Giratina's Guide to Dealing with
Your Female Counterparts
Summary: Giratina's making a guide to dealing with the female counterparts.
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Dedicated to all the male counterparts of unstable female Legendary Pokemon (namely me, Darkrai, Raikou, Ho-oh, Palkia, Groudon, Regice and Regirock, and Mewtwo.
Who is your counterpart?
Cresselia-Darkrai's take on her: Cresselia is an insane, bloodlusting, psychopathic killing machine. Sure she looks nice on the outside, but on the inside-And they call me the Nightmare Legendary? (Note to self: Do not let Cresselia get a hold of this)
Kyogre-Groudon's take on her: It's not that I don't like Kyogre, but she's brutal when she's pissed! Help me, Giratina! (Okay! Stop crying, will ya?)
Kyogre-Rayquaza's take on her: If you've only seen have the fights I've broken up between those two…(I have. I've installed hidden cameras all over the Hall of Origin. Even Arceus's shower.)
Lugia-Ho-oh's take on her: No sense of grandeur whatsoever! I'm ashamed to be her counterpart! (Whatever. I made copies of the poems you wrote all about how pretty-ful she is in your diary. Blame Mew.)
Dialga-Palkia's take on her: She scares me! One day, I asked her, 'Is it that time of the month, again" and she tried to send me to a time loop of the 1980's forever. (Palkia, please scan down to Tips for Dealing with the Unstable Counterpart, Rule 1. That will answer your problems completely!)
Registeel-Regirock's take on her-She's a sadist. The woman has more insane schemes than anyone else I've ever met. And she always drags me into them. Save me. (Regirock, refer to Rule 3.)
Deoxys-Mewtwo's take on her: All I said was that I inserted a computer chip in her arm when she was asleep! Then she beat me up. (I would too. No wonder you're on this thing, idiot!)
Registeel-Regice's take on her: Beep. Beep. Beep-bop. Beep! (Me: O.O' Whatever the hell that means I have no clue…Use English.)
Suicune-Raikou's take on her: She has pretty eyes! (You're supposed to tell me why you dislike her, you dolt!) Oh, she beat me up? (I can see why. I'm about to myself)
Arceus-My take on her: I have on easy case. Refer to rule eight.
Notable Unstable Females: Arceus (I love ya, Arceus!), Cresselia (Whatever you do, do NOT get her pissed off), Suicune, Lugia (she's a little less unstable than some, but still…), Dialga (Damn Roar of Time. I still have bruises. She's scarier than Cresselia), Kyogre (I feel bad for ANYONE who pisses her off.), Registeel (Crazy. Plans of world domination. Crazy-ass schemes such as demonic toilets and the Sentret army. So. Many. Sentret. Any questions?), and Deoxys (Beat up Palkia. On the bright side, I won fifty dollars from Entei.)
Celebi (Still a slight bit pissy around Mew. But who isn't?)
Mesprit (Too gentle)
Azelf (She's annoying. Mew's partner-in-crime. But harmless.)
Latias (Nice. I do feel bad for her though. Must tell her Latios says 'hi' sometime.)
Shaymin (Just don't step on any flowers. Otherwise you'll remain on her good side.)
Jirachi (Asleep most of the time. Addicted to candy, but otherwise fine.)
Does Not have a Counterpart, but still avoid: Heatran, the Lava Toad. She is in the same category as Registeel. Do not let into Mewtwo's lab or it will end badly.
Tips for Dealing with the Unstable Counterpart
1. Never, EVER say 'Is it that time of the month, again' to her. This is a major no-no. (Ask Palkia and Darkrai. They've made this mistake before.)
2. Avoid the 'p-word' altogether.
3. Registeel is an insane sadist. Avoid at all costs.
4. Cresselia is almost as bad as Registeel when she's pissed. Do not let her have sharp objects when mad. (How else do you think Darkrai lost his legs, hm?)
5. Kyogre. Mad. She likes chocolate and Suicune. Give her one of those two things and all's forgiven
6. What to do when confronted: Run like hell. That's all there is to it.
7. If you can't run, NEVER go in alone.
8. Or in my case, "Arceus, I love you." are the magic words.
Things never to say and a scale of how much pain various male Legendaries were put through when confronting their female counterpart:
"What the hell did I do now?"-Darkrai-6 ½
"You're insane, lady."-Regirock, 7
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Groudon, 8
"Someone obviously forgot to take their happy-pills today."-Darkrai, 9 ½
"Is it that time of the month again?" Palkia, 20
"You psychotic bitch!" Darkrai, Groudon, and Regirock, 25
I recommend that you never say these things to your counterpart, unless you want to get a Roar of Time, Judgment, Water Spout, Giga Impact, or Hyper Beam to the face.
What to say to her:
My case is easy, "I love you" or "Let's go make out" get the best results
Cresselia: Um…she's always PO'd about something. I can't really think of anything right now…(Sorry, Darkrai!)
Kyogre: Refer to Rule 5. Talking is pointless.
Suicune: Give her Entei. She talks to him. Anger at Raikou? No more.
Registeel: "Let's go plot to kill Regigigas" works wonders.
Dialga: *runs* I'm not going to touch that one.
Lugia: Insult Ho-oh. Whatever you do, do NOT insult Shadow Lugia.
Deoxys: Nothing you can say will get her to calm down. Give her Palkia to use as punching bag.
Darkrai (in closet): Leave me alone you psychotic bitch! (That isn't a question. Cursing at her will only get you killed. Calling her psychotic is bound to make her more mad,)
Regirock: Registeel won't leave me alone.
Me: Avoid her. Hide and avoid toilets.
Regice: Beep? Beep-bop-beep?
Me: *hits him* Use words, idiot!
Groudon: I tried talking to Kyogre and it didn't work!
Me: Did you try chocolate?
Me: Did you even read this guide?
Groudon: Begins scrolling up.
Me: I thought as much.
Palkia: Your guide is great!
Dialga: Busy kissing Palkia
Me: Thank you!
Ho-oh: She won't stop comparing me with Shadow Lugia!
Me: She likes Shadow Lugia. Stop annoying me.
Mewtwo: She beat me up again!
Me: What did you do know?
Mewtwo: I asked her if she forgot to take her happy pills.
Me: Did you learn nothing from this at all?
Giratina watched as Cresselia ripped the door of Darkrai's closet open. "I'm going to kill you!" she screamed, then started chasing after him.
Giratina looked down at the papers in his hand. Maybe I can do a sequel to this, he thought. Then he turned and went to watch Darkrai get killed by Cresselia.
That was fun. I may actually do another one called Arceus's Guide. Anyway R&R!