Calming Down the Crazy: Puck Style

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters off Glee, nor do I own the Ghostbusters.

AN: So, my first attempt at my favourite glee couple, Puckleberry. Love them together. Hope you like it, let me know!


This is a job worthy of some kind of fucking medal or something. This is a job on the same kind of level as those tasks what that geezer Hercules had to do (yeah he sat in a classics lesson- it was part of the deal to get that... Laura?Lauren?- anyway that girl to sleep with him).

This is a job that required heavy duty protection equipment. If he got in there and she unleashed all her crazy directly at him, or worse, if she directed it all at his favourite vegetables, they would fall off or something. Oh fuck. This was a chilling thought. He needed to avoid her directed crazy; it was a bad thing.

He mentally equipped himself with a suit like off of the Ghostbusters, and rubber boots that came right up to his thighs, and an enormous pair of goggles that covered almost his entire face (he looked totally badass in his head).

So how come he got landed with this job? Didn't you need some kind of qualification? He clearly wasn't qualified enough! He glared behind him murderously at the group of Glee clubbers standing in a group, smiling encouragingly.

So Rachel Berry was freaking out. They were at Sectionals and she was so crazy right now it made her everyday crazy seem like an actual normal person. Yeah exactly. She was freaking out in a total massive way. Right now she was pacing up and down the corridor and the rest of the Glee clubbers had held an emergency meeting in their practise room.

"We need Rachel to be at her best or we are going to lose for sure", Artie said solemnly.

"What'ya lookin' at wheels?" Puck snapped.

"I was lookin' around the group", Artie replied calmly, "I just happened to land my eyes on you at that moment in time."

Puck just raised his eyebrows. All this tension was setting him on edge. This kinda thing wasn't good for him. He might become infertile. Ha. His boys were way too powerful for that shit. But still, the thought scared him. If chillin' out Berry was going to help, he was all up for formulating some kind of plan.

"We need a plan", Mike said.

Yeah that's right. That's the kinda thinking they needed. He'd always liked that kid.

"We need to get Rachel calmed down", Kurt interjected. "Our whole performance rests on her solo being completely perfect."

"Not it", chorused Quinn, Kurt, Mercedes, Matt and Santana.

Mike, Puck and Artie looked at Brittany expectantly. "I can't do it!" She said brightly, "Cos my mum banned me from giving advice. I advised my cousin to eat some grass, and he went to hospital with apeitis and now I'm banned from giving advice."

Mike looked confused "Apeitis? Like turned into a monkey?"

"Appendicitis" Santana explained.


"Okay so… Rock,Paper,Scissors?" Artie suggested.

Puck agreed. This was before he knew that Artie was a rock, paper scissors ninja. Seriously, the guy was like insanely good at this game! He was all, well I'll go paper 'cos no one ever does scissors and BAM! Artie brings out the scissors as though he had just read Puck's mind. Scary.

Mike had gone for rock. So it was Puck versus Mike in the big final.

Puck concentrated on the guy's blank face. Okay, that was definitely a scissors thought going across his eyes. Or was it Brittany's hair grip reflecting in them? He drew his chair closer. He would go for trying to psyche him out like in football. Apart from the fact that Mike was quite a bit taller than him and so he had to look up at him a bit, even when they were sitting down, and so he felt a lot less intimidating.

The other Glee clubbers drew deep breaths and gathered closer round. This was serious stuff. Whoever lost may in fact lose their ability to produce children. A lot was at stake.

"1…2…3…" Santana whispered.

Puck went rock. Damn Brittany's hair grip, Mike of course went for paper.

So that's how he ended up with a job that was far worse than his worst ever job (cleaning Ms Applebee's pool- somehow the prune had heard of his reputation. He had run away. The crazy witch had a plastic ball and chain for gods' sake).

"Good luck mate", Matt said now, patting him on the shoulder.

Puck scowled at him. Bitch. He didn't have to go out there to face the fire breathing dragon without so much as a wooden sword.

Sighing dejectedly, he opened the door and stepped out into the corridor, feeling like he was walking to his execution.

"Berry", he greeted as she swept past him.

She didn't hear him. Or ignored him. Whatever. He was beginning to think that this job he had been assigned was impossible.

On her return down the corridor (she was going to wear a line in the carpet), he said her name louder this time. "Berry!"

She stopped and turned, her eyes wide. "Hello, Noah. I was just thinking that we need to change the routine we discussed for 'Rain on My Parade'. It needs to be big and striking. We need the judges to sit up and notice us immediately. I just don't feel that our current routine is…"

Puck stopped listening, just watching her jaw go up and down. Well, most of his attention was on her face, he couldn't help drifting his eyes to her amazing legs which looked particularly amazing today in that little dress. What? He was a stud. Rachel Berry was hot. Maybe he should ask her out again, he still hadn't got to touch her boobs. Besides, it was really hot that she had broken up with him. He quite liked a woman who liked to be in charge sometimes. She would be a fire ball in bed… He was getting distracted. Shit. Erm… what was he supposed to be doing?

"Berry. Seriously. Chill."

"Chill?" She shrieked. "You expect me to chill! My whole career could rest on this performance. If I don't get it right here, the whole world will know by tomorrow and I'll never be seen on Broadway."

She looked like she was about to explode. That had obviously been the wrong thing to say. Though it was kinda hot when she was all flustered and angry. She seemed to wilt slightly.

"Just go away, Puck."

She called him Puck. Ouch. He couldn't deal with her in this mood. He was so out. He stomped back into the practise room, barging straight into Mike.

"I'm not wasting my time with that." He spat. "She's a lost cause."

Mike had evidently been posted the role of sending him back if he returned without completing his task.

He gulped. "Call yourself a stud?" he returned, half-heartedly.

Puck scowled.

"You obviously haven't tried everything yet." He stated matter of factly. "You were only out there for 4 and a half minutes."

"Well what do you suggest genius?" Puck grimaced.

"Well how do you normally calm a woman down?"

"Fuck them."

Mike just nodded.


The lanky Asian shrugged. "We haven't got all day", he added and closed the door behind Puck, leaving him very bewildered out in the corridor again, with Rachel about to turn and head back towards him.

This time, when she walked past him, he grabbed her arm and frogmarched her down the corridor, until they came to some kind of supply closet, and he opened the door and pulled her inside, locking it from the inside.

"What the hell do you think you are doing Puckerman", her eyes were blazing. But he was on a mission, and already sort of turned on by the thought of taking her right now in that closet.

But he did have morals (okay hard to believe but he actually did, and he knew he'd never be the one to take her v-card if he tried to initiate that, and for some reason, he really, really wanted to be her first. and maybe more…).

"You never said why you broke up with me", he said.

She frowned. "And that required dragging me into the supply closet", she said, looking round at the music stands in the low light.

He smirked.

She sighed heavily. "I was bringing down your reputation. You would never have wanted that."

"What?" he looked genuinely confused.

"Well, Finn was always embarrassed to be seen with me… I just thought…"

"I'm not Finn", he snapped angrily.

"Well, no", Rachel replied, remembering the raging fire she had felt whenever Noah had kissed, touched or just looked at her compared to the pathetic fizzle of sherbet whenever Finn did the same.

Fuck. Did her eyes just run over his lips? He suddenly wondered what that shiny lip-gloss tasted like. He bet strawberry.

He moved closer to her, the closet wasn't particularly small but when he did that, it felt like it closed in around them. Rachel was suddenly very aware of how close he was, and her breath caught in her throat when she realised she could see his nipple ring through his shirt.

"I'm never embarrassed to be with you", Puck said. And he meant it. It wasn't even anything to do with his methods of calming her down.

She smiled softly. He held her eyes with his for a while, a while longer that was necessary, long enough for her to moisten her lips slightly with her tongue.

Yeah that's right. He was such a stud he could send electrical messages through his eyes. It was one of his many skills.

He read her carefully. Her breathing was quickened

She was curling and uncurling her fingers as though to stop her reaching out for something. Would she pull away if he leant in for a cheeky kiss? Studying her, he didn't think she would; though he'd better make it worth her while (oh come on- he was a badass stud- his kisses were, like, awesome).

He ghosted the curve of her hips with his hands and she shivered. Woah! She was wound up tight. That was pretty hot. Encouraged, he rested them on her hips and pulled her closer still. Now there was less than 5 inches between them. Her brown eyes were all wide and melty.

"Noah?" her question was slightly breathy. Yup he was hard. She hadn't even touched him yet. He leaned his face ever so slowly closer to hers, breathing hotly onto her silky soft cheek. When she didn't move back (in fact she leant forward a bit, and he wasn't just imagining that), he took this as his cue.

He splayed his fingers slightly, across her butt, so that if she went weak at the knees, she wouldn't fall over and knock herself out because he may be acting totally for himself at the moment but he was pretty sure the glee club would bury him alive if she was unconscious while supposed to be performing her solo.

He brushed his lips across hers, just testing the water. It was hot. It sent a course of heat right through his body to his favourite organ. By now they were standing so close se would definitely be able to feel him pressed against her thigh, but she still didn't pull away. In fact, when he drew away to take in her face again, to check her reaction to his move, she suddenly brought her hands up to pull his head back to hers, crushing their lips together with bruising force.

Regaining his thoughts, Puck quickly responded, kissing back with equal enthusiasm, moaning as she pushed her body up against his. His moan was quickly followed by another as she took the opportunity to slide her tongue into his open mouth, it dancing with his in a dance he realised he had only been practising before now, and that this was the real thing.

His fingertips were now firmly digging into her hips, and her hands had drifted down from his neck and were rounding his shoulders. He broke away, because she had the lungs of a deep sea diver from all those vocal exercises (his pants tightened just imagining the possibilities), but he wasn't so good at breathing control and did require some oxygen else it would be him falling over and knocking himself out (and he definitely wasn't feeling weak at the knees... much).

This girl could kiss. He had forgotten how awesome making out with her was. Now he had remembered he didn't think he wanted to go back to a second rater. The way she was now playing with his nipple ring through his shirt. Maybe he could try the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing for real. They were a couple of good looking Jews. It was only natural.

Their kids would be hot. Shit. He was turning into a girl.

He fell upon her neck, careful not to leave a mark (she would kill him if he did-ha- he was whipped already but somehow didn't mind at all). He suckled as hard as he could without leaving a mark at her sensitive skin, just because her whimpers and gasps were the best sounds he had ever heard and just one of them would keep him hard for about a month.

He licked round her collar bone. With the taste of her strawberry lip gloss in his mouth he was now even thirstier for a taste of her. But first for some boob action. He knew what he had to do.

"Rachel, d'ya wanna be my girlfriend and stuff, you know, serious and all that", his voice was lower than normal. "And I'm not just getting carried away in the moment", he added, sealing the deal.

She kissed him fully, with her scorchingly hot, open, wet mouth.

"That's for calling me Rachel." she murmured then kissed him again "and that's for being Noah"

The way she said his name. Fuuuck. He slid his hands up her sides, rucking up her dress slightly until he cupped her boobs. She just continued to kiss him happily. She could have just kissed him all day. Nothing else seemed to matter when he was with her.

He kneaded her nipples to sharp points with his thumbs and she groaned into his mouth.

"Noah", she gasped, "I'm so fucking wet for you right now".

Shit. He very nearly lost his shit right then. Rachel dirty talking was HOT. He bit his lip hard, needing to distract himself somewhat. She took one of his large warm hands in hers and placed it firmly on the bare skin if her thigh.

"Please touch me Noah," she said, between kisses.

He growled dangerously, managing to ask "You sure?" weakly and when she nodded fervently, he rolled up the bottom of her dress and began massaging the insides of her thighs, his lips never leaving hers.

She wouldn't need to put more lip gloss on after this; her lips were so swollen from their feverish kissing that they were dark red.

He backed her against the wall roughly unable to support her much longer as the blood left his limbs. He gradually moved his hands higher, stroking her soft skin, and tucking one finger inside her panties, groaning at her hot wetness.

"Fuck Rach. You are so hot. You are so wet for me baby".

She bucked her hips against his probing finger and swiping off her panties with his other hand, he plunged his finger deep inside her.

Okay so her craziness also applied to things sexual. That was awesome.

He needed to taste her so bad. He grabbed her hand which was tracing random circles on his chest, and clasped it around the hem of her dress so that she was holding it above her hips. Then he knelt down, holding her gaze just to see her eyelids flutter in anticipation, and the unadulterated lust in her eyes.

Still moving his one finger in and out of her, he moved his mouth so that his tongue replaced his finger, and gripped her thighs tightly (above the hem of her dress so the marks wouldn't show) as he plundered his tongue deep inside her, mimicking the movements he had made in her mouth. She bucked her hips again, her other hand on his head, her fingernails digging into his scalp. She was moaning his name now with every stroke of his tongue. He massaged her clit with his thumb and that pushed her over the edge. She screamed his name (oh god he was so close), and her thighs squeezed the sides of his head as he licked her clean.

As her back straightened out again and her legs relaxed, he got to his feet, a huge smile on his face.

She attacked him with kisses, then plunged her tongue into his mouth, moaning as she tasted herself on his tongue.

His cock was throbbing painfully now, he had to do something about that. Rolling away from her, he leant with his back against the wall beside her. "Rach. I have to.." he began, watching her eyes take in his tented pants.

She smiled and reached her hand over to him, to cup him through his pants.

"Fuck Rach. If you do that I will mess my pants."

She smirked. A smirk remarkably similar to his own trademark smirk. He stood rigid still as she stood in front of him and began undoing his belt with deft fingers. He gave a sigh of relief as his cock sprang free, which turned into a long, drawn out moan as she tightened her small hand around it. He kissed her pouted lips quickly as she turned her face up to him, and guided her hand to move at the speed and pressure he liked.

She was a quick learner.

Officially best hand job he had ever had.

It only took about four strokes before he was spilling over her hand, repeating her name over and over. She cleaned her hands on a tissue (where did she get that from- there were no pockets in that dress- how do girls do that?) and just smiled at him as he pulled his trousers up unsteadily.

"Next time, I wanna try using my mouth." She said, just as though she was telling him what the weather was like. "I don't have a gag reflex and I've read that that's pretty useful."

He made a sort of strangling noise in his throat. This tiny woman was going to kill him. And he was going to like it.

"Fuck." Was all he managed to croak out.

"And Yes", she continued, straightening her dress and hair. "I do want to be your girlfriend. I think we balance each other out. Opposites attract you know."

He nodded. Just staring at her. His girl was awesome. Yeah that's right. His girl. He owed Chang big time.

And her concentrating all her crazy on his man parts. Yeah. Not such a bad thing at all.

Afterwards, they won, of course, and Mike pulled Puck to the side. He looked at him strangely, and followed the direction of his proud/lustful gaze.

"Your girlfriend killed it." He said simply.

"Damn right she's my girlfriend." Puck said.

Mike just smiled to himself.

Puck knew he was such a stud.

The fact that they won- totally down to him.

The fact that Rachel Berry was actually smiling genuinely and looked strangely relaxed and was using words of less than 4 syllables- totally down to him.

Well okay, them together. He was actually excited. She had whispered that she had the house for the weekend as they paused between songs. Nice. Lots of crazy to look forward to.

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