Disclaimer: I don't own or make a profit off of this piece.

Starring: Crews from Firefly and the Enterprise

Author's Note: You know you'd want to witness something like that.

Summary: Sometimes being a Captain required you to be a full time babysitter.


"Kaylee, drop the wrench." Mal's voice was strained and full of suffering as he struggle to keep the moonbrained Reader-girl in his arms and away from that strange other Reader over there. No need to have some sort of eerie voodoo scèance between the two of them.

"But Cap'n, he was sayin' all kinds of nasty things 'bout Serenity!" She protested a glare in her eyes at the slightly alarmed red shirted man in front of her.

"I reckon I got two functioning ears left, don't I?" he asked. "Zoe, where'd Jayne go?"

"He's keepin' Simon away from the other Doc, Sir. Just down the corridor aways. It seems there was an altercation over some sort of diagnostic technique." His first mate replied, coolly assessing the situation. "You want I get him?"

"Wash." Mal called.

"Just a minute, Cap'n Tight Pants." The brightly clad man replied. "Just want to finish investigating." He was in a intense discussion with the yellow shirted pilot which was involving a lot of pressing buttons and arm flailing.

"Zoe get your gorram husband off their pilot and let's get outta here. Kaylee, stop threatening the engineer, you Cap'n Kirk or whatever you call yourself, quit staring at my mechanic and get us back on our boat," Mal instructed, tucking the credits into his pocket and trying to ignore the niggling headache growing in the back of his brain. "River, you're staying with me."

"But he hears me Captain Daddy! He's singing songs in his head…" she whispered, eyes bright. The Vulcan Commander raised an eloquent eyebrow and stared at her.

"I'm sure he's thinking all kinds of pretty songs but it's time to leave." He replied, nodding to the Captain and trying to herd everyone out of the bridge. "Zoe? You got everyone?"

"Yes sir," the woman replied. "Jayne and Simon are going to meet us at the warping station."

"Warp?" Kaylee asked in wonder. Scotty looked at her and mumbled something under his breath.

"You don't even having a warping pad? Good God you're all heathens." He muttered. Kaylee spluttered and turned an indignant shade of red.

"Kaylee so help me if you throw that wrench I will leave you here on this shiny monstrosity of a ship!" Mal scowled.

"But Cap'n!"

"Is this what you go through on a daily basis Mr. Spock?" Jim Kirk whispered to his partner. The Vulcan gave a mild shrug.

"Someone has to babysit Captain." He replied, watching the rag tag crew exit the bridge.

"Remind me to give you a medal."