A/N: Disclaimer as much as I wish I did I do not own Erik or any other POTO characters.
I am in the process of reformatting the story, just a tense switch from present to past. I hope that it will improve the flow, I was afraid that some of the new chapters sounded foolish in present, first person. I am going for each chapter as more of a journal entry/ day end reflective interior monologue.
Marriage. A bond between two loving people. A commitment to another to love and cherish them as long as they both shall live. At least that is my definition marriage, the one that I have foolishly clung to since childhood while I awaited my prince charming. Somehow now it seems that this definition is just that, naive and childish. For there I was the morning before my wedding day, no Prince Charming, no love. I was another victim to the marriage of convenience, used to increase ones family's social status. Sadly this seems to be the custom and that Prince Charming and loving husbands are reserved to fairy tales and fantasy.
The impossibly white material twisted and wrinkled as I wrung my hands in my skirts. The purity of the fabric lost to the growing wrinkles and creases. Why must I get married? I didn't want a husband; I did not want to marry Count James Highbury. He is nearly 20 years my senior and wished to immediately start a family. I guess that is more my issue, I don't want children. Not now. I feel as though I am just beginning to live my life, for God's sake I have only just turned 20. I know that is impossibly old by today's standard. Many of my sisters were married with a child by their 20th birthday. Yet I still do not understand. There are too many things left to do, see and read! How can I be expected to raise a child when I still consider myself a child? Oh, well. What use is it to think and worry about these things now? I am to walk down the aisle in under 2 hours. I don't have choice. I never had a choice.
"Sara, dear, are you ready?" I looked up. It was my mother. Dressed in a periwinkle gown. It was not a surprising choice, the dress exaggerated her eyes. Those stunning blue eyes that could stop any man in his tracks. I used to have those eyes when I was a child, but with time they changed dulling to a gray.
"Sara," She tried again "Sara are you listening."
"Yes, mother." I replied.
"We need to finish your hair and make-up. We want you looking your best on your special day." With that she began to brush my hair. Pulling the dark blond locks away from my neck.
"Are you happy mother?" I sighed, looking into the mirror for the first time since my mother entered the room.
"I am sorry dear I don't understand. Am I happy with what?"
"With marrying father. Do you ever regret it?" I shifted my gaze so that I am directly looking into her reflections eyes.
She looked slightly taken aback. "Of course I am. We have had are hard times, but I never regret it. You are nervous dear, what you are feeling now is normal it will fade with time. Don't look at me like that; it's a mother's intuition."
I sat there, far from pacified with this response. It should make me feel better, mother and father's marriage was also one of convenience, father was much older than mother, their marriage was much like my own. Still I couldn't help but feel that this was a terrible mistake. God I hope mother's intuition is right, these doubts will pass and I will have at the very least a working relationship with my husband. It will be ok; at least that's what I need to tell myself.
"Now," my mother continued, "Today is not for me, it is for you and it will be the happiest day of your life!"
"That's what I was afraid of." I said dropping my gaze to my hands, my voice audible to me alone.
A/N: Please review! This is one of my first pieces, let me know what you think but please be nice!