I bought the Eclipse soundtrack and I've been listening to this song, "Heavy In Your Arms" on repeat over and over, and this idea came out of that. I hope you like it.
I don't own Twilight. If I did, we'd see a lot more Emmett.
7/6/10: I had a lot of lovely comments about this story, and some ideas that I couldn't get out of my head, so I'm going to do a few more chapters. To that end, I edited a little and took out some things to make the next chapter make sense.
8/8/10: Updated with some changes. I had my story beta'd by Project Team Beta- there's a link in my profile. Thanks ladies!
"I know you're faking, Isabella. Let's get a move on, we want to be appropriately late, not obnoxiously late," my roommate Alice dictates as she pulls the blankets off of my bed and tries to drag me from the top bunk. I was pretending to be asleep, hoping she'd leave me behind.
"Alice, I just wanna sleep. I don't feel like going to a party tonight." I sound like I'm whining, but it's the truth- I have finals next week and I've been studying my ass off, and I really want to keep things low key this weekend.
"You never feel like going to a party, which is why I'm your only friend in this entire university," she pouts.
"Not true! I'm friends with Angela!" I protest. Alice is pulling my t-shirt over my head and replacing it with a black tank top with sparkly things all over it.
"Angela doesn't count; she is the only person on campus who is more socially awkward than you." She spins me around and nods approvingly at my jeans, but then frowns at my Chucks. We look like a scene from a crappy sitcom about mismatched roommates - facing off with Alice's hands on her hips and my arms crossed in defiance. After a brief stare-down, she realizes she's not going to win this one and throws her hands up in defeat.
"Fine, I concede the terrible shoes. But you're wearing your hair down." With a sigh, I release my ponytail and Alice fluffs up my hair, spritzing it with some kind of shiny stuff. She hands me a tinted lip balm, the product of last week's drugstore standoff. She wanted me to buy one of those sticky lip glosses that taste like artificial strawberries, and I wanted to buy nothing. This is a safe compromise, it doesn't feel gross and it tastes like vanilla.
I suppose being roommates with someone so different from myself could have led to disaster, but I am really grateful for Alice. I probably would hole up in the library for weeks at a time if she didn't occasionally drag me to the dining hall or the movies. I'd seen a little bit less of her this semester since she'd started dating Jasper, but she still made time for me.
She hooks her arm through mine and we look in the long mirror attached to the back of the door. She grins, obviously pleased with her handiwork, and we're off. Alice is a few inches shorter than me; she's tiny really, and very graceful. I'm clumsy and a little bit awkward, especially around the opposite sex. I can hold my own in a conversation about literature or current events, but I have no confidence when it comes to guys.
I can remember starting to flirt a little bit with boys- but that was before I started dating Edward Cullen. In my senior year of high school, he was the first guy to really ask me out. He was smart and beautiful, but... cold. When we first started dating, he would kiss me all the time. In the hallway between classes, at the diner after school, at my kitchen table as we did our homework. I was in heaven. Edward was polite, kind, and shy, like me. I was grateful to have a boyfriend without all of the pressure to have sex right away.
Eventually, my hormones started to command more of my attention. Edward would kiss me until I was breathless and panting, and then he'd take off. He had no problem sweeping me into his arms and kissing me passionately in front of his older brother, Emmett, but kept things chaste when we were alone in his bedroom. I got more and more frustrated as time went on.
The summer after graduation, we were faced with endless alone time. He was going to Dartmouth in the fall, and I was headed to UW in Seattle. I knew we would probably break up then, even though we didn't talk about it. Despite the impending separation, I wanted to have sex with Edward before we left for school. I trusted him; I knew he was sweet, safe and clean. I heard stories about girls losing their virginity at parties, never really knowing the person, and I didn't want my first time to be like that. He agreed that we should try to have sex. He even seemed eager when we talked about it.
One weekend when his parents and my dad were out of town at the same time, we decided to spend the night together at Edward's house. I tried to do everything I could to be sexy for him- I even ordered lingerie online- but he didn't seem to really want me. We kissed and touched and I got excited, but Edward didn't. When he touched me between my legs, he looked disgusted. I was disappointing him and I wanted to be better, so I convinced him to keep going. He flipped me over onto my stomach and I could feel him touching himself behind me, coaxing himself into an erection before pulling my hips up and entering me. It was humiliating, and I've never felt so ashamed in my entire life. I just wanted it to be done. I'd always imagined Edward's face over mine, kissing me and loving me. Lying face down on his bed while he pumped into me just to get it over with was the worst experience of my life.
When it was over, I curled into a ball and sobbed. Edward tried to comfort me, and I remember seeing tears running down his face, but I couldn't reconcile the sweet boy I had loved with the one who was so disgusted with me. I pulled myself together and drove home. He showed up at my house the next day with flowers, but I wouldn't open the door. I didn't answer his calls or read the emails he sent me- everything got deleted immediately. I sent him one email with the subject line "Stop writing, I'm not reading." I tried to put it behind me.
Alice and I arrive at our destination- Jasper's fraternity house- for the party. She is so excited to see him that she starts bouncing up and down as we approach the front door. There's a guy there with a folding table checking IDs- and by checking IDs, I mean pretending to check IDs. They don't care how old you are once you get through the door.
Jasper meets us at the door and picks Alice up to kiss her. They always do this, because he's almost a foot taller than she is. It's adorable, and it makes me jealous as hell, but I roll my eyes and pretend to be annoyed by the PDA.
"Miss Brandon, Miss Swan, may I interest you ladies in a malt beverage?" he asks, his southern accent and formal diction making the question sound much more grown-up than, "you girls want a beer?" I can't help but giggle, and Alice's eyes have gone all dreamy. I don't imagine it will be long before they're sneaking off to Jasper's room to be alone. I plan on taking a cab home the second that happens.
Jasper sends a pledge to get us some beers, and he's telling a story about the TA in his psychology class who is clearly in love with the professor. I think I hear my name, but I don't know anyone except Alice and Angela, so I dismiss it. A minute later I jump when a huge hand grabs my shoulder and spins me around to face him.
"Holy shit, it is you! Baby Bella!" he shouts, pulling me into his broad chest for a hug. It's Emmett, Edward's brother, and my stomach drops for a minute thinking that Edward could be here. Wait, he goes to Dartmouth, he can't be here, right?
"How do you know Bella, Em?" Jasper asks.
"We're from the same shitty small town, bro. How are you liking the city, Bella?" he asks me, and I am grateful that's the only connection he mentions. Alice is the only person I've told about Edward, and even she doesn't know all the details.
"It's good. I like... my classes. They're... good." I sound like a moron. Alice raises her eyebrows at me, wondering why I'm flushed and jittery.
"Well. Good, then. I'm glad you like it here," he tells me, smiling down at me. I'd forgotten how huge Emmett Cullen is- taller than Jasper- and built like a linebacker. Edward was tall too, but skinny, not built like his brother. "Do you ever see Jessica Stanley?" he asks.
I try to answer his questions about kids from home politely. It's easy, because I never see any of them. I only go out with Alice, and she doesn't hang out with Forks High alumni. He asks about my dad and we talk about the new streetlight installed in Forks last year. It was big news for such a small town.
Alice and Jasper have slipped away, and I'm sure they went to be alone. I sigh with relief, pulling my phone out of my pocket to call a cab as soon as I'm outside…
"Emmett, it was nice to see you, but I have to get going." I'm not sure what the protocol is here, so I stick out my right hand for him to shake. He looks around, sees that our friends are gone, and leans in closer to whisper in my ear.
"Bella? Can we talk? Alone for a few minutes?" he looks serious and sad, and I want to run, but I'm curious too. Would Edward have told him about that night? Why would he want to talk to me about that?
I shrug my shoulders, and he grasps my tiny hand in his huge one. He's so big that he parts the crowd as he leads me to the back of the house and up a staircase. We walk all the way to the end of the hall and he opens the last door on the right. Once we're inside, it's almost quiet- the thumping bass of the music is dulled to a faint rhythm.
I smile at the interior of his room. He has a single. It looks like a college kid's room, very typical, except there is art on the walls- real art, not posters. Two paintings and a series of photographs on the far wall. I remember how serious their mother was about artwork; she gave me a tour of their house once, explaining where each piece had come from and why it was important.
He sits in the only chair, gesturing for me to sit on his bed. He runs his long fingers through his curly black hair and smiles sheepishly at me.
"Bella... I know it's none of my business, but... fuck, I feel like I have to tell you this. What he did to you... he's real fucked up about it. He feels terrible, and he's been trying to get in touch with you for like a year so he can apologize, but he can't reach you."
Oh god, this cannot be happening. Edward told his brother about the humiliating sex and now he's talking to me about it. I want to die.
"I don't expect you to forgive him, Bella, but you've gotta know that he was really confused back then. He didn't mean to hurt you."
Nothing makes sense right now. Tears are welling up in my eyes, and I want Alice to come and save me from this conversation. But she won't, because she's with Jasper, doing normal sexy things you do when you're nineteen. I don't know what to say, Emmett is just staring at me, and he looks embarrassed too.
"What... what did he tell you? About me?" I ask him. I need to know.
"He said... that you were so sweet, and kind, and beautiful, and he thought that if he fought hard enough he could make himself be straight." I blink at Emmett, not understanding.
"I don't get it. Be straight?"
"Yeah, Bella. He's gay. He came out a few months after he went away to school. He was seeing a therapist there because he felt so guilty about what he did to you." It doesn't make sense, Edward can't be gay. He pursued me, asked me out, kissed me. And then suddenly it does make sense. Things start to click. Sitting on his lap, kissing, never feeling him get aroused. No pressure to have sex, ever, because he didn't want it. The look on his face when he touched my pussy and it did nothing for him.
"Are you fucking kidding me? He's gay? Why did he let me... why did he kiss me? He used me." The tears are flowing now, I can't stop it, and Emmett moves to sit beside me. He wraps his big arms around me and envelops me in a hug. He rubs my back and rocks me gently.
"'I'm not gonna defend him, Bells... if you really want answers you gotta talk to him. I can give you his number back east if you want, or his email address. I thought you would have heard- he told Lauren Mallory and now all the kids from Forks know."
"I don't talk to any of them," I sniffle. He pulls back so he can look me in the eye.
"Bella, I have to ask you... he never told me any details, just that you two had sex and he... and it didn't go well. Did he... hurt you?" Emmett looks tense as he searches my face for clues. I know instinctively that he doesn't mean the kind of hurt I experienced; he wants to know if Edward forced me.
"Not physically," is all I can say. I want to say "No," and end the discussion, but I can't say that because it's not true. He hurt me.
"What happened between you two that was so bad then?" he asks.
I should end this conversation now. I should leave and call my cab and go home and cry until Alice gets there and tell her about it instead. But there's something comforting about this big warm man who knows Edward, knows me, and wants to help.
"We decided to... do it. And... your parents were gone, out of town, and so was my dad. And I tried to make myself look pretty, you know? I'm not sexy, but I put on... stupid lingerie." I sniffle, and he looks like he's going to interrupt me but I need to tell him all of it, now. And I do, I tell him how disgusted Edward was, and how ugly and small and worthless I felt, and how I still feel that way How I can't talk to boys because I imagine them all looking at me the way Edward looked at me. I tell him about having sex like animals and how I cried the whole time and how I haven't been with anyone at all since then.
I slump into his arms, crying, heavy with the burden of these emotions I've been carrying with me since last summer. When I'm done, when it's all out, I'm clinging to his broad shoulders and his t-shirt is soaked with my tears. I look up at his face and see that he's got tears in his eyes, but he's holding them back.
"Bella, I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that. You know that none of it's your fault, right? He was trying to prove to himself that he was straight, and it was terrible of him to involve you." He strokes my hair, pushing it back behind my ears.
"It makes more sense now, I guess. But if I had been better... if I had been sexy enough, maybe..."
"Maybe what, Bells? You could have turned him straight? I think not. That kid is capital G gay- we're talking Elton John levels of gay. At Thanksgiving, he showed up in Forks with a pink Dolce and Gabbana raincoat."
I want to laugh, but my brain is still processing all of this new information and I can't laugh about it yet. Edward fucked me to prove he wasn't gay... but it only served to prove to him that he was gay... and he's sorry…
"Trust me, Bella," he said, his voice taking on a lower, rougher tone, "you're definitely sexy enough. You're beautiful. I was always jealous of Eddie... I always wanted to touch your skin and see if it's as soft as it looks." His hand reaches out absently, brushing my shoulder, and I shiver. The last person to touch me that way was Edward, but his touches were different. Mechanical. Perfunctory. He never made me shiver like that.
This night is so fucked up, and the logical part of my brain tells me to go home, maybe talk to Edward, get some closure, move on with my life. The rest of me is warm and cozy here in Emmett's room and doesn't want to move. He's not looking at me with pity anymore, it's something else. No one's ever looked at me like this, but I recognize it- it's desire. I don't think, I just want to be wanted. I propel myself forward and kiss Emmett on the lips.
He gasps, pulling me tighter against his massive chest, and I feel him kiss me back. His tongue flicks out to lick at my lips and I open my mouth a little, feeling his tongue rush in to meet mine. My head is spinning and he's holding me so close and kissing me passionately. It's never been like this.
He kisses my jaw, my neck, whispering my name between kisses. My hands are clasped together behind his neck, and I'm holding onto him like a drowning woman. He weaves his fingers into my hair, and the other hand is on my hip, his arm wrapped around my waist.
"So pretty... so soft..." he whispers as he slips his fingers under the hem of the tank top to touch my side. He lowers his mouth to my chest and kisses the tops of my breasts. Nothing has ever felt this good. This has to be as good as it gets, I think, until he pulls the tank top down and kisses my nipples through my bra. He gets it off quickly, along with my shirt, and pulls me down so I'm lying on his bed.
He's over me, kissing my breasts, and my nipples are aching. He's rolling the right one between his thumb and his forefinger while he kisses the left one. He switches, moving his mouth to the right. This time he bites down a little bit between kisses, and a sound I've never heard before comes out of my mouth. It's like a moan and a plea, at the same time. It spurs him on and he's biting more, sucking my nipple into his mouth while his hand pinches the other one. It's good, it's so good, no one has ever touched me like this. I'm gasping, my pussy is throbbing, and Emmett is lavishing attention on my nipples. His free hand slips down between us and he's between my legs, pressing the seam of my jeans against me, and I come apart as soon as he touches me there.
He rubs me gently as I come down and kisses my nipples softly again. He moves up to my mouth, kissing my cheeks and then my lips.
"So fucking beautiful. I can't believe you came just from that. You're so fucking hot." He showered me with compliments as he kissed all over my neck and shoulders. I can't quite believe him; I still feel like he's going to run screaming from me at some point. For now though, he lifts off of me only a little and pulls his t-shirt off over his head. He pulls me up off the bed, his hands under my back, and crushes me to him. Our bare chests pressed together feel like fire, but somehow his lips are even hotter.
He pulls back to study my face for a minute, and then I'm lying on my back again and his hands are unbuttoning my jeans. He slides the zipper down slowly and slips his fingers in to rub me over my panties. It's quick, just for a minute, but it's electric. He slips the jeans down to my ankles, grinning as he pulls off my Chuck Taylors and then the pants and panties after that. Now I'm lying here in Emmett's bed, stark naked. He's staring at me, and I cover my breasts, turning on my side to hide myself.
"No, Bella, please. Let me look at you." He rolls me over until I'm flat on my back, pries my hands away from my chest. "Your skin is so soft, it's better than I imagined. You have beautiful breasts, they're the perfect size," he caresses the sides of my breasts as he talks, "and I love your nipples, they taste like summer. Your stomach is sexy, it's soft, but I can see the muscles clench when I touch you here." His hand comes down between my legs and rests on my inner thigh. His thumb is right against my pussy and I'm shaking.
"And this? Oh Bella..." he rubs my outer lips with his thumb, so gentle, and then moves his hand to cover me with his palm. His middle finger parts the flesh there and he runs it up and down, feeling the wetness he's caused. "Oh Bella, I love this. Your pussy... fuck. You're so warm, so wet. Do you know what this does to me?" His eyes look wild, and he grabs my hand to bring it to the bulge in his jeans. I can feel the outline of his cock, and I know it's huge and hard. Edward would get hard and it would fade away and he'd have to rub his cock furiously to get it back. Emmett is hard like steel, and I want him.
I jerk my hand out of his and try to pull at the button on his jeans. He grins and helps me out, pulling off his jeans and boxers in one graceful movement. He's back on the bed with me then, kissing my chest and kneading my thighs. I want him between my legs again, but I'm afraid to ask.
"Bella? Is this okay? Do you want this?" he asks me, pausing, his eyes wide.
"Do you want me?" I ask him, needing to hear him say it out loud again.
"Bella, I've always wanted you. I want whatever you'll give me."
"I want you. I want to give it all to you." I pull on his arm, trying to move his face up closer to mine. He rolls over, pulling me on top of him, and moves my body easily. He positions me so I'm balancing on top of him, kissing him, but I feel precarious. I sit up a little, straddling his thighs, and eye his enormous erection. "I want this," I tell him, grasping his cock and squeezing tightly.
"Fuck!" He swore and moaned as I touched him. "Do you want my cock inside you, Bella?" he asked, moving his hands to my hips and moving my body closer to his center to align us.
"Yes," is all I can say, "yes, yes." I am using both of my hands to please him, and he's touching my pussy again and everything feels so warm. He reaches over to the nightstand and pulls something out of a drawer, and then he's swatting my hand away. I see him roll a condom down his length, and I wonder if he has to buy special ones because he's so big. But he does it quickly, I don't have time to think before he's moving my body, lifting me up so he can position himself underneath me. I feel exposed now, and I don't know if I can do this.
"Em?" I ask him, afraid to ruin the moment, but more afraid to let it go on. "Em, can you... can you be on... on top of me? I'm... I don't know how..." I'm a mess now, stuttering, nervous, and I wait for him to come to his senses.
"Anything, Bella. Anything you need. His hand reaches behind my neck and pulls me down to him for a fiery kiss, and then we're rolling again and he's on top of me. He's so big, so strong, and his whole body covers mine. His muscles press against me and everything feels right- he's hard where I'm soft. I feel his weight pushing me into the mattress, and it feels safe and good.
"Are you sure?" he asks, rubbing his cock against my slit. He bumps against my clit, rubbing circles around it with the head of his cock. I feel impatient- I want more of him, all of him.
"Yes, please." I put my hand on his hip and push down a little and I feel him start to sink into me. He goes slowly, and it hurts a little. He's stretching me in ways I've never been stretched. He moves an inch at a time until he's filled me, and our hips are pressed tightly against each other. "Oh, Emmett!" I cry out, I'm overwhelmed by him. He's over me, he's inside of me, his hands are rubbing my flesh and reassuring me.
He starts to move, pulling out of me gently before pushing back in a little faster than before. He's holding himself up so he doesn't place all his weight on me, and I'm disappointed because I want to feel it all. I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. I'm clinging to him because I feel like I'm going to fall. Any minute now, I'm going to fall and explode and-
"Oh God, I'm coming!" I feel myself pulsing around his dick, and he moans, feeling it too. He pushes harder into me, grinding his hips against mine to prolong my orgasm. I expect him to come too, but he doesn't. He slows his pace a little and uses his left hand to lift my thigh. He pushes it up against my chest and leans over me, rocking into me even deeper than he was before.
"Is this okay, Bella? Does it feel good?"
"Yeah... yes.. so fucking good."
"Bella... God, I wish you could see... you look so sweet, all flushed and sexy. I love making you come; I want to do it every day. Do you think you can come again for me baby?" He seems to like talking about what we're doing, so I try to do it too. I feel safe now, underneath him, in his big bed.
"I want to come again... with you... Emmett. I want to come..." I try to sound bold but it comes out more like a question than a statement. He moans anyway, moving against me faster.
"Your pussy is amazing Bella... so tight... so wet for me. I'm gonna go harder now, okay? I want you to come for me. Scream for me." Emmett adjusts his position so he's up on his knees, and he's moving so fast now that it seems superhuman. He's so deep inside me and I'm seeing stars, all I can do is obey and I scream his name. He's thrusting into me hard three times, and then he stills. His face twists like he's in pain, but I know it's the same pleasure that I've just had.
He collapses onto me, and I relish his weight pushing me down again. I wrap myself around him and rub his back, wanting to keep him close for as long as I can. He kisses my face, my neck, my jaw. He slides off of me and lies on his back, spent, but pulls me in close. He kisses me on the lips and it's tender, soft, in a way I've never experienced. All of this is new and so, so good.
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