"Um, you, uh, want to go out on a date with me?"
Those were the words that started it all. I'd been in love with Edward Cullen (from afar, of course), for MONTHS. Yes, that's right. EDWARD CULLEN asked me, Bella Norris, out on a date. Of course I freaked out a little . . . Okay, "a little" isn't the term for it. I freaked out a lot. I kind of chokedon my brownie, but that is besides the point here.
So I was like "Who, me?" Because I could hardly believe it. I mean, no one really ever bothered to get to know me since I moved here. Here. Forks. Why here? Of all the places, my dad had to choose this one? He gets to be the town sheriff, sure. Which is great for him. But nobody likes me here. They stared at me every time I passed, but never talked to me.
So you can see why I was so shocked. "Yeah, you. Of course, who else would I be talking to?" Oh, right. He had to be talking to me, since I was sitting all by myself, in the corner. I dropped my brownie on the table, turning it into crumbs (apparently I didn't cook it so well), and I looked up into his green eyes. His green eyes were so vibrantly green, a color that looked like it could be achieved using contacts. But, they were real.
It made me nervous enough to say these exact words: "Your eyes look like lettuce." I stopped myself from continuing with, "and lettuce makes my taco complete." It was lunch time so all I was thinking about was food and Edward.
Edward... Oh shit. I just told Edward Cullen that his eyes look like... lettuce? Of all the things to compare his eyes to! Lettuce? Really, Bella?
He smirked, amused. "Thank you, I suppose."
"I meant it in a good way," I continued. "I love lettuce! How can you not? There are so many uses for lettuce: salads, sandwiches, tacos..." There I go again with the damn tacos.
"I also happen to like lettuce. Although I have to say, that's the first time anyone has ever compared my eyes to it. But seriously, you wanna go out with me?"
"Definitely!" I exclaimed before I could stop myself.
"Great. I'm really looking forward to getting to know you. Should I pick you up at your house?"
I gave him my address and we settled the time.
"Bella?" he said, just as the bell rang. "You should sit with me tomorrow." He winked and walked away. I could have died.
When I got home, I meant to go tell my dad right away that I would be having a visitor tomorrow, so he would know not to take off his disguise. But instead, I went downstairs.
My dad had transformed the basement into a gym/studio. I spent most of my time down there, practicing the different types of martial arts I had mastered. See, what most people didn't know about me was that I was a black belt in five different kinds of martial arts.
What they also didn't know was that my dad is really Chuck Norris.
The real Chuck Norris, the guy everyone makes the stupidest jokes about. For example, Chuck Norris can count to infinity . . . twice. And Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. These jokes are retarded and yet, somewhat true. I have seen the roundhouse kick, it's not pretty. There is a hole in the basement wall from it.
It's strange having the real Chuck Norris as your father. He's not a bad father; he's definitely the one you have to listen to. I love my father; he taught me a lot of ways to protect myself. He is very protective if me, in everyway.
He told me if I ever had a boyfriend, he would have to visit the house before we could go anywhere and he had to know where we would be going so he could follow us. That is one reason I didn't want a boyfriend. Another reason is "the talk" he gave me. Only fifteen, just starting high school, my father told me one day, "If you have sex before you get married, you and your boyfriend will be killed." He told me that and smiled.
Terrified, I nervously replied, "Okay, Daddy."
I sighed. I didn't think he would actually follow me, but I knew he would have to meet Edward before our date. Edward...I felt my knees go weak. I shook my head and turned on some music. Billy Idol. Perfect.
I changed into my workout clothes: black sweatpants and black sports bra. I started out with normal workout warm-ups. Jumping kacks, push-ups, and sit-ups, two hundred of each. I practiced my kicks; I had yet to perfect the Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, though I was pretty close. I wrapped my hands and worked with the punching bags.
Then it was time for some fun. I grabbed my swords and flipped them, spun them, and stabbed the air with them so fast that they just became a blur of silver.
So my father was pretty awesome. But then again, so was I. What could I say? I inherited it. If the kids at school saw what I could do, I wonder how they would react? They would probably be so scared of me. They act like they already are. Okay, maybe I flex my muscles too much, and maybe girls get kind of intimidated when they see my abs when we're changing for gym. But I'm not guyishly burly. I'm small, just...super toned. All right, so maybe the skinny jeans, combat boots and tight shirts I wear aren't the most popular wardrobe choices at good old Forks High. And so what if I'm the only girl in the school who wears a shark tooth on a leather cord around her neck? That's just me.
I guess the kids at school just aren't ready for Chuck Norris' daughter, even though they all seem to idolize him. That's why I was so elated that Edward asked me out. Though getting through my dad might be tough, it was definitely going to be worth it.
"Bella? Are you down here?"
"Yeah, Dad," I called back, a bit winded. Sweat poured down my back, neck and face as I did some stretches.
He descended down the stairs. His curly brown wig and fake bushy eyebrows and mustache were gone.
"Hey, kiddo. How was your day?"
"Fine. And yours?"
"Great. Really, truly great. God, Hells Bells, I'm glad we moved here. Oh, and you'll never guess what I saw today. I stopped by the drugstore to pick up some stuff, and this kid was wearing a Chuck Norris t-shirt. I was standing right next to the kid, Bella, and he didn't even recognize me!" He laughed. "Say, Bella, have any of the kids in school questioned you about your last name?"
"Not at all, Dad. They know Norris is a popular last name. But I still think it's risky not using a different name. I mean, even the government recommended it. And using it with Charlie as a first name? Dad, eventually someone's gonna connect the dots."
"I don't think so. And if they do, so what? Like you said, the government put me here when I asked if I could put my skills to good use. They obviously had to contemplate what might happen if someone figured it out, but they still put me here. I don't think the people of Forks would protest. They love me!"
I shook my head. "It's your choice. But then if your secret is discovered, people will know about me. They'll know that you have a daughter that you've kept hidden for seventeen years!"
"In order to protect you! And besides, it's about time people know you exist. Y'know, Hells Bells, I've seen what you can do, and I think it's time the world welcomes a female action star to the screen."
I smiled. I had to say, being in this town sure put my Dad in a permanent good mood. And things were definitely looking up now that I had someone to sit with and talk to. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
Think again, Bella, think again.
Author's Note: Hey guys, this is Margaritaville01 (Margarita) and Bellandedward4evr (Tori) and we are really excited about this awesomer than awesome fanfic we're writing together. Review! If you don't, we'll send Chuck to roundhouse kick you. :P
Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight or Chuck Norris.
PS- The title of this fic comes from a show that Chuck Norris was in and produced in case you're wondering, called Sons of Thunder.