A.N. Okay, this was a random idea! I read DataLady91's story, '80 things Q is NOT allowed to do'. This is all of the situations that convinced Q write the contract with the Enterprise. This is meant to be humorous, but I assure you, it WILL have a plot and it will be a continuing story, not various rules.



FIRST RULE OF THE Q CONTRACT: Must not teleport into and out of various quarters. If I had my way, I'd do it nonstop for an hour. *Poof!* here, *Poof!* gone, *Poof!* here...

"Coffee. Two creams, one sugar." The computer bleeped in response and produced the steaming cup.

Riker sighed heavily as he wearily stood up from his bed. He pulled his uniform top into place and walked over to the mirror on the far wall. Riker ran his fingers through his sleep bedraggled hair and sighed again. It was almost time for his duty shift on the bridge.

He turned away from the mirror slightly, heading for the coffee. Whirling back around, his eyes darted around his cabin warily. Something. He'd seen something out of the corner of his eye. Something in the mirror. It wasn't there now, but he was sure he'd seen it!

Riker scratched his head in confusion… and whipped around again. What was that? It sounded like laughter. Male laughter.

He waited, looking around suspiciously. There! A flash of red! It looked like a human man in a uniform, but that was all he caught. Who was it? What was going on?

"Hello!" A voice behind him cheerfully called into his ear.

Starfleet training had paid off. Riker dropped into a crouch, spun around and launched himself in the direction the voice had come from. There was only one slight problem. Nothing was there. Riker smashed directly into his bedroom mirror. The glass shattered, the frame over the mirror toppled and Riker fell onto his back with a low grunt.

"Well, now. That wasn't very smart!"

Riker groaned and it didn't have a thing to do with the shards of glass that surrounded him or the bruises he was sure to have. He knew that voice. And he dreaded it.

Turning, and seeing nothing yet again, he yelled angrily. "Q!"

Q popped in again, confirming Will's suspicion. "Hello, Riker, old chap! How is your back feeling?" Q's eyes glinted with amusement.

"Get out of my quarters, Q!" Will roared. He was not in the mood to play Q's games today.

Q clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Manners, my dear Commander, manners." He flashed away again.

"Arrrgh!" Riker shouted in wordless frustration. He stood up with a tinkle of falling glass particles. He headed briskly to the desk his communicator sat on.


William Riker ran directly into the suddenly present form of Q, bouncing off of the entity and onto the floor again.


"Come, now, Riker! Humans generally have bad balance and fragility, but this is just taking it too far!"

"Maybe if you would stop teleporting into my…" Will's voice gradually rose until he cut out sharply. Q had flashed out again.

The irritated man worked his way off of the floor for the second time. He cautiously walked over to the dresser and grabbed the gleaming, metal symbol. He pressed the front.

"Riker to the bridge."

Picard's voice rang out a second later.

"Yes? What is it, Number One?"

"Sir? It's… Q. Again. He's back."

Silence on the other end.

"Where is he?" The Captain's voice was strained.

"Hello, Mon Capitaine!"

Riker jumped. Q was directly behind him again, yelling in his ear.

Picard spoke again. "Number One, report to the bridge immediately. No deviations." Picard was obviously not pleased with the current situation.

Will turned around. Q was missing again. Hopefully, the entity had tired of his game.

"Yes, sir. Riker out."

He strode across his quarters, giving them a quick perusal. He looked down, noticing his clothes. They were ripped and covered with glass, as were his hands and arms. Well, there was nothing for it. The Captain had clearly stated 'immediately'.

Will twisted, grabbing his coffee on the way out, the liquid now room temperature. He raised the cup to his lips.


Q appeared two inches in front of him.

Riker gasped, startled, inhaling his coffee and pouring the rest down his shirt.

William T. Riker was fed up. He dropped the cup, his hands curled into fists, and stalked out the door and into the lift.

"Computer. Bridge."

The commands were bitten out as though they were bitter fruit.

Three seconds later, the door slid open.

The Commander saluted, vainly scrambling for some sort of decorum. "Reporting as ordered, Sir."

Picard turned, ready to say something. He stopped dead, his jaw dropping at his first officer's state.

Riker was standing stiffly, framed by the lift doors. His arms were covered in small, glittering pieces of glass, his uniform was slashed and cut, and he was slowly dripping coffee off of a soaked uniform. In short, he was a wreck.

Completely forgetting Q for a moment, Picard gaped.

"What the hell happened?"

The bridge crew stared at the normally put-together officer. Troi peeked over her chair and burst into hysterical giggles…

Riker groaned.



Hope you guys like it! I PROMISE I haven't forgotten JPatSS or any of my others, and I KNOW it's been over a month and a half, but my laptop isn't here, and this was written in my notebook. There should be many more of these chapters, each containing a story for each rule. The rules were written by DataLady91. I do not own them, but I will modify and add where needed. I do not own Star Trek. VERY important fact there.:-D