A/N: Bleach is owned by TV Tokyo and Tite Kubo, but it certainly is on my anime wishlist.

"Ichigo! Phone call! And it's from Shiiiiiraaaaaaaaaayuuuuuki!" Isshin, Ichigo's father, shouted from downstairs. He was holding the phone in one hand and the frying pan, sizzling with eggs and bacon, in the other. Karin and Yuzu, his twin daughters, were already enjoying breakfast and getting ready to go to the mall. All in all, a pretty ordinary morning for a strict family and their betrothed son; however, he was upstarts giving a certain blue haired entrepreneur a blow job. But Ichigo, the black sheep of the family with a false white coat, liked certain entertainment.

He craved sex, in any way or form, with any hot looking guy or girl. His first time had been with a MILF, the one with years of yummy experiences and kids who slept like rocks whenever he came over for a "lesson". His lessons ended when he decided to fuck the oh- so- rich Rukia Kuchiki, break her heart, and drive her into an eating disorder. Yup, and that didn't even come close to learning the proper way to do blowjobs by his sexy new friend Gin Ichimaru and then practice them on his recent boy toy, Toshiro Hitsugaya. But then Toshiro moved away and became a memorable fuck from the long line of Ichigo's sex life. Any other hook-ups he had with people filled in between these memorable people. Well, Grimmjow would now make his list, since that man offered such a good fucking time. He understood what most of the other crack heads didn't, that Ichigo never meant to stay with them. That Ichigo was the monarch butterfly, migrating to different trees before reaching Mexico and then dying there.

"Hey isn't that your dad?" Grimmjow asked, zipping up his pants. Ichigo nodded and kissed Grimmjow one last time, tasting his cigarette lips and delicious saliva.

"I'M SHOWERING DAD! I'LL BE DOWN THERE IN A FEW!" Grimmjow chuckled before ruffling Ichigo's messy hair and leaving through the window. There goes my Romeo, Ichigo sighed playfully before rushing to take a shower, erasing any of Grimmjow's residue off him. Couldn't greet an overprotective father with cum on your new white shirt could ya? He rushed downstairs, grabbed the phone, and greeted his beloved fiancée Shirayuki.

"Happy Birthday Ichigo!" Shirayuki congratulated, "I can't believe you're finally eighteen! We can finally get married, and just in time. The nuns and I have finished the dress; all we need is to do the veil. Oh, I wish these five months would just fly by. Don't you Ichigo?" Blah, blah, blah, coming out 'cha mouth with your blah, blah, blah, Ichigo smiled, wishing the conversation was over. He didn't want anything reminding him of the impending day when he would officially ruin his life and buy Shirayuki's freedom from the convent she lived in.

He found out of his betrothal when he was eight, and meet Shirayuki during his third grade winter vacation. She was a pretty girl, with long flowing silver hair and simple blue eyes that matched her hair. She was shy and really polite, preferring to read a book by the fireplace than have a snowball fight with the Kurosaki kids. Ichigo liked her, but those feelings never really developed into love; the kind of love needed in hasty marriages like theirs.

"Anyway," Shirayuki concluded, after about a five minute ramble regarding the wedding, "I hope your birthday present arrived today. The nuns helped me pick it out…I hope you like it…and…I love you," She whispered the last part before going silent, leaving Ichigo with an uncomfortable guilt in his heart.

"I...I…l-love…you… as well," Ichigo stuttered, the guilt rising higher and higher to the point of revelation. "And thanks for the gift well bye now!" He hung up and dropped into the nearest chair in sight, feeling incredibly hungry at that moment.

"Happy birthday Ichigo!" said Yuzu, running up to hug him, "Aren't you excited! You're getting married! Oooh this is so exciting!"

"Happy birthday Ichigo," Karin repeated, "at least you're old enough for cigarettes and fake margaritas. Congrats," Ichigo nodded as he began devouring a plateful of pancakes and eggs, dodging a surprise hug attack from his father.

"Come on Ichigo! Just one hug from your old man? Soon you'll be a married man and Shirayuki will think dad hugs are creepy." Isshin fake sobbed, trying to get through Ichigo.

"Dad hugs are perfectly normal, but yours are just plain creepy," Karin spoke, pulling Isshin from Ichigo.

"Well," Ichigo said, standing up to put his plate in the sink, "I'm out. Be back for lunch." Away from all this stupid wedding talk, he wanted to add but kept silent.

"Wait," Isshin said, blocking the door, "shouldn't you celebrate your birthday here? Besides, Shirayuki's present will arrive any minute now."

"More the reason to leave Dad, "Ichigo persuaded, "that way I won't be all anxious waiting for it. Don't worry; I'm just stopping by Borders to check out their CDs." He ducked underneath his father's arm and walked out, destination: Paako Bar.

"Well, well," Gin said, looking up from his polished martini glasses, "the light of the party arrived early. What'll it be? Coffee like most teenyboppers who can't take a hangover or better yet, how about some chocolate milk so you can get some calcium?"

"If only you weren't such a loser I might actually date you," Ichigo retorted, leaning close to Gin, "don't you have anything to say to the birthday boy? Something like 'how 'bout a pink panty dropper? With a strawberry on top?'"

"This loser don't serve girly drinks to boy sluts like you," Gin replied, setting the glass he was polishing down, "I'm the kind of guy to drench boy sluts like you in pink panty droppers and slowly lick them dry."

"Sorry Ginny," Ichigo apologized, slowly retreating from Gin's face, "total bitch-mode activated right now."

"You don't hafta poligize ya know? Seems like you've gotta lot on your little slut mind and ya thought you'd take it out on me."

"But Ginny," Ichigo wailed, picking up the beer mug Gin offered him, "that's not fair. You look all depressed and stuff and I'm piling more stress on you."

"Luppi finally walked out on me," Gin stated, looking into his own beer mug, "like officially. I knew that biatch was with Findor since last time we fucked. Mumbled something about blondes then fell asleep on me, right then and there."

"Good riddance," Ichigo said, clinking beer mugs with Gin, "and don't worry, maybe you're not meant to be top. Instead of looking for women and submissive guys, why don't you get with the seme type?"

"Ya gotta understand Ichigo," Gin lectured in his teaching voice, "once you reach a certain age you can never be bottom again, unless you're in a lifelong relationship with a forever top. Now guys like us can be ukes for so long that we've gotta step up and become the tops to the younger generation and thus repeating the cycle of semenism and ukeism."

"So the guys that fucks us…"

"Were once getting fucked," Gin finished both his sentence and his beer mug. He suddenly looked up, surprised someone had joined their little shindig.

"What'll it be Mista?" Gin asked, staring into the depths of the man's green eyes. But the man's gaze was locked with Ichigo's, disapproval clear in his face.

"Do I know you?" And if I do, can we please go the hotel? We've got a lot of this and that to discuss. Ichigo couldn't help it; his flirty thoughts were getting the better of him.

"Not yet," He replied, "what will you're father think of you if he sees you in a place like this?"

"Okay what the hell?" Ichigo yelled, "who do you think you are, I don't even fucking know you! And what's with all the empty threats, you think I'm that stupid?"

"Well," He said, "you are the one who exploded in anger for what I said. If you aren't as stupid as you claim, then why did you reply? I'm merely a stranger after all, what could I possibly know about you or your family? Only a guilty person would reply like that," Ichigo, severely embarrassed, sat down and ignored the customer's mumblings.

"I'm sure the manager would like to hear that this establishment serves alcohol to minors," He continued, staring at Gin, "and I could call the authorities and issue an arrest right now."

"I told you," Ichigo said, "your empty threats don't scare me. I'm outta here, see ya Gin."

"Yeah," Gin giggled nervously, "see ya too Ichi." The man was relentless though; he grabbed Ichigo's hand and dragged him outside. Once they were out of the establishment he practically threw Ichigo in his snazzy convertible car and shut the door. Within a couple seconds they were speeding along the main street and into the highway.

"You don't have to speed you know," Ichigo snapped, clicking the seatbelt into place, "you're just begging for a ticket aren't you? One for speeding and one for kidnapping, you're one fucked up dude."

"Hm," The man responded, his gaze locked on the road, "you just caused so much trouble for yourself. What were you thinking? The bartender could have slipped something in your drink, or…"

"Please," Ichigo bragged, "I've had the roofies slipped in my drink so many times I've lost count. Usually I'm easy, but I like men to work to get me; it's like a total turn-on."

"Must be why you're so screwed in the head," He replied, "and why you accompany strangers to their cars. I could be a serial killer for all you know," He paused, as if creating suspense, and then sighed in defeat; Ichigo's smug look claiming victory.

"Then why don't we stop being strangers Mr. Killer?" Ichigo whispered in his ear, "for starters, what's your name? I'm Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki, fresh out of high school and barely eighteen."

"I'm Mr. Cifer," He replied, "Mr. Ulquiorra Cifer, twenty four going on twenty five; and as of today, I'm your violin tutor." Ichigo stifled his laughter, violin tutor? Not another Neliel, Ichigo giggled, his hand over his mouth.

"Did I say something funny? Last time I checked introductions were never a laughing matter," Ulquiorra, pardon me, Mr. Cifer said. Within five minutes they were in front of Ichigo's house, both quiet except for the motor running.

"Shall we go?" Ichigo asked, fingering the ignition key, his fingertips within grabbing zone.

"What about today's incident?" Ulquiorra persisted, turning the key and removing Ichigo's fingers from the ignition.

"I think you can overlook that can't you?" Ichigo pouted, his hands clasping Ulquiorra's, "I mean it was only one time. I could make it up to you later hm?"

"Not interested," Ulquiorra stated, "but I'll have my eye on you Kurosaki. I may be just a violin tutor but you're father asked me to also care for you, so you're not tempted by the sin."

"Tempted? I'm way beyond that," Ichigo assured him, kissing Mr. Cifer on the cheek, "I've tasted it…so many times…" He looked up hopefully, but Mr. Cifer remained passive; the news didn't bother him.

"What you did in the past doesn't concern me," He lectured, "but from now on, you will live as innocent as a newborn, at least for Ms. Shirayuki's sake."

"Did my dad set you up for this too?" Ichigo queried, stepping out of the car.

"Shirayuki's my sister," replied, "and it is my responsibility to make sure the groom is uncorrupted, or so states our bible." Ichigo cursed, he totally forgot about that rule. It was one of the many rules for a betrothal, the bride must be a virgin and the husband must throw away his sinful past for a new beginning; and the only way to ensure that was if a watcher was assigned. It had nothing to do with being related to the groom or bride; but to think that tall, pale, and handsome man was his watcher was hard to believe.

The minute Ichigo walked in, birthday balloons showered on him and ; and an echoing "Happy Birthday!" erupted from the people inside. A big birthday banner hung from the dining room and underneath it was a table full of food, cake, and presents. His family dragged him by the wrists, and his family appropriate friends huddled around, thinking his small family party was the next Sweet Sixteen episode.

"Open this one first!" Isshin yelled excitedly, gesturing to a modest-sized present sitting in the middle of all the other presents. Ichigo carefully peeled the wrapping paper, folded it, and found a small violin case. He opened it to reveal what the case hid, a smooth brown violin. A card tumbled out as well, with Shirayuki's calligraphy adorned on it.

"HURRAH!" Everyone shouted, clapping for Ichigo as he gripped the violin, afraid the violin would slip out of his hands with all the excitement around him. He gazed at Mr. Cifer who had closed his eyes and smiled smugly, as if he knew a secret and wasn't planning to tell. Or perhaps he knew Ichigo was looking at him, hoping to lock eyes with him, emerald eyes meeting with fiery brown ones. Ichigo looked away, embarrassed and determined at the same time; no one rejected him, without giving it a second thought at least.

By the time the whole party was over and everyone left, Ichigo craved a London dry gin, and time at the Paako bar with Gin. Anything was better than his house right now, where a sitting was nonchalantly sipping red wine; the only stinking alcoholic beverage allowed in the house, and staring right at him.

"Well I'm glad you two met already," Isshin stated earlier, "what are the odds of meeting your violin tutor in the classical music section of Borders?" Ulquiorra underestimated Ichigo's lying abilities; why, he didn't even stutter when he uttered that obvious lie. And his father, the big idiot, believed him.

Who are you trying to fool Ichigo Kurosaki? Yourself? But Ulquiorra smiled sadly, it was like looking into a mirror of the past, only with a new face and a new farce.

A/N: What do you have to say to that? Please review…