One Last Review?
Zelda walked into vision, with Link trailing behind her. Zelda's face was wet and her eyes red; the result of bitter weeping.
"Don't be too harsh on them, Zelda..." Link whispered softly into her ear.
"Why not?" Zelda snarled in reply. "Do you know how long I've waited for four hundred reviews? We grew into adults, that's how long. And now I've returned and there's been approximately hardly any reviews! I was so angry, I cancelled all of the giveaways, even the ones already sent out! No-one gets anything! No Links, no hat, no land, no story, nothing!
"In fact, the only reason I came back early is because this story was fading into obscurity! No-one was even looking at it!"
"Yes, but now people will." Link whispered as he wrapped one of Zelda's locks around his finger and yanked it out. "And there will be much feedback." Zelda became thoughtful.
"True. Now that people are watching, I can punish the audience as much as I want. They'll have to review if they want proper content!"
"Kill them." Link said cheerfully. "Kill them all."
"Yeah... They can't forget to review if they're dead, can they?" Zelda thought about killing methods for a while before an epiphany struck her, "Wait a minute! How would they review then?"
"Only kill some of them. And kill anyone who doesn't review henceforth."
"Yes, but..." Zelda's head nearly began to internally haemorrhage from the strain of thinking as hard as she was. "Oh, god damn it! It's been too long! I can't think of any good ideas!"
"Take heart, sweet princess." Link said obscurely. "It's not you that's out of ideas, it's the writer."
"I have transcended the influence of Monsieur Smash." Zelda declared. "To prove it, I murdered her in his sleep!"
"Of course you did." said Link sinisterly. Suddenly, the two found themselves encased in a gaudy gemstone. A debatably handsome man stepped into sight and chuckled girlishly.
"Who are you?" asked Zelda.
"Who am I? I am the King of Evil! I stand triumphant, human once again! No longer Ganon, but Ganondorf!" declared Ganondorf hammily.
"Oh." Zelda turned to Link and said sheepishly, "We probably should have dealt with him when we set him free instead of forgetting him."
"You think?" Link replied suggestively.
"Now, you two are my prisoners and I shall display you as trophies above my fireplace!" Ganondorf announced. He teleported Link and Zelda away and was about to do the same for himself, when he paused. He turned back and said, "My rule extends through all of time and space. Reviewers can have anyone and anything they want. Just some food for thought." With that, Ganondorf disappeared.