Kurt is almost positive that this is either an extremely vivid dream, or someone has gone one step too far in pulling a prank.
Because blue telephone boxes do not materialize in his backyard for no reason.
But here he is, there's Finn standing at the back door with his mouth hanging open, and there's the blue box. It says "Police Public Call Box," on it, but Kurt already knows what it is. He just doesn't understand what it's doing in his backyard. Or how it got there (because even though he saw the entire thing happen, there is absolutely no way it really just appeared out of thin air).
He walks up to it and puts a hand on it. It feels solid and wooden and very real. He walks around it, eyes flicking up and down and solidifying the fact that it does, in fact, exist.
When a man jumps out of it and exclaims, "Columbus, Ohio, U," pause, "S," pause, "A!" with his arms raised like it's the most impressive thing in the world, Kurt nearly falls over. A thud over by the house tells him that Finn actually did fall over.
Kurt knows he should be freaking out over the fact that a strange man just hopped out of a police box that shouldn't even exist, but he can't stop staring at the man's head.
Because there is no denying the fact that he is wearing a fez, and Kurt is torn between a desire to rip it off this poor man's head so he can burn it and a desire to bow down and praise such a bold fashion statement. I mean, come on, he's even wearing a bow tie. And a tweed jacket with elbow patches. Elbow patches.
Kurt decides then and there that he is going to be good friends with this man, whoever he is.
And right as he starts to come to terms with the fact that a police box just materialized in his backyard and a strangely dressed man just hopped out, another man steps out, followed closely by a woman with the reddest hair Kurt has ever seen.
"Doctor," the woman says, with an accent that is 100% not American, "this doesn't look like a city."
"No, no it definitely does not," the fez-wearing man agrees, and Kurt recognizes his accent as British. "Sorry, must have overshot. Or undershot. Never mind, back in everyone, and let's try again."
All three of these strangers make to go back into the box, but Kurt decides that he is not going to let that happen.
"If I may interject," he says, taking a step forward and stopping all three of them where they stand. "Do you seriously think you can just appear in my backyard, hop out of a blue box and pretend that you're in Columbus, and then hop right back in and pretend that none of this ever happened?"
"Pretty much, yeah," the man wearing the fez says, grinning and ushering the other two inside the box. "Off we go."
"Um, no, that's not okay," Kurt argues. "Because I'm either dreaming or you're some stupid prank, and if I'm dreaming, I'd like you all to stay and explain what's going on."
He feels fingers on his elbow pulling him backwards, and he turns around to see Finn's pale face and wide eyes. "Don't talk to it, Kurt," Finn's voice is a hushed whisper. "You'll encourage it. It'll steal your body and you'll be trapped in that blue box forever. Like a genie!"
"Well, I can assure you that you are certainly not dreaming," the fez-man says, taking a step forward and patting Kurt on the head. "And your friend here is very incorrect as well. I have no intention of trapping anybody in my blue box, and I don't steal people's bodies." He gave Finn a tap on the cheek like a patronizing grandmother, before smiling brightly and saying, "Hello, I'm the Doctor."
"And I'm Amy," the woman pipes up, wiggling her fingers in a little wave. She comes up to stand at the Doctor's side, saying through a smile, "They're only kids, Doctor, and you've landed in their backyard. No wonder the big one's scared."
"I'm not scared," Finn insists, but the way his fingers tighten on Kurt's elbow again indicate otherwise.
"I'm Rory," the other man says, looking and sounding impatient. "If anyone cares."
"I care," Kurt says, the fez suddenly the least of his worries, because Rory is wearing a plaid flannel shirt and a big, life-jacket-looking vest on top of it. "Are you supposed to be Marty McFly?"
"Who?" Rory is confused.
"Marty McFly, you know, from Back to the Future. Because if you're not wearing a costume, that vest needs to go." He takes a step closer, punctuating the step with, "Now."
Amy giggles. The Doctor is smiling. Rory looks at a loss for words.
"But," Rory looks over at the Doctor and points, "he's wearing a fez!"
"And a bow tie," Amy adds.
"Hey, bow ties are cool," Kurt fingers his own.
"I like this one," the Doctor decides, walking in a circle around Kurt, saying, "Very snazzy clothes."
"And you're like…" Kurt thinks, trying to find the right words, "You're a fashion anomaly! None of that should ever work, but… it just… does."
The Doctor grins over at Amy and Rory, half-shrugging and going, "Hmmm?" It's obvious that they've had different opinions on his outfit before.
"Ku-urt," Finn grabs his elbow again and pulls on it. "Come on, they might be dangerous."
"If they were dangerous, they probably would have already scanned our brains and stolen our kidneys by now," Kurt decides, looking at the Doctor for confirmation.
"Correct!" the Doctor shouts, pointing at absolutely nothing. "Well, no, not really, because I don't steal kidneys, but you get the point." He takes off his fez, puts it on Kurt's head, then scratches a spot on his head. "Itchy," he says as he does this.
And Kurt can't help but laugh, because he's almost positive that this man is either clinically insane or he has ADD.
"Right, so," the Doctor exclaims as he takes his fez back, "where were we?" A pause. "Right, Columbus! Columbus, Ohio. Which this… is not. Where are we?"
"Lima, Ohio," Kurt says helpfully. "So you got the right state, at least."
"Ooh, goodie," the Doctor grins like Kurt just told him that the Easter bunny had left him a basket full of chocolate. "Right, back in the TARDIS, everyone!"
"And take off that vest before you get there!" Kurt calls as Rory and Amy go back inside the blue box, which is obviously the TARDIS.
"Want to come?" the Doctor asks, still grinning.
"What, with you three to Columbus?" Kurt asks, raising an eyebrow. "In a police box?"
"Yep," the Doctor says this like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Don't go!" Finn insists, tugging on his elbow again. "You'll disappear forever!"
"You can pick out a new outfit for Rory," the Doctor offers. "I've got a whole wardrobe somewhere in there. Haven't found it yet, but I'm sure it'll turn up when it's needed."
That seals the deal. If this Doctor wears a fez and a bowtie and a tweed jacket with elbow patches all at the same time, he has to have the most eclectic and interesting collection of clothing ever. Kurt barely has to stop and think about that one. He hops into the blue box, grinning.
And then he does a double take.
And then he hops back out and walks a full circle around the box.
"It's bigger on the inside," he tells the Doctor, who's still grinning.
"I like you already," he decides, ushering Kurt back inside. The Doctor calls back to Finn, "Don't worry, we'll have your friend back in a tick, promise!" Then he asks Kurt, "Think you can get Rory to wear a bow tie?"
"Of course!" Kurt nods. "Bow ties–"
"–are cool," the Doctor finishes for him. "Finally, someone who gets it."