Chapter 3: Cold Heartles Bitch

Song: Pain by Three Days Grace

Hermione's POV:

"I love you, Hermione," Seth whispered into my ear before he nibbled on it. We just got done with a liquor store robbery and were currently traveling down the highway on Seth's bike in the dark. We were laughing, drinking, smoking, and snorting crack. This is my life, this is my joy, and, most importantly, this is my funeral.

I closed my eyes as his lips found their way from my earlobe to my neck. I moaned every time he bit down on my soft and sensitive skin. His touch was enough to send shivers running up and down my spine. "I love you too, Seth," I whispered quietly, as if I was saying some forbidden word. I truly did love him, even though I was only 14. Seth was everything to me since my parents died four months ago. He was the one who took me in after my foster parents kicked me out after catching me shooting heroine in my room; the one who took the fall after I screwed up at a simple robbery; the one who taught me how to use a knife and shoot a gun; the one who I had my first time with and the only one who knew what happened to my parents.

I slowly turned my body around to face him as he drove down the highway. I looked into his eyes and saw my salvation and comfort. I just smiled and leaned in to kiss him. Our simple kiss soon turned into a mad and passionate make-out session. The kissing was blissful, peaceful, and calming. I melted into him; letting all of my fears and worries vanish.

I was so lost into my thoughts that I didn't see or hear the truck coming straight towards us, until its headlights shined blindly from behind me and lit up Seth's face. I screamed out in fear. "This was it, I was going to die," was all that I could think about as the light drew nearer and nearer. Yet though I wasn't afraid, I was actually kinda glad that I was about to die.

The last thought scared me shitless. I couldn't believe that I would be glad to die. My life was perfect now, so why did I want it to end?

"'Mione, are you ok?" asked Seth. I quickly snapped out of my ravine and looked around at my surroundings. We were parked to the side of corn field on a small dirt road. "We lived, we are alive…oh my god, we are alive!" was all that was going through my mind. Seth, the baby and I were alive. The baby, I almost forgot about it. It was startling to me that I would forget about something that was so important to me and Seth. Shit, I haven't told Seth about the baby either. I'm losing it, I'm finally losing it.

"Hello? Earth to Hermione!" Seth yelled at me when I failed to respond to him again. I looked at him straight into his ice cold, piercing blue eyes expecting to see humor and love but just anger.

"I'm sorry. I just spaced. I guess the truck scared me a little…," I mumbled off. I wasn't really scared of the truck; I was scared of him and what I saw in his eyes.

"What? Why? How can you be scared of a little truck when you just set a liquor store on fire and got into a knife fight with Nikki before then?" he asked with an incredulous expression on his face.

"I donno."

"Well, okay?" he asked in an unconvinced and unsure voice. "Hey, how about you and me go out into that middle of the corn field and smoke some weed, huh? What do ya say? Maybe we could also do some…other things," he looked at me with a suggestive look and lust filled eyes. I just cringed a little because I definitely knew what "other things" meant. They were the things that got me here in this situation in the first place. He probably will never want to touch me after I tell him. But he was so great with everything else, so this shouldn't be anything new.

"Sure, why not."

"Okay, good. Now com'on," he said as he marched off into the cornfield, not bothering to wait for me. I just fallowed right behind him, trying to catch up.

After what seemed like hours, we arrived into an area where the corn stalks were pushed down creating a small little open field. Seth was searching his pockets for the weed and cursing under his breath. I just rolled my eyes and looked around, taking in my surroundings but seeing nothing. Nothing but corn stalks. Well that was until I looked up. The dark blue night sky was filled with thousands and thousands of little stars, all coming together to create something beautiful. It seemed like ages, but really was only minutes when Seth came up behind me.

"Hey girly, I couldn't find the weed but guess what I did found?" He breathed into my ear. "I found some heroine. I know it's your favorite." He already had the syringe in his hand for me to take when I turned around and faced him. He seemed somewhat happy, or at least baked. I just smiled at him. This is how he always was on a daily basis; baked, drunk and happy. Hell, I was the same way. We were actually rarely sober and that was fine with me. Because when I was sober, my memories had the chance to evade my mind and send me to places that I wish I could forget about.

I leaned into his chest and let his unique smell of leather, pot smoke, cheap beer, and dead leaves take me away from this place and away from all of my worries about telling Seth about the baby. The baby…that was the second time I forgot about it. I can't believe that I actually keep on forgetting about it. I should probably tell him now. He seems to be in a good mood and I don't think I will ever have a better chance to tell him. I didn't want to do it though, I was content staying here in his arms but I knew I had to tell him. I pulled away from him slowly and looked up into his dazed and cloudy eyes.

"Seth," I said in a small, soft voice, "I'm pregnant." I just told him straight out, not watering it down for him or being nice about it. I thought he would take it well, but how wrong I was.


"Miss, Miss. Please wake up, miss," said the pretty, blonde flight attendant that shook me awake, "We are about to be landing soon and you still need to put your seatbelt on." She smiled that artificial smile that all flight attendants and social workers wore before she left to go wake another passenger.

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Ugh, that dream was too real and disturbing for me. I haven't had a dream like that since I was in the hospital in Cambridge, Massachusetts after giving birth to the baby two years ago…shit, don't think of her, don't think of her. I can't risk having an emotional breakdown right now.

"Attention passengers, we are preparing to land shortly in the London Heathrow Airport in London, United Kingdom. Please prepare to land," said some cool and pompous male voice through the speaker. "Are all flight speakers assholes?"I thought in my head as I gathered up all of my things. I sighed out an impatiently and started to tap my foot, which seemed to annoy the bald headed guy next to me.

I really couldn't wait to get off this plane, because after seven hours of traveling, you tend to get restless and feel claustrophobic. I, however, was not ready to go live with my father's parents. Apparently, they got worried about their only child after he didn't call or come to visit after three years and called my aunts. They told them that my parents died and I was currently living in South Carolina with a "nice" foster family. My grandparents were outraged that the fact that my aunts did not tell them that their son was dead, but mostly because that I was in foster care. They immediately flew out to South Carolina and talked to my case worker about adopting me. So that's how I am here, on this plane, sitting next to some bald headed guy who smelt like bad cheese.

The plane landed shortly and the all of the passengers soon departed. I was one of the first ones out, since I shoved a lot of the people to the side so I wouldn't get caught in the crowd. I quickly headed to gate entrance and searched for the elderly couple said to be my grandparents. I couldn't, however, see past the massive crowds heads so I quickly ran over to a cluster of chairs and stood on one to look for them.

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand

"Ahem, excuse me miss. Are you Hermione Sparrow?" I quickly spun around and instantly grabbed for my Bowie knife, only to find a middle aged looking couple standing behind me. I was still unsure as I hopped down off my chair but I let go of my Bowie knife that was still concealed in my purple and black checkered corduroy jacket. The woman was rather thin and petite and had caramel colored hair that was pulled back into a loose bun with ice blue eyes that seem to smile as she smiled. She seemed happy to see me for some reason, which truthfully creeped me out. The man, however, was completely different in looks compared to the woman. He was rather tall and round in the middle with thinning brown and a bushy mustache that was speckled with gray. His eyes were a grayish brown just like mine and his smile was similar to the woman's but less creepy for some reason.

"Actually, it's Hermione Granger now. I changed it last year. But may I ask…how do you know who I am?" I asked cautiously. These two may seem harmless, but a dog seems harmless until it bites you in the ankle.

"Ah, yes. Well we are your grandparents. I am Thom Sparrow and this is Marie Sparrow. It's a pleasure to see you finally for the first time. You look so much like your father," the man said in a cheery voice before hugging me. He took me off guard when he hugged me, so I just tapped his back lightly. My grandma just stood behind him silent but still smiling as tears rolled down her cheeks. My grandfather soon pulled away after a while and as soon as I think I'm done with hugs, my grandma squeals and embraces me in a bone crushing hug.

"I...I…th…thought…that…we…wee…lo…lo…lost you forever!" She sobbed out into my shoulder. I felt really uncomfortable, but I somehow managed to give her a hug back and that seemed to be enough for her. After a couple a minutes she pulled away.

"Um, okay. Soo…do we need to go get your bags?" she asked as she wiped her eyes dry.

"Actually, no. This is the only bag I have," I said in a small voice. I felt my cheeks go red with embarrassment.

"And as I thought it would be," stated my grandmother as she quickly turned on her heel and stormed out of the gate entrance to the direction of the parking lot. I was utterly confused and looked to my grandfather for some explanation, which turned out to be a bad idea. He looked just as, if not more, confused as me. He shrugged it off though and gestured for me to fallow her. We made it to the car shortly after and saw my grandmother fiddling through her purse.

This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

"Whatcha lookin' for, dear?" my grandfather asked cautiously.

"Oh, just that roll of hundreds I got from our savings account this morning," she replied as if it was nothing.

"You did WHAT?" my grandfather asked as his eyes popped out of his head. He looked seriously pissed off. I mean, I would too if someone just took about two thousand dollars out of my savings.

"I took two thousand dollars out of our savings, "she stated simply and bluntly. " I figured that Hermione would have nothing with her, so I took out some money so we could get her some new clothes, uniforms, leotards, dance skirts, new ballet shoes, and maybe a few books and CDs." Grandpa and I just stared at her in shock, but our reasons were completely different. She said uniforms, dance skirts, ballet shoes and leotards. Why in the hell would I need those?

"Oh well…I never thought of that," said my rather dumbstruck grandfather.

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

"And that's why I do all of the financial books," she said kindly as she patted his cheek before turning to me. "Well, we need to be heading off, my dear. You are expected at the Academy in," she quickly glanced at her watch, "two hours and we have A LOT of shopping to do." Wait, what did she mean by the Academy?

"Umm, I'm not trying to be rude, but what do you mean by the Academy and why do I need all of this stuff?" I said in an uncertain voice.

"Oh, dear I totally forgot to tell you. Well, get in the car and I will explain it to you as we drive to the Pineapple Shop to pick you up some ballet shoes and clothes." She said as she hopped into the car. I was still utterly confused as ever, but got in the car anyways.

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

I expected my grandmother to explain what was going on right away but she didn't. She actually didn't say anything at all, which worried me. I thought about asking her what was going on but she seemed too deep within her thoughts, so I didn't ask. Instead I stared out the car window as we drove past all the homes, businesses, shops and people, thinking about what was going to happen to me. I actually never met my father's parents before today. I remember asking him about it when he was alive but he would just tense up and change the subject. I never actually knew why he did that until the month before he died. I heard him talking to my mother late one night at the table about them. Apparently they sent my father money to me for my birthday. I thought it was nothing because a lot of grandparents send money to their grandchildren, but to him, it was a slap in the face. He was cussing them out about how they sent me money and gifts but never came to see me because of my mother. They hated my mother for apparently getting knocked up and forcing my father to marry her. I was shocked but I never said anything about it. I thought it would be best for me to pretend it never happened.

"Hermione, darling, we're home," my grandfather smiled at me. I attempted to return the smile but it turned into an awkward half smile. He just chuckled at me and got out of the car. I quickly followed his lead and stumbled out of the car onto the black top to be blinded by the bright sunlight. Ugh, hello floor, nice to meet you again, I thought bitterly as I brushed myself off. I quickly scanned my surroundings after getting up and was immediately amazed. We arrived at a very proper, upper class, white townhouse that faced the Thames River. It was so gorgeous and elegant that I could've stared at it for forever. But, reality decided to say hi.

"Hermione, come along. We need to go inside and make a list of what you need," my grandmother called from the front door. She was such a persistent little bug.

I quickly ran into the house, wanting to get out of the blazing hot sun. I was again quickly amazed with what I saw when I got in. If you thought that the outside was beautiful, the inside was magnificent. The entry hall was painted a light gold with a large, antique crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling and handsome ebony steps running up the side to the upper floors.

"Come along now. We have a lot to get done and not much time," my grandmother said again in exasperated tone as she held a door open for me on the left side of the hall. I hurried into the room so I wouldn't make her mad. The room, itself, was very spacious and well designed. The walls were painted a light, sky blue with chocolate brown seating and cream colored carpet. All of the seating, except for two matching antique mahogany chairs and table, were gathered around to the handsome white wooded fire place. The room was so far my most favorite room ever.

My grandmother motioned to me to fallow her to the two chairs and table that were placed next to the wide, huge, expansive window with a perfect view of the Thames River. I fallowed her carefully so I wouldn't ruin anything in her grand room. She quickly sat down in the farthest chair, leaving me to take the other one, which I took gratefully. As soon as I was seated, she quickly folded her hands together on top of the table and let out a long, tired sigh, one that I'm sure she used a lot recently.

"So…you are probably wondering why you need all of that stuff. But, I think what you want to know most is why now." she said in a tired, quiet voice. I was taken aback by her last statement, what did she mean? My confusion must have showed on my face, for she quickly elaborated, "What I mean is that you are probably wondering why now, why did we now come and get you and not three years ago. "

My face quickly grew hot, how did she know?

"Oh, trust me, if you're anything like your father, you would've wanted to know. So don't try to say you didn't want to know, because it's been apparent on your face since we saw you at the airport," she chuckled softly and stared out the window as if she was remembering an old memory, but it soon turned somber as she averted her ice blue eyes to my chocolate brown ones.

"We were foolish, absolutely foolish. We were furious at your father for breaking off his engagement with Julia Holmes and marrying your mother instead, that we disowned him, your mother, and, ultimately, you. We wouldn't even come to the hospital to see you after you were born because we were so livid," she whispered in a pained sounding voice as tears rolled down her cheeks from her wrinkled eyes, "We completely cut off communication with him and your mother until you turned five. We sent you a charmed bracelet and a letter for your father. We didn't ask for forgiveness though, we were too proud to admit that we were wrong. We just said that we were just checking to see that he was still alive and waiting for him to return home without your mother. We continued to send him a letter and charm every two years, with the same message and he would always respond with a picture of you and your mother together. It made us livid and distraught that he didn't listen to him but at least we knew he was ok. But when we sent him one two years ago, he never responded. At first we thought he just gave up but a year went by and no sign. We got worried so we decided to call your aunts and they told us… " Now she was sobbing hysterically, "They told us that he and your mother were dead and…and…you…you were in a group home in South Carolina. We didn't believe at first until after we found you. And that's why you are now here with us."

She was now in full blown sobs. Her little, fragile looking body was shaking as wave after wave of sobs poured out of her, as if she was bottling all of this in for years and years and finally the top blew off. I knew I should've tried to comfort her but I was paralyzed by shock. Instead I just glared down at the table and burned a hole through it.

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me, I've got a plan
When the lights go off, you will understand

I raised my head and stared at her helpless sobbing form. "She wasn't in my life because of my mother? How could they be this cold?" I felt all of my anger course through my veins and take control. "You were not in my life because who my mother was? You didn't care about me or even bother to visit me because my mother wasn't a damn fucking debutant? What kind of damn grandparent does that to their damn grandchild. You…you…you are just a cold heartless bitch. And I'm glad my father never forgave you!" I stood up and stormed out of the house with silent tears streaming down my face. I looked up into the bright sun, letting my anger turn into adrenaline and then I took off running.

I ran and ran down the street, shoving people out of my way and never stopping. I even continued to run past my breaking point and let the pain in chest and the soreness legs fuel me; pushing me farther and farther along.

My mind was blank. Absolutely blank kind of like a T.V. that has nothing but white static on its screen. Just sitting there, doing nothing, showing nothing, and feeling nothing but white static. Being like a T.V. was one of the worst types of pain. It didn't affect you immediately, but instead it would bottle up the pain until it would explode, kinda like a balloon that was over filled with water. It hurt but you couldn't stop it unless….

"Hermione! Stop running. Please stop," yelled a familiar voice behind me. I knew who it was, but I didn't stop. Instead, I pushed myself even harder, gaining speed every second. I broke out into sprints, running as fast and as hard as I could go until I couldn't anymore. I crashed hard into the asphalt; my skin scraping across the abrasive ground and my blood seeping into the cracks. I didn't care though. This pain was better than being a white static T.V.

I felt my vision start to waver. I saw purple, pink, and yellow polka dots everywhere I looked, but as soon as those psychedelic colors came, they were enveloped by darkness. All I heard in the distance was a screaming woman's voice and a wail of sirens.

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain

I know, I know that you're wounded
You know, you know that I'm here to save you
You know, you know I'm always here for you
I know, I know that you'll thank me later

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain