Sir Humphrey's Independence Day Address to an Assembly of Americans

It is my honor on this, so solemn and monumental a day, to address you, my transatlantic cousins (if I may presume to so phrase our relationship which has proved so lengthy and, though at times marred by actions or emotions of a negative, unsettling or troubling variety, not the least of which included rebellions, treasons and wars between your nation and ours, mutually cordial and respectful), on the nature of your long heralded, perennial celebration – that yearly period of conviviality, bolstered national pride, and a general sense of fervent, though, perhaps to some degree, in light of the actual facts of the instances, misplaced reverence of days and deeds gone by – which is termed, most appropriately one might note as it aptly describes the numeral of the day in question, and the month in which it occurs, as described by the calendar of common use throughout the western world, the "4th of July". On such a day, and in service of such a cause as I undertake at the moment, it is by no means uncustomary to speak at great length, conjuring up images of fabled histories and mythical undertakings; and yet it is not the intention of he who addresses you today to venture upon such a well-traveled path, not least for fear of stumbling into the thorny terrain of flattery, where facts and histories are lost in the mire of populist rhetoric and nationalistic fervor – or, by no lesser consideration, for apprehension of following a divergent, even opposed, direction, and thus, inadvertently, offending by mentioning facts of an inconvenient, even hostile, nature to well established and popularly held patriotic myth regarding the believed necessity of treasonous insurrection and revolution, and the resultant deaths and suffering that accompanied the aforementioned, over a matter of a few cents of legally imposed taxation. Therefore, bearing these considerations in mind, and noting the resultant implications of each, it is my desire, on behalf of my Minister and myself, to express my ardent wish that this day, so aptly, as we have already observed, called "the 4th of July", will prove to be a passage of time, roughly equivalent to the period of time during which the Earth completes a full rotation on its inclined axis, marked by an above average sense of pleasure, facilitating a joyful remembrance in future years and a reasonably worthy experience in the current sense, devoid of note of those facts regarding the unlawful inception of this nation and the treason committed by what was, at the time, a colony of Great Britain's, such that the convivialists may remain unburdened with fact in order that they might enjoy themselves the more fully. Thank you very much – and happy 4th of July to you!