MERRY END OF DECEMBER YOU GUYS. I haven't updated for a whole YEAR. DAYUM. Anyway, THANK YOU for all the review and story alerts/faves! To be honest, I stopped writing this chapter about halfway in, and I wasn't going to continue. But, I re-read some reviews and WOW. It really got me motivated to WRITE.
Anyway! I hope you all have had a great year WITHOUT ANY UPDATES. MWAHAHAHA. JK. I'm actually really sorry I haven't updated in so long.
Chapter One: Feli and Belguim come over to eat dinner...Spain does some things that makes Romano jealous so Romano leaves to "get even"
Chapter Two: Romano arrives at France's house! And some things happen, but its obvious that Romano only loves Spain. Oh and we find that Evil!Spain is someone you do not want to mess with.
Chapter Three: Spain wakes up and finds that Romano isn't there so he and Italy go to Prussia's house to come up with a strategy...In the end Spain walks in on France and Romano.
Chapter Four: Hungary, Italy and Prussia hang out...Then Spain goes psycho on France and Romano...and "kidnaps"(?) Romano...
Chapter Five: Lemon.
Chapter Six: Lemon cont.
Chapter Seven: France and Prussia went out looking for Romano and found him.
Chapter Eight: France and Prussia take care of Romano, and then leave to look for Spain.
Chapter Nine: Romano reflects after a strange dream, gets picked up by Italy, then gets a call from England to go pick up Spain.
Chapter Ten: Tensions are high between Spain and Romano. The latter leaves to stay with Feliciano.
Romano took a deep breath. He opened his eyes, clutched his suitcase, and took a step toward the front door. He tapped on the entrance with a soft knock. Anxiety shook his hands and took his breath away; however, his heart raced not with fear, but anticipation, worry, guilt.
Just as Romano was thinking about running back to Italy's house the door opened. In the entrance stood Spain who took a step back to gesture Romano to enter. Spain stood tall, his limbs relaxed, his breathing even with a bright smile on his face. A bit of red sauce tinged the side of his mouth and flour dirtied the apron he wore. Romano thought he looked exactly the same as he did a year ago.
"Do you need help carrying anything else in?" Spain asked politely, taking a few steps away from Romano.
"Uh- no. This is all I brought." Romano gestured to the bags he carried.
"Alright. The pasta is boiling, so feel free to get settled in your old room. I'll call you when dinner is ready." Spain smiled gently and walked back to the kitchen.
Romano took a couple deep breaths as he walked to his old room. He entered the room and flipped on the light switch. Everything was exactly the same. His disheveled collection of books, his mess of papers and writings on his desk, even the blanket Spain had made him so long ago sat upon the edge of his bed. The only difference was that the room was dust-free despite being abandoned for almost two years. Romano dropped his luggage next to his bed and gently sat upon his bed. Glancing about the room he took in his current situation.
It had been nearly two years since Romano was last in Spain's house. An unexpected surge of nostalgia overwhelmed him. He began to recall memories from when he had been just a small child. He remembered screaming himself awake after a vicious nightmare to the feeling of Spain's warm hand stroking his hair, and wrapping him in his arms while whispering quiet reaffirmations of safety.
Spain did this every time Romano had a nightmare. At one point, when the horrible visions plagued Romano more often, they began to sleep together every night and continued even when the nightmares faded away. That is until Romano was separated from Spain.
Romano fidgeted with his hands as he tried to distract himself from anymore flashbacks. He didn't exactly want to remember the time they had been forcibly separated. It wasn't a good memory for him.
Then again, there were other memories that were just as bad- if not worse.
Romano ran a hand through his hair, brushing his bangs to the side a bit. Two years ago, Romano said he didn't know if he could forgive Spain. He still wasn't completely sure about that. There was no anger or violence toward Spain. But, disappointment and distrust still lingered in his heart. There was also longing for the open wounds between them to finally be sown shut.
When they first separated two years ago, Romano knew he could not stay away from Spain forever, but he also wanted to avoid him for as long as possible. During their period of separation there had been rare meetings. Occasionally chats at nation gatherings, even supervised visits with Italy. The two Italy brothers began monthly dinners with Spain about a year ago.
It took Romano a few months before he could explain the situation to Italy. But, not once before that had Italy pestered him with questions. Instead he waited patiently for his brother to recover, and become more comfortable with sharing the situation. Feliciano did not overreact, nor did he underreact.
"I- Fratello…I have something to tell you," Romano stirred the boiling pot of pasta.
"What is it?" Italy gathered plates from the cabinet.
"About Spain...the reason why I left…it's because- Spain- he-" Romano stumbled on the words.
"You don't have to tell me yet if you're not ready," Feliciano turned to face his brother with a comforting smile, "You can stay here as long-"
"Spain raped me," the words spewed out of his mouth before Feliciano could extend his offer.
Romano's hands tensed and his chest tightened. The familiar tendrils of anxiety crept into his chest and robbed him of his breath. Regret hit him like an icy cold bucket of water, but he couldn't take his words back. His body went deathly still and his legs shook as he waited for his brother to speak; however, calm, understanding words did not arrive. Instead Romano felt a pair of warm arms wrap around his waist from behind. Feliciano nuzzled his head into Romano's neck and Romano's body went still.
"I love you fratello," Feliciano held onto his brother tightly.
Romano's eyes watered up and a knot formed in his throat, so Romano bit his lip, unaware that he had so much sadness still lingering.
"Nothing will ever change that. We are nations fratello, so it Is expect that we will face many difficulties," Feliciano paused and turned Romano to look at him, "Though, there are some things I wish you never had to experience. Thank you for telling me."
They slept together that night. Feliciano wrapped his arms around Romano's waist and pulled him closer. Feliciano stroked his brother's hair with soft touches and intertwined their fingers.
Romano remembered waking up the next morning with fear of Feliciano's response to the situation. France and Prussia knew what happened. They wouldn't stop giving him that look. It was a gaze laced with hints of guilt, regret, pity, and sympathy. Romano hated it. He hated the way France and Prussia treated him after the ordeal. They weren't as rough with him and their bantering stopped. They stopped pushing Romano's buttons and France minimized touching to a need-only basis. Every time France and Prussia did something out of character…every time they gave him that look…it killed him. It constantly reminded Romano of what happened and the shame he was burdened with.
But, when Feliciano woke up the next morning, nothing had changed. Romano greeted him the same way, they watched movies as they always did, they had a fiesta like usual, and they even ate dinner normally. Nothing changed. Feliciano's gaze didn't constantly remind Romano of his shame and pain. Romano felt normal with Feliciano. He was alright. A couple more months passed and Romano found himself thinking about the incident less. He noticed that the more he talked to Feliciano about it, the less guilty he felt. But, the pain…a vine of thorns still remained around his heart every time he thought about Spain.
The pain only intensified, no matter how much he conversed with his brother. It grew and grew until he saw Spain a year later. Upon seeing that mess of brown wavy hair and cool green eyes, Romano realized what the pain was. Yearning. The realization was similar to being electrocuted. The spark of information singed his heart. Romano missed Spain. He missed Spain waking him up for breakfast. He missed taking an afternoon swim with Spain. He missed growing and eating tomatoes with Spain. He missed cuddling with Spain on the couch when they watched cheesy romantic comedies. Romano ran away from Spain that day, overwhelmed with such feelings of sorrow and want.
Soon his yearning was followed by guilt.
How could he yearn for someone who had hurt him? How couldhe want Spain back in his life? After that, Romano emotions constantly circled from sadness to shame to yearning to guilt, and then repeated. Feliciano suggested monthly dinners with Spain to curb down his yearning. Romano accepted because he was done with running away and he wanted to patch things up with Spain. But, Feliciano said it was going to take a while before things could be fixed.
Another year later and Romano sat in his old room. Trying- Wanting- to be with Spain again, but constantly feeling disgusting about yearning for someone who raped him.
A knock against the entrance distracted Romano from any further contemplation.
"Dinner is ready," Spain grinned, "Come eat when you're ready."
"I'll come now," Romano sat up and followed Spain.
Have a good night/day.