"Bella, come here!" I yelled looking over my shoulder to see where the hell she had gone to. We had agreed on watching movies and that was what I'd been doing all night but she seemed to be kind of hyper. She wouldn't stay sitting for more than two minutes, she had been prancing around for the last couple hours which was so unlike her but I still enjoyed it a bit.
The problem was I had no idea where she was right now.
Well, that and the fact that my bubbly girlfriend was drunk.
Since our vacations were nearly over she decided she will drink, just a bit, she had said. I let her only because she had shown me one of those little bottles that were always on the mini bars in hotels, but now I saw there were around six of those bottles lying empty on the counter of the kitchen. I had no idea where the hell she had found those or why she wanted to drink, she never did and she wouldn't let me when I was out with her so, what the fuck?
"Bella!" I yelled up the stairs of the chalet we'd been staying the last couple months.
We all lived in Forks, WA just a couple blocks away. Before then my family had lived in Chicago but a sudden increase in criminalities had sent my mom into a paranoiac stage where I wouldn't be able to even go out in the front porch, so Dad decided it was time for a move.
Ever since then, mine and Bella's family had been close. Esme had met Renée in a pottery class, I think. Then Carlisle and Charlie became partners; I don't know how a Chief of Police and a Surgeon Chief can be related but they had their own businesses in which I had no interest. I had never asked and Carlisle had never told me, we were both rather sure what path I wanted to take with my life. And from then the story becomes rather dull for the next few years.
Despite what everyone might think about families being close, Bella and I never got along, actually. She was an acquaintance more than anything. I don't know about Renée and Charlie back then but at least my parents were rather enthusiastic about the idea of Bella and me being a couple which just didn't make any sense, we were so different, and I hadn't wanted a relationship at the time. I was fifteen, I had basically just begun to see girls that way and, not to offend her old self or anything but she wasn't that appealing either.
She was that kind of girl that everyone knew could be quite a sight if she just decided to put bit of an effort on it but she didn't. She wore brackets, her hair was all curly and messy, her eyes always covered with round thick glasses, wearing clothes that seemed to at least be three sizes bigger than hers but the worse problem was that she was always grouchy with her nose deep in a book, not bothering with a social life.
Our families every year had vacations together, no matter where we were going or for how long, we would just go together and during that time I'd talk to her more than usual but she was still her reserved usual self so that was pretty much about it. Needless to say the year she didn't come I was surprised and slightly disappointed since I'd be the only representation of this generation of that cruise. That was what I had thought, at least.
She went to a summer camp, they told me and I was again surprised. How could such an introvert girl go away to spend whole six weeks away from her comfort zone just for it to be filled with unknown nosy people? I thought about it no longer than couple hours before I went to the main foyer and began getting in troubles, not intentionally but it was just like troubles followed me. Troubles being the key word for females, I even remember this one time that a dad had found me making out with his daughter and literally pulled me by my ear, he was a preacher, I think. That being just one of the many anecdotes of that trip.
When we got back home Bella was still on her camp, it had been out of the country so she would be arriving two weeks after I began classes, I didn't care much though. Since I was beginning High School my parents decided to give me a credit card because supposedly I was mature enough to understand the 'Just in case of an emergency' warning and I was, but through that summer I had discovered that the slight rush of adrenaline that I found on getting in trouble was quite enjoyable so, few weeks before school I bought and old car to fix it myself and eventually use it, but the parents didn't found that funny even though I never got grounded.
After that, when I had managed to get it to run, I jumped into the front seat and speed away just to found that I hadn't repaired the breaks, which ended on a visit to the ER and cast on wrist and leg. The 'What's wrong with you?' speeches began but I couldn't care less. Needless to say my relationship with them was mostly lost. I was the problem boy, you could say and, honestly, if I didn't go to jail during that time was because Charlie appreciated me as his best friend's/partner's son.
Surprisingly the cast was quite a good way to meet people and apparently it had been caused by and accident on my bike or cliff diving, even the seniors were talking about me! I was having the time of my life, girls wanted to go out with me, men wanted me to join sports teams.
But then the second Wednesday the spotlight changed abruptly to an apparently Italian girl that was new in school, girls were talking about making her join the cheer team, boys wanted to ask her out which immediately made girls jealous. I was slightly disappointed but then I decided that I wanted the spotlight, I liked it, I needed it, so I would ask that girl out and maybe cause a few more problems through the year to keep it on me.
I hadn't seen her though, until the end of the week, she was beautiful but there was something wrong. The Italian girl's eyes were that shade of brown I had secretly admired the last decade, the Italian girl was Bella.
I don't know what the hell was in the water of wherever she went but she was breathtaking. Her hair was straight with soft curls at the end, I saw she was no wearing brackets anymore as she smiled tightly at a guy, her glasses were far more sophisticate and actually looked good and she wasn't dressing as a whore but her clothes consisted on skirts, leggings, tight jeans and things that flattered her figure rather than disfigure her which was what her old clothes did.
It didn't surprise me though, I always knew Bella would clean up rather nicely but she hadn't changed just physically, her attitude was different. She still loved reading, as she always carried a novel in top of her textbooks, her grades were still straight A's but there was something about the way she acted that just called your attention. It might have been the way she walked, the way she portrayed herself, even the way she talked! But something major had changed through summer that gave space to this new Bella that rejected boy after boy.
I decided I wouldn't date her then, our families were bound to be close like, forever and I didn't need Esme even more disappointed for breaking her best friend's daughter little inexperienced heart. Eventually she became a cheerleader, peer pressure mostly, and I got into the soccer team, the longing of the spotlight still present. All through that year I actually became friends with Bella, not close ones but friends nonetheless since we frequented the same social circles. At the same time I found that my passion of sports, swimming mostly, was beyond that longing of the spotlight. I also dated a lot, drank, smoked, to sum it all up I did every single thing Carlisle and Esme always told me not to. There was a time that I got speeches of up to three hours, weekly! I didn't care, I would nod and hum, but I never listened.
Next summer we went to a vineyard in California that was an hour ago from the beach. Bella was quite a sight tanned and in a swimsuit, I might add, and since she was a lot more outgoing we began talking and hanging out more so, when guys approached her and she didn't reject them right away as she did with every guy back in Forks I felt angry, disappointed and later on I realized I was jealous which brought me to the conclusion that I actually liked her.
I wouldn't do anything about those 'feelings' until later on when she actually went out with a guy and even though she considered the guy nothing more than a fling I was still possessed by the green envy monster. When summer ended she didn't seem depressed or somehow down because it was over so I made my approach.
On the first weeks of school I asked her to go to the movies with me, surprisingly she accepted and not two weeks later we were like, official. The twentieth I had asked her to be my girlfriend, and the early hours of the twenty-one my mom was hugging me, jumping, and making such a huge fuzz about it. Yes, I was happy with it, but I still had to play it cool. I was just the eye candy dating the hottest girl on school, which was expected at some point. Renée approved of me; Charlie was adamant to it but still wouldn't voice it.
It didn't last long though, the happiness, the fuzz, the attention, everything disappeared and even the attention I was used to, before Bella, disappeared. Girls wouldn't look at me twice; boys wouldn't always invite me to parties. Now everything seemed to be focused on my studies, sports or my girl.
Between the second and the third month I realized that whatever I had felt for Bella vanished, and the day I had planned on breaking it off with her my dad knocked my door peaking his head in my room.
"Going out with Bella tonight?" He had asked as I ran my hand through my hair in front of the mirror, I hummed my response. "I wanted to talk to you, son." I frowned; he hadn't called me son in at least two years. I saw him sat on the edge of my bed through the reflection of the mirror; I leaned onto the edge of my desk to face him.
"Yeah? What did I do know?" I asked warily, the most I had done was a bottle of beer and heavily making out with Bella on a couch in that same party and neither of those things were likely to be heard by him.
"That's the thing, Edward. You hadn't done anything." He extended his hands with a set of keys. "Here, the keys of the garage and your car." My eyes widened as I recognized the set of keys, eagerly taking them from him as I handed them on my hand as if they were a baby. "I know you still want to fix it. And I trust you not to ruin it this time."
"Thanks, Dad." I said honestly, he shrugged.
"Personally, I think that Bella has done some good for you. I'm proud of you, Edward. I'm proud you chose her and that you've changed your ways." I couldn't look up at him again after that.
And later that night I wouldn't break up with Bella either.
"Yeah?" She yelled bringing me back to the present, jumping on one foot out of the room while pulling one of those Ugg boots on the other. When she was two steps away from plain surface she tripped over the air and end up into my arms which I had tightened far more than necessary, she looked up at me sheepishly smiling. "Hi," She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me, it had been nearly two years since I've been kissing her but these last couple weeks it had felt different and I knew why.
My feelings for Bella had grown back and became much stronger than the last time, it scared me but she was already my girlfriend and well… I knew she loved me.
"Where are you going?" I asked after drawing out the kiss for as long as I could. I had noticed she had changed her clothes.
"Out!" She hollered and moved her hands from my hair to grab one of mine that were on her hips. "And you're coming with me!" She pulled me to the main door obviously forgetting I was wearing only sweatpants.
"Oh, Bella! Are you stoned, too? Charlie is going to kill me!"
"No! Silly, where I would get the weed?" She said tapping my nose with her finger.
"I don't know, maybe the same place you got the buzz!" She giggled kissing me chastely before continued dragging me through the foyer. "Bella, we're not going out!" I said pulling on her arm to stop her.
"Aw, why not?" She pouted.
"Because I do believe our parents made it very clear that we should stay here." She smiled mischievously and stepped into me pressing her body to mine, my breath hitched and her smile grew.
"Oh, I like good boy Eddie." She said seductively and pressed her lips to mine, sucking the lower one between hers. I groaned and she smiled against my lips. "Let's go!" She bounced to the door leaving me there all hot and bothered. I went to my room to change and when I came back she was waiting for me outside dancing on the front yard. I wrapped an arm around her waist kissing her cheek as I began walking her down the sidewalk.
We walked for a long time, and many blocks, in silence. It seemed to me that Bella was finally letting out the alcohol from her system as she cuddled closer to me and wrapped both her arms around my torso. We remained like that for a while and I was actually enjoying it until she ran in front of me to a headlight and swung around it.
"What are you doing?" I asked chuckling as she began swaying her hips dancing to imagined music and motioned me to her with her finger.
"We are in the city of love! Let's enjoy it!" I closed the distance grabbing her hand and raising it over her head so she could spin around. "Come on Edward! How many couples our age can be in Paris? And you wanted to stay watching movies!" I looked at her and she just looked so cute, with her hat and scarf covering most of her head barely revealing any more than her bright smile and the spark in her eyes, and I couldn't help the guilt that crept into me.
"I love you." I blurted out and for the first time, I meant it. She stopped bouncing on her feet and smiled sweetly at me.
"You do realize that is the first time you say the actual words?" She asked still smiling. Mostly I answered her with 'Me too's or 'I know's or just by kissing her but I was sure I had said the words before, I couldn't have been that much of a prick.
"What? No!" She nodded and I sighed. Yeah, Cullen you're that much of a prick. "Whatever, I do. I love you." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me passionately in the lonely sidewalk. I kissed her back with all I had to prove her I meant it, to make her see that this time I was putting an effort on this.
This time I was serious about her.
I'm not quite sure what changed in the past two months but I guess being in the City of Love, as she had just said, might have affected my perspective on things. This year since we were older and becoming Seniors our parents had let us wander around more freely and by ourselves, so that gave me a bunch of time to spend with her, time that usually I'd pretend to be with her while my mind went somewhere else.
That's all it had taken me to fall in love with her. And I've been with her almost for the last two years, if only I had given her enough attention, the attention she deserved, at the beginning this could have been great, perfect! Rather than the usual chore it was to me.
Clean your room.
Do your bed.
Pick up your laundry.
Do your homework.
Don't be late.
Don't stay up until too late.
Go and play your perfect boyfriend role.
Now that I come to think about it, it was just so sick. I shouldn't have stayed with her just because it pleased Carlisle and Esme. After all I was the one that ruined my relationship with them; Bella had nothing to do with it. As soon as that thought ended I felt guilty and my kiss turned desperate, needy.
This time I didn't specifically felt guilty about staying with her while not caring this time I felt guilty about what I did while that time.
In Forks High couples passed and passed except mine and Bella's. We were fine, stable and happy. The guys talked and talked about their new acquisition of the weekend while the only thing I had done that weekend was either swimming my brains out or spend time with Bella. It frustrated me to no end, I didn't want the relationship I was in and I didn't necessarily wanted new flings every week but, at the time, it seemed better.
I couldn't have it though, after that talk with Dad came others, much others, from him and Mom about how I was growing up into a man, how much commitment was needed to make a relationship work at such a young age and how it showed my responsibility. The same old story of the problem boy being saved by a girl was repeating all over again in front of their eyes, they thought. But, as cruel as it may sound, I was miserable. I didn't want to be with her and as time passed, her friends got more into her skin and the noisier, the more annoying she became.
During this time we fought a lot and spent whole days not really talking beyond what was socially necessary. At some point it even seemed to me that she was into this relationship for the same reasons I was, or slightly similar at least. That's what I thought until after one specific fight over her being so bitchy which wasn't really true, she was just an average girlfriend. Any girl would have been worried if her boyfriend only gave her tight smiles and curt nods. I just wasn't going to admit that.
We hadn't really talked for three weeks, bottling up feelings one would say but for me it was some kind of relief. But one day I was climbing into my car and before I could speed away I saw her walking my way through the rear-view mirror. She went all 'I'm sorry, I'm just afraid to loose you' on me and in her eyes, that no longer held that spark I used to like, I noticed she was saying the truth. She cared, and all that time she must have been upset about us fighting while I was actually relieved thinking that this time it might end us.
Add that to the need of my parents' approval and I just couldn't break up with her.
I was still not happy about it. I hated to say it but I had stayed with her for pity, in my twisted plan to somehow fix up my life somehow I had made her fall for me and leaving her would only hurt her. So this time I acted, I really did. I was a lovely, caring, attentive boyfriend but as soon as she would turn her head the other side my smile would fade and a sigh was escaping my lips.
Then Tanya came around.
She started in our school mid-year and she wasn't prettier than Bella, but she didn't hold my attention any longer. It all started friendly and, in fact, she was one of Bella's closest friends but it just seemed my eyes were glued to her and she was always looking back with that sultry smile on her lips.
She flirted with me, despite being Bella's friend, would take good use of any chance at touching me and made very clear in several occasions how much she wanted me. Eventually I gave in.
Truth be told, I don't remember the first time it happened. I had been at a party I refused to miss it even if Bella was staying on her house, I drank as I hadn't on the last year and I woke up next day with a very naked Tanya laying next to me on a room that clearly belonged to a little girl in a house I barely recognized from the night before.
I freaked out; I hadn't planned on doing this. I had cheated on Bella. The rest of the weekend I was locked up in my room puking my guts out because of the alcohol and because I was disgusted with myself. Yes, I was not happy but that was not an excuse to do what I did, I had just ruined something I had put a big effort on faking. Bella would loathe me, my parents would be disappointed and most likely be disgusted by me and something I sadly still cared about…
My reputation would be on the floor.
The beginning of the next week caught me off guard; I expected glares, murmurs, and even few punches. But I was received as usual, bumping fists with the guys, nods to the girls, and a very happy Bella standing by her locker.
I had no idea how everything happened but I had thought that I hadn't been so discrete about it. All that week passed by and…nothing. Tanya tried talking to me but, as a coward, I always had an excuse ready. When I realized what had I done and no one had discovered it just seemed like that little something my life was missing.
And from that time up until the night before I caught the plane here I had been cheating on her. No one but two people knew of it. The one person that always had me alert, she had been Tanya's friend at one time but then they weren't anymore and coincidentally she became Bella's friend, a close one to that, and even when I had tried to be polite towards her she would openly treat me as crap, which was how I felt right now. Kissing my girl while most likely another one would be waiting for me back home.
My best friend, Felix, knew of this, too. And despite he was my best friend and trust was bound to be involved I was still surprised as to why he hadn't told Bella. It was clear as water he had feelings for Bella, strong feelings for that matter, but he never acted upon them, loyalty I guess, although in one argument as to why I was doing that to Bella he had told me.
"You know, Edward, despite what you think she'll find out! And when that happens and she leaves you I'm going after her."
Even now I was conscious of that, she'll eventually find out but the last couple weeks I've been thinking how to tell her myself, how to apologize, how to make her believe I loved her. She wasn't a needy girl, but she asked for basics on a boy.
Which were what every girl should ask for a man. I had failed on all of them at some point and in ones they had been a constant failure. So, I had no idea how to break it off with Tanya and making Bella believe I was sorry, wanted to start again with her, with no personal rewards involved. I wanted to, this time, have an actual relationship with her.
Lost in my thoughts I had pushed her into the headlight she had been swinging around earlier, my mouth on her neck while her hands were gripping my hair tightly. My hand wandered down her side and I curled it around her knee to hitch her leg up my hip, she brought my face back to hers and I ground into her groaning at the sensations the friction gave me at the same time a little sound of pleasure escaped her lips.
We weren't usually like this, in fact, this is the most we had ever done and if I'm being honest with myself I wasn't planning to change that any time soon but during this trip many things had changed and I had just realized how much I wanted her in that way, and soon.
As I went back to attack her neck she let out these little sounds that were making me ground harder into her who, in response, made her grip my hair tighter and I'm sure that hadn't I been so focused on her it would have hurt. A French-accented voice came from behind me yelling us to break apart, I groaned but obliged rather conscious of what I had been doing to my girlfriend in front of a residential building. Bella was looking down but I could see her cheeks achieve a whole new level of red I had never seen on her, but I liked it and I was planning on bringing it out soon, really soon.
I stepped back once, still facing away from the man that kept yelling at us that we had no moral values whatsoever and that he should call the authorities and so on and so forth. When he finally left muttering how that in his time would have never been seen I idly wondered when he was born at the same time Bella looked up at me with a sly smile on her face.
"Let's go back to the chalet." She took my hand in her and began walking back to the direction we had come from with me behind her slightly confused as if I had made up the double meaning to that little sentence or if she had really meant it like that. Still not completely sure what she had meant I brought myself out of my stupor and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind nuzzling my head into her neck placing soft kisses there as we kept walking rather uncomfortably but, whatever.
When we finally got there it was as if the 'magic' of the moment was just lost and as we took our jackets off and placed them on the closet I realized with joy that I was not the only disappointed one at it.
"Still up for that movie?" I asked trying to break the completely unnecessary tension that surrounded us. She hummed looking to the living room and frowned before her eyes lighted up and turned to me.
"Upstairs?" She asked tilting her head to the side.
"Sure thing, Beautiful." She blushed at the endearment and I smiled wishing that it was just a couple shades darker as I had seen before. "Can you grab something to eat and drink or something?" She nodded smiling and began walking to the kitchen.
"Popcorn or last night's pizza?" She asked turning around and walking backwards awaiting my response, and a year before I would have been worried about her killing herself but cheering and jumping and dancing and all that stuff had actually lessened her clumsiness to almost normal but now I wish she would fall more often so that I could catch her. Like earlier.
"Whatever you're having plus a coke." She turned still smiling and disappeared into the kitchen. I went upstairs and took my shirt off replacing it with a flannel one that I used to sleep when Bella was around, not that neither of us minded but Esme thought it wasn't appropriate for me to be around the house half naked as if a shirt would make any difference, Bella had seen me shirtless countless times as so have done the rest of the people in this house although I wouldn't appreciate it if Carlisle or Charlie hang around the house like that.
I was standing in front of the DVD player putting the movie when Bella walked into the room balancing two glasses of coke in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other, I rushed to her and took everything from her hands placing it on the bedside table before turning to her once more and cradling her face with my palms before leaning in and whispering I loved her before kissing her.
She pressed herself to me and began running her hands up and down my chest, I moved one hand to the back of her head angling my head to deepen the kiss while the other went to the small of her back pressing her to me, despite the almost non-existent distance between us her hands found their ways beneath my shirt and as soon as her nails were scraping my skin I pulled apart time enough to throw the shirt over my head.
Soon enough we were on the bed making out as if there was no tomorrow, our hands exploring each other's body. At some point I caught myself with my hand on her thigh, way to high on her thigh, beneath her dress but she wasn't stopping me, she was even moving her leg higher on my hip. I wasn't sure how far we'd get tonight but I was wary when I tried to lift her dress up her hips to take it off but she brushed my wariness away when she sat and took the dress off herself before turning us so she was straddling me.
My very sexy girlfriend was sitting on top of me, wearing nothing more than black simple boyshorts and a bra that matched and I couldn't help but stare at her completely mesmerized, when I finally moved my gaze from her body to her face I saw she was blushing and biting her lip as if she was nervous, and maybe I had caused that because of all the staring.
"You're so perfect, Bella." I said bringing my hands to her waist stroking her stomach with my thumbs. "Come here," I said moving my hand to her back and pushing her closer but with the action she slid lower on my body and stopped right on my groin making me involuntarily thrust my hips toward hers, her head falling to my shoulder where the moan she let out was muffled. Instinctively Bella rocked her hips rather slowly taking the feeling to a complete new level.
But then it kicked in.
My eyes, which had been closed at the force of the sensations Bella was bringing up from within me, popped open and I swallowed hard as Bella turned her head to began kissing my neck. I tried to focus, God knows I did, but it eventually became too much to handle. My eyes closed again as a low guttural sound escaped my throat at which Bella rocked her hips again.
"Oh God," I muttered as I tightened my hands around her acting despite what I was about to say. "You do know where this is heading if we keep up like this?" I somehow managed to kick the words out of my mouth without them to sound as an undecipherable mumble.
"Yes," She breathed into the other side of my neck and my eyes widened surprisingly. I had never thought that sex with Bella was even a remote possibility.
"What… uh… um… Be-… Do… Agh… Are you sure?" I stuttered for around five minutes but Bella barely noticed, or decided to ignore it, as she began kissing up my jaw to my earlobe.
"I'm sure about you Edward." She had stopped kissing me to turn and look at me in the eye before she said it and the words were so full of passion that I got weak somehow as her eyes stared right into mine. "I love you."
"I love you, too." I whispered afraid to ruin the moment. I pushed myself to a sitting position and with one hand resting on the mattress behind me I supported both of our weights the other one was on the side of her neck as I kissed her softly even though the fire she had ignited in me, just with the merely thought of being with her was, still there and soon again I was on top of her looking down as she fidgeted with my belt buckle.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked Bella as she nuzzled closer to my chest. I was not stupid and I had gone gentle with Bella, but I was still kind of worried I had hurt her.
"Better than okay," She lifted her head enough to flash me a smile that left me smiling as I lifted her head again and kissed her. She fell asleep few minutes later and suddenly the room felt empty, despite I could clearly feel and hear Bella's breathing. I felt as if this, what had just happened between us, was wrong.
And somehow it was, because there was a reason I had wanted to stop it from happening in the first place, but I let myself get carried away selfishly when I knew we shouldn't have had sex. I needed to talk to her first, tell her everything about Tanya, and then maybe if she understood me and eventually forgave me we could go back to being together.
But no, apparently it was more important to sleep with her. I mean, the first time for a girl is quite important and all and now I had to tell her and probably ruin her illusion of what our relationship had been up until this trip. Besides, I hadn't had any idea of when to tell her considering our anniversary was just a few weeks away, seven days after her birthday.
So, whenever I told her I was most likely to ruin some occasion that was supposed to be special, with my shit. But I couldn't push the subject until after her birthday, I didn't want to be lying to her for over a month more, I wanted a real chance with her and it wouldn't begin with lies and whatnot.
I also had to think of a way of getting rid of Tanya, I had never loved her or felt something at all for her besides that first attraction but that was all about it, she would let me fuck her and said nothing so I kept up with her. I know, I'm a mess and I seriously need to get my shit sorted out.
I looked down at Bella and smiled at her peaceful expression, my arm tightening around her wishing that this moment wouldn't end. I brushed the hair out of her forehead and planted a kiss there, she sighed and as I pulled back I noticed she had this little smile adorning her lips.
"I love you," She whispered into her sleep.
"I know you do, Beautiful." I said caressing her cheek with my thumb.
I know you do, Bella. I just wish that in the long run that could be enough and you may give me another chance in which, I promise not to let you down and show you how much I truly love you.
"I love you too."