Sequel to Say Goodbye. I would go read that first so that this would make sense. I'm really proud of the turnout Say Goodbye got, so, I'm skeptical about this. Please don't hate me.
Wow, this was written almost a year ago now. Ahaha, talk about being delayed. :D
I don't own Kingdom Herats.
It's been two years. Two years already since I killed you. And everyone seems to have forgotten about you. Maybe they are like Demyx and handle your death with forgetting. But I can't. Despite what they think, every time I even think of the field my feet are treading across, I remember me toppled on you, you toppled on me. Our good times. I remember running and laughing and playing and jeering. I remember you.
And it hurts.
Wakka still congratulates me on my goals and Hayner still scowls at me as I pass. Nothing has changed with them. It is like a large chunk of their life hasn't been ripped out. Then again, you only mattered to me. Even your mother has been a warrior, hiding behind a mask, much like I have.
I turn and mistake the blonde gripping my shoulder for you. If only for a second and then the fantasy slips by me. "Hey, Dem." My voice has lost its lustful playfulness over the years, now nothing more than a flat drone.
"We're all going to Hayner's after the game today for a big bonfire to celebrate graduation. Wanna come? Losing team buys the stuff. It'll be loads of fun."
Graduation. That's right. They all graduated. I'm still stuck behind for another year, my grades slipping after you died.
Demyx winces after he finishes, catching his mistake. I force a smile to comfort him. "Yeah, sure. Sounds fun."
The blonde's face turns. "Yay! I'll go tell the others! I'll see you soon, then? Gonna kick your butts!"
Scampering off, Demyx glances over his shoulder to make sure I was still standing there and hadn't decided to vanish into thin air. Turning away from him, I head down to the field, sitting on the bleachers to take off my cramping shoes. It's become a custom of mine to feel the soft blades of grass between my toes as I play. I play for you. You're still my world, Rox-as.
I stand, sauntering out to the middle of the field before falling back, not even minding the wind being knocked out of me as my back collides with solid ground. I need the pain to remind me that I'm not with you. Not yet.
"Hey, Fire Fingers! Get up! We're gonna start soon!"
I ignore my captain, not showing any signs of hearing him. A shadow shades me from the sun and I squint up. "You big lazy jerk. Get up. And stop moping. We've got a game to win. I'm broke, so, I need to win." The feisty blonde kicks at my shoulder, trying to force me to rise.
"Tidus, c'mon. Leave him alone."
"You just let him mope because he hogs the ball."
"So do you."
"Yeah, well ..." Tidus mopes himself, sulking away from me and Wakka to stand in position.
"But I really think it's time to get up, yeah? Games gonna start, whether you're lyin' there or not."
I sigh, sitting up and getting to my feet. "I suppose it would be smart to get ready then?"
"You got it."
I scored more goals for you, Rox-as. Were you watching? Six of them! All for you! Did you see? Tidus hates me so much. It's funny. Because Wakka gives me more attention than him. It's so obvious that they love each other. Too bad they have our problem. Hopefully it doesn't take the same circumstances for them to tell each other. Maybe I should.
"Hey man, thanks for saving the game for us. I'm ... kinda sorry about earlier." Tidus shuffles his foot, a glass of what looks like orange pop in his hand. I smile at him, gripping his shoulder. His gaze travels up to my glazed emerald orbs and my smile widens, almost to the point of scaring him. He hadn't seen me smile for a long time, after all.
"You love him, right? Wakka, I mean?"
He gapes at me, taken aback by my bluntness. "Uh ... H-How did you know?"
"I loved Rox-as, but I didn't get to tell him until it was too late. Don't let it be too late for you too."
A large blush ghosts over the blonde's cheeks and his vibrant blue orbs dance. "But ... what if ... he doesn't like me back?"
"He does. Trust me. Just go."
"Ah ... Okay. Thank you, Axel."
I watch him through the fading light as he hesitantly makes his way over to my captain, grabbing him by the wrist and hauling him away from his conversation with Demyx. My bewildered friend gawks around as his only source of entertainment is stolen away from him, spotting me beside the growing fire.
"Hey. What was that all about?"
"They like each other so I decided to help them out."
"You're smiling. That's good to see."
My face falls at his words and he pouts. "Meanie." A pause. "You know, my boyfriend says that I should stop pestering you."
"Zexion said that?"
"Yeah. He told me that you lost a ... 'quintessential' person in your life and that it is really hard for you to adjust."
"I lost a what?"
"Zexion said it meant 'the highest plane of existence' so I'm guessing it means that Roxas meant the most to you."
We sit in mildly awkward silence for a time until he excuses himself from me to go strike up conversation with someone that may actually pay him attention. I can only stare at the flames, thinking about what the blonde had said. You most definitely meant the most to me. You still do. Every time I think about you ... something rips at my heart and I feel like I just want to die.
The glowing pile of logs and branches was growing, but I refuse to back away from the heat. I can barely feel it against my numbed skin. "Axel, back up, man. It's gettin' pretty hot there. And I don't need you catchin' fire here. Go do that on your own time."
Hayner yelps as his boy-toy Seifer slams his fist against his shoulder, causing him to behave. The smaller blonde whimpers slightly, secretly loving the harsh show of discipline. I ignore him.
A glint of something in between the sparks catches my eye. A flash of blue, cerulean, brown-blonde. Then a face. Your face. Muffled, the shadow of the perfection you once were. Just a haze. I feel no shock at your sudden appearance, only the swelling of my heart as you smile at me.
"Rox-as! You've come back to me!"
I jump to my feet, causing some of the teens around the fire to stare at me, gaping after my 'random' cry. Could they not see you? I'm not that insane, am I? What does it matter? I move forward, closer to the licking flames, closer to your smiling face. In the back of my mind do I hear Demyx cry out for me to come back, to get away from the fire. But I can't listen to him, not right now. I have to see you, touch you, feel you, hold you. I have to make you mine, Rox-as.
Stepping into the flames, there is no pain. Only the thought of you in my arms at last. Almost do my fingers brush through your soft locks of golden blonde, my lips almost reaching yours, our bodies almost pressing close to diminish the gap of time. Until hands grab me, pulling me back out of the flames. "Rox-as! Rox-as, no! My Rox-as! Don't steal him away from me again! Please!"
I don't even make sense to myself. To the teens pulling my chard body from the orange-red glow, I must have just been screaming in pain. They flutter around me like moths around a streetlamp, darting in and out, pressing against me, causing shocks of pain to blast over me. "Rox-as! Roxas! Don't leave me! You can't leave me! Please, don't leave me! Roxas, I love you!" I pass out from the pain.
"H-Hey. Y-You're up. That's good to see."
I don't recognize the voice that floats into my ears as my eyes flicker, taking in glimpses of the white-washed, sterile room. A blonde sits by my side, gripping my hand and it makes my heart skip a beat. "R-Rox?" My voice is barely a croak, not even truly sounding like words. I moan when I try to move, feeling the burning pain shoot through my bandaged body. "Rox?"
The blonde stares at me with aquamarine orbs, not the brilliant cerulean that you once held. "Axel, it's me, Demyx. You remember me, right?"
I can't even manage a nod from all the pain rocking through my body so I just groan, even that sounding weak in my groggy state. Instead, my fingers twitch around his, sadly showing I know the difference from he and you. But still do I wish his eyes were cerulean, that I was sitting here with you, that you were holding my hand.
"What even happened to you, Axel? You just walked into the fire. It was really scary, you know."
Closing my eyes, I groan once more at the pain of the memory, my body and the fact that I had been so close to you. You were right there. I could have been with you again.
I want to scream, to cry, to just curl up in a ball and drown in my misery. But I can't. He is still here, holding my hand that I can't move, tethering me to this bed when I just want to be with you. He sees the tear that rolls down over my cheek.
"Want me to go get the nurse to up the pain medication?"
Having seen enough television shows, I blink hard twice for yes. He doesn't even notice. "Can you not talk at all?"
Again I blink hard twice, feeling the burning of a charred throat at just the mention of talking. I begin to get aggravated. If it were you there, you would know what I was trying to say. "Axel?"
Damn, Demyx, stop trying to talk to me! You're an idiot!
"Do you want me to go?"
I blink once. "Fine, give me the cold shoulder. You really should treat your friends better, you know. They're all you have left."
A ball of rage broils in my stomach and I want so badly to scream at him, to show him what I'm going through. But now I feel something fall down to the pit of my stomach. Maybe I'm just being selfish. What if he really does worry about my safety? What if he really does care?
I don't get the opportunity to ask him as he storms away.
"It's a wonder he even survived. Although there is no way he'll ever be able to speak again."
"I don't see why they even want to keep him living. It's just a waste of time. He'll just end up killing himself anyways. That's why he went into the fire, I heard."
I stiffen. The doctors stand at the foot of my bed, taking nervous glances to see whether I am awake or not. They can't be talking about me. They just can't be. I clamp my eyes shut as best as I can. I don't want to listen to them. I don't want to know what horrid things they'll do to me.
I recognize them.
They killed you.
I'm free. School is already starting, but I'm free from that dreaded hospital, away from those doctors that gave you the disease that ruined you. I still can't believe that they hadn't been punished. Your mom took them to court! Why didn't they lose their licenses? Why are they still able to 'treat' people?
I just sit and wait for whatever disease they sent me home with to come and rip me open.
I can't move. I'm covered in the scars from the night I saw you, but that isn't the reason why I can do nothing. I'm not even sick. Just ... I miss you Rox. You make it so that I can't eat. I am filthy. I have no will to do much more than stare at the wall. Even that is hard. Just let me see you, Rox.
"Axel, c'mon, man. You need to eat. You're skin and bones. Please. We miss you."
I glare at Demyx as he rolls me onto my back so that he can see my face. My scarred, ugly, tormented face. I can see the shudder he tries to hide. It's worthless. Who wouldn't shiver away from me now? Even my own mother has given up on me. She believes me to be too ugly to be allowed to live. But that doesn't sound like her, does it? Those doctors ... they had talked her out of loving me.
Did they, Rox? Did they force her to abandon me?
"Your mom is really worried about you too. You should eat. Please? I don't know what I'd do if you slipped away too."
Lies. He spouts lies! I can't trust him, Rox. I can't trust anyone! Everyone is out to get me! They are all gonna kill me!
"Axel? Are you okay? C'mon, man, what's wrong? Why do you look so scared?"
Scared? Why the hell wouldn't I be scared? He's going to kill me Rox. Look at that evil grin on his face. He's gonna kill me!
Demyx gazes at me in shock as I yank away from him, my paranoia taking over. He just wants to hurt me. But he sits at the edge of my bed, looking worried. Do I look that bad? Does it really look like I'll just combust or something? That I'll die so easily?
Weirder things have happened.
"Axel ... Don't die, please? You gotta eat so you don't die."
I thought he hated me. Why is he here now if he hates me? Why would he not want me to die if he came to be my executioner?
I hear his sobs before he presses his face into my back. Warmth like I haven't felt in months brushes over me. Maybe ... if an executioner can make me feel like there is a purpose ... perhaps...
A flash of color crosses my vision as I begin to turn. Blue, startling blue. A blue that is nothing like anything that can be found in this world. You. You are staring at me from some gaping hole of nothingness. Are you really here? I try to call your name, but my voice doesn't work. I reach up at you, but you disappear.
Tears slip down my cheeks as my hand falls to my side.
I see it. My body laying in a coffin. Or at least I would have if they had allowed it to be open casket. Too many scars on my body to show to the world. I'm shocked. The team is there, mourning me. Demyx is crying on the floor, Wakka and Tidus behind him, each resting a comforting hand on the blonde's shoulder. Seifer and Hayner distanced themselves from the others, Seifer holding the younger tight against him to stifle his sobs.
They all came here for me. Because I just wanted to see you.
But what does it matter? I'm with you now. Rox-as ... Remember, it helps if I know I'm ... not alone. Isn't that right, Rox? We're both okay now because we aren't alone anymore.
Time. It is so unpredictable, changing with every beat of your heart, every breath you take, every second that ticks by. Don't waste the precious time you have. Don't let your life slip away through your fingers. You'll regret it in the long run. If you stand by idle, you'll lose those people that mean the most to you. You'll be destroyed. Don't let them slip away from you, no matter what happens. And mostly ... Never Forget.
Hmm, I don't even know if I'm happy with the ending anymore. But, that is just because I don't want everyone to be like "OMG! Axel You're pathetic! Just because your best friend died doesn't mean that you have to, too!" But, I was a wreck just because my best friend decided to cut me out of her life. So, if just not speaking can make someone feel horrid, having the person closest to you die can cause you to die a little too. So, no bitching at me, okay?
Tick tock hear the clock count down, wish the minute hand could be rewound -One Day Too Late