Disclaimer: WE DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. HELL, EVEN THE ALMIGHTY JABBERWOCKSLAYER DOESN'T OWN HALF OF THE OCS USED. IF WE OWNED APH, THIS WOULD BE CANON. SO THERE.
"All right," An extremely stout boy with neatly cut blond hair announced in a carrying (and slightly snobbish) voice, "let the Conference of States begin!" His dark blue eyes surveyed the collection of teenagers seated around the huge table mistrustfully, though he looked a lot younger than most of the people there. This boy, as we shall learn, was the personification of Washington D.C. He began to pace the room as he spoke.
All around the room, teenagers rolled their eyes as their pompous sibling ranted. No one took D.C. seriously, after all. New York had his iPod headphones in and was bobbing his head to the beat of some obscure showtune. Connecticut was sleeping (because after all, no one noticed him, anyway). Delaware was trying his best to get Pennsylvania to leave him the hell alone.
All in all, it was safe to say that not one soul was paying attention. If he noticed, D.C. acted as though he didn't care. He straightened his tie, cleared his throat, and began speaking again.
"This is a purely political meeting to better our great country," he continued, "and as such, I don't want to hear anything about idiotic personal squabbles!" He let his gaze scathe over the Southern states for this one—they were all sitting together. A scowling blond girl, looking to be around sixteen or seventeen, seemed to be the most dominant of these states. She was seated next to a much more docile girl who looked exactly like her.
"Damn Yank," the scowling girl muttered, glaring at D.C. This was South Carolina, the Yankee-hating girl who had first seceded during the Civil War.
Her twin sister, North Carolina, looked mortified, murmuring, "Natasha, hush!" as she nervously looked at the table. However, it was too late; D.C. had already heard her. "What was that, South Carolina?" He said, glaring.
Unfortunately, pint-sized blond boys aren't nearly as intimidating as D.C. would have liked to think they are. South Carolina simply glared at him for a second or two with eyes that screamed of murder and D.C. backed down, continuing on with his arrogant drivel.
"Now, unless anyone has anything to say regarding political issues only," D.C. said with a glint in his eye as he pulled New York's headphones out of his ears ("WHAT THE HELL!" The irate New Yorker exclaimed), "I'll pick a topic and we shall get started."
Rhode Island, a small brunette boy, smiled happily and raised his hand. His blue eyes sparkled with mischief; the youngest of the original thirteen colonies was never up to any good. Despite his past experiences with Rhode Island, D.C. sighed and pointed at the boy.
"Yes, Rhode Island?" D.C. said. "You can speak."
"Texas is stupid~!" Rhode Island exclaimed gleefully.
That was when all hell broke loose.
Now, 'all hell' might be exaggerating a little. After all, it started out innocently enough. Some of the Northern states were nodding in agreement at Rhode Island's comment and laughing; the New England states seemed especially amused. An irate boy with slightly tanned skin, auburn hair and a cowboy hat stood up, glaring at Rhode Island.
"I ain't stupid!" He yelled, his Texas accent evident. "I 'm just as smart as any of you goddamned Yankees!"
"Can we sell him back to Mexico~?" Rhode Island queried happily, seeming not to care about the chaos he was causing. D.C. looked pissed, but not as pissed as Texas, who was ready to strangle Rhode Island at the mention of Mexico.
"Now, now, we've got to settle down and get on with the meeting," D.C. sighed, "…but I wouldn't mind selling Texas back to Mexico…."
Texas began angrily ranting about Mexico. While this was going on, New York grew bored… and honestly, there was nothing better to do than to annoy the resident Masshole.
"Hey, Witchy. The Yankees are better than Red Sox," New York said, grinning at Massachusetts evilly. "After all, who won the World Series last year, Mass~?" New Yorkers were unfortunately known for being jerks, and Benjamin Jones was no exception. Massachusetts didn't seem too pleased as he retorted.
"Shut the hell up, the Red Sox will always be better. And besides, when was the last time your other team actually did anything worth bragging about?" The Masshole said, glaring through his glasses at the New Yorker.
"H-Hey! Shut up about the Mets, damnit! They're getting better!"
As if the room wasn't loud enough, with Texas ranting and New York and Massachusetts arguing, Louisiana began loudly wailing into his cell phone. Apparently, he had missed yet another date, with yet another girlfriend.
"No, non, ma fille, mi niña hermosa, I'm not standing you up! Non, I had an important family meeting… I know, that's what I had last time, but… breaking up with me? NON!" Louisiana shut his phone and dramatically sighed, his face the picture of sorrow.
"…don't you have, like, fifty-billion other girlfriends?" California asked, tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder.
"…oui," Louisiana said reluctantly, still pouting. "…but, it still hurts."
Across the room, Pennsylvania sneakily glomped Delaware. He smiled innocently, hugging the younger brother who he still considered to be like his son.
"ROBIN~~~" he exclaimed, almost knocking the small blue chicken known as Delabird that normally resided on Delaware's head.
"DON'T CALL ME ROBIN!" Delaware yelled. "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT? MY NAME IS HARRISON!"
Delabird tweeted at Pennsylvania angrily, and then settled herself back on Delaware's blond head.
"Well," Pennsylvania exclaimed happily, "Delabird is a bird, like a robin! And you're my sidekick, like in Batman and Robin! SO, YOUR NAME IS ROBIN~!"
Pennsylvania grinned childishly, as though what he had just explained was a huge scientific breakthrough.
Delaware sighed in disgust, pushing his older brother away.
"GET THE HELL OFF ME."
And in the midst of this chaos, D.C. snapped.
"THAT IS ENOUGH!" The small blonde boy roared, finally losing his cool. Everyone in the room immediately quieted—such an outburst from D.C. was truly very rare. A vein was throbbing in his temple, and his fists were clenched at his sides. Even South Carolina had quieted from pure shock.
"EVEN TONY IS MORE WELL BEHAVED THAN YOU!"
Tony, who had stolen Rhode Island's handheld gaming system and was now playing Cooking Mama, looked up and nodded before going back to making virtual rice-stuffed squid.
"D.C…" Virginia said in a tone that seemed concerned. He paid her no heed.
"I AM SICK OF YOU ALL ACTING LIKE SUCH DELINQUENTS!" D.C. continued. "NOW UNLESS YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY THAT HAS ANYTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH OUR NATION—BESIDES TEXAS' INTELLIGENCE LEVEL—SPEAK UP. OTHERWISE, GET THE HECK OUT!"
For a few minutes, everyone was quiet. Then, as though nothing at all had happened, the room burst out into lively conversation as the United States of America began walking out of the room, talking and arguing and laughing like most siblings do.
"…Well," New York said, in a voice that was half-amused and half-annoyed, "I think I've figured out why we don't have meetings much anymore."
"Really?" Massachusetts said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I never could have guessed, Yorkie."
"Shut the hell up!" New York growled, looking as though he half wanted to chuck his coffee at the Masshole.
And so, the latest Conference of States came to a close... with yet another argument.
(A/N: Hello, JabberwockSlayer here. I hope that this offered an adequate introduction to the very...complicated and intricate fanon that my friend Reaper-Lawliet and I created. Uh, I hope you enjoyed this? Rhode Island, Virginia, Massachusetts, Delaware, Delabird, South Carolina, Connecticut, and TEXAS belong to Reaper. The rest are mine.
If anyone was curious, I choose Sawyer from "Lost" to voice-act for Texas. That just... it needs to be said. -shotdead-
Hey, if you liked it, you can review. If you hated it, you can review. Just tell me how to improve my writing and characters; it's all I ask. C:
All right- Bye!)