Title: The Joker & the Thief

Beta: Lady_of_Scarlet

Rating: PG

Summary: I'll tell you all the story of the Joker and the thief of the night.

Characters: Joker, Catwoman

Disclaimer: The summary and the title are taken from the song 'The Joker & The Thief' by Wolfmother. The characters are the property of DC comics.

Gotham Night is like a greeting, an invitation to come and play. Fog and smog and thick dark clouds hide surprises around

every corner

could hold a bat, a bird, a spandex clad acrobat tumbling across the tarry roofs. They'd be so disappointed if he didn't come out to


on the tall buildings, racing down the backs of grotesque gargoyles, the risk of falling in every


through the mud, dirt clinging to fine purple leather, cadaver-cavalier-smile firmly in place. There's a wealth of opportunity

just waiting

for her to take it, make it her own. Poor darling, locked up in the dark without anyone to look at it. She'll fix that. No need to

set off the alarms

because he can, and everything is more fun when the bat comes. He heard that there is a very expensive exhibit visiting this month. He rather thinks he'll break it into tiny pieces, and grind the dust beneath his


are completely impractical when she's running the hell away, but she'd worn them because the museum had a security system out of

the dark ages

are booooring. The armored suit makes a mighty clang when he knocks it over, but the weapons are all dull. Not an edge in sight! He pouts and throws the broadsword into a diorama. Onward to

the Egyptian Exhibit

behind her, Catwoman jumps over a glass exhibition case and darts down the hallway, her heels skittering as she takes the corner too fast, nearly

running into

a latex kitty! How exciting! The Joker grabs her by the tail, yanking her off her feet. She tumbles toward the wall before landing on her feet, just like a kitty should.

"Hellooooooo Kitty Cat Cat Cat!"

the Joker greets her, running his tongue across his absurdly long teeth. Catwoman hisses (she didn't intend to, it just slipped out) and twists away from his bony white hands.

"Back off,"

the kitty spits, slashing out with her claws. The Joker laughs in delight, and breaks into a run behind her as she escapes down the hall toward the Native American exhibit.

"Here Kitty Kitty Kitty,"

he shouts from behind her, the click-clack of his heels on marble rivalling the clang-clang of her own. Catwoman curses and snaps her whip up into the elaborate Gothic rafters, jumping onto a marble statue of

a dog

statue cracks under the cat's feet-she must really dislike dogs. The Joker giggles at the destruction and pulls out his gun. It's time for the kitty to do some tricks.

"Jump Cat!"

the Joker yells from behind her, and Catwoman freezes. A bullet shatters the gargoyle statue under her feet, sending her tumbling through the air until she snaps her whip toward one of the rafters, skimming just above the ground until her whip slides free. She breaks into a run as soon as her feet hit

the marble floor

sends up sprays of shrapnel when he shoots it, so he does it again. The cat squeaks and veers away from the exit, ducking behind a totem pole that the Joker shoots on principle.

"Run Cat!"

the Joker yells from the other side of the pole, leaning around to leer at her from inches away. Catwoman yelps and claws her way to the top of the totem pole, leaping to the forty foot tepee beside it. Her left heel gets stuck in the crux of the logs, wedged between the poles.

"Jump Cat!"

the Joker shouts over the sound of the alarm, taking aim. She ducks under the bullet, and the Joker frowns. Perhaps she needs encouragement.

"You're bad at this game!"

Catwoman ignores him, jerking the zipper on her boot down and leaping out of it, leaving the knee length boot trapped at the top of the tepee. She jumps from the top of the totem pole to a handy rafter, and from there to an air duct, sliding


from him. The Joker sighs, then gives the boot trapped at the top of the tepee a curious look. Slowly, a broad smile crosses his face. He has a perfect idea for a game! All he needs is a red velvet pillow and possibly some mice...