What would you do for the one you love?

What would you do to atone for your sins? Every last little piece of wrong doing. From stealing one piece of candy when you were a child, to 4 murders, and an attempt at suicide.

What would you endure? A bullet to the head, a few rusty nails digging into your flesh.

Idiots. You are an idiot for cringing in the thought of that miniscual amount of pain.

What you would endure is the raw suffering, the agony that no mortal being has felt. I don't give a shit how much pain so say you've been in before.

What I've been through has been not even in your worst nightmares. You're stupid human mind couldn't even think of it, no matter how much you think you know.

What I've been through has been misery, enough pain to make you sick to your stomach and make your throat bleed through mid-scream.

And you may ask why I've been through literal Hell.

It's because if I don't...

...Then the one I love will...

It was years ago...it seems so long now. It feels like forever, since I died. I remember it, as I lay in my failure among this pathetic excuse of paradise ...

BONG

BONG

BONG...

Memories flooded back. I remembered my 'home' after returning from the mental ward.

They called me crazy.. They thought this 8 year old boy, this tiny, pale, scrawny, boy had the mind of a murderer.

I sat on my cot, rocking back and fourth screaming.

"BROTHER!"

I could hear the drum beat.

I could feel my own pulse.

I know his laughter.

I see the blades flying..

and then...

Nothing.

Nothing but RED.

I knew he killed mother, I knew he killed father..and yet, he blamed it all on me..

"BROTHER!" I heard the door slam open, but thought nothing of it, too concealed in my track of memories. I felt a needle sink it's way into my skin. I felt it injecting something into my body, then, everything went black.

As I grew, the memories never ceased. I'd sit on my bed, hearing my brother's laugh like a deathly phantom. I remember one day in particular...

It was a breezy October day, Halloween...my birthday. I was practicing my violin. My nimble fingers danced over the strings, playing each intricate note. I needed to sheets,only my memory, my horrible, stained memories. Watari sat in the corner of my room, observing. A smile planted on his face made the room feel less cold.

It was a piece I had composed myself. I was to play it in the Halloween party for the children as several of the eldest danced a beautiful, fast paced ballroom routine in a kaleidescope of Victorian colours.

The pace picked up. No longer was I just playing a simple violin. No, what I was doing was showing Watari what I never would say.

How I'd never tell him how others picked on me. How they mocked me. They'd laugh at my posture, and question me on who I was. I never told them my name. Only that I wanted to be called L..They'd shove me into the showers in the boys room, then strip me naked and rape me. Laughing as they did so. Sure, why not hurt the innocent one? Why not make a fool out of him, why not make a monster. They treated me this way because I was different. Because they thought it'd be alright for them to do so. Well, guess what, it's not. It's not right for others to rip your clothes off, and shove a stick up your ass while they leave a permanent implant of your face in the cold tile floor. It's not funny to have them gagging you with a sock, and slapping you across your backside. It's especially not funny when you are enjoying it...

My emotions came out of my music, it was dramatic and powerful. Then, it grew quiet, and it had stopped.

"Beautiful, Lawliet.."

"Don't call me that, please, Watari..." I chocked out, not looking up, only letting the tears from my eyes hit my instrument.

"L, are you ok?..." He stood, and placed a hand on my shoulder. I paused, reluctant to tell him why I was crying.

"...I miss mother..and father.."

I now look back upon that day. The tears still spilling down my face on to the ivory coloured fluff, that had now been painted oranges and pinks, the sun was setting.

I miss everything... I miss mother, I miss father, Watari, my home..I turn to my side, looking down into the fires below me. But mostly,

I miss you...

Light.