Paul," notes Sam, "if you've lost your appetite; you are seriously off your game." He shakes his head. "So tell me what happened again."

"Well it was like she was suddenly the centre of my universe. Like everything in me was linked to her somehow. All I wanted to do was get closer to her; look after her you know. Fucking weird. I felt all warm and fucking gooey inside."

"Hey, watch the language, Emily's home you know." Sam looks thoughtful. "I hate to say it, but it sounds like you imprinted."

"No fucking way!" I leap to my feet and look for the closest thing to break. I throw the kitchen chair into the wall

Sam sighs; I know he has re-glued these chairs a dozen times because I keep doing that to them.

"Sit down, Paul, enough with the hissy fit."

I sit like a good dog and when I get myself calmed down again Sam asks, "What I want to know is why this hasn't happened before? I mean you've been watching them for weeks."

"No, I was watching Jake; never even freaking looked in her face before today." I drop my head into my hands. "She has such a pretty face."

Sam snorts. "Yep, sounds like imprinting to me."

We sit there for a couple of minutes.

"So what are you going to do?"

"What can I do? Tell the fucking leech lover that I want to be her pet little wolfie? No way, man. And what is this imprinting bullshit anyway? There is no way I am doing any of this, I will fight it. How could Swan be my perfect partner? Good one, Taha Aki." I pause in my rant for a second, "And to imprint on the future alphas favourite girl; that's all kinds of fucked. "

Sam and I look at each other. "Fuck…Jacob. He's going to flip out."

We sit in silence again.

"I hate imprinting; I hate how it takes away your choices; how it fucks up everyone's life. You know it damn near killed Leah; we are still picking up the pieces. I just can't see how it can make me a better wolf to have Bella leech fucker Swan as my life partner. You of all people know Sam. I mean no offence, but how does Emily being the centre of your universe make you a better leader? 'I can't go and fight vampires because I have to hold my girl's hand?' What the fuck is that about? At least the alpha should be immune to this lovey dovey crap."

"The Alpha; that's it," I say "You have to give me an alpha order." Sam looks sceptical. "I won't talk about it, or approach her, I won't even think about it while I'm phased. I don't want anyone to know especially Jake... or her." I put an odd emphasis on the word 'her'.

"You won't be able to change your behaviour." says Sam "That would be really obvious if you…how can I say it…"

I laugh, "If I stopped being the rez man-whore?" I sound bitter. "Hey, no problem; I'm not giving up my pieces of tail."

We sit silently for a minute or so.

"We will have to be really clear on the wording of the order. I'll write it out to make sure we covered everything. I'll get a pen and paper. You want another cup of tea?" Sam stood looking at me.

"My life is fucked up." I say and smack my head on the table.

"Hey, watch the table." Says Sam. "Em will make me refinish it again."

"One lucky thing for you; the alpha has a better mind lock so I am not going to blow your secret for you." He snorts. "You can just fuck it all up by yourself."

FF_2154210_ - 29/06/2010 06:06:00 PM