WARNING: This story contains randomness...

He was trapped, and nobody could help him.

He fell for the trap – not so long ago, he received a long, sweet love letter from (who he thought was) Draco, telling him to meet him at the clearing of the forbidden forest, only to his surprise find out it was the plot of two -very horny- men.

Harry was practically crushed against two, very muscular chests – Lucius Malfoy, and Fenrir Greyback.

Fenrir, the one in front of him put his hand out, and ripped his top off.

"Ha, we've gots you now, pup." Fenrir crooned into his ear, as his paw-like hands stroked down his

"Stop it!" Harry growled.

He felt two hands behind him grab him around the waist, feeling for the buckle of his belt.

"This is going to be much fun," Lucius breathed into Harry's ear.

Harry tried to elbow Lucius in the stomache, but it did nothing.

"Why don't you two just get together?" Harry snarled.

Lucius laughed harshly.

"I'd like you to see you make us...after all, you're the underage wizard who can't use magic, against two, very strong wizards who can."

Suddenly, Harry ducked out of the squashy embrace and pushed Lucius and Fenrir together, and added in a glue charm, so they were stuck together looking as though they were having a very soppy hug.

Harry quickly whipped out his muggle camera, and snapped a photo of Fenrir and Lucius embracing each other.

"HA!" Harry yelled in triumph. "FRONT PAGE OF THE DAILY PROPHET!"

"YOU WHORE!" Lucius shouted, trying to push away from the werewolf. "LET ME GO!"

Fenrir growled as the glue charm was sticking to his hairy chest, and harshly pulling at his chest hair as Lucius struggled.

"FUCK!" Fenrir growled. "THAT HURTS!"

"How the hell do you think I'm feeling?" Lucius snarled back.

"You don't have any chest hair, Malfoy!" Fenrir snapped back at the blond.

"Awww..." Harry said as he mock-adored the hugging couple.

"Shut it, Potter!" Lucius snapped.

"Don't tell my pup to shut it, girly!" Fenrir yelled at Lucius.

"Girly? Girly?" Lucius screeched. "I thought we went through this – MY HAIR MAKES THE FANGIRLS

Fenrir laughed. "Ha, the fangirls, Lucius, not the fanboys."

Lucius glared his deathly glare.

"Oh you've really twisted my knickers now, you dog!"

"BITCH!" Fenrir screamed. "Don't call me a dog!"

"Fine then – Puppy."


Lucius laughed. "I can imagine the headline "Blond haired maniac is racist to Werewolf."

Harry threw his camera away.

"Fuck this for a joke..." and stalked off.

"NO!" Fenrir yelled after Harry. "You can't leave! THIS FOREST IS DANGEROUS! IT'S FULL OF HET!"

Harry froze in his path.

"H-Het?" Harry retched.

"That's right." Lucius said. "Bellatrix will be after you, you know."

Harry: O_O

"SHIT. I'll go with Lucius, then."

"Noo!" Fenrir cried. "What about meeeeee?"

"Erm...well...I...kinda like Lucius...um...more."

Lucius smiled in triumph.

"Fine then..." Fenrir said. "No more rough werewolf sex business for you, then."

Harry: *phew*

"You hated it? Fine then – werewolf rape it is!"

Harry: *gulp!*

Lucius dived in front of Harry to spare his innocence.

"You see, Fenny, this is why boys don't like you; RAPE isn't the solution to things in life. There's more to life than having those kinds of pleasures."

Fenrir rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah, how did you get Harry to like you then?"

Lucius smiled in triumph.

"I took him on the kitchen table without warning, and –literally- swept him off his feet."

Fenrir: -_-

"Oh wait a second...that was rape..." said Lucius thoughtfully.

Harry had had enough.

"HEDWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!" He called out into the darkness.

Hedwig, his awesomely awesome white owl appeared and landed on his shoulder.

Harry took another photo of Fenrir and Lucius arguing.

"Deliver this to the Ministry of Magic pronto!"

He handed his owl the photo.

Harry ran away from the arguing couple as fast as he could, unable to stand their bickering.




It has been sighted and posted by our very own Mr. Harry Potter, has witnessed one of the most disgusting acts a wizard can do.
I'm not talking about the Unforgivable curses, I'm not talking about murder, I'm talking about
"It was hurtful to our kind," said a random on the street. "I get called names all the time, I get stared at, and I'm sick of it. I think this topic should be argued more often."
Fenrir Greyback, werewolf, was assaulted by Lucius Malfoy in the Forbidden Forest.
"I broke down sobbing when he left...He even took my mate away from me." Says Greyback. "I was in need of some serious werewolf sex, and Lucius pointed out my werewolf flaws that I can't help. We must stop the racism against werewolves NOW!"

Please turn to page 45 for the full story.
Also, next week's addition, Puppies; are they Aliens or Predators?

The end.

W...t...f... o.o