Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from "Sons of Anarchy." They are the property of Kurt Sutter and Fox Network. No money is changing hands in the writing, reading or distribution of this story.
Was this over-doing it? How many candles had she lit now in the living room? One, two, three, four, five…twenty-two…appointed in little groups of threes and fours in different areas, like little century posts on the shelf in the corner, on the hearth, on any flat surface. All the lights were out, though the sun wasn't really down as much as would have been preferable, though the wooded lot did help…candles gave a certain warmth and enticing energy to things…so did the little black dress Joss had chosen to put on. She hadn't worn it yet, and Gemma had said to make tonight "special" no matter what, to let the moment be what it was, and celebrate it, despite the secret Joss had. But…what if this was giving Tig a wrong impression? What if this was all too much…damn…why had she chosen fishnet stockings? Nothing said "over the top" like fishnet stockings…oh, but they looked so cute with the little Gothic inspired dress, all black, short sleeved, square cut, low neckline with black lace trim, a corseted bodice with four rows of shiny hooks and eyes down the front, and a little "A" line skirt that ended about six inches above Joss's knee. It fit her well, and she did look awesome…her long, straight, shiny black hair with the crimson ends, her flawless, matte makeup and winged eyeliner…she'd used the black "patent leather" stuff tonight, and it glittered so pretty in the candle light. The dress wore needed a necklace, and she'd gone to her leather collar with the charm bearing her man's name, and a pair of knee high, blocky heeled boots had completed everything.
She stared at herself in the mirror on the living room wall now, worried green eyes that fought so hard against the happiness she wanted to experience…but she was happy; nothing could change how exquisite and how special Tig's proposal made her feel, and she'd hoped that she'd captured that in her overall look…and maybe she had, she looked like a porcelain doll…a sweet, tragic, little doll. Fuck! Joss hoped she didn't look like a doll! Tig freaked out around dolls! Oh well…he was going to be freaking out soon enough anyway.
"Tell him," Gemma had insisted over the phone. "Tell him everything, that's all you can do, this is Tigger's call," she'd said to her, and the idea of doing so made Joss so nervous, but Gemma didn't sound nervous at all, adding, "If it changes his mind, it'll only be for a little while." Joss could only hope…the fear that this was a deal breaker for Tig still loomed enough to keep her from being more celebratory, but Gemma had sounded so certain. It was nearly ten after five…Tig would be home any moment now…and all of her secrets would be known by him. Why'd he have to propose? Why now?
Joss flopped down on the couch, wondering again if all these candles looked too cahthedral-ish, then panicked over how doll-like she might look, everything playing out against the curtain of her original and biggest fear…how did she explain this to Tig? It could change a lot about how he saw her…and it would be all her fault…she'd deserve it if he turned his back on her, disgusted, and called off the proposal, and what they had together now…she wasn't what he thought she was, after all. Shit…the closer the clock ticked to five o'clock, the more difficult it became to think what Gemma told her to think…."be happy, be honored, you're a bride to be, tell him 'yes!'" Joss wanted to, she wanted to so much, but…fuck…the dyna's engine rumbled lowly as it came closer to the house…Tig was home, and she had no more time to plan, or change anything. Damn…fishnet stockings…well, maybe they'd distract him so much that they'd spend a few hours upstairs before she'd have to tell him everything?
Joss didn't remember seeing Tig walk up the sidewalk, or hear him climbing the front porch stairs, she was so lost in her thoughts, but all of a sudden, the front door opened, and then closed, and there stood her man…like nothing could knock him over whether on his bike or on his feet…all over solid in ways that most men would never even understand…aloof, cool, dangerous, sexy, mysterious and strange, but in his amazing blue eyes flickered some extraordinary power that lay deep inside him, gently coiled until called upon to strike. God she loved him!
He looked like the day had been much more than he'd asked for, but there was a look of surprised satisfaction in his ice blue eyes that pushed through the mental exhaustion, though he staggered a bit to her, throwing his arms around her as if she were some oasis in the vast desert he'd crossed today. "Hey," he said to her as he clasped her to him and Joss could only sigh, he was so strong…being in his embrace, being against his broad chest like this, this feeling would always win out over anything else that battled for control of her, no matter what it was. "Oh shit!" Tig suddenly ground out, but didn't let go of her. "I meant to get the flowers!"
Joss shook her head and smiled. "I told you I didn't really need them. I just need you, I love you!" She told him, her palms flat on his chest as he held her, and she did, she loved him so very very much, and she'd never meant to lie to him…but…
"I know," he answered, and softly stroked her cheek, his eyes peering into hers, and Joss prayed he couldn't see what she'd been hiding. He straightened a little more and ran his fingers through her long ebony hair. "I'm sorry, baby," he sighed. "I told you we'd do this right when I got home, and here I am, no flowers, no ring…" Tig sighed again. "And you love me anyway," he shook his head, and kissed her again.
"Tig, don't worry about any of that, okay?" Joss answered, lifting her head from his chest and looking up at him. Hmm…now might be a good time to tell him! Oh…but he was looking down at her with such peace in his eyes, something that rarely ever shined in them, and he was cupping her cheek and smoothing her hair…how could she ruin this for him?
"You are so beautiful, Joss. You know that, don't you?" He asked, staring at the color of her eyes, his fingertips gently caressing over the paleness of her skin, tracing the heart shape of her red lips; scrutinizing her as if noticing the subtle things about her for the first time. "You're so God damn special to me…I can't believe I want the things with you that I want…and I'm trying to not want them even as I speak, but it ain't workin'…you're mine, and you're always going to be; my mark on your hip, my patch on your back, and my name behind yours…and I want it all, baby!"
"You're going to make me cry," Joss replied, and lay her head back down on his chest just incase she did start to tear up. "I've always been yours, Tig. Nothing can change that." There…hopefully, when she told him what she had to tell him, he'd remember that! He wouldn't be too upset, would he? Something like what she had to say shouldn't bother him too much…not with everything else they'd done, right? But…what if it did? It was going to…she knew why…and that's why she hadn't told him…besides the obvious legal problems this presented…but mostly, it would be the other thing…that other horrible, disgraceful life she'd had…what she was, what her father had made her, what he'd done to her…what it could all mean to Tig when she finally told him what she had to tell him…Joss sighed again and went to wrap her arms around him and hold him tightly, he was her protector, but then she remembered and kept her hands flat on his chest.
Tig enveloped her again, "C'mon," he smiled, pulling her closer and pressing his chest against her palms. "I said I want it all, go ahead." He was kissing her even before her hands had met between his shoulder blades, and he lifted her up a bit, taking a few steps forward until Joss's back hit the foyer wall, making her gasp. "Yeah," he moaned in a husky whisper, encouraging her to tighten her grip even more, "like that, gimme more…show me you love me," he let the strength in his arms be known as well, squeezing her tighter and kissed her again, "I need you, Joss," he said against her lips, then kissed her again, "I need you so fucking much, forever!" Joss's heart raced and she couldn't believe he was saying this, in complete sentences rather than inter-dispersed singular words, and she hugged him so tightly that her arms actually ached, but Tig only groaned and leaned into her more and more, kissing her harder and harder. "Yours," he murmured breathlessly, lips sucking at hers, her own sucking at his, tongues flicking, but there was space enough for him to revert back to his "code"…or so Joss thought. "I've always been yours, baby" and the next kiss was longer, deeper, Joss unable to smile and let out how good it felt to hear such words from him and she trembled with her bliss between Tig and the wall. "I spent the first half my life waiting for you."
Tig…was he really saying this…a million stars shot across the sky of her heart, their glittering dust soaring behind them and leaving her with a tingling rush as it settled…oh…oh God…she couldn't faint, not while holding him and kissing him and feeling such rapture, but somehow, Joss was spinning out of control, dangling from Tig's arms as his words carried her away, feeling how he kissed her deeper and growled longingly, holding her in place even as she floated away on her elation and love for him. She sucked at his lower lip and he kissed the upper one of hers, then cupped her jaw and took control, changing the angle, tilting her head back a bit, and poured every one of his desires into her, Joss's tongue submitting, just like the rest of her did…this was perfect…it was what a proposal should feel like, it was what it should be…but it wasn't exactly honest of her…or legitimate…shit…she should just get it over with…but…he was too…addictive.
"Tig," she tried to say, but her voice was only a murmur as mouths and tongues melded and fused. "I really want this…but—"
Tig pulled away momentarily, "I really want this too," he gasped and took a breath, but then stole hers away again, sucking the air from her between her parted lips as he kissed her hungrily, his hand grasping her fishnet encased thigh, groaning as he ran his fingers over the familiar, naughty texture, and he lifted her knee to his waist, leaning into her more and more. When he started kissing her like that, there was no out…what started would always finish…and knowing that he wanted to marry her was only making it that much harder to resist…Joss loved him, she wanted him, and she wanted to marry him…but…there was that one little issue…but it seemed so far away when Tig's mustache rubbed suggestively against her lip like that. "My fucking day's been a window into the future," he said, and kissed her again, pressing his hips deeply into hers. "I gave Happy the answer he needed, Ope and me found a way to start climbing outta this shit we're in…and even though I forgot the fucking flowers, didn't even think about a fucking ring, the best part of all of today's been you, baby," he whispered in a passion strained voice, both of Joss's legs firmly wrapped around his waist, her heart pounding, muscles quivering and every nerve ending thrumming like she'd been struck by lightening, and Tig's hand was now trailing up her thigh, higher and higher, creeping beneath her skirt, up and up, over the tops of her stockings, Joss's slit awash with its welcoming juices and lengthening with her arousal to receive the hardness of Tig's big cock that grew more and more against her belly. "Tell me you love me again."
Two fingers suddenly thrust inside her black, silk panties and Joss cried out, clinging to Tig even more and trying to catch her breath as both his digits found her excited clit and began to playfully scissor over it. It was too much, and yet not enough, a ticklish sensation gone out of control, and she could only rub herself against Tig's hand and hold him tighter as he kissed her deeply again. "I," she managed to say as his mouth left hers briefly, "love you!" She finally gasped, and Tig growled ardently again, his kisses, and his churning fingers becoming more and more relentless. His big cock was good and hard, thumping and throbbing between both their bodies…Jesus, why didn't he make a move for his belt and his fly…maybe she could? Joss tried to take one arm from around him, to move it down below his waist, but Tig's warning rumbled deeply in his broad chest, and Joss returned her hand where' he'd wanted it, holding him tighter as they kissed and kissed and kissed. This was so much better than talking about…anything.
"Not yet," he whispered gutturally passed her ear, and instead of kissing her again, he rested his forehead to hers and tried to catch his breath. "Ever since I left you this morning, all I've been thinking about was coming back here, and fucking you so hard your next tattoo's where no one can see it, and of my dick, but," he paused, settled himself as much as he could, and then took her by the chin and lifted her eyes up to his. "I want to hear you say 'yes' first," he said. "Will you marry me?"
Chapter 65; Part 2
"Jesus motherfucking Christ, Joss!" Holy shit…no wonder she'd reacted the way she did this morning when he'd put this question to her. She wasn't happy about her answer; that was obvious, slumped there on the stairs, under a canopy of ugly red paint, in her pretty black dress, shining black hair, lovely green eyes reddening within the glittering Egyptian Princess eyeliner that was slowly going to waste as she teared up more and more. But Tig wasn't giving up…he'd never give up, but fuck, this was really going to cause a shitload of problems…fuck…"How in hell did that happen?"
Joss sighed and looked up at him, and he could see how horrible she felt, probably wishing she could disappear, probably thinking that she'd broke his heart…but she hadn't…it complicated things, it really really really complicated things…but there were ways around this. But still…Tig wanted an answer. Was she hiding anything else that might get locked up? Joss took a deep breath, but all of the steadying she'd managed to do nearly washed away again when she looked at him; he should tell her everything would be okay…that would help…but hell, she'd kept this little secret too long for him to be going easy on her now. "Tig," she said, and had to look away from him. "Do you remember the first time we met, two years ago, that night in that shitty bar when I did everything I could to get you to look at me…and when you finally did, I told you I was twenty-two, and you laughed and said, 'how old are you?' and so I told you I was nineteen, and you laughed again and said, 'how old are you?'…so I finally told you I was sixteen?"
Well…that's how that happened then…fuck! Tig nodded his head, and sighed himself. "You were really fifteen, weren't you?"
"Yeah," Joss sighed, and looked ashamed and a little scared, and very very sorry. "But I had to lie to you then, you wouldn't have talked to me if you knew I was just some…little fifteen year old girl! You understand why I did what I did, I know you do!"
"Alright," Tig sighed, looking down at the foyer now, hands at his hips as he tried to think of what to do next. "So, we get married any time soon, I go to jail…"
"Yeah," Joss nodded sadly, so full of shame, but looked up at him. "I'll be eighteen in a little less than eight months…that's time we…or I…could maybe use to plan some kind of wed—"
"Eight months?" Tig's lost look shifted from the floor to her, only he wasn't lost anymore, he was shocked again. "You're closer to sixteen than to eighteen?" He bellowed…but…whoa…he was impressed and moved and strengthened by how 'by the tail' Joss had this life when he'd thought she was eighteen…but she was only seventeen…and barely that…damn…God fucking damn…she was going to be one hell of a queen!
"Tig," she sighed and sounded a little like she was bowing up and getting annoyed with his annoyance. "What happened to making our own rules and the things that matter to citizens not being how we live?"
Tig's head jerked towards her at her words and he instantly calmed; that damn girl, she had a remarkable talent for centering him. Fuck…yeah, she was definitely going to be one hell of a queen! But her age…she was a minor…a minor child…and he'd been…"Joss…you gotta understand where I am a little more than that," but then, what was there for her to understand…Tig didn't even understand…no, he understood…he just didn't like what he understood. "Your father…what he did to you…and how old you were, and how old you are now…and me…I've been doing the same—"
"No!" Joss got to her feet quickly, her shimmering green eyes sharp as she scowled. "It's not my place to tell you what to do, I know it isn't, but I have to on this one! I don't want you doing this! I don't want you thinking this! I can't live with even the idea that you're connecting the two, so don't you even start!" She ordered; pointing her finger at him so closely it was on his chest in no time. "There's shit in your past that you don't to talk about, and you want to pretend it just never happened, and that's fine, I'll do that for you, baby. And God damn it, but that shit with my…with Doctor Donald MacQueen, is the same way for me! I don't want to talk about it! I don't want you to ever bring it up!" She looked levelly at him, and Tig was nodding despite how surprised he was that she could be so assertive with him…but it was good that she could be, even if he did own her…she would be an illustrious queen! "That's not what you and I are; that's not what we ever were! I love you, so don't you dare take how I feel about you, which is the most precious of things I've ever felt in my entire life, and defile it with anything about how I grew up!"
"Alright," well, now he knew why she'd been keeping that a secret, she knew he'd do what he did…she knew him so fucking well…but Tig would honor her request. "It's out then, baby. There's you and there's me, and that's all there is, okay? I'm sorry." It felt so damn good to be saying that, but he sighed, feeling a little like he'd nearly ruined this. "We're good," he promised, and then pulled her close; hugging her tightly…he understood everything now. "You protect me, and us, a lot better than I ever thought you would, or even could, you know that?"
He felt her chest rise and fall against his in a long deep breath, but then she looked up at him and smiled a bit. "I know how you feel about me, and I know you'd do anything it took to save me from being hurt by anyone, or anything, including yourself," she told him, then lay her head back down against his chest again and Tig hugged her tighter; yeah, she always said the right thing. "It doesn't show on the outside very much, well, not at all, really," she laughed. "But you really are a good man, Tig…when you want to be, and for those that you want to be a good man for. Nobleness carried on the everyday exterior for everyone to see is usually just the selfish need for praise…you don't have that need, and that's what makes you free." Tig smiled and kissed her forehead, about to tell her how good she was for him, for the club, for the life, but Joss started to speak again. "Of course, you are still facing jail time if you try to marry me any time inside the next eight months, though…" she laughed a little. "Sorry!"
"No, we'll figure this out somehow," Tig promised, and then kissed her again. She did have a remarkable talent for bringing him back to center, no matter how far away from it he roamed…and just as he tried to protect her from everything, including himself, Joss strove for the same thing, she wouldn't let him hurt himself, or her…she was strong, stronger than anyone could know. "Eight months," he said again, and looked at her again, she was so beautiful, even if her make up a bit smudged around her eyes, and her hair a bit mussed from clutching her head worriedly. She knew every turn and bend and wicked drop off he had, and she loved every last one of them…she loved everything that was him…she was…Tig should…he was still forgetting something, she hadn't exactly said "yes" yet, but…he should do more than just ask her…and since they were about to commit themselves to one another…and she was so, Joss…maybe he should tell her…no…yes…no…she already knew it, what was the point? Because he was proposing…and what kind of sense did it make not to say it to her now? This was when he was supposed to tell her! No…there were no "supposed to's in life"…he'd read that once on a bumper sticker…fuck…tell her! No! Yes! No! Shit! Fine…he was just going to open his mouth, and see what came out…it worked before. "Joss, you're jail bait," fuck, that's what came out of his mouth? Really? She giggled a little, but listened, and Tig, hoping to somehow erase the prior statement, kept talking. "But I don't fucking care, you mean a lot to me, you know that, and I know you know how I feel too…but, you're so…in me, and I don't know how you got in there, and I sure as hell can't figure out how to get you out…but I think that's because you're here, in this world, to be with me…and I'm here to be with you, and no matter what the fuck we do, we're fuckin' stuck, baby…ain't either of us going anywhere without the other one, like it or not."
Joss was laughing a little bit again, wrapping her arms around him. "That's sweet, Tig," she giggled, but softened her expression and smiled at him. "Really."
Tig's heart skipped a beat, but he tried to ignore it…he wasn't done saying whatever it was he was saying. "I can't prove it, but I know it…there's a reason you're here, I did something and the world was all, 'he needs an angel in his life,' and here you are!" Joss sighed and held him a little tighter, and damn if it didn't feel so good in her arms. Tig smiled, though he hadn't been meaning to…that damn girl…go ahead, say it…might as well now; he'd said everything else. "I don't say this shit…you know I don't say this shit, and you know I'm not saying it now, so you don't hear me, okay? But…Joss, angel…I lo—" fuck…he'd almost had it…try it again…he'd said it in front of Ope, with no hitches! "I mean, I fuckin' lo—" why the hell couldn't he say this? There were no speed bumps in that fucking word! "I lllllllllllllll…oooooo…fffffff—" what? He "loffed" her? Well, he hadn't actually said that on purpose…Joss's fingers were all of a sudden over his lips, making him say he "loffed" her.
"Tig!" Joss interjected, her fingers firmly against his lips. "You don't have to say it," she said, then sighed. "I don't want you to say it."
"Mmmwhy?" He was so stunned that she'd said that he didn't even realize her fingers were still against his mouth…fuck…Tig grabbed her wrist and threw her hand back at her, away from his lips. "Why?" He re-asked. Here he was, sweating his balls off to try to say words that just weren't supposed to come out of his mouth…and she didn't want to hear them?
"Because, that's yours, you keep it in there." She told him. "I think that might be what keeps you going, it's your strength, knowing how you feel, but understanding the forte of what it is so well, that you know you can't let it out, because it's just too much to try to contain within a few words…that would kill it and us with it…" Joss smiled again. "It means so much more, and it has so much more power if it remains unspoken. Samson had hair, you've got this." Shit, there it was, his internal struggle defined…damn…no wonder he'd never noticed she was only seventeen! She leaned into him more, her hands moving slowly over his back, feeling all the muscle she could beneath his cut and then smoothing over his arms the same way, then his chest. "And I'd rather feel that you love me instead of hear it."
Damn…she was an angel; she had to be…who the hell else would be able to figure him out like this? She always did understand Tig better than he did, she always would…she was going to be the queen of queens! "Okay," Tig nodded his head, and pulled her closer. "I won't say…what I won't say," he half smiled, and gingerly tried to correct her smudged eyeliner with the tip of his fingers, but it didn't work…fuck it, she was perfect, no matter what. "You get what I feel. And you gotta understand that I need to know shit about you, like, how old you are…and I understand that sometimes it'll be shit that scares you to tell me but the best way to not be scared is to talk to me, right?" Joss smiled and nodded, looked like she wanted him to kiss her, but he couldn't, not yet. "So…marry me?"
And she was laughing! Fuck! Oh hell…let her laugh…Tig'd do anything to make her happy, and that was the sad truth. "Yes!" She finally replied, and threw her arms around him. "Yes, yes and yes!" She laughed again, "I think that covers each time you've asked me today!"
Finally! Without thinking about it, Tig hoisted her up and spun around with her, a victorious kind of groan echoing against Joss's laughter, her hands grasping both his shoulders and her eyes shining down on him endearingly. She loved him so God damn much…enough to marry him! Fucking age of consent laws…he wanted to marry her, now! "Hey," he smiled up at her. Juice! Juice could hack into something, change Joss's date of birth…what was her date of birth? "When is your birthday?"
Joss laughed again. "The things we don't know about each other…" she sighed, but then leaned downwards and kissed him, Tig lowering her back to the floor so he could curl up around her and really kiss her. "October fourth, nineteen ninety-three," she managed to answer as his lips broke contact briefly with hers, but he kissed her again a split second later…but…wait…nineteen ninety-three? Yeah…she was seventeen, not eighteen as he'd previously thought…she'd been born in nineteen ninety-three. October fourth…nineteen ninety-three? Shit! Fuck! For some reason, Tig started laughing, laughing so much he couldn't kiss her anymore, and he raised his head, and looked down at her, still laughing, like he'd just narrowly escaped some certain death. "What?" Joss was staring at him with concern in her eyes. "Is something wrong?"
Tig shook his head…but yeah, October fourth, nineteen ninety-three had been the day when everything went wrong…until now…there was no way Tig would have her date of birth altered, not now. He looked down at Joss, that damn girl…his Joss, his queen, his wife…his angel. "Baby," he said, and his voice was weak with this sudden recognition, and he felt like he should have been on his knees in front of her…his angel…that's what she was…right from the start. "You were born on the same day that I wasted that kid, and won a Bronze Star in Mogadishu." He was looking up at her now…because he was on his knees…yeah, he should stay there, he belonged there, in front of her like this…because she was what lead him through all of that shit, she was what set him free…she was what saved him…she was his guardian angel. "You knew what I was from the moment you met me," Tig said, looking up at how…amazing and beautiful…and perfect she was. No one had an old lady like her, no one; she was going to be one hell of a queen! "And I now I finally know what you are!"
Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading, it has been a pleasure to write this for you, and I will miss doing so! I hope you have enjoyed "Intended" as much as I have enjoyed your attention to it, and once again, I cannot thank those that chose to leave their reviews and comments! Stay tuned for the sequel to "Intended" which will be titled, "Three Princes." Thank you all again, more than I can say!