This is the first Chapter of a fic that ambushed me. I am on a Girl version of my fave pretty boys kick.
This came about in response to berryblue_girl's prompt in the Kink meme by Ansera.
Original prompt: Derek/chick!Spencer, I have *such* a kink for genderbender and Spencer is so pretty, he could totally be a girl! Maybe have it where Derek and chick!Spencer were getting close to starting a relationship when the events in "Revelations" happened and perhaps something more than torture happened. Hurt/comfort sex would be nice, but I leave that up to the replier. Thank you in advance to whoever replies, I will love you forever!
Rating NC 17
Warning: gender switch, violence, language, graphic sex, no con, torture, angst, and anything else I can come up with.
Summery: Sasha Reid is there for Derek when he needs her, can he get past his own demons to be there for her when she needs him?
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended
Feedback really needed to be sure I'm getting it right.
Secrets were something you really couldn't keep in the BAU. Not when surrounded by the finest minds in the world, all focused on ferreting out secrets and uncovering subterfuge.
It wasn't a surprise that Morgan's secret came out, just the when and where of it coming out had the agent in high distress.
Despite his need to control the whole thing, his team saw him through it, safely as they could.
When it was over, when they all knew the secret and Carl had been carted off, Derek braced himself for the looks.
There would be looks he knew because he gave them to survivors of abuse. They all did. Derek just didn't want to be seen as the victim by his team.
He knew his team mates meant well. He knew the looks were because they loved him and it hurt them that he was in pain. He got that.
It was just that their looks held pity and sympathy, that was what grated at his already raw nerves.
At the station, when all was said and done and the team was readying to leave, the looks started.
Hotch, silent and reserved as always, squeezed Derek's shoulder. Pity was what the younger man saw in his dark eyes.
Jason, placid and calm, nodded to Derek and told him to take a few more days with his family. Sympathy, Derek read in his gentle gaze.
Emily, a quick hug almost so brief it was a blink. Her bright eyes filled with more sympathy.
JJ, her gentle heart apparent as she patted his shoulder in a hug. She felt pity.
Derek was beginning to get a headache. Sitting on one of the hard chairs, he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.
The air seemed to still, he felt cold slender fingers slip against his callused palm. Lifting his gaze, he found Sasha sitting very close.
Her warm golden eyes wide and vulnerable. Her expression was the same one she wore most of the time. Thoughtful and curious.
Her expression made him pause. There was nothing of pity or sympathy in the young woman's eyes. She licked her plush lips and gave him a side ways smile.
"There is a really cool diner near my place that is open 24 hours." her rasping voice spoke softly. "If you ever need a distraction, I don't sleep much. And they make really good blueberry pancakes." she said and her smile deepened. Suddenly Derek understood what he saw in her expression.
Reid didn't pity him, feeling sorry for his pain. Reid didn't sympathize, imagining what he was going through.
Her look spoke of understanding. Derek chilled at the thought of what Sasha could have in her past that gave her empathy for him. The headache seemed to throb less when she looked at him in that calm, easy way.
"Thanks, Sash." he mumbled and gave her the closest thing to a smile he could muster.
"Anytime, Derek." She nodded her head and stood to her feet. Derek looked up the long limbed body, hung with androgynous clothing. Sasha was the perfect definition of awkward beauty.
Her long light brown hair was always in a state of falling down, or tangled up. She dressed in asexual clothing that hid the real shape of her form. She always seemed to be tripping over her own feet and knocking into things.
Her face was the continence of a classic beauty. High cheekbones, full lips, and wide piercing eyes. There was a reason Derek called her Pretty Girl, and it wasn't sarcastic.
Sasha shrugged a little as she noticed his appraisal.
"Maybe, when you get home, we can try out those pancakes." She said and then, with a soft smirk, was gone. Off to gather her messenger bag and head to the SUV.
Derek watched her go and his chest felt a little less tight.
It was the night after he returned to DC, when he found himself pacing the floor of his living room. Holding the cell phone in one hand, while debating if he should call Reid.
It was almost 2 am. He couldn't sleep, he'd already taken an extra long walk with Clooney. Played fetch and brushed the collie's silky coat.
Now the dog was having none of him, sleeping in the corner, with his paw over his muzzle.
Derek had tidied the house, finished any laundry and sorted his mail. He couldn't seem to relax.
Old ghosts haunting his subconscious, making it impossible to sleep without horrible nightmares.
He knew he stood a very good chance of finding Sasha awake. He recalled the genius saying she hardly ever slept more than four hours at a time.
She had said, anytime.
He shook off his doubts and punched the number, bringing the phone to his ear.
Sasha sat, curled on her sofa with several books around her. The flat was filled with the low sounds of Miles Davis, as she read the books rapidly. The silver and black cell phone on the side table began to buzz and she picked it up, flipping it open.
"Reid." she said curtly, thinking it was a case she was being called in for.
Derek held his breath for a second and Sasha's brows furrowed. She was about to repeat her name when Derek's voice responded.
"So, are they really good pancakes?" Morgan asked, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice. Reid's smile could be heard in her soft chuckle.
"The best. Fresh blueberries and real maple syrup." she said sitting up and letting the books fall from her lap.
"You know blueberries are a high source of antioxidants and the first known use of blueb-"
"Reid." Derek's voice cut through the beginning of a lesson on blueberries. Sasha flushed, though Derek couldn't see her.
"Right, sorry. So, how about half an hour?" she offered and Derek agreed.
When Morgan pulled up to the diner, he had to smile. It was one of those really classic 50's diners that looked like an over grown Jetstream camper.
All chrome and glass and red lacquer. Walking inside, he heard the bell on the door jingle as the music wafted through the mostly empty diner.
Elvis crooned about a place called Heartbreak Hotel while Derek's gaze found Reid.
The genius was seated in a booth toward the back. She had her head down, looking at the papers she was working on. Her long golden brown tresses were tied up in a haphazard knot and pinned in place by two pencils and a Batman pen.
One jean clad knee was pulled up against her chest, with an arm looped around it. Her pointed chin rested on the knee while her eyes rapidly scanned the page before her.
Rarely seen since she got contacts, her thick glasses were perched on her pert little nose. Though the artificial light was harsh and bright Derek thought he'd never seen her look more beautiful.
He felt a warm sensation in his belly. It was a pleasant feeling that replaced all the unpleasant feelings he had been dealing with. Liking that change, he ambled down the walkway to the booth.
When his shadow fell over the table, Sasha looked up and blinked. Her honey eyes were enlarged by the glasses, making them seem the slightest bit too wide.
"Hey." she said, giving him her half smile and closing the books she had spread about. "Have a seat." she added and reached for the ever present cup of coffee at her side.
Sasha sipped deep from the cup, as Derek shucked his jacket and sat down. He looked at her in time to catch the pure moment of pleasure as she drank the coffee. Her eyes closed and her sensual mouth turned up at the corners.
A small sound came from her throat that sounded a lot like a purr. Derek leaned his elbow on the table and rested his chin in his palm.
Sasha opened her eyes and looked back at him. His face was amused. She blushed peachy and set the cup down.
They started off by selecting what to order. Reid informing on the do's and dont's of what to eat at Hal's Diner.
They soon eased into the comfortable banter they normally had.
Talking of how they each learned to swim.
Reid expounding on the number of swimming pools per capita in the greater Las Vegas area.
Morgan chuckling and telling about the time his mother tried to teach him how to make cup cakes for his class. It hadn't ended well. The frosting on the ceiling, he had scraped off for weeks.
They laughed and chased the darkness from Derek's eyes with each amusing story and shared moment of embarrassment. They ate and talked, until the sky began to streak with pink.
Stepping from the diner into the cool air, Derek looked around for Sasha's car.
"Pretty Girl, don't tell me you walked here?" he asked and looked at her with a worried expression. Sasha waved a hand at him and pointed down the sidewalk.
"I live three blocks from here, Derek." she giggled. The older agent glanced down the still dark road and shook his head.
"Let me walk you home." he said, it wasn't a question. Reid capitulated, knowing her team mate and friend needed to be in control of something. Everything had been so out of control for him as of late.
They walked the short distance in companionable silence, both taking in the early morning light and the city coming to life around them.
When they reached the corner of the third block, Sasha came to a stop. She looked at the door set into the side of the building and then to Derek.
"This is me." she said and began to rummage for her keys. Derek looked over the building and had to let out a small laugh.
"Reid, are you telling me you live over a book store?" he asked and shook his head in amusement.
Reid shrugged and pulled her keys out at last.
"It's perfect for me and there is a wonderful coffee shop round the corner." she smiled
"Of course there is." Derek nodded his head and stuck his hands in his pockets. He looked up the face of the building and could see a shape in the window over them. It was the silhouette of a cat.
"Who's your roomie?" he asked nodding his head at the feline watching them in the shadows.
Reid looked up, her long neck stretching as she smiled at her pet. Derek was once again struck by her beauty.
"That is Aristotle." she said in a laughing voice. "He is telling me it's past bed time." she said and then blushed. "I'm glad you called, Derek." she said. On impulse, she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.
"Night." she whispered and then turned to slip through the door.
Derek's hand lifted to touch the spot where she had kissed him. A slow smile growing on his face, he waited until the lights came on in the window and the observing cat jumped down from his perch.
Whistling to himself, Morgan turned and walked back to his bike. Sleep was indeed, easy to find when he got home.
So it began, this friendship turned slow courtship. They would meet, two or three nights a week, at the diner.
Sometimes after work, if there wasn't a case that took them out of town. Sometimes at 2 or 3 am, when one of them had a nightmare or restless sleep.
Eating, joking, sharing and learning, they became closer as the weeks passed.
Derek began to notice the way he was changing toward Sasha. He found himself more concerned about her in the field. He defended her, when local cops would snark about the walking computer. He made sure there was fresh coffee, when she was working a difficult puzzle presented in a case.
In turn, Sasha had noticed her attention for Derek was growing every day.
She looked out for his well being, taking case files without his knowing, when she could see the fatigue weighing on him.
When they were on a case that troubled the both of them, it wasn't a surprise that they found each other in the hotel coffee shop at 3 am. It wasn't Hal's, but they had each other to reflect off. It was good.
They were still professional and normal in the office or on a case. However, when they were off the clock, sitting across from each other in their diner, there was an intimacy. A connection that was born of their mutual admiration and trust. Both were taking advantage of the special bond while they could.
She never pressed him for details about what happened with Buford. She never pushed him when she knew the subject was tender. She let him tell her what he wanted to when he felt comfortable. She gave him the space and the time.
He was grateful for her tact. Though she might get lost in social niceties and norms, one thing Sasha Reid did well was knowing when to wait.
Derek found himself thinking more and more about Sasha, as a woman and not his team mate, co-worker, fellow agent.
He thought about her flawless milky skin. The length of her graceful neck. How her white teeth tended to nibble on her lower lip, when she was thinking hard. The sound of her laughter when it was deep felt. The way she toyed with her sleeve if she felt shy. Her hair always smelled good, like sandalwood and jasmine.
Derek wondered if he was thinking about her too much. Stepping from the shower he crossed to his locker and began to dry off. He was toweling his body, when he over heard a pair of agents from another BAU team. They were talking about female agents and rating them on a 'bitch scale'.
Derek knew his mama would skin him for even listening to the sexist conversation, but he also knew, no matter how old they got, boys remained boys.
They considered JJ to be medium on the list. She was sweet but there was an edge that gave her the gumption to deal with the media.
Emily rated high but that was no shock. She didn't suffer fools like this lightly. Not to mention she could whup the ass of most men in the building.
Garcia got a sliding rating, as she was subject to mood shifts. One of the two men stated, the tech Goddess could go from zero to bitch in .03 seconds. Derek had to stifle a laugh at that.
His ears sharpened as he heard the other man mention Sasha.
"That brainy one, the walking encyclopedia. Yeah, I think she might have a little bitch in her, but she needs to get laid before it will come out." the man laughed and his friend agreed slapping him on the back.
"Oh, she's one of those quiet ones that seem so virginal and soft spoken but there is a streak of bitch just under the surface. I wouldn't mind popping her cherry though." he replied his voice dipping to suggestive.
Derek felt his jaw tighten. A wave of heat spread over his body and he considered coming around the lockers and bashing the man's face in. The other agent was making agreeing sounds.
"You just know she has, like, a smokin' bod under those crap clothes she wears." he added and then the sound of the door closing let Derek know they had gone.
Their conversation left him feeling conflicted. While he knew they were being rude and crude about his team mates, he was the one eavesdropping.
And what was with that anger he felt? Where did he get off acting jealous?
Going home with a strange feeling in his chest, Derek spent the night working on his bike and avoided calling Reid.
The case was a bad one, one that involved sexual abuse of children. Reid knew it was hitting Morgan more than he was showing. She stopped by his desk and dropped a note, before shouldering her bag and giving him a side smile.
Derek watched her walk away before he unfolded the note and read her sloping handwriting.
'Hal's 2:00 am, Meet you there.'
He folded the note and tucked it into his pocket. For the first time in three days, the crease between his brows smoothed out.
They ate burgers and chili fries with lots of cheese. They talked about the things they never had. This case just felt too close. Brought up so many things they hadn't said yet.
Derek spoke in short simple sentences, explaining the fear, the guilt mixed with his sense of duty to his mother and sisters. The shame and self hatred he had worked through in collage, until his knee gave and he had to really think about his life.
Sasha listened with wide understanding eyes and soft sounds of commiseration or support.
When he had finished his tale, she reached across the table and curled her fingers in his. Derek held her hand, his heart feeling unburdened, like it hadn't in so very long.
Then, Sasha shared something with him. Derek felt the anger well in his belly, but held his tongue and let her speak, as she had let him.
There was a TA when she was in her second year of collage.
He was handsome, charming and 25.
He was very good at manipulation and saw the affection starvation in the 15 year old prodigy.
Derek wanted to know, while at the same time, he didn't want to know. Sasha held his eyes as they shared a moment of mutual pain.
"H-He never..." She faltered until his dark eyes grew glassy in fear. "But he intimidated and manipulated me into oral sex, whenever he could get away with it." the words were whispered, just loud enough for him to hear over the 50's tunes. Sasha dropped her eyes to the table top and traced patterns in the water from the condensation of her soda glass.
Derek squeezed the hand that wasn't tracing and he took a long slow breath. His mind summoned an unbidden image, of Sasha at 15, being used and abused, by the adult who knew better.
The anger swept through him and he let it pass. Now was not the time to get worked up. Later. When he wormed the man's name out of her and made a little visit, then would be the time to rage.
She smiled at him and shook her head.
"I know what you are thinking, Derek and you can forget it." she said. The deep moment passed and she suggested they split a chocolate sundae.
Derek caught himself considering licking off the chocolate that clung to the corner of her lush mouth. Shaking the thought off, he let her finish the sundae before they called it a night.
When they made the walk to her flat, Sasha shivered and pulled her coat closer around her thin form.
"The fall is coming sooner than expected. " She mumbled and tried to not let her teeth chatter.
Derek reached out his arm and drew her closer to his side, sharing his warmth. Sasha smiled shyly and soaked up the heat.
When they reached her corner, she turned to look up at Derek with glassy eyes.
"You are a good man, Derek Morgan. Never doubt that." she said softly and then pressed up on her toes. Her lips met his with a confidence she normally didn't have. Derek's hands slipped around her small waist and pulled her closer.
When his tongue brushed against her bottom lip, she opened to let him taste her. The warm soft confines of her mouth were flavored with chocolate and coffee and something earthy he attributed to being simply Sasha.
They lost their control for several long moments, as they mapped each other's mouths and shared a raising pulse.
When Sasha couldn't go without air any longer, she pulled back to blink up at Derek. He smiled, seeing the flushed spots on her sharp cheekbones and the way she was short of breath.
"Pretty Girl." he murmured and she let him draw her into another kiss.
The second kiss was longer and more intense. Derek's right hand found it's way to the tangle of silk Reid called hair. The other hand spanned the small of her back, pulling her body to his.
He held on to her, fearing she would slip away like a wisp of smoke. This was too sweet, too hot and too special for him to rush things.
Sasha let the kiss linger a little while longer and then slowly eased back from Derek's warm embrace. She traced one cold finger down his cheek and smiled in a tender way.
"You'll sleep tonight." she said quietly, holding her hands against his chest and feeling the steady beat of his heart. "Goodnight, Derek, thank you." she said and then was gone.
Derek stood there, his breath puffing out before him as the air grew colder and he watched the light come on in Sasha's window, She peeked through the curtain and waved to him and she scooped Aristotle from his seat.
Derek felt like he was floating the whole way home. And Sasha was right, he slept like a log.
The next morning Derek woke with a raging hard on, that refused to go away without satisfaction.
Grunting, Derek rolled onto his back and reached into his boxers to wrap his fingers around the ridged flesh. For the first time, he focused his imagination on Sasha Reid.
Sasha, in a sexual situation, with him. He imagined the way her skin would look when she was stripped of her cumbersome wardrobe.
He wanted to know what her skin, her sex, her sweat tasted like. He wanted to hear her moan, gasp, cry out his name. He wanted to take her, to claim of her what no one else had.
The orgasm was hard, intense and longer then normal. Derek lay panting with his seed cooling on his fingers and belly. His face split in a wide grin.
He was so hooked.