Alan Shore was 75% truthful. 25% of his truths went to Denny. He never lied to Denny, period. 25% of his truths went to Shirley Schmidt and other attractive women he wanted to sleep with. The last 25% were spent up tossing out random facts when he needed to throw people off their track. One of his many truth's was tossed out to Brad Chase. Not that he noticed. The man was a blockhead so he didn't get it, but it didn't stop the truth from throwing Brad off his train of thought.
Alan found himself throwing out a lot of his truths to his new 'boss.' A lot of them seeming to smack of flirting, not that it really mattered to Alan. He was very open about everything, about who he slept with, about who he liked, and about who he hated. But Brad was different. Alan found himself grinning rather a lot whenever he found himself looking at Brad. He wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, but he was, from what Alan had heard, very good at one particular thing.
Sex. Brad Chase was superb at sex, supposedly. That was something Alan found incredibly…arousing. Alan adored sex. Alan prided himself on knowing how everyone was in bed. Either from experience or from rumor Alan knew. But Brad was the first person Alan wanted to have sex with that wasn't a woman. He wanted to know what was so great about Brad Chase? What was it that made Brad so good in bed?
So, now here he stood in Brad's office desperately petting his tie down trying to stay composed as he stared at Brad calmly filling in paperwork. What were those hands like in bed? Gentle or Rough? Leaving Bruises or just faint brushes? Would he pound into his partner or make love to them slowly? All of these thoughts coursed through Alan's mind as he stood there just watching.
"Can I help you?" Brad snapped quickly glancing up from his paperwork for only a moment to look at Alan. Alan found himself only opening his mouth just a bit. His throat seemingly unable to form words. It made him feel completely useless as he stood there his eyes glued to the movement of those smooth hands. Alan took a very deep breath before finally moving forward.
"Brad," Alan began as he gently nudged the door shut. "You're aware that I consider you like a Ken doll, correct?" He continued, trying to lock the door as quietly as possible. Brad nodded very slightly trying very hard not to show how pissed he was at the comparison. "I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to show to me, ahem," Alan had to stop to collect himself as he steeped forward. This was a big leap, that could end with him smashed to little Alan Shore bits. "That the comparison, at least Anatomically speaking was incorrect?"
"Excuse me?" Brad asked stopping to drop his pen in shock. Brad finally lifted his gaze to look at Alan. Alan looked about to faint or squeal. "What did you just ask?"
"Well, I was also wondering about those tongue push-ups." Alan squeaked feeling slightly nervous. How the hell, does a male co-worker hit on another co-worker? This was idiotic and completely bound to the road of failure as he slowly took another step forward. "Would you like to practice some tongue push-ups with me?" Alan repeated faintly panting as he stared at Brad's mouth. He was all chin and tight lips.
Alan wanted to know what those lips felt like pressed to his. And what about those perfect teeth and fast tongue? Would it be slow or fast? Rough, gentle, pushy, or full of passion? All of these images flooded his mind and aroused him beyond his fear as he stepped forward to Brad's desk.
"Alan, just leave me alone." Brad stated before turning back to his papers. "I don't have time for your shenanigans, today." Brad continued dismissively.
"Shenanigans? Did you really just say that?" Alan asked momentarily stunned out of aroused stupor. "I can't believe you just said shenanigans."
"Alan, just leave. I don't have time for your mocking today. I really hate to disappoint, but I really can't deal with you today." Brad said dismissively waving his hand to signal for Alan to leave his office and never speak of this again.
"The word, Shenanigans aside, I'm actually not here to mock you. I mean everything I just said. I want to dance the horizontal mambo with you. You know, charm your snake, stroke the mayo cannon. I could go on for hours with these euphemisms, but I don't think you'd enjoy them as much as I do." Alan stated in his usual manner, seeming mocking, but he meant it very seriously.
"Alan, are you drunk?" Brad asked suddenly looking up to glare at the other man who know stood in front of his desk, his hand petting his tie swiftly.
"No, not yet. I'm simply quite intrigued by the rumors and tales I've heard about you're…talents." Alan stated dropping his hands away from his tie to tap his finger pads against Brad's desk. "As of late, It's all I can think of. What is that superbly speedy tongue like in bed? And you're hand that are so, talented, with paperwork, what would they be like? I can't stop thinking of those sort of things." Alan admitted easily.
"And why do you care? Don't you have some sort of female foot fetish?" Brad asked setting his pen down to stare at Alan. His twitches and habits, the way he was standing…Was he being serious? Like actually serious? Brad raised his eyebrows slowly as he looked over Alan. The brunette was smaller than him, not bad looking, and if what he was saying was true, attracted to one Brad Chase. Brad leaned back in his chair.
"I do, yes, but I also have this urge to sleep with anyone who I think might be good in bed." Alan pointed out as he slowly began to circle the desk to stand in front of Brad. "So, I have to ask one more time. Would you please have sex with me, at least once?"
"Wait, you want to have sex with me? For real? You want to make love to me?" Brad asked slightly disturbed by the images that brought to mind.
"Well, no. Not in that order, and I certainly don't want to be making love to someone. I want you bang and pound into me until I can't walk. I don't want to be on top of you, and I don't want to be entering you. I want your penis inside of me. Brad, Alan. In that order for our little romp." Alan stated with a dismissive wave. Brad simply blinked his eyes in shock. "Making love is such a nasty term, can't we just call it, screwing or banging, fucking, something other than making love?" *
"You mean you just want to have sex one time, and that's it? What changes?" Brad asked as he looked over Alan's body. He really wasn't bad looking, and it meant Brad could get that stupid mouth busy doing something other than berating him.
"Nothing changes. I'll still call you a Ken doll and Buzz Lightyear. We'll just have had sex." Alan stated his hands lifting from the desk to fiddle with his tie again.
"Alright, fine. So, how do we do this? And when? Oh, and where?" Brad asked firing off each question in succession and without taking a breath.
"Well, however you prefer, Now, and here." Alan answered just as quickly as he stepped over to the windows and closed the blinds.
"What? We're in the office, at work." Brad pointed out spinning in his chair to watch Alan.
"So, I've done it before. A lot, actually." Alan admitted easily as he suddenly crossed back to Brad and stared down at Brad. "So, do you want to do it in your chair? I'm fine with that, but I can't guarantee that I'll be able to stay up there, without falling over." Alan stated easily.
"Alan, don't make fun of this. I'm not even sure what to do here." Brad admitted making Alan roll his eyes.
"Oh, hell." Alan growled suddenly dropping to his knees. "You're not even hard." Alan whined as he unzipped Brad's pants to free his member. "How are we going to have sex if you're not even hard?" Alan asked as he held up Brad's flaccid member.
"Excuse me, if you're litany of crude statements didn't turn me on. You are still a guy." Brad pointed out as Alan continued to just stare at his member. "What are you staring at?"
"Your cock. I've never seen another man's penis up close like this before. It's interesting. Can't you think of big boobs or something to make it hard?" Alan asked slowly beginning to run one finger up and down the underside of Brad cock making him shiver slightly. Alan kept very good care of his hands. They were soft and well manicured.
"Alan, keep doing that and I won't need to. Or use your mouth, you know what you like. Just do that." Brad threw out groaning slightly when Alan suddenly licked the very tip of his member.
"Ah, I forget myself when I'm intrigued. I apologize. Allow me, then." He whispered softly as he suddenly took Brad's member into his mouth and proceeded to try and get Brad hard enough to fuck him. It didn't take nearly as long as he thought it would to get Brad hard, when he was using his mouth. Brad groaned softly his hand reaching down to grip Alan's hair.
"God, how are you so good at this?" Brad asked with a gasp as Alan swallowed him down to the hilt. Alan only hummed around Brad's member as he began to bob his head up and down. "Jesus." Brad groaned loudly as Alan pulled his head back to lick around the head of Brad's now stiffening cock.
"I believe, that's enough." Alan said suddenly releasing Brad's member from his mouth with an obscene 'pop.' "Don't want old faithful blowing before the set time." Alan said lightly as he slowly stood up. "Perhaps, now we should work on getting me undressed." Alan said lightly as he undid his shirt very slowly. Brad simply began to stroke himself. He needed to stay hard while Alan undressed, even if Alan wasn't that attractive anal sex was something that Brad definitely liked.
Brad really couldn't speak well when he was trying to enter Alan. Alan was struggling not to start screaming or clawing up Brad's desk, which he was bent over. Brad was trying to go slowly, so as not to hurt Alan. Of course by going slow it hurt even more. "Brad, go faster or I'll castrate you." Alan warned with a gasp.
"Alan, would you just shut up?" Brad growled suddenly thrusting all the way into Alan making him whimper.
"Of course, as long as you keep up that pace!" Alan cried out excitedly as Brad's cock brushed against his prostate ever so slightly. It felt so wonderful to Alan. "Please just keep moving!" Alan whimpered out thrusting his rear end out against Brad's hips.
"Alan…"Brad groaned. It was so tight and warm inside of Alan. It felt wonderful. "God, you're tight." Brad groaned out softly as he began to move. He tried hard to keep from just pounding into Alan, despite Alan's gasped begging for more. Instead he started out slow. Simply rocking his hips forward into Alan making him let out a low moan. Brad liked that sound. He liked it very much. So, he rocked forward again, harder this time.
"Sweet Jesus, Brad." Alan panted out. "No wonder everyone likes having sex with you." Alan then loss all sense of rational thought as well as witty talk. "God." Alan moaned out. Brad pulled back slightly and began thrusting instead of rocking making Alan cry out louder and faster than before.
Brad gasped as Alan suddenly started to tighten around him ad buck back into him groaning and begging for more. Alan wasn't even speaking coherently any more he was just moaning, whimpering, and gasping.
"God, you're so much more attractive when you don't speak." Brad whispered as lay his chest flush against Alan's back.
Alan didn't last long, a few more well aimed thrusts from Brad and Alan came spurting his seed all over the carpet under Brad's desk. Brad kept thrusting making Alan gurgle in pleasure. Finally, Brad came shooting his load deep into Alan making him shiver. Alan sighed deeply slumping against Brad's desk, boneless.
"Brad, I take it all back." Alan whispered as he sat up very slowly. He nearly fell over when he found out his legs had turned to jelly. "You are not a Ken doll or Buzz Lightyear."
Brad zipped up his pants and sat silently in his chair watching Alan shakily get redressed. "I told you we should have waited till later." Brad pointed out smugly unable to stop grinning.
"Yes, well, the next time I decide to have sex with a man, I'll wait till later. Jump him at home or something." Alan responded with his own smile. "Which, if you're curious, yes I do plan to do that again. Need to compare and contrast." Alan added lightly as he tried to exit the office. His legs wobbled like mad, but he did manage to make it out the door.
"Hey, Alan." Brad called making Alan stop in the doorway. Brad had never seen a man get dressed that quickly. "Next time, be sure and bring condoms for the other guy. That way, you won't wind up with semen leaking out of your butt."
"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." Alan answered grinning as he quickly left the office. Brad opened the windows back up and was surprised when he saw Denny Crane standing across from his office, frozen there with a look of curiosity and surprise. Shit, if Denny found out…and then Alan walked up to Denny smiling and clapped him on the shoulder.
Alan and Denny started to walk off, but before they got far Alan did a wave back at him. A full five-fingered wiggle wave. Brad banged his head against the glass window for the next hour.
*You know, I just can't see Alan Shore saying fucking. I know I wrote it, but try and picture it. I just can't see him saying fuck or anything similar to that. Just can't see it. You try, tell me if I'm wrong.
Alright, so I wrote this for funsies and to made it for shits and giggles, but the last part was because of one thing and only one thing. Namely the introduction of the secondary Buzz Lightyear guy that shows up in the second season. I think Alan would be curious about sex with anyone, regardless of gender.