The Wonder Years: Kevin takes charge
Copyright on this story text belongs at all times to the original author only, whether stated explicitly in the text or not.
I just had to do a story about this great TV show. I must point out to the programme makers that this submission is for entertainment purposes only and not for money. I was, and still am, a great fan of the show and it is not my intention to be offensive or disrespectful in any way so I urge you not to sue. Hope you will all enjoy.
Hello, folks! Remember me, Kevin Arnold. You probably watched that television show about me growing up in the suburbs. That kid Fred Savage played me from age 12 to 17. Did a good job, I'd say. Sure looks a lot like me when I was a kid. The show followed me through RFK junior high and then high school. It followed my up and down, and as it turned out, doomed relationship with Winnie Cooper. All the good times (or not) I had with my best friend Paul Pfeiffer. There was my dear independent sister Karen who as you should know met and married that guy Michael and moved to Alaska of all places. To this day she still lives there. My dear old Dad (rest his soul) Jack Arnold, who could be strict with us kids sometimes but I'd say a good provider. My mom, Norma Arnold, a good housewife and devoted mother. Then we come to my annoying big brother Wayne, about who this little tale is really all about. They never televised this one. Just read on and you'll see why.
As I begin my story I'd just started 8th grade at RFK junior high. Wayne had acquired his driving licence about two months before. That meant he could use our Dad's car provided he was careful and didn't break curfew. When he used it he had to be home by 11pm and no later even though he was 16 and shaving daily. Yep, our Dad was firm when it came to house rules and no mistake. On this particular evening our parents were going out, intending to leave Karen in charge of Wayne and me. They paid her two dollars for this. Remember, this was 1969 and two dollars was nothing to sneeze at. Still, she didn't like the idea of giving up her time just to babysit her two nerdy little brothers and soon made this clear.
After Dad and Mom left my intolerable big brother and me sat together on the large sofa watching our black and white TV which was about the only entertainment we had then. There were no mobile phones, no video games, no internet. I find myself wondering how the kids of today could have managed. Anyway, we were both watching an old movie when Karen came and handed the two dollars to Wayne. "I've got a date, guys!" she told us. "You're in charge now, Wayne. Look after Kevin. I'll only be a couple of hours. Don't tell our folks, ok!" Well, Wayne was pleased enough about getting the two dollars. I figured if it had been just me and Karen she might have stayed but I don't think she liked the idea of being around Wayne too long and who could blame her.
So we were left alone that evening, my brother and I. When the movie had ended it was a choice between Star Trek or Bonanza. I said we should watch Star Trek but Wayne opted for Bonanza. I should have known he'd go for something that didn't need a whole lot of thought. I suggested that we toss for it. "No way, butthead!" came his answer. "I'm the one in charge here and I say we watch Bonanza. Or better still I could watch it on my own and you could just buzz off to bed." He gave his normal silly little laugh.
"Dork!" was my reply. If you watched the show you will know we would engage in our usual verbal slanging match for the next couple of minutes. Wayne had been pissing me off for the past few days and I was really reaching boiling point. When we had done exchanging insults Wayne insisted it was Bonanza and that was final. To make his point he shoved me off the sofa and I landed on my butt on the carpeted floor. That did it! I was tired of being pushed around. He wasn't getting away with this. I decided, big brother or not, it was time to cut him down in size.
I got to my feet and brushed myself off. My brother was looking very pleased with himself. Not for long, you jerk! I thought. I informed him, "Hey, Wayne, didn't I hear you sneak into our room at almost midnight two nights ago. That was the time on the wall clock anyway. Didn't Dad say you're supposed to be home by 11?"
Wayne just shrugged. "So I was late just once. Big deal. Besides, it's just your word against mine. You can't prove I was late."
I gave a sly grin. "Maybe not but who are Mom and Dad more likely to believe after all the times you've screwed up. I think I'll have to tell Dad, Wayne!"
Now I had him worried! "Come on, butthead, I'm sorry I shoved you but don't tell Dad. You know what he's like."
I gave him a wicked smile. "Well, yeah, he really blistered your behind when he found out about those cigarettes, didn't he! This time it could be worse."
He was pleading now! "Kev, don't tell him. I'll do anything. Just name it."
I thought about it for a moment. "Well, give me that two dollars and I won't tell him." I held out my hand. My brother reluctantly gave the money to me. I told him, "Since I've got the two dollars that means I'm the one in charge now. So I guess I'll have to punish you myself for breaking curfew."
The look on his face was priceless. "Punish me! What do you mean?" But I think he knew.
"Well, what would Dad do?" I didn't wait for an answer. "He'd spank you, wouldn't he! So I think it's my brotherly duty to tan your hide for breaking a house rule."
Wayne shook his head in denial. "No way, buttbrain, you're not gonna spank me. I'm the older brother and it should be the other way round. I won't let you do it."
"Well, it's up to you, Wayne. I could tell Dad and let him do it. You know he won't do it lightly."
For a long time my older sibling pondered his fate, obviously not at all happy about the situation in which he found himself. Finally he rose from the sofa and said, "All right, you little creep, I guess you win this time but I swear I'll get even for this!" Well, I wasn't going to hold my breath. I had the Weiner just where I wanted him and I sure intended to savour the moment. I ordered him to wait for me while I went to our Dad's bedroom to get his paddle which he kept in his bureau drawer especially for times such as these.
I slapped my palm with that hardwood paddle a couple of times and nodded with a sly grin on my face. Should do the trick, I thought. When I returned to the living room the TV set was turned off. I guess Wayne wasn't interested in watching Bonanza anymore. When he saw that paddle he was not al all happy about his predicament. I didn't waste any time in asserting my new found authority. It was just great seeing my jerk of a brother squirming like this.
"Get your pants down, Wayne!" was my first instruction. Boy, if looks could kill I'd have been a goner for sure. Knowing he had little choice Wayne undid his pants belt, undid the zipper and down came his brown casuals. He stepped out of them and waited for my next command. "Bend over the chair!" So my hapless sibling positioned himself over the back of the sofa so that his large backside was a perfect target for the paddle.
"Not too hard, little brother, please, not too hard!" he began pleading. But I wasn't about to spare the rod now that I had him totally at my mercy. The chance might never come again and I was a great believer in the old saying; "Don't get mad, get even!" This was payback time for all times Wayne had been a pain in my ass. It was only fitting that I should give him one in his. I brought that paddle down on the seat of his boxer shorts as hard as my 13 year old arm could manage and I got an OOOOWWWW! from him right away. I thnk he knew he was in for a rough night.
I aimed that paddle at the centre of his butt cheeks and must have delivered at least 25 wallops. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! He cried out with each strike of that very effective spanking implement. I was done with the paddle but I wasn't done with Wayne, not by a long way. He probably thought that was the end of it since he had risen from his position over the sofa. I got hold of him by the ear and took him to the front of the sofa. I think he hated that but he offered no resistance at all. He knew an even worse fate awaited him if Dad found out about his breaking curfew.
I sat down on the sofa and patted my lap. "Over my knee, Wayne!" Getting spanked like a little kid over his younger brother's knee was not something he'd be likely to forget in a hurry. He shook his head in denial.
"No way, you little weasel, that's it, no more! In your dreams, pal!" Well, it looked like my dreams were turning out to be his nightmares.
I shrugged and said, "Oh, well, I guess Dad will have to do it all again later." My unfortunate brother knew he had no way out. He came over to me until he was close enough so that I could grab his wrist. He leaned over and soon all 140lbs of him was draped across my knees. Boy, was he heavy! I preceeded to bear his bottom, pulling down his boxer shorts until they hung at his ankles. Once the spanking started they wouldn't stay there for long. So there was his big naked teenage bum sitting in the centre of my lap, just begging to be spanked. Wayne had always figured himself to be a pretty cool kid. Well, there was one part of his body that would be feeling quite the opposite once it got acquainted with my hand. Boy, I was thinking, if only Paul and Winnie were here to see this.
I figured the paddle had made his butt sore enough so my hand could finish the job. I brought my hand down with all the power I could muster. When it met the centre of his bare cheeks I got an OOOOWWWW! from him at once. Every smack I delivered to his large backside was delivered with bad intentions. I knew they would take there their toll. To his credit he had a pretty tough butt and I knew I wasn't going to make him cry easily. I would not let him off my lap until I had him bawling like a baby. This was for all the times he'd made me cry.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
He was crying out with every spank I gave him by now and I think he was a little surprised at how hard I was spanking his fanny. After about fifty strikes of my bare palm his behind was looking pretty red and must have felt very unfomfortable. You know what, I was surprised myself at the power of my blows. Wayne's geeky little brother was giving him a firm strapping, one even our Dad would probably be proud of.
As I continued giving Wayne the ass whipping he certainly deserved I began to lecture him, trying to sound like our father. "When you're told to be home by 11, Wayne, you damn well better be home by 11!" I had to stop myself from laughing as I kept on punishing his muscular rump. My own hand was starting to hurt but I wasn't going to stop, no way! I was going to make him cry or give up the ghost.
Finally, when I thought I would break my hand on his bottom, he began to cry like a baby. I had broken him. He could not believe I was capable of giving him such an effective spanking. He was imploring me, "Oh, please, Kevin, no more! I'll behave myself, I'll be home by 11 every night!"
I let him off my lap and told him, "Now go to your room!" (Maybe I should have said "Go to our room!" since we still shared the same bedroom). So he pulled his boxers back on and made his way to the room we'd grown up in together, holding his painful backside. I figured he'd have trouble sitting down for at least a couple of days. Yep, I'd taken it on myself to discipline him and done a great job. I was sure, however, that if I'd had to spank him any longer I would have done more damage to my hand then to his bottom.
When Karen returned a little later I told her that Wayne was tired and went to bed early. This was going to be just between to two of us, Wayne and me. I doubted my big mucho brother would want it getting around that he'd been spanked into submission by his baby brother. When our parents returned I told them the same thing. When I went to bed myself I heard Wayne still moaning in pain as he lay on his tummy. We never said anything to each other that night, indeed my humbled sibling didn't talk to me for the next week after that session over my knee.
So for the next few weeks Wayne was much more subdued and less cocky then before, so from my point of view it was pretty peaceful for which I was grateful. Of course it wasn't too long before he reverted back to his old annoying self. Nothing really changed between us except he knew how far to go when it came to bugging me. You know what, he never broke curfew again. Wayne knew I could hurt him just as he could hurt me and not just with words either.
What did I do with that two dollars? Well, I took Winnie out on a date and we both had a great time at the local bowling alley, all thanks to my dear older brother disobeying Dad and not realising I knew about it. That's about all there is to the story, folks! I'll close by saying that despite all Wayne's shortcomings, for all the ups and downs I had with Winnie and all the other trials and tribulations of childhood there is not one thing I'd change about those times, except maybe Winnie's brother Brian being sent off to Viet Nam and dying on her like that.
It was a magic time, a time of discovery and wonder. They were my Wonder Years and every kid should cherish them while they're here. They will never come again.