This came to me as I was watching Monty Python's Life of Brian and I thought it would be funny to adapt it to the Ancients in Hetalia. You know, since most of them were around/under Rome's control. -shrugs-

Disclaimer: Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt, Germania, Magyar, and Rome are property of Himaruya-sensei. Dialogue is taken straight from Monty Python. I don't think Gaul, Hispania, Dacia, and Britannia have been featured so right now they're OCs.

Just in case its not clear: Gaul-France's dad, Britannia-England's mom, Hispania-Spain's dad, Magyar-Hungary's dad, Dacia- Romania's mom, probably a cousin of Russia, Ukraine, and Belarus?

"He's bled us dry, the bastard." Germania was saying as the small group of assembled provinces murmured in agreement. "He's taken everything from us, and not just us, but from our children! And our children's children!"

"And our children's children's children!" Hispania added.

"Exactly." Germania agreed.

"And our children's children's children's chil—"

"Okay, Hispania, I believe the point has been made." Germania said, quickly cutting off Hispania's addendum. "Anyway, like I was saying, he's ruined us! And tell me, just what has he given us in return?" There was silence from the Ancients before Gaul hesitantly spoke up.

"The uh, the aqueduct?"

"Huh?" Germania looked perplexed. "Oh, well, of course the aqueduct."

"Sanitation? Remember what this place used to be like before, Germania?" Greece added.

"Oh, yeah, this place was a dump! Looked like Scandinavia's house on a good day!" Hispania exclaimed.

"Alright, so Rome gave us the aqueduct and sanitation. Granted, I'm pretty sure we would've figured out sanitation on our own…" Germania conceded.

"The roads! What about the roads, Germania?" Britannia chimed in. Germania looked visibly affronted.

"Well, the roads pretty much go without saying, I mean seriously! But aside from the aqueduct, sanitation, and the roads—"

"Irrigation." Egypt said.

"Medicine." was Dacia's answer.

"Education." Magyar said simply.

"Okay, alright, fair enough…" Germania sighed, rubbing his temples. This was not going how he expected.

"The wine, Germania.." Greece said, causing them to murmur in agreement.

"Yeah, we'd really miss the wine if Rome just up and left." Hispania said, poking Germania.

"The public baths." Gaul said, winking at Britannia and causing her to blush a fierce shade of red.

"And it's safe to walk the streets at night." Magyar added.

"Yeah, face it Germania, Rome is this only man alive that can keep order in a place like this." Egypt said.

"Alright!" Germania shouted, banging his fists on the table. "Apart from the irrigation, education, wine, roads, public baths, aqueduct, and public safety, what has Rome done for us?" The silence was deafening as Germania smirked to himself. After a pause, it was Hispania who finally said:

"Brought peace? Remember Germania, we all kind of hated each other back—"


For the record, I know that public baths were segregated by sex (the few things that Roman Art teaches you!) I just like to think that Gaul likes to hit on Britannia the same way France does to England.