A/N: I'm back! And I have a blog now. Go to shadowtower dot wordpress dot com to read about fanfics being analyzed as serious literature. There's also a proper link in my profile. Since this is ME we're talk about, it's not very serious…

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Yue's Harem and the Quest For The Holy Grail

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Negima belongs to Ken Akamatsu. I am making no money off this. Quite the opposite, really. Akemi Homura is awesome, and you know it!

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Whose Line Is It Anyway?

"Our topic!" Asakura declared, reading from the card she drew from a hat. "Things you can say about a basket of fruit, but not about Negi-kun!"

"Ooh!" Yuuna said, stepping forward. "I wanna stick that banana in my mouth!"

There was general laughter from the audience as Negi reddened.

Haruna stepped forward. "How nice and fruity!"

Off to the side, Fate and Kotaro twitched.

Misa skipped in. "Wow, these feel so good up my—!"

"VIOLATION!" Chisame declared.

Off in the wings, Ayaka sighed as the audience laughed. "Whose bright idea was it to have a festival event based on a show Drew Carey hosted?"

...

How I Met Your Mother

"… and that's how I met your mother," Negi told Chibi-Asu. Then he turned to Amaterasu. "Now, as to how I met your mother…"

Seraphine interrupted him. "Dad, really! It's a school night! We don't have time for you to tell us more than fifty four variations on how you got laid!"

"What does 'laid' mean?" Arika 4 (it was a really popular name in the Springfield household) asked innocently.

Anarchia, aka Arika 2, blushed. "Ask your mother," she advised.

"Okay!" her little sister chirped. "Um, which one is she again?"

...

Friends

Nagi paused in his sneaking as he saw everyone else was already awake. "Um, I was… um…" Damn it, he needed an excuse! "I was just going to go take a leak."

Rakan grinned. "Hell, let's all take one together. I hear the canyon they're executing Arika in has a good toilet we can pee into…

He didn't have to rescue her alone after all…

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The Big Bang Theory

Hakase stared up at her ceiling. "That was a very well-argued thesis to promote lesbianism."

Next to her, Chao chewed on her chocolate cigarette. "It hasn't failed me yet…"

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Eight Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter

Setsuna sweated profusely as Eishun gave her a level look. "Setsuna-kun," he said gravely. "If you wish to date Konoka, I have some rules…"

Setsuna nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She hoped the demands weren't too unreasonable. She'd heard parents could be weird…

"Number one, always let Konoka orgasm first," Eishun said as Setsuna blinked in surprise. "Number two, participants in a threesome or orgy must be pre-approved by Konoka. Number three, any harem is understood to belong to Konoka. Number four, all dildos must be at least…"

As Setsuna began to get redder with each new rule, Eishun wondered how long he could keep a straight face…

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Rivalry

"Outrageous!" Chamo cried, nearly frothing at the mouth. "How can that suicidal anachronism manage to get a harem ending in his manga, when my bro deserves it more?-! Did he have to put up with holes getting stabbed through his chest? Argh! I'M IN RAGE! THE TRUE ENDING OF SAYONARA ZETSUBOU SENSEI HAS LEFT ME IN RAGE!

Negi sweat dropped as he tried to calm his familiar down. "Now now, Chamo-kun, it's not that bad. And there's always a chance we'll get a proper animation now that the manga is over. I mean, if Fairy Tail could qualify for one..."

Chamo pointed at Ishihara's evil campaign.

Negi slumped. "Yeah, I know…"

Chisame tried to keep her head down, pulling her Yukata tight around her. "You sure they won't notice me?" she said.

"Oh, no, of course not," Matoi said. "We get random cute girls getting into accidents and needing blood transfusions around here a lot. No one will even notice…"

Chisame sighed, then glanced sideways at the readers. "Don't judge me! A girl needs commitment, damn it!"

"Now first, let me just transfer some Kafuka-mixed bodily fluid…"

"H-hang on, I thought we were going to use blood!"

"Isn't this more fun…?"

Obligatory Chisame X Matoi ensued…

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Transplant

Yue stared dully at her suitor. "What," she said flatly, daring him to repeat himself.

"It's true!" Itoshiki Nozomu said. "When she died, her organs were donated to be given as transplants. You have my wife's bladder! Therefore, I love you! Most especially your bladder!"

"Well, that explains the voice I keep hearing that sounds like Konoka…" Yue said dully.

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Haiyore! Zazieko-chan!

"Traveling between the worlds with my schoolbooks on my back, I am the acrobat that swings up with a smile! Speak my name and I will appear!" Zazie declared as she introduced herself to the class.

And she never said another word after that until she handed Negi tickets to the Nightmare Circus…

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Transplant 2

"Huh?" Konoka blinked.

"It's true!" her suitor said. "When she died, her organs were donated to be given as transplants. You have my wife's voice actress! Therefore, I love you! Most especially your voice actress!"

"Itoshiki! What have I told you about coming around here?-!"

Itoshiki paled. "Gotta go," he said, leaving a confused Konoka.

Yue and Negi ran by a moment later, both wielding a copy of the Bro Code with intent to maim.

Thou shall not poach from another bro, bro.

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Suits

"All right," Negi said, unusually solemn as he sat at the head of the table. "Welcome to the first official meeting of Suit Club. The first rule of Suit Club is we don't talk about Suit Club. The second rule of Suit Club is you must own your own suits. Suits, plural, at least three you own yourself. Ties are not optional. Third rule of Suit Club: a Bro is a Bro is a Bro. Even if they might be a girl, they are still a Bro. Fourth rule: all wingmen are wingmen forever. No trading. Trading is beneath us. Substitutions are okay, but they must be with your wingman's permission. Fifth rule: Bros before hos. Sixth rule: no shirts, no shoes, no suit. Your ensemble must be complete. Seventh rule: we never leave a wingman behind. Eighth rule: we drink tea, not coffee."

Fate glared, looking immaculate in his pure white suit. "That has nothing to do with suits."

"It's a rule, no backsies," Negi said a bit smugly. "Right, Bro?"

Setsuna nodded, the cut of her suit showing off her legs quite nicely, a fedora tilted rakishly on her head. "It's the rules."

Kaede coughed, adjusting her jacket, which was draped over her shoulders like a cape and quite nicely framed her… vest. "A toast, everyone," she said. "To the Mahora Branch of Suit Club! It's going Legen— wait for it…"

-—

In New York, Barney Stinson smugly counted the money he was making from the Suit Club franchises.

-—

"-Dary! Legendary!"

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- To be continued...

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A/N: can anyone recognize the theme this chap?

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.