A/N: This one shot is a story for my seme/uke challenge that I have posted on my profile. It is a challenge to myself where I write a fic in which typical semes take their uke's roles and bottom as per my reader's request. This challenge is challenge number one from CrimsonMidnightRose who wanted to see a HirokixNowaki. The pairing is from Junjo Romantica and I really really hope I managed to keep them both in character! *crosses fingers* This was a really hard pairing to have switch because of the character's respective personalities but I did the best I could! It really is so much fun breaking all of the set rules and expectations and I hope that there will be more requests because I would love to do some more! So, for CrimsonMidnightRose, I hope this is what you were looking for. Thank you for your request!
Warning: Mature for sex between two guys. If you don't like that kind of thing, scram. No narrow minded people here! Not beta'd
A Little Bit of Give:
This is stupid. I'm being stupid…
Hiroki got up and paced a path through the kitchen a few more times, a frown etched deeply upon his face. Dinner sat on the stove so that it would remain warm and the only sounds in the apartment were the soft swish of his socks against the floor and the sharp ticking of the clock on the wall. Normally that wasn't something he noticed, the steady rhythm just serving as background noise that got lost in the day to day routines. But it was prominent now and had been for the last two hours, ever since it had struck six. He noticed it because Nowaki was supposed to have been home by then.
His eyes flickered to the flat face of the clock again and he clicked his tongue in annoyance before turning his eyes back to his feet. He wouldn't say that he was worried, if only because the younger man was usually home later than he was supposed to be and Hiroki was used to it by now. But today was different because they were supposed to be celebrating and he'd been fitfully planning this night for nearly five months. Not to mention his dark haired lover had promised to be home on time. He huffed and spun on his heel when he came to the end of his track, moving back the way he had come. He hated that he was worried, hated that he couldn't be mad at Nowaki for being late because he knew the man worked hard but most of all, he hated the insecurity roiling in his gut.
I want to do this but I can't possibly ask. So stupid!
It was probably the hundredth time he had that thought but even so, it seemed his mind was made up. Of course, that didn't mean anything if he ended up chickening out at the last minute. Though, if he couldn't get Nowaki to agree, it was a moot point anyway. A very large part of him hoped the other man wouldn't but he was never sure with Nowaki. He would have thought that by their seven year anniversary, he would have his lover figured out by now but the young man was always doing things to shock him. So it was a very big possibility that he just might say yes.
The thought sent a wave of frozen heat through his veins and he nearly wobbled, his knees weak and he paused, pressing one palm flat on the kitchen table. The knowledge that he was being stupid once again rose to the top of his mind but he beat it back, taking a few deep breaths and hoping to quell the blush he knew was staining his cheeks. He wished at times he could be more like Nowaki, straightforward and without abandon but instead he was stubborn and full of pride. Which was why he was struggling so much right now.
This week they would be celebrating seven years together and he wanted to do something different but he had been unable to think of anything.
Just one thing and it burned like fire inside of him.
Hiroki groaned and sagged onto one of the chairs, hands pressed over his face as if that would make the heat there disappear. He didn't know why he struggled so much with something like this. They'd had sex countless times and in all different positions, despite his protests, but there was one thing that they had not done yet. It shouldn't matter, he knew that but it did anyway and the lingering thoughts and fantasies that had been plaguing him for the past three months just wouldn't leave him be. He knew all he needed to do was ask but that wouldn't happen, not in this lifetime, so he had been trying to think of other ways to approach it.
See, the thing was, Hiroki really wanted to be the one on top for once.
Just once, he wanted to see what it would be like on the other end of things, to know how it would feel sliding into Nowaki's heat, to watch the taller man come undone and know that he was the one who had caused it. And though he wouldn't admit it aloud, he really wanted his lover to feel how good it was for him; he wanted Nowaki to know what it was like. So in celebration of the seven rocky yet mostly happy years they had spent together, he wanted to take care of the younger man rather than being the one taken care of. He just didn't know how he would get over his stupid hang-ups to do it and it was driving him crazy.
Hiroki sighed and dropped his head to the table, pressing his cheek against the cool, smooth surface, grateful when it leeched some of the heat from his face. Sometimes, in the face of desire and pleasure and the look in Nowaki's eyes when he looked at the older man, he couldn't think straight and anything he might have planned on, even if it was just to say no, was lost in the haze. Still, he had hoped he would get this chance tonight and he couldn't stop the wave of disappointment that rose up and tried to choke him.
When he turned his head to look at the clock again, it was nearly nine and by nine thirty he was fast asleep with his head pillowed on his arms upon the kitchen table.
And still Nowaki wasn't home…
"…ro-san," a familiar voice pulled him from confused dreams, along with the large, warm hand on his shoulder and he realized fuzzily that he had fallen asleep while waiting for his lover to return home, "Hiro-san, wake up," the bigger man was gently shaking him and he lifted his head, blinking in the stark light of the overhead lamp. Nowaki stood over him, concern in his dark eyes that were red and rimmed with shadows. It was a usual look for the younger man but it still pained him to see. He yawned and sat up, rubbing at the ache that had formed in his neck from sleeping at such an awkward angle.
"Hey," he grumbled, trying to shake the last vestiges of sleep, "What time is it?" It had to be really late because his whole body hurt from using the kitchen table as a pillow and he didn't realize the dark haired man had drawn back and was watching him warily until he stopped running his fingers through his hair and met Nowaki's eyes. He was frowning and the concern had doubled, causing premature lines to form between the black brows. Hiroki felt a momentary desire to reach up and smooth them away with the tip of his finger but he held back.
"Did you fall asleep waiting for me, Hiro-san?" the younger man asked finally instead of answering his question and he threaded his fingers through his hair as he looked away. Well, he did but that didn't mean he had to admit it. Heat trickled up his neck, staining his cheeks but he shook his head adamantly.
"No, of course not," there was a brief pause and when he looked back up, he found the dark eyes boring into him as if they could read every last truth written behind his gaze. Hiroki sighed and hug his head, face now on fire, "Yes," it came out weak and broken but he knew by Nowaki's sharply drawn breath that he had heard.
"You waited up for me…" he heard shuffling as the taller man moved away from him and the sound of pot lids being lifted. Hiroki winced at the reminder, realizing dinner had probably spoiled, "And you made me dinner. Oh, Hiro-san, I'm so sorry," the deep voice was filled with such remorse that he lifted his head and turned in his chair to peer at the younger man now standing beside the stove. Nowaki looked like he had been kicked in the gut or like he was about to cry, which seemed a little extreme even if they did have to throw everything he had made away. It wasn't like he had been away all night.
"Why are you sorry? It's just a little food," he shrugged but the misery didn't ease from the younger man's face. Slowly, Nowaki made his way across the kitchen and sank to his knees, dropping his head into Hiroki's lap. He dithered for a minute and then realized this was less embarrassing than most of the things they had done in this very kitchen so he reached out and gently let his hand rest on the dark head. The other man sounded despairing when he finally spoke up again.
"Didn't you realize? It's already after six in the morning," At first the words didn't sink in and he continued to play with a strand or two of the dark hair but when they did, he froze, blinking rapidly.
"W-what?" he rasped, before turning to check the clock. Sure enough, the hour hand was past the six and now that he was looking, warm sunlight spilled into the next room from the wide windows, "I slept here all night?" Nowaki wrapped his arms around the smaller man's claves but didn't look up and he found himself staring down at the dark head, shock slowly dissolving into something else. If there was one thing he hated admitting to, it was jealousy. He felt like a fool worrying over something as stupid as his lover staying out until the early hours of the morning or spending time with other people that Hiroki didn't know. It was mostly because he knew how much the younger man loved him and was positive that he would never do anything to hurt the brunette that he didn't concern himself with it more often. Still, there were times that it unfurled sharply within his chest and stung like a thousand lashing scorpion tails, "Where….were you made to work another shift?" his voice was small and his words slow but only because he didn't want to snarl needlessly. After all, it was clear the dark haired man had had a rough night.
"Just a few hours longer. But it was so late by the time I got off that Sempai let me stay at his house for a few hours. I didn't want to wake you," the last bit was offered in the same small voice that Hiroki had used but he barely even noticed it. He was blank and still, giving the appearance of unaffected calm but inside he was screaming. They had already talked about the man Nowaki worked with and how they were simply good friends who helped each other out but if there was one thing Hiroki hated more than anything else was when his lover spent time with that man. It was infuriating, especially when he flirted with the dark haired man and Nowaki still couldn't see his Sempai's real intentions. He had not spent time away from the hospital with the other man, not for a while but now that he had, and on the day they were supposed to be celebrating an anniversary and the thought, as silly as that might be, sent the black flames of jealousy roaring like an enraged beast through Hiroki's veins.
Pressing his lips together, he swung his legs around on the chair, causing the other man to slip off of them and stood up. He knew his face was arranged in a forbidding scowl but he didn't have the will or the energy to wipe it away. It had become a familiar expression and he wore it like a cape, protecting him from things that might hurt him and his movements were jerky as he mechanically dumped out all the food he had prepared for last night into the garbage. Nowaki stood behind him, fists clenched at his side, looking beaten and after one glace, Hiroki couldn't look at him again.
"I'm sorry, Hiro-san. I really wanted to be home but they needed me to stay a little longer and I didn't want to wake you up. You have to go to work today and I know how you can't get up in the morning if you were up late. Can—can we eat dinner together tonight?" Hiroki paused after putting the last pot in the sink before turning around and looking at the dejected man standing in the middle of the kitchen. He really did look tired, those few hours of sleep he had gotten at his Sempai's house clearly not enough and he felt himself soften. Of course the dark haired man hadn't betrayed his trust; Nowaki wasn't like that and he knew it. Yet instead of answering the hesitant question, he tipped his head to the side, peering from around his bangs at his lover.
"It's Saturday. I don't have school today," The younger man blinked then closed his eyes, his chin dropping to his chest. He took pity on him then, feeling bad for making Nowaki think he was mad at him. He wasn't, not really. So he softened his own features and readied himself to say something potentially embarrassing, "Go take your bath while I clean up in here. I'll meet you in the bedroom," and he would pretend like his face didn't stain a hectic red when the dark head lifted, hope glittering in the younger man's gaze. A wide smile took over the dreary look that had been clinging to his face and before he could blink, Nowaki had swept the older man into a hard embrace, his lips hot and firm upon Hiroki's own. When he pulled back, the dark gaze glittered despite the brunette's sputtering and glaring, his smile content.
"I love you, Hiro-san," and then he was gone, leaving a flustered Hiroki alone in the kitchen. He took a deep breath, ran a hand through his hair and turned to the sink, ignoring the way his lips tingled and ached. Then he remembered Nowaki's smile and couldn't help but give a private one of his own. And besides, not all of his plans were ruined. He might have had to throw the food away but that didn't mean he couldn't go through with the rest of it.
By the time he was done with the dishes and was drying them to put them away, he had made up his mind once again. He was tired of being the one always relying on his lover; it was time that he took care of the younger man for once. No matter how he felt, he wouldn't let his pride get in the way.
If it was for Nowaki, he could do just about anything.
The younger man was still in the bathroom by the time Hiroki made his way into their shared bedroom, though he had heard him get out of the tub a few minutes ago. He took several deep breaths, telling himself once again not to be stupid, that he could do this and he would not, under any circumstances let himself back out before crossing the room and drawing the shades. Because of the odd hours Nowaki was forced to keep while working in the hospital, many times he slept during the day so they had to put up heavy curtains that blocked most of the sunlight and plunged the room into gray gloom when they were closed. They came in handy now and he was grateful for the option of semi-darkness because he didn't think he could pull this off if the room was bright.
Next he moved over to the bed, pulling down the covers as it had never been slept in last night and reaching for the bedside table where they kept the lube. He noted as he pulled the drawer open that his fingers were shaking and he growled at himself as he tossed the jar onto the bed by his pillow. A second later he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Nowaki drop something in the bathroom. Calm down, you idiot, he chastised himself, it's not like you've never had sex before. He tried a few more deep breaths, knowing that he had never quite done it like this before and then reached for the buttons on his shirt. It wouldn't do to think about how Nowaki could just flip him over like he did every other time, using his greater strength and Hiroki's befuddled state to take over. Besides, he knew the dynamics and enough to know how not to hurt his lover. He didn't know why he was so nervous about something like this.
The bathroom door opened just as he had undone the last button, emitting a mostly naked Nowaki and a billow of white steam. He turned around, catching his lover's eye for a moment. The younger man was completely unsuspecting, his dark eyes like warm, melted chocolate after his bath and small rivulets of water rolled over his skin, bare for all but a towel slung around his hips. Hiroki felt himself blush a little but he retained his calm and, still holding the taller man's gaze, let his shirt slide to the floor. Nowaki's eyes went huge at that and he looked as if he was about to open his mouth and ask a question. The older man held up one finger before his face, hoping it wasn't obvious that he was shaking and shook his head. He didn't think he could pull this off if words started getting in the way, either.
The next thing he discarded were his pants, undoing his belt and letting them slide down his legs into a heap on the floor. He kept his movements slow and deliberate, trying to forget how embarrassed he was to have the younger man's wide eyes on him, sliding over his body as it was revealed. By the time his socks were discarded, Nowaki's look of shock had melted into burning hunger, deepening the rich color of his eyes and flushing his cheeks a light pink. There was a slight tenting in the towel around his waist, the sight of it making Hiroki shiver with desire. Normally he didn't undress for his lover, since the clothes tended to disappear before he realized what is going on and when he did, it was to preserve some of the buttons on his shirts because they tended to go missing most of the time. Today, however, he wanted to do everything different. He wouldn't deny the fact that he wanted this, wanted his lover to touch him, wanted to touch Nowaki back and he wouldn't let his pride or embarrassment get the better of him.
When the taller man took a step forwards, the brunette lifted his hand and shook his head again, stopping Nowaki in his tracks. A look of confusion flickered over his features but Hiroki looked back until he was sure the younger man would listen to him. Then he took a deep breath, hooked his fingers into the waist of his briefs and let them follow the rest of his clothes to the floor. There was a sharply indrawn breath from the other end of the room but he couldn't quite meet the dark gaze as he stood naked and half hard under his lover's gaze.
"Hiro-san," the dark haired man breathed, shifting as if he would step forward again but he was once more stopped by a gesture from the older man. For a moment he hesitated, swinging back and forth between indecision and resolve before he closed his hands into fists, lifted his chin and walked across the room. The dark eyes never moved away from him, flickering up and down his body before he stopped a foot from the taller man. Nowaki's hunger licked at his skin like heat from a fire, making him shiver and his world to go a bit hazy when he remembered what that lust felt like when it breached him. Still, he would be the first one to make all the moves today. So thinking, he reached out and yanked the towel from the younger man's narrow hips, tossing it carelessly to the side and eyeing the hard, jutting erection with a jolt of desire. His name was whispered again, soft and guttural and he moved without thinking, standing on his tip-topes and wrapping his arms around the dark haired man's neck so he could kiss him.
On the long list of things he would never admit out loud was the fact that he loved kissing Nowaki. His lips were always warm and soft, always tasting like something sweet or salty and always moving in perfect accord with his own. Now he was granted access to the hot cavern of the younger man's mouth and he took every advantage of it, slipping his tongue past the full lips and twining it with his lover's. Before he realized it, his hands were gripping two fistfuls of damp hair, holding Nowaki's head in place as he tried to find every last bit of his intoxicating flavor. It was good, so good, to press his body into his lover's, heat and pleasure swirling lazily through him while he plundered the younger man's mouth. Thankfully he had just enough presence of mind to pull away when the strong arms came up around him, intent on trapping him and taking charge. He ignored the confusion in the dark eyes and simply jerked his head towards the bed.
"Go lie down," he said, not even recognizing his own voice for its roughness and Nowaki blinked at him in surprise. There was a moment where the younger man studied his face, like he was hunting for something and then he did as he was told, not even asking any questions. Whatever he was looking for he must have found and he sprawled upon the bed, eyes watching the brunette as if he was intrigued by Hiroki's sudden change in attitude. Little did the younger man know how much effort it was taking him not to dive under the covers and bury himself, never to come back out again. He would be blind, though, if he didn't see how appealing Nowaki looked, laying back on the bed, cock hard and pressed against his abdomen, waiting to see what the older man would do next. With another deep, fortifying breath, he willed himself to relax as he made his way over to the bed, climbing onto it so that he was kneeling next to his dark haired lover.
Yet as soon as he was there, he was attacked with a bout of anxiety. Nowaki was watching him, eyes never looking away and he suddenly felt as if he was being judged. The large hands rose up, reaching to take hold of his shoulders, his waist but he batted them away, knowing that if the younger man took charge like he usually did, Hiroki would be lost. He could see the fatigue still lingering around his lover's eyes and he wanted to do this, resolve heating his blood and anticipation making his cock harden even more. Hiroki licked his lips and met Nowaki's eyes.
"Turn over," he breathed, face heating up again and he was grateful when the dark eyes nearly slid shut before the younger man complied. As much as he wanted this and as much as he told himself over and over it wasn't humiliating in any way, he didn't think he would make it through if the other man was facing him. The broad back was smooth and strong, tapering to a narrow waist and the swell of Nowaki's buttocks. The older man eyed it for a moment, realizing he had never really looked before and found himself drowning in desire at the thought of being inside his younger lover. Without thinking, he lifted his hands and traced the creases were the rounded muscle met the other man's thighs, marveling over how soft the skin there was and listening to his lover's breath hitch. It was different like this somehow, being the one doing the touching rather than being overwhelmed by the heat of the moment and if he didn't think too much but rather went along without questioning the instincts that made him want to touch and lick and kiss, he wouldn't embarrass himself by running away. Heck, with Nowaki shivering and pressing into the light touches he feathered along the younger man's back and legs, he didn't think he could run away.
When the dark head turned so that Nowaki could peer at him over one shoulder, Hiroki crawled over him and kissed him as he traced the line of the younger man's spine, only pausing when he came to the edge of his crack. His skin was so warm and smooth like silk under his palms and he shifted so he could press his lips to the nape of the Nowaki's neck, tasting salt and the lingering dampness from the bath. Over the shoulder blades and down, across the younger man's back he trailed his lips, licking and sucking gently when he heard a soft gasp or bitten off breath. And he found as he listened to his lover's reactions and savored the heady scent and flavor of his skin that this turned him on just as much as it did when their roles were reversed. He liked the way the younger man shifted when he found a spot that was more sensitive and the tiny sounds he probably thought he was hiding and how he had fisted his hands in the sheets, looking like he needed an anchor to keep himself grounded. It was hot and Hiroki felt some satisfaction that he was making the other man lose control this time.
There was another moment of hesitation when he dragged his hands over the younger man's buttocks, one of debate and uncertainty and a heated blush burning his cheeks. But then the dark eye was looking at him, black and liquid with desire and the younger man canted his hips back with a tiny, needy groan and he just couldn't hold back. Hiroki was stunned at how appealing Nowaki was like this, lust pulsing through his veins and making his cock ache. This was his, this gorgeous man spread out on his bed, waiting for him to continue and who whispered "Hiro-san" with such reverence in his voice that he didn't know what he had done to earn. So he once more shut off his brain and slid his fingers between the firm muscle, gliding them down until he encountered the small pucker of soft skin. The younger man gasped aloud and buried his face in the sheets, his legs falling open so that the older man could see where he was touching and the round curve of his full scrotum. The reaction surprised him and he didn't realize he had frozen, staring until Nowaki grunted and lifted his hips from the bed again.
"Hiro-san, please do something," the younger man rasped, voice sounding different from the usual confidence he used when he was the one in charge. Hiroki swallowed hard, his mouth dry and rolled his fingers over the puckered entrance, pressing the tiniest bit as he did. It made the dark haired man huff a soft moan and just like that he could move again, the blank shock from when it had dawned on him that, yes, he was actually doing this, melted away. Burning, aching need crashed into him, his erection throbbing, nearly painful and he wanted nothing more than to sink into his lover's embrace.
The lube was well within reach, thankfully, and even if he did nearly drop it off the end of the bed before he got a good grip on it to flick the cap open and spread the cool gel over his shaking fingers, well, no one could expect him to be perfect. Nowaki was watching him again but he forgot all about being nervous when he knelt between his lover's legs and slipped his first finger into the gripping, blinding heat. He remembered at the last minute that this would probably be uncomfortable at first for the younger man since he never bottomed before he started plunging his fingers in and out in a desperate effort to prepare the other man faster. With the slick tightness enclosing that single digit, he thought of what it would feel like around his cock and his eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head. Somehow, though, he managed to control himself and was rewarded a moment later when Nowaki relaxed with a little sigh, shifted his hips back for more.
It was a marvel, watching as his open fingers opened the younger man up, the sight so captivating he forgot to be mortified that he was the one doing it. First one finger, then two, all his actions guided by the small movements and sounds Nowaki made, as if he was trying to help him out and couldn't quite form words. When he pushed his third finger, he was sweating with the effort of holding back and nearly lost it when the dark haired man made a sharp sound and pushed back almost violently.
"H-Hiro-s-san! So…good…" and he just couldn't take anymore. He hadn't expected it to be like this. He had thought it would be awkward and he would end up hurting the younger man at least once; he never expected to be so hard from doing something as this and he never though he would want it so much. It was the farthest thing from awkward, in fact, because Nowaki was incredible in a way that he had never thought the man could be and he needed to be inside of him like he had never needed anything in his life. Hiroki nearly dumped the entire rest of the lube over his hand so he could slick it over his cock which was so hard by that point even the simple stimulation of his hand sent little bolts of pleasure through his groin. The bottle ended up over the side of the bed and then he spread himself over the bigger man, supporting himself with his knees as he lined himself up.
There were many reasons why it shouldn't have worked. He was shorter than the other man and so he could only press his face into the space between Nowaki's shoulder blades and he felt like any minute his usual reserve would sneak up and ruin everything. Even the angle was off as the younger man was flat on his stomach, only lifting his hips enough to accommodate the older man. He had never done this before, had never attended to someone else's pleasure more than his own, hadn't even admitted to himself before now that he wanted to give Nowaki something like this to show him how much he loved him, even if he was normally too mortified to say it aloud. Yet for all of that, it did work.
It was incredible.
He slid into his lover's tight heat with a shocked groan, marveling at how good it felt, heat and smooth walls and tightness and…oh.
It was a good thing, he supposed, that he'd had to pause, closing his eyes tightly against the sudden overwhelming urge to come because the younger man had tensed under him, silent despite his obvious pain. As amazing as it felt to be sheathed inside Nowaki, he didn't want to hurt him and forced himself to wait until the other man's breathing evened out even as the pressure built and built within him. In an effort to distract himself, he sucked on the knob of one of the younger man's shoulder blades, shaking as he kept his hips still. Now he understood why; why the dark haired man was always so desperate, always looking like he would die if he wasn't inside of Hiroki immediately. He thought that if he couldn't move, he would go insane, the world already starting to fray around the edges.
And then the permission to move came in a soft, breathless voice and the shifting of Nowaki's hips, the slight friction sending sparks of light singing through the older man's body, "Now, Hiro-san…"
Unthinking, blind with desire, with brilliant, sparkling need, he slipped out and pushed back in again, moving slowly once, then again then again until he couldn't stop even if the entire world was falling down around their heads. If he thought just being inside of the younger man was good, this was infinitely better, the friction sending curling ribbons of searing heat coiling in his belly and the slick walls gripping at his cock, trying to pull him back as soon as he moved his hips back. The room around them never reoriented itself either, fading away behind the warm, glowing haze that had settled over his mind. The only thing that he could see or hear was himself and Nowaki, moving together in perfect rhythm.
Typically the younger man wasn't very vocal during sex, the sounds he made just soft gasps and long, low moans that set Hiroki's blood on fire, mixed with breathless declarations of love. But this time he sounded different, louder, voice low and rough with pleasure. He drank them in hungrily, complying with the exclamations that would have him either going faster or harder or more, more, more. And then he shifted his balance, causing the angle of penetration to change and slammed in hard and making the younger man buck and cry out, "There! Yes!" It made him blink in surprise, momentarily breaking the steady pace and then Nowaki turned his head from where he had buried his face in the pillows and fixed him with an eye that was heavy with pleasure. In that moment, Hiroki was completely and utterly lost.
It didn't last very long after that. The pace picked up and he only had enough of his mind left to make sure he hit that spot every time he snapped his hips forward, the rest of his consciousness focused in the burning, flooding pleasure. Every time, Nowaki lifted to meet him and it was just too much. Hiroki gritted his teeth, holding back just long enough to reach around and take hold of the younger man's erection where it rode against the sheets to squeeze it in time with his desperate thrusts.
That seemed to do it. Nowaki tensed under him then jerked in his hold, shouting wordlessly to the heedless walls as he came, tightening almost painfully around Hiroki.
The world seemed to shatter around him as the pleasure crested, slamming into him with the force of a typhoon.
He didn't think he could even make any noise as it pulsed through him, over and over, his body riding the waves of such a high he lost touch with reality. White blanked over his vision and he forgot to breathe, forgot what it was like to be himself, flying over the world until he wasn't even sure he could come down again. And when he finally did, it was like floating, everything warm and soft around the edges. It took a long time for him to come around enough so that he could finally open his eyes, finding himself slumped over his lover, breathing still shaky and liquid tranquility already seeping into his limbs. And while laying there like that, draped over Nowaki's back like a blanket, he realized how well they seemed to fit together. It was always like that; nothing about either of them didn't fit with the other, their two halves in perfect accord. Then Hiroki turned his head and buried his laugh against the younger man's sweaty, cooling skin.
He could think something like that, even contemplate saying it aloud and he didn't feel like he needed to run away. No embarrassed blush bloomed across his face and he didn't feel awkward or stupid. It was novel and he enjoyed the feeling. Then Nowaki shifted under him, saying his name and the moment of clarity flitted away to the back of his mind. It wouldn't go away; the revelation was part of him now, like he had needed this experience to start getting over some of his insecurities but he didn't need to think about it and face them all at once. He could be here, with Nowaki and allow himself to be happy.
The warm haze stayed with him as he shifted off his lovers back and allowed the bigger man to turn over, gathering Hiroki in his arms. This was a little more familiar but he was surprised at how well he could meet the dark gaze, soft and glowing with contentment without wanting to duck his head and hide away. Nowaki studied him for a moment and then smiled, leaning in to kiss him gently. It was slow and searching, the kind he liked best and when they broke apart they were a little breathless once again.
"Hiro-san, can I ask; what's with the change all of a sudden?" the question was soft and curious and he thought for a moment that he might be able to answer it truthfully with his new-found confidence. But as he looked into the younger man's eyes, a little bit of his old self crept through and he lifted one hand to trace the circles lingering around Nowaki's eyes. It was there, right on the tip of his tongue but he also knew that the dark haired man didn't need a big long confession to make him happy.
"I…don't like thinking about you at your Sempai's house," he grumbled, drawing his fingers down the bridge of the strong nose and starting when Nowaki blinked then grinned at him, snatching the older man's hand before it could reach the full lips. Joy like a million bright stars shone on the dark haired man's face and he swallowed against the sharp twist that his heart gave upon seeing it.
"Are you saying you're jealous? For me?" and because it would be the equivalent to kicking a puppy, he didn't snap a denial. Instead he turned his head away, once again unable to fight away the tell tale blush. Yet even so, even if he could have, it had been a long time since he had been able to fool his lover. There was a pause in which he battled with himself, a battle he now knew he could win before muttering a grudging affirmative. Nowaki gave a bright laugh and fairly tackled the older man, snatching him up in a sloppy, enthusiastic kiss. There had been a time when he could have tried to fight it but now he gave in, groaning softly when the younger man sucked greedily on his tongue and licked hungrily at the insides of Hiroki's cheeks.
"I love you, Hiro-san," the dark haired man whispered as he pulled away and the older man felt winded, as if he had been struck in the chest. Seven days, seven years or seven decades, he knew that for him, there would be no one else but Nowaki. In that moment, nothing else mattered but that the dark haired man was there with him and he was looking at Hiroki with warm eyes, love blazing in his expression until he thought he would drown in it. With shaking hands he cupped the strong jaw and kissed the familiar lips as gently as he could, smiling slightly when he pulled back.
"You look tired, Nowaki. Go to sleep," he said but they both could hear the three unspoken words that were hiding in the gentle command. The younger man sighed happily and wrapped his long frame around the smaller man, dark head resting against Hiroki's chest. Even though he still couldn't bring himself to respond appropriately when the other man said that to him, despite all the time that had gone by, Nowaki knew how he felt in his heart and that was enough. And even though his plans for a nice dinner had been ruined and he had spent the night sleeping at the kitchen table, he felt like he was drowning in happiness. He knew it would never be perfect, that he would still get embarrassed and would still push Nowaki away when he felt flustered, that he would still get annoyed at the younger man's straightforward manners and tendency to wear his feelings on his sleeve but what they had was theirs.
Sunlight crept around the breaks in the curtains, illuminating the room just enough so that he could watch his fingers carding through the other man's dark hair, listening to Nowaki's breathing slowly beginning to level out. Fatigue pulled at his own awareness but he fought it so he could memorize how it felt to have his arms around his sleeping lover for a few more moments. Just when he thought the younger man was surely dreaming, he pressed his lips to the dark hair and whispered the truth that beat so strongly in his heart.
"I love you too," and if Nowaki tightened his arms around the older man in response, that was okay too. As Hiroki drifted into sleep, he decided he didn't really mind.
Maybe it wasn't so stupid after all…
Oh, the fluff! *drowns in it* Would love to know what you all think! Did I manage to pull it off? I will also take more requests! Thanks again for reading!