AN: This story has taken over my brain. I've sat and thought about it all night and I have to just get it all out. For some reason Edward is just calling, calling, calling to me! I have to get his words out of me. So please forgive me if he seems a little "wussified" but he seems to have deep emotions and wants to convey that to his Bella on paper. Bella, for some reason, is a little harder for me to channel, although once I start writing for her it flows smoothly.
I've been fighting a migraine for two days now and sitting in front of this computer seems to be a calm for me so I hope it helps relieve some of the pain I'm feeling so there might be multiple chapters updated today, we'll see how well my 2 yr old cooperates:)
I want to give a shout out and huge THANK YOU to my first and only reviewer, jerseyhalliwell! Thank you, so much, for taking the time to share something with me about my little story!
Disclaimer: I own nothing except a crap load of toddler toys, it seems.
******timeline: about six months after original entry******
Edward Journal Entry
Today you will marry me. This time tomorrow we'll be married. I'm still amazed at that thought. I'm overcome with emotions. I cannot wait to feel the warmth of your hand in mine when Charlie hands you over to me. To know that you will be mine to have, hold, cherish, protect, love...forever.
I miss you so much already. Alice and her stupid traditions! I thought of sneaking over to your hotel suite, just to watch you sleep, however I knew I wouldn't be able to resist climbing in bed with you, just to feel your warmth. Oh Bella, what emotions that you evoke within me. Pride. Joy. Passion. Love, above all Love. My heart feels like it's pushing the confines of my chest when I think of my love for you. I can never adequately put that feeling into words, I fear. So I vow to show you, everyday, just how deep my love runs for you. I hope that you will feel the enoromity of it in all ways that I can show you.
THese past few months have been hard, trying, draining and frustrating, I know, for both of us. Planning a wedding, finding a house to make our home, graduating from College, planning our future, it's all so overwhelming. But we've made it through it. Yes, it was rough. Yes, we had some rough days. But we made it through. THank God you were able to forgive me for the sometimes possessive nature I've shown you and the crass behavior I displayed. I only want to protect you, support you, love you even though I could have done it in a better way. I am a man, afterall! Thank you for seeing through all the bullshit and remembering that underneath it all is just a man that loves you.
My Bella, when I think of the moments to come in a few short hours I have to catch my breath. We will become one, we will be joined and you will walk away Mrs. Cullen. God, I love the way that sounds. I want to shout it from the roof tops how happy that makes me. But instead, I'll let it show through my smile and the tears, when I see you walking to me in a vision of white.
My father told me a secret last night at dinner. He said "Edward, never fail to show her, everyday, the love that you feel for her. Whether it be a simple note, an innocent touch or a grand gesture. But make her feel everyday like the beautiful queen that she is to you." I only hope that our marriage can be as strong, long-lasting and passionate as that of my parents. Having watched Carlisle and Esme all these years that's what I want for us. I see the love and passion that they have for each other whenever they look at one another and speak of the other. I hope that you see that same depth of emotion pour through me when I look at you.
Starting on our honeymoon, I hope to please you always. I know you hate the secrecy but I hope that it'll all be worth it when we arrive. I cannot wait to have you all to myself for the next 14 days. Oh the ways I cannot wait to devour your body, fantasies to explore and moments to remember for a lifetime. Hmmmm, and all that lingerie that I know you'll be showing off for me, FINALLY! HA HA HA, I can see your beautiful blush now. God, how I miss your face. It's only been 12 hrs since I've seen you but I miss you immensely. I need to feel your touch to calm me and soothe the anxiety. I need to feel your body pressed to mine and the warmth of your lips on mine. Bella, you arouse my body and soothe my mind and shortly you'll be mine forever.
Our Wedding Day. Yours. Mine. Ours. Forever. I hope you like the little token I had delivered to you. It's the beginning of our future together. The bracelet is the never ending circle representing our never ending love. THe first charm is the first of many I hope to present to you throughout our lifetime together. Why the cake charm? HA HA, as if you could forget the disasterous fight we had over the stupid cake. But, it brought us closer together and reminded of us of what this wedding is all about. Our love, joining us together, forever. Its not about some silly cake. It's about becoming Man and Wife. Us. You. Me.
Well, I need to start getting ready and I fear the hours won't go fast enough for me today. When you think back on this day, I hope you can feel the depth of my love and happiness that you have brought to me. The moment when you say "I Do" will be the happiest moment in my life, so far.
I love you, Isabella.
Forever and a day.
Bella Journal Entry
Edward, I miss you. Alice and her stupid traditions. I think she actually bolted the windows and doors last night 'cause she thought I'd sneak out to see you. Which I almost did, several times:) I haven't slept without you in over a year and I must admit, I didn't like it. Not. One. Bit. But God love your sister, she's just trying to make this the best experience for us!
You know I never saw myself getting married. Before you came into my life I hadn't known that it was something that I'd ever want for myself. Something I never even felt was a possibility for my life. But you showed me how wrong I was. You showed my heart that true love was possible and that love can last forever. Not having grown up with Renee and Charlie married didn't give me the best example. But being a part of your family and seeing the love between Carlisle and Esme has given me the hope and faith in us to know that we can have an everlasting life together. We just have to remember to communicate with each other.
I love your gift by the way. The bracelet is beautiful and the charm made me laugh. That was a stupid, silly fight we had but it sure did make us step back and work through it. That was a rough week for me. Thank you for being so understanding, even though I know how frustrated you were with me. We worked it out but I was so scared that you'd run away and cut your losses. I was just so anxious and full of panic. It has been overwhelming to me but you've helped me through it all. Househunting about did me in. While I love our new home, it is still hard for me to accept that we spent that much money on it. I guess my old fears will be hard to let go of but I'll work on it, like I promised you. Finishing College was an enormous weight off my shoulders. It feels so good to have completed the process and that chapter in my life.
All of our hard work and Alice's planning on this wedding is about to come to an end, too. I cannot wait to see you, so handsome, in your tux. I only hope that Charlie and I make it down the aisle in one piece! I cannot wait for us to be announced as Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen. EEK! Mrs. Cullen! That makes me tingle all over and makes me want to kiss you all over. Ugh, do I have to blush even when writing that to you? HA, I do...and I can't wait to hear you say that either "I Do"...and I hope you never regret it.
Edward, I love you so much. I hope that you are proud, always, to have me as your wife. And I hope to show you for the next 14 days how much I enjoy being called your wife. I'm so excited to see where we're going. Although I wish you at least give me some hint. Alice won't even let me look at the luggage she's packed. She said she was under strict orders from you. SO FRUSTRATING! But I know it will be worth it when we're alone with no sisters, parents, brothers or others to interrupt us, I hope.
I'm so ready to start our lives together. I'm so ready to see you, hold you, touch you. Ready to look into those beautiful green eyes and show you how much I love you. I hope to show you everyday, how happy I am to be your wife. I hope you can feel, see and touch how much I love you and how my love for you grows day by day. When my anxiety starts I have to stop and remember how it feels to have your arms around me, your voice in my ear telling me how much you love me and the feel of your lips touching mine. That's all it takes for me to feel the warmth of your love. I only hope you feel the same from me. My heart is bursting with all the love it can't contain for you. I feel like it might explode when I think about it to much. I just hope that I can show it all to you.
Well, Alice is yelling at me to get into the shower so I have to end this now. I hope all the memories you have of today bring your heart back to this feeling of enormous love and excitement for our future.
Edward, I love you.
Always and more.