Being a most detailed recording of the war of the orchestra.
One day the conductor of an orchestra, suddenly, and unexpectedly dropped dead. Despite this event being tragic it also opened up the place of the throne, there were many claimants to this recently vacated position, not least of these was the clarinet. However the oboe felt that it was more worthy than the clarinet, and so clobbered it to death. As you may imagine the bass clarinet was not too happy about the murder of its younger sibling and so went up to the oboe, which had actually become very good friends with the French horn and had combined together to become a froboe. The froboe was rather scared of the bass clarinet, when a HUGE shadow fell upon them both, the bass clarinet turned. It was the baritone sax. The baritone sax had got worried about the bass clarinet in case it got too powerful. The baritone sax finished the bass clarinet off before you could say, well, anything! Then the Baritone decided it had better finish off the froboe while it was there, the poor froboe trembled violently when the tenor sax appeared. The tenor sax had been quite good friends with the oboe when it wasn't a froboe, he thought that the baritone was being a bit harsh and told him that. The baritone was reluctant to destroy the tenor, as all the Saxes were good friends. Then the Tenor said that all wind instruments should gather together against the real enemy – the strings! The soprano sax thought that this was a good idea, but she was worried that she wouldn't even be able to take on a quarter-sized violin. The baritone thought that that was a load of rubbish and told her so; still the alto said the all the Saxes should combine together to become a supersax. All the Saxes agreed that this was a good plan and they could now easily take on all the double basses.
The flute contingent was going off to find the violins, when they saw them being beaten up by cellos, the strings had not yet discovered the meaning of unity. The flutes thought that they would not be strong enough to take on that kind of fighting force and so went up the trumpet section, the trumpets agreed to merge with the flutes and become flumpets.
The bassoon was a very strong instrument, but its reactions were too slow to fight properly, so decided to merge with the piccolo and became a piccoon, incorporating strength and agility.
So, the wind instruments marched off to war, on the outskirts of the string section they found a viola, all alone with a broken string. The flute part of the flumpet asked what the matter was; the viola replied that all the other strings had made fun of it, just because it used the alto clef. Then the trumpet part of the flumpet beat the viola to death, the flute part was so disgusted that the flumpet split apart. The flutes then joined up with the trombones to make flumbones and the trumpets joined with the cornets to make corpets.
The cellos had already defeated the violins earlier, the viola was dead and so they all focused on the cellos, the battle was long and hard. Then the supersax went to seek the double bass alone, they had a long fight, leaving the double bass close to death. The supersax, on the other hand was dead. The other instruments mourned the loss of the supersax. Then the corpets went to find the double bass. They both died in the end. With the strings defeated all the wind instruments remaining turned on each other, except for the cunning froboe who chose to hide. Then when everyone else was dead the froboe split back into the oboe and the French horn and became joint rulers of the now non-existent orchestra.
But one night, whilst the French horn was sleeping, the oboe put poison down it's bell, but the oboe lived on to become the ruler, as it deserved.
I play the oboe. Could you guess?
Hope you enjoyed it :)