Chapter 1: The definition of love is Us
A/N: First I want to thank anyone who has read this story before I edited and revised the entire thing and when I say revise I really mean that I basically rewrote this story. I took every one of your reviews into account when making the changes. Second, I want to thank every new reader who is reading it! Thank you so much! Without further ado, I give you, The Definition of Love is Us chapter 1; the edited and final version! : ) I hope you love it as much as I loved writing it- well most of the time;)
Brennan's head was pounding. She slowly opened her eyes to remember that she was on an airplane flying back from the Indonesian jungle. She pulled the blanket off herself with frustration before putting her seat in an upright position. After glancing down at her watch, she realized she had another eight hours before her flight would land on U.S soil. Brennan sighed. She was getting anxious to get off the airplane. Usually Temperance Brennan didn't mind flying, but she had someone to meet and things that needed to be said. On the side table, next to her, sat a pile of Anthropology magazines. She lifted one out of boredom and started to page through it, only to then put the magazine down with a heavy sigh. She couldn't focus on anything after reading that letter in the jungle. She had spent many nights walking along the jungle's shoreline reading it and trying to understand what it fully meant for her life when returning home. Even though she didn't claim in such things as believing in fate, she knew she had received that letter for a reason- a reason she was starting to understand but wanting to still deny out of fear of rejection.
Now sitting on the airplane, she retrieved the letter she had come to love and started to read it for what she couldn't recall how many times. Tears started to form in her eyes and even though Brennan hated allowing herself to lose control over her emotions, she allowed the tears to freely fall at what she was afraid was truly lost the day she and Booth said their goodbyes. Temperance Brennan; the woman that used to lock her heart inside of a box not willing it to feel emotion finally broke free. The sobs were wracking through her body now and she felt like she was losing herself and gaining a new part of herself at the same time.
It was May 2O, 2011, one year from the day she said goodbye to her partner and the man she now knew she loved with her entire being. It was not an easy decision; she loved Booth, but she also loved her job and she owed it to herself to not abandon or forget her first love. However like many things, your first doesn't always stay your most beloved. Some things start becoming more important than others. While she was in the Indonesian jungle, Brennan finally realized that she had made one of the biggest mistakes of her life the night outside the Hoover building when she rejected Booth. She realized that even though she wanted to protect him from herself, that in reality she was hurting him. She was hurting the both of them in such a way that she feared that she had truly lost something beautiful and magnificent. She now understood what Booth meant about losing yourself in someone. She and Booth had never made love, never experienced passion in that way, but passion is something they did experience. They had a passion for each other that just couldn't be explained with words, but one that could be seen through the looks they gave each other, the embraces they shared, everything they did was driven by a passion to be close to one another.
She confided in Booth about things she never confided in with anyone else. She trusted him with her life more than anyone, never doubting that he would save her or dye trying. Booth was the man that she went to when she was upset or hurt; letting her walls come down brick by brick allowing him to see the most vulnerable side of her. Booth was the one who took up her every thought. Booth infuriated her and annoyed her at times but through all of it she still fell in love with him. He was kind, passionate about everything he did and he always put the people he loved before himself. He was simply too amazing not to fall in love with. They were the very definition of love itself. Their relationship had been gold, pure and bright; shining with brilliance and without a single flaw. But soon that gold started to tarnish by the unspoken, by the rejections and the fear. It killed her to admit that she was wrong but she knew what she had to do, and she intended to do it no matter how scared she was. Brennan leaned back in her first class seat on the airplane with a groan. She closed her eyes, still letting the tears slowing make their way down her cheeks. With embarrassment and frustration at letting her emotions show so publicly, she brought her hand to her eyes and quickly wiped away the tears. She was utterly terrified of what Booth's reaction would be to what she was about to admit to him. She brought the letter she had read so many times to her chest and took a deep breath before tucking it safely in the pocket of her traveling bag.
After zipping the pocket and the letter was safely tucked inside, Brennan allowed herself to settle back into her seat. She felt emotionally drained. She had put a lot of thought in how she was going to go about this, and through being the rational person Brennan was, she knew that things didn't always go as planned or desired. She knew that better than anyone else. Bringing her finger tips to her forehead, she gently massaged her temple willing her headache to reside.
"Are you alright Dr. Brennan?" Daniella, a concerned flight attendant asked while kneeling down to eye level. Brennan slowing opened her eyes and looked to the woman with a confused expression.
"Of course, why would you ask? It's just been a long flight." Brennan didn't understand why Daniella was looking at her with a worried expression.
"Oh, um…you.. um.." Daniella was getting flustered by Brennan's gaze. She allowed herself to take a deep breath before continuing. "I'm sorry, I just thought…. I heard you crying so I just wanted to make sure you were alright."
Brennan felt foolish. She had forgotten she had been crying. She was getting so used to the tears that she was forgetting the sensation of them on her face all together. She could picture the glare Booth would be giving her right now if he were witnessing how she was making Daniella feel uncomfortable for only doing her job. Brennan sighed. He never did cease to come to her mind.
"I'm sorry. I forgot I have been crying. Thank you for being concerned, but I am alright." Daniella smiled a sad smile, got up and turned to walk back down the aisle.
"If you need anything, Dr. Brennan, just ask.", Daniella said while turning her head back towards Brennan.
Before she could change her mind, Brennan's hand lightly touched Daniella's arm as a sign to let her know that she didn't want her to leave. Daniella looked down at her arm and then to Brennan waiting for what Brennan was about to say.
"Have you.. have you ever been in love with someone who you thought deserved better than you, but you still loved them anyway?" Brennan regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. Daniella was a young woman, most likely between the ages of 20- 25 by the look of her bone structure. Her Hispanic features were stunning, with bright hazel eyes and wavy dark brown hair that she had pinned back into a braid. She probably didn't even have time for love with the demands of her job. However, she surprised Brennan with a sad and understanding smile. She took a quick glace down the aisle to make sure her friend had everything under control before taking the outer seat next to her.
"Yes I have. But I learned something from listening to those feelings." She paused and Brennan looked at her with a curious expression, desperately wanting to know what she had learned. Daniella sighed and continued to speak. "Dr. Brennan, if you let someone go out of fear of not being enough or that you are too late, you will never truly find peace in your life. I have learned that letting someone go out of fear of not being enough will only fill one's life with what ifs and heartache. At the end of it all, it is better to just accept the fact that they saw something in you that they found mesmerizing and beautiful. It's better to just love them for being able to see what you couldn't see for yourself because most of the time, that person is right and you were wrong. I let someone who was very dear to me go because I didn't think I was good enough for him and when I realized it, I was too late."
A tear strolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. "If you love him, don't be afraid to tell him, be afraid of never getting the chance to because that, that Dr. Brennan is the most tragic thing; having them never know that they were loved back in the way you were loved by them." Brennan was usually never one that was good at reading between the lines, but she had the strong feeling that something heartbreaking had happened to the man Daniella loved. Daniella gave Brennan's arm a gentle squeeze before getting up to go back to her duties. Brennan envied her for being able to quickly plaster a smile on her face like nothing had affected her. She used to be able to do that; not any longer. Was that for the best or for the worst? Brennan wasn't certain.
She knew Daniella was right, she didn't know what brought her to even ask her the question she secretly already knew the answer to. With a sigh, she reclined her seat and decided to sleep some more until her plane hit Washington D.C soil.
Brennan had woken up around two hours ago and the plane was about to descend into Washington D.C.
After the long flight back, Brennan finally stepped off the airplane and into the airport where she waited for Angela to pick her up. Angela and Hodgins had arrived back home a week prior to their friends and she was more than happy to pick Brennan up from the airport. Brennan had discussed with Angela that she needed to be taken to the reflecting pool behind the mall- right next to the coffee cart where she would finally be able to see Booth after an entire year of separation.
Brennan was just retrieving her luggage from baggage claim when she heard a loud voice coming from behind her. Well in all honestly, it sounded more like a squeal echoing off of the walls.
"Sweetie!," Angela shouted with glee while running toward her best friend to embrace her in a hug.
"Hello Angela, you seem really excited to see me." Brennan said with a small laugh, barely being able to breathe from being held in such a tight embrace.
Angela pulled away from Brennan and shook her slightly and spoke,
"Of course I am excited to see you! Bren we haven't seen each other for a year! I have missed you so much! Now tell me all about it! What did you find out about our very existence? Any hot guys? I want to hear it all. "
"Slow down, Angela. Disappointingly, nothing was found of great significance in the jungle and I didn't have time to notice any hot guys as you put it."
Angela sighed in mock disappointment, some things really didn't change.
"Aw I'm sorry, Bren. I know that it was important to you. Maybe next time? I am sure there will be a next time", Angela said before giving her friend another hug. She did know how important the work was to Brennan and she was genuinely sorry that Brennan hadn't discovered what she hoped to while in the Indonesian Jungle.
Brennan just shook her head. "There won't be a next time, Ang. I won't leave him again. I can't do that to him again. I can't do that to us."
"Let's take you to see Mr. Hot Stuff then, sweetie. Please tell me you have finally came to your senses about the two of you.", she said while taking one of Brennan's bags from her hands.
"Who is Mr. hot Stuff?" Brennan asked with a confused look on her face while ignoring the other question in Brennan like fashion. "I much rather go see Booth, Angela. I haven't seen him in a year."
"It is Booth sweetie!"
"Oh, right. Then yes, let's go." Brennan said with an anxious voice while almost running to the exit of the building.
"And they say they are just partners" Angela murmured under her breath sarcastically.
The world around him was bathed in complete darkness besides for the stars above him and the lights in the park. It was 10pm D.C time. Seeley Booth was sitting on the bench where the coffee cart would normally be. Booth was waiting for Brennan for the last fifteen minutes and knew she would be arriving at any moment because he just received a text from her. His emotions were a mix of excitement along with sadness. He had truly missed her during their year apart, but came to the realization that they both needed that time a part to try to move on from what happened the night outside the Hoover building. However his feelings for her were just as strong as before, perhaps even more so because he had experienced what life was like without her and it was a life that he referred to as a hell he didn't wish to relive. He worried that she truly did move on from that night and scarier than that thought was that maybe she came to discover what he had-that life was simply not the same apart. He wasn't sure how he would react to her telling him she wanted to give them a chance. He now knew what it was like to live without her. Maybe she had been right. Was their friendship worth sacrificing? Then again, them avoiding fate would just tarnish that friendship even more than it did over a year ago.
After sliding his phone back into his pocket, he took a glance around the park and noticed his partner in crime instantly. She looked beautiful just as he remembered besides for a shorter and darker hair style with bangs. She was still wearing her work clothes from the Indonesian jungle. He lifted himself from the bench and made his way towards her.
"Hey Bones." He said hugging her. He allowed himself to really hug her, breathing in the scent of her hair and the scent that could only be known as her own. He could feel her body relax into his as they stood there just enjoying the feeling of being in each other's arms. He then pulled away from her and scanned her body. "You look…..um you look beautiful just like always" Booth said staring lovingly into her eyes, while dangerously close to her face than was acceptable for two people who claimed to only be friends and colleagues.
He realized what he was doing and backed away and changed the subject.
"I love your hair" He said when noticing the change in hairstyle
"Thank you" she said still blushing from his first comment.
Before he could finish, she cut him off and started walking toward the bench and then sitting down motioning Booth to the spot next to her.
"I don't know how you are going to react to what I am about to admit to you, but I have to tell you. You deserve to hear it. I know in a lot of ways that I shouldn't, that you deserve better but I need to get it out before I change my mind."
"She found someone else" Booth thought instantly "Wait, no that can't be it. I deserve better?... Before she changes her mind…? Is she going to… no, get your head out of the gutter, Seeley. She isn't going to say what you wished her to."
Brennan started speaking before Booth could even give his inner thoughts more pondering.
"Booth while I was away I came to understand what our friendship means to me" Brennan broke their eye contact and looked down at her hands while fiddling with her dolphin ring to give her further courage. She lifted her head to meet his eyes once more while continuing, "I have realized that I made a mistake; that I may have missed my chance, but I don't want any regrets. I need you to know that I love you, Booth. That I loved you when you told me you wanted to give us a chance. I was just scared. I don't want any regrets… I need you to know that you are loved just as much as you loved me. I don't want any regrets, Booth"
Booth just stared at her as tears started to stream down her face and she frustratingly wiped them away. He just stared at her completely taken aback by her words. Out of uncertainty and a feeling of awkwardness at Booth's silence, Brennan dropped her gaze back to her hands and began to fiddle with her dolphin ring for the umpteenth time that day.
"Please say something, Booth." Brennan turned back to Booth to notice his eyes were filled with anguish and some sadness. He looked almost hurt, yet at the same time so damn hopeful that it hit Brennan that he was uncertain to what her words truly meant. After all, this was Temperance Brennan he was dealing with.
"I don't understand, Bones. I love you too. I never stopped, but why now?"
His eyes bored into hers as hurt laced within his words along with longing. He needed to know why she was willing to give them a chance now when she had been so adamant over a year ago that they were the very definition of insanity.
"I… I…. It's stupid. You will laugh at it."
"Temperance look at me", Booth placed his index figure beneath her chin to get her to look up at him. "Nothing you ever say is stupid. This is pretty serious Bones. I need to know why you are now choosing to give us a chance after saying that we couldn't because of our jobs. Why now? I won't laugh, I promise."
She bit her bottom lip hard, so hard that Booth was afraid she would draw blood.
He reached over and touched his thumb to her lips as a motion to get her to stop her nervous habit. It wasn't lost on him that her breathing picked up once his thumb touched her skin.
"Please don't do that. Just tell me, Bones. I love you too. Now please just tell me." He finally slid his thumb away from her lips, instantly missing their softness.
She looked into his eyes and spoke quietly,
"I found a love letter in a bottle. It still makes no sense that water didn't get inside, but it didn't and I read it and it made me miss you even more. It made me realize that the definition of love is us."
Booth just stared at her, completely not expecting that and not really knowing how to respond so he decided to go with a question to make sure he had just heard her correctly.
"You found a love letter in a bottle? As in a hand written letter sent off to sea?"
"I know, it is all very strange. But yes, I found a love letter."
Booth smiled now, "That had to be one hell of a love letter to convince the one and only Temperance Brennan that love isn't just a chemical reaction that takes place in the brain," he leant in closer to her until their foreheads were touching. "I want to know what the letter said, but right now, right now I am going to kiss you, Bones and you are not going to push me away okay?"
Brennan smiled and closed her eyes before his lips descended onto hers making her remember how soft and wonderful they felt; making her remember how stupid she had been to push him away and deny them of their feelings. The past no longer seemed to hold as much significance as this moment did. It was the moment she finally allowed herself to break free from the rules and regulations. It was a moment Brennan finally let her heart love and be loved in return instead of keeping it caged.