A/N: Hello! I'd meant to get this little ficlet out much sooner, sorry! It's going to be a few chapters long, give or take, and will be a femShep/Garrus pairing. I recently played the DLC with Kasumi and wished that the crew would have made some comments if you chose to run around the Normandy in your dress as a femShep, so voila! This story takes place before Kasumi's loyalty mission, and I make the dress sound a bit skimpier for kicks. Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bioware.

Little Black Dress

Chapter One

"I am not wearing this!"

Thus came the bewildered scoff from Commander Shepard as she glanced over the tight, tiny black dress hanging luridly on Kasumi's wall. The young soldier had put up with a lot in the past few hours. She'd actually allowed Kasumi Goto to tease her already unruly hair into what Shepard viewed as a 'lion's mane'. She even cursed her way through ungodly applications of clown-like makeup. But this was the last straw.

Though the thief's features were well masked behind her dark hood, a slight smile could be detected across her rubbery lips. "It's the only way, I'm afraid," Kasumi replied with a shrug.

Shepard noted her reflection in Kasumi's large mirror and groaned. "Can't we just blow the place up?"

Kasumi's voice grew solemn. "I don't want to risk losing Keiji's black box. We've got to infiltrate his mansion. It's the only way."

Shepard frowned. "I miss my assault rifle."

"We'll stow away your weapons and armor for when the time is right." She nodded at the shimmering Saren statue beside her. "I promise I'll take good care of them."

Shepard quickly whisked around to the golden statue of her former nemesis, gritting her teeth at the object's striking resemblance. "And that's another thing! Who the hell would gladly accept a statue of him?" She hissed her final word.

Kasumi seemed amused by Shepard's distress and slid her arm around the statue's torso. "You like it? Pretty lifelike I'm told. It's one of my most prized possessions." She sighed happily. "I used to stare at it for hours. There's something so intense about him..." Shepard visibly scoffed as Kasumi gazed dreamily at her prize and continued. "Mr. Hock won't be able to refuse it."

"It's an abomination. It should be shot into the nearest sun."

"Ha! And to think I was thinking of giving it to you as a 'ship warming' gift."

Shepard turned to glare at the golden monstrosity one last time, before Kasumi gently unhooked the ebony dress and handed it to Shepard. "Try it on," the thief insisted, winking. "I promise not to look."

Shepard grumbled as she slipped her Cerberus uniform off and slowly inched the tight dress up her waist. It had a corset-like feel, preventing much in the way of breathing, and her breasts threatened to pop out from behind the black cloth. The bottom was no more concealing, and the backside barely covered much of anything.

Kasumi squealed as she turned to look. "Wow! You look great!"

Shepard crossed her arms stubbornly. "I feel like an idiot."

Kasumi prowled behind her like a predator about to strike. She glanced at Shepard's backside and whistled. "You've got quite a bit going on back here Shepard. Guess all that running from geth really paid off."

Shepard felt hot blood course through her cheeks and felt a sudden and intense urge to flee and change. She wondered if this was how Garrus had felt when, only hours before, Shepard had again pressed him about 'relieving stress' together. He said he wasn't uncomfortable with her, only perhaps nervous, and she wanted to believe that was true. She sincerely hoped he hadn't felt the same degrading emotions that now creeped through her.

At that moment, Joker chimed in over the intercom. "ETA twenty minutes to Bekenstein, Commander."

Shepard mumbled a thanks before quickly wiggling her body, trying to slide the dress back off. Kasumi approached, annoyed. "You can't take it off," she protested, "We are only twenty minutes away!"

"I am not walking around the Normandy like this! I'll change in the shuttle."

"And ruin your hair and makeup? No, Shepard, you need to look perfect, and you do! Besides it's only for twenty minutes. In the meantime I'm going to get that burly fellow...Jacob, I think his name is... to help me move this statue." Shepard lifted her brow, smirking. Kasumi's jaw had practically dropped when Shepard had introduced her to him. Somehow Shepard doubted that Kasumi had so easily forgotten the Cerberus soldier's name. Besides, the Saren statue had hover controls, so Kasumi hardly needed Jacob's help moving it.

The thief waved as she turned to leave. "I'll meet you by the shuttle soon."

Shepard growled at her exit. She still needed to give Miranda and Joker instructions on what to do while she was planetside, which meant half the Normandy would see the infamous Commander Shepard in a tiny, overly revealing black dress.


Garrus Vakarian liked to have a plan. When he'd entered the forward batteries earlier that day, a fairly detailed schedule was already beginning to come into focus: Diagnostics in the morning, algorithms in the afternoon, and simulations in the evening.

He was in the midst of rewriting the firing algorithms for the new Thanix Cannon when Shepard crept up behind him. Sufficed to say, his encounter with the young commander was over three hours ago, and since then he'd only gotten about ten minutes of actual work done. Instead, he fiddled mindlessly with the control panel in front of him as his mind churned with thoughts of Shepard.

He tried to imagine their upcoming night together and a nervous knot twisted in his gut. How could he possibly impress the great 'Commander Shepard'? How the hell would it even... physically work? He barely knew how to properly please a turian female, let alone a human one. He couldn't be too rough, that was clear, else her supple human skin would rip and bleed. But maybe Shepard liked it rough? He uttered a frustrated curse.

He searched his memories for answers, replaying their recent meeting for the thousandth time. His arm prickled as he recalled how she had touched him. It was silly, as she had never even contacted his skin, she only clasped his armored arm. He was being silly, dammit! The whole idea was silly! A human and a turian, together?

So much could go wrong. What if her naked body repulses him? Or vice versa? What if he hurts her? What if they have an allergic reaction? What if she still loves Kaidan?

He shook his head, mentally banishing his worries. Maybe it wasn't completely crazy. He'd certainly thought about her enough these past few years…

His thoughts were soon interrupted by a clearly excited male voice emanating from the mess hall. The man gave a shout which was so loud that his words could even be heard through the bolted doors of the forward battery. "Did you just see that? Was that Shepard?"

Another male voice answered, also from the mess hall. This one Garrus recognized as Jacob, and from his muffled voice, he appeared to still be chewing on his lunch as he muttered an unnecessarily long "Dammmmnnnn girl!"

A woman muttered, "What the hell…?"

Another woman added, "Who's the lucky guy?"

A young male decreed "I love this ship!"

Garrus then heard a male cry out, as if in pain. "Where did Shepard go?"

Jacob then answered, "Miranda's office!"

Finally came a calamity of metallic noises followed by Gardner's irritated voice. "Where are you all going? I spent all morning making that stew!" A small army of footsteps faded further into the bowels of the ship as Gardner desperately cried, "You guys hardly even ate it!"

This exchange was too much for the young turian. Though he usually made it a habit to avoid Cerberus crewmembers, today sounded like a notable exception. Something about Shepard was riling the crew, and he had to know what. He quickly punched in an overly long, completely unnecessary diagnostics program and slid out of his station and towards the mess hall.

By the time Garrus reached the mess hall, it was empty, save for a very annoyed Gardner. The cook was brooding behind his counter, arms crossed and curses flowing. As Garrus approached, he lifted his head in dim hope.

"Garrus," he began, his voice raising. "Here for lunch? Can't claim to be good at cooking your dextro food, but I made damned good attempt at-"

"Where's Shepard?" Garrus interrupted as he glanced around, clearly not listening to the disgruntled chef.

Poor Gardner huffed, visibly upset by his less than appreciative diners, and could only bear to point a finger towards Miranda's office.

"Thanks." Garrus walked off without another word, apparently unable to hear Gardner's 'Ungrateful lizard!' remark.

As the turian turned the corner, he found the hallway leading to Miranda's office clogged by a fleshy mass of mess hall diners. Some whispered animatedly to one another while others leaned in, ears first, in a futile attempt to eavesdrop on the scantily clad commander. Noone seemed to notice the normally reclusive turian behind them, save for Jacob.

"Garrus! Come here!" Jacob beckoned the turian over with a friendly wave of his muscular arm. Strange, Garrus thought, that his Cerberus teammate was being so cordial. They had barely said two sentences to one another since Garrus had joined the crew. Not that Jacob seemed concerned about the status of their friendship at the moment. His white teeth were exposed in a beaming smile as he continued. "Even you can appreciate Shepard's new look."

The turian felt his blue blood simmer, feeling (literally) as alienated as ever, but Jacob hardly noticed as he turned towards Miranda's office and continued. "Shepard's running around in a dress. You know, what human women wear…" He slid his hands suggestively around his body.

Garrus replied dryly, "I worked on the Citadel. I know what a dress is."

Jacob didn't stop smiling, despite Garrus' annoyed response. "Yeah, well Shepard's in one. A black...teeny... weeny... skin tight-"

"Shepard's coming!" came a shout in the crowd, and the entire group pushed past Garrus like a stampede of varren as they hid back in the mess hall, hastily picking up their utensils as they pretended to eat. But Garrus was too shocked to move.

And as Shepard exited Miranda's office, Garrus was standing just outside the doors, bewildered and alone.