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She doesn't even care to say goodbye to the others and instead heads straight out into the dark night. Her hands curl into tight fists as she shoves them around her waist, lowering her head to block out the biting wind flowing around her. She feels dizzy and her head spins wildly as she thinks of everything that had just taken place. Wasn't it everything she had always hoped for and always imagined happening? Life could be such a strange thing sometimes.
Her flats tap against the cement beneath her, and she can't help but feel an unfamiliar pain deep inside her chest. She knows she can trust Finn, and she knows he would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. Her mind jumps from one conclusion to the next as she tries to string out everything in her head and make sense of it all. So then why was he doing this? Did he feel like he had to end things before, and maybe now something had changed? She honestly doesn't know what to think.
She hates this feeling of confusion—the feeling of not being with him when she knows she could have been just moments before. Feeling his skin against hers was so...right. Looking at him, seeing his eyes look at her with such passion, was overwhelming. How could someone with so much love in his heart ever purposely set out to hurt her? He couldn't...and he never had, of that much she's sure.
She continues to walk aimlessly down the sidewalk, her chin buried deep against her chest as everything beneath her is a blur. Her entire body feels like it's going to explode, and she can't stand not having him next to her now that she's felt him close again.
She pulls out her phone, not even thinking twice as she pushes in his number. The phone rings, and she continues to hold it to her ear even though he isn't picking up, which she's not surprised by. Why should he? She feels ashamed and stupid for thinking he would actually want to talk to her now.
"Finn, it's me. Look, I'm sorry, ok? I just..." She pauses for a moment, trying to think of the right words that would encourage him to come see her. "I'm willing to talk, ok? Please meet me at your house...I'll be waiting."
She hangs up abruptly and shoves the phone back into her skirt pocket, and she feels such a sudden adrenaline rush that she can't help but pick up her walking pace. It only takes a few minutes to reach his house, and the only light coming from it is from the one hanging off the front porch. It's picturesque and romantic. It feels like home, and to think it could have been.
She sits on the edge of the porch, her feet landing firmly on the steps beneath her. It's getting cold, and she suddenly wishes she'd taken a jacket with her. She wraps her hands around her arms, rubbing them forcefully as she makes an attempt to create warmth, but it's no use against Ohio's weather.
"Are you crazy," she hears Finn shout as he nearly runs up his driveway. "It's cold out here!" He runs up the few steps leading to her and nearly forces his jacket through her freezing arms. He rubs his hands together before placing them on her cherry stained cheeks, and he gently kneads the bitter skin, making his best attempt to warm her up. "Aren't you freezing," he asks almost incredulously, his hands still placed carefully against her face as he pulls her closer into him.
She can't speak. He's not even mad. Not one bit. Or maybe he's just too worried about her health to think about the stunt she pulled on him just moments before. She pulls away from him briefly, taking in a deep breath as she dares to look into his eyes once again, and she finds not one ounce of anger or bitterness in him. Incredible.
"Finn..." She looks down in embarrassment, shaking her head. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" She can't help but let out a grunt before looking back up at him.
"Finn, I…" She shakes her head in disbelief. "I walked out on you."
"It only seemed fair." Her eyebrows furrow together in confusion, her mind not thinking quite straight with the cold air penetrating through her skin. "I walked out on you, didn't I?"
"Yes, but…I assume you had good reason to. I didn't...I was just being irrational…"
"It's understandable, Rachel," he shrugs, and she looks up at him with frustration. Why is he being so agreeable? "Let's go inside and get you warmed up. It's too cold out here."
He grabs her arm and helps her up from the stairs, and then he quietly opens the front door, putting a finger across his lips to signal that she's to be quiet; he obviously doesn't want to wake his mom. She follows him across the long hallway, past the living room and the kitchen into his bedroom on the far right. The door creaks open as he steps inside, switching on the lamp near his bed as he throws back the blankets on his bed.
"Lie down," he orders gently, moving over to the other side of the bed while taking off his shoes.
She does exactly as he tells her to, and her heart begins to race a million miles per second with thoughts of what might happen next. Her hands shake as she lies down carefully in the bed, pulling the blankets over her waist as she turns away from him.
He seems to be reading her mind as he speaks quietly. "Don't worry…I called your dads. They know you're here." She can only nod her head, her eyes stuck on life outside his bedroom window.
She hears his closet door open and close. Seconds later, she feels a sinking in the bed beside her, but she doesn't dare turn over. He keeps the covers beneath his body and instead throws a separate blanket over his legs, and the silence's deafening as they both lie stilly. Rachel opens her mouth several times, desperate to say something, but she can never think of the right words to say.
"What are you thinking about," Finn asks suddenly, bringing her out of her thoughts.
"I'm trying to figure out what you're thinking about," she says bluntly and slightly frustrated.
"I'm thinking about how good my mom's chocolate chip cookies sound right now," he says wistfully.
She shoots up and looks down at him incredulously. "Are you serious, Finn?"
He laughs quietly between his lips, shaking his head as he takes in her tense stance. "Of course not, although they do sound good now that I mentioned them," he mutters. "No, what I'm really thinking about..." He reaches his hand out toward her arm, allowing his finger to trail down her skin, sending goose bumps down the entire length of your body. "…is how sorry I am for letting you go in the first place...and how sorry I am that things had to come to this..."
His voice is full of pain and regret, something she never wished to hear.
"Finn..." She pulls herself into his arms, allowing her head to rest comfortably against his chest. "You may have broken my heart..." She trails her finger down the length of his stomach, feeling his body tense beneath her touch. "…but you stole it too. And it will always be yours, Finn. Always."
She can hear his heart racing beneath his chest, his warm hands nearly shaking as he holds her against him. "But I never want to break your heart, Rachel...I never meant to..."
"I know, Finn," she sighs. "I know that."
He gently rolls onto his side, one of his arms hovering above her head as she runs her hands through his messy hair. She watches his face closely. "I couldn't stop thinking about you…I've really missed you…"
A smile spreads across her lips. "I've missed you too."
Very, very softly, Finn leans down and kisses her, and the first meeting of their lips after all this time is enough to create a longing in her heart and an ache between her legs, a throbbing only Finn could ever create throughout her entire body, from the tips of her toes to the curves of her fingertips.
The kiss would be chaste if it wasn't for the way his body leans against hers, his hand slipped around and underneath her, tightened around her curved waist. As he gently tugs on her bottom lip, she lets her other hand drift around his neck, meeting the other that's already curled into his soft hair.
She gently pulls him to her mouth and happily lets his lips melt against hers. He pulls her up, against his body, sliding his hand up her back as she leans in and kisses him. His hand eagerly skims down her body to her thigh, lifting it up and wrapping her calf around his waist. He wants her close to him—he wants to feel close and be close with her.
One hand moves down to grasp his shoulder when the kiss deepens. His tongue slides against her top lip, and she readily opens her mouth further so that it can mingle with hers. It feels so wet and warm and, like her lips and his, made to be with hers. His fingers gently knead her thigh still locked against him, and then he runs a finger up her spine, feeling all sorts of muscles tense to life.
"Come here," he breathes out as he pulls her on top of him completely, kneading her arms on the way.
She rises her upper half off of him just slightly, craning into the movements of his fingers, and a low groan escapes her lips as she nuzzles into his neck. He kneads his fingers deep into her skin, pressing circles down her back and spine from where they were just creating them on her arms.
His hands find the small of her back, and they hesitate when he feels her lips brush against his neck, touching that one spot, giving it a single kiss. He sneaks his hands up her sweater, moving to massage her shoulders, breaking up knots of tension trapped beneath the skin.
She moans into his neck and allows her mouth to close on the tender skin just below his ear again, as her hips begin to move in time with hands still making circles, and as the muscles along her back loosen, Rachel feels muscles tighten elsewhere. Sweeping his tongue across his lips, he tilts his head to give her better access to his neck as he skims his hands lower and lower.
He grasps her behind and gently digs his fingers into it, feeling how supple it is beneath his touch. He then slips his fingers into the rim of her skirt and beneath the elastic of her panties, pulling her against him, unafraid to let her feel how hard he's getting. She moans slightly when his tightness meets her core, and she jolts when his fingers slip underneath her panties, the anticipation beginning to rock her.
Rachel was never a patient girl, especially when it comes to Finn and especially this with Finn. She mumbles his name a few times as his mouth blazes a moist trail across her jaw and down her throat. She shifts against him and then hungrily brings her mouth to his, and the kiss they share then says so much. It's weeks worth of tension, regret and aching since the first time they kissed.
Finn feels her legs spread a little as she straddles him, and he grabs her hips and forces her against him, the friction killing both of them. His hands skim from her waist past her ribs and to the soft swell of her chest, and Rachel feels as if she could jump out of her skin when his hands touch her so intimately.
Grinding against him, feeling him throbbing beneath her, Rachel feels herself growing hot and moist. She takes his hand into hers and kisses his palm before guiding him to her so he can feel it for himself, and he buries his face in her neck, covering it with kisses as he lets his hand be pulled down past her stomach and into her waistband. Rachel rolls off of him slightly, giving him better access, and he brushes his fingers along the surrounding skin before sliding a finger between her lips. She grabs hold of his arm, her fingers digging tightly into him as she urges him further with more fluid motions of her hips.
Her hands reach behind him, pulling his face to her, and she kisses him hard again. Finn tastes her, exploring her tongue and biting gently at her lips. She's lithe and electric beneath his hands, and he can barely contain himself, Rachel or the sensations flowing between them. His fingers explore too, between her legs, as his other hand slides along her ass, up her back and across her chest to cup the back of her head.
He doesn't want to stop touching her.
Rachel moves against his fingers, the slick friction driving her crazy. His fingers move in and out and around, and one could say he's rather skilled despite his first time doing this was only a few weeks ago, with her. Rachel feels the ache inside her swell, and she wants him so badly.
"Finn," Rachel whispers, moving back to his mouth.
"Yeah?" He slides his fingers against her, playing with her for a moment and feeling her writhe against him. He loves it when she does that. Then he slides his fingers down and slips one in. "Yes?"
Rachel doesn't quite know how to tell him. Words are escaping her as his finger slips in, and she moves to meet him. "Please…" She can't hide the urgency in her voice as every muscle tightens around him.
He pushes his hips against her, feeling her warm thighs press against his erection, and Finn slips another finger into her, and that soft, hot pressure around him feels so good. He works his thumb against Rachel and kisses her neck. "What? Please what?" He kisses her again. "What do you want, Rachel?"
Her hand slides between them. Avoiding getting tangled with his arm, Rachel pulls at the opening of his boxers and slips her hand inside, and she takes him into the flat of her palm, closing her fingers around him. Her beautiful eyes meet his gaze for a moment, both of their bodies pausing briefly, and there's only one word for what Rachel wants.
He kisses her again and then rests his forehead against hers. Her hand on him is the only thing in the world, along with her lips and her eyes, that matters to him, and he kisses her more deeply.
With her mouth still slipping across his, she inches her fingers into the edge of his jeans and pulls up the gray shirt tucked perfectly into them. Once released, she pushes it further and over his chest, allowing her hands to glide over his warm, firm bare skin. Breaking their kiss, she pushes it all the way until it's finally over his chest, and she leans her face toward his to drop small kisses over it. He arches his back to allow her to easily peel the shirt off his body, and she tosses it to the floor beside the bed.
His hands cup her bottom before sliding beneath her sweater and up her back, pushing the hem to her head and above. His eyes are heavy as he watches her raise her hands above her head, obliging to him, and he tugs the sweater off the rest of the way, gazing at her while he undresses her body.
One hand rests on Rachel's knee and the other wraps around her ribs, right beneath her chest. "You're so beautiful…" He strokes his thumb across her tender skin. "Amazing…" He trails his hand down her ribs to her stomach where his thumb begins to make lazy circles.
The words and the sincerity behind them strike a chord within Rachel. She usually finds it hard to believe when anyone compliments her, let alone someone she found to be so beautiful in return, both inside and out. She'd just gotten used to the world finding her so ugly, both inside and out. She feels her eyes tear yet forces them away as she reaches behind her to unclasp the delicate lace bra she wears.
She leans back down, pressing her skin to his, nuzzling his cheek and savoring his warmth. He reaches around her and covers her hands with his own, feeling her working at her bra clasp until it finally comes loose. He slides his hands over her shoulders then back down, slipping off the bra straps. She leans back slightly and lets him slip the piece of lace from her, and finally, she's bare to him.
Finn stares at her heavily, from her eyes down to her lips and graceful neck, to the slope of her shoulders. Then her chest and the soft roundness there that's only for his eyes to see. He reaches out and cups her briefly before trailing his fingers down across her heart, feeling it pounding.
"Gorgeous," he whispers, a slight smile creeping across his lips.
His hands slip beneath the waistline of her skirt and quickly slide to the front. He unbuttons it and then slides his hands up to her chest again. He wants to touch her further; he wants to make her body feel as loved as it deserves to be. He skims his fingers along the underside, and then massages them gently. One arm slips behind her, pulling her to him, her chest against his, and he kisses her.
"Are you ok with all of this?"
Pressed against him, she lies still for a moment. She closes her eyes and listens to his heartbeat pulsing so soothingly. She never realized how nice it would be to sit with a boy and feel his heartbeat, yet here she is, leaning against Finn, feeling and listening to his. There's something truly beautiful about it, and the sound lulls her, pulling her deeper into comfort.
She knows it sounds crazy, being so moved by a simple heartbeat, but she loves him so much, and after weeks of being not being able to be with him, she wants to appreciate those small things about him she hasn't gotten to experience yet. She just breathes with him, and every feeling she has, especially the ones she has for him, feel overpowering. Her hands encircle around his neck and her fingers caress the tender skin.
"I'm very ok with his," she says. "I hope you're not having second thoughts about us…"
"Definitely not," he answers with no doubt in his mind.
He pushes her skirt down, getting it caught at her hips, and after sharing another kiss, she raises her hips off of him, letting him slide it and underwear down past her knees. He feels her reach down and help, and after she leaves his body only to take if off the rest of the way, she climbs back over him.
He feels her hands working at his waist, his eyes watching her laboring intently on her task. Finally, she unbuttons and unzips his pants, and her fingers push against his skin. He raises his hips, letting her pull them and his boxers down all of the way. One leg and then the other peels off of him, and after she edges her body against him again, she can feel him hard and hot against her.
"Tell me what you want," he whispers. "I want to give you everything you want."
She leans down and slowly places kisses along his naked body, up to his lips. After a sweet kiss, she pulls back and looks down at him. "I want you, Finn," she tells him softly. "That's all I've ever wanted."
With a smile splashed across his lips, he eagerly turns her over and hovers his body above hers. This is what she wants; she's sure of it. She wants it so badly she can taste it. She shifts against him, pushing him toward her. His chest rises heavily as he takes in a deep breath, taking in her naked form below him. She smiles when she feels his hand brush against her side, his lips at her bare shoulder.
"Then I am…" His lips brush up to just below her ear. "Completely…" He runs them down the side of her jaw, his hand holding her face carefully. "…one hundred percent yours."
She bites her bottom lip, completely satisfied with his remark. She never did nor wanted to doubt that he belonged to her and her him. She braces her hands around his neck, his chest pressed carefully against hers as he continues his exploration along her body. His tongue and lips reach every curve and every crevice of her body as she takes deep breaths, her entire body alert and aware of his touch.
She braces her hands against his shoulders as he sinks lower and lower down her stomach before making his way back up to her chest toward her neck. He's taking his sweet time with her, and Rachel couldn't feel any more loved or any more treasured than he makes her feel.
"Are you sure," he whispers against her ear.
She runs hands along his back. There's nothing she could want more then to be with him in this moment. To feel him completely. To be his. "You have me, Finn…so take me…"
He kisses her hard, deeply, and then he reaches over to the side of his bed. After a moment, he tosses the wrapper aside and then kneels above her, and as he leans on his elbow, his other hand skims her body from shoulder to knee. He kisses her deeply as his hand explores, feeling how ready she is.
Small moans are all she can create into his open mouth as her hips move to meet the exploratory pressure of his hand. She cups his face with her hand and spreads her legs further in an open invitation for him to take. His finger makes a few lazy circles, and he feels her ache and arch against him.
A few strokes against her, and Finn finally withdraws his hand. He cups her behind and draws her to him, feeling her warmth against him. He feels her, ready, and her legs slide against his, and the warm skin against skin contact makes him relax for a moment—until he feels himself against her.
He makes eye contact. The sheer intensity in his eyes almost frightens her. She knows he's driven, and she could always hear the honesty and sincerity in his voice. But here, in his eyes, she sees an intensity and fear that matches her own. She bites down on her lower lips and nods. She's ready. He slides against her, then, a slight pressure, and he slides in. Just a small push, and he's partially inside of her. One more push, and he fills her completely. He can't help but groans, she's so tight.
Her breath draws in, and she feels a slight aching inside and bites down harder on her lip. He's large, and it takes her a moment to adjust to him. Her hips move back, relieving some of the pressure. She relaxes herself and takes several deep breaths before her arms circle his waist and her hips slowly push into him. He stares down at her face, beautifully lit by the lights gleaming outside.
"How are you," he whispers as he brushes his lips across her neck.
Her chest heaves against his. "I'm great. Don't stop." While there is an ache, it's exquisite and one she doesn't want to lose.
"I won't stop," he breathes out. "I promise."
He thrusts against her again and feels her hips rise to meet him. His lips skim along her skin, and she feels his teeth grazing her shoulder. He moves higher and traces her face with his lips, then her chest as he pulls her hips to him against again. And again. And again. Her legs wrap tightly around him, and he feels a soft, welcoming sensation. The covers shift away from him, but he doesn't care. He thrusts into her again and pushes her into the bed.
She can feel the burning at the bottom of her stomach as it radiates outward. Her muscles clench around him as her legs lock together. Her fingers dip deeper into the firm skin of his back as she pulls him in, urging him the only way she knows how. Her breathing comes faster now, and she can feel her heart begin to pound out of her chest. She closes her eyes and closes her mouth over his neck.
Finn manages to slide his hand across her face. "I love you, Rachel…"
He feels her mouth leave his neck. "I love you too, Finn…"
And then they move together, wordlessly. He thrusts into her, watching her face, watching her eyes that he loves so much. Those eyes saved him. Those eyes saved her. Those eyes saved everything.
He feels both of them approaching the end. He moves against her, and she keeps tightening around him with every muscle. She feels him tensing, his entire body from the pulsing in his neck down to the throb in the part of him that's inside of her.
"Oh god," she cries so softly as she feels it washing over her and hold onto him tighter.
Then, it hits him. And then everything comes together, and he thrusts into her once more, pushing her up the bed and forgetting himself. He drives again and feels her whole body tense around him. And he comes, and comes. The sensation, the experience—it shakes him, and he can't think. But he slowly comes back to himself, his heart still pounding as he falls against her.
Rachel's legs loosen around him and fall weakly against the bed. She's still shaking underneath him when she withdraws her arms and raises her hands to his face where she cups his cheeks. His skin moist and red, she kisses his mouth firmly before sliding her arms around his neck, pulling his face down. He slides out of her and takes care of other business before coming back over to the bed. He lies beside her and eagerly wraps his arms around her, pulling her body against his.
"That was…" He sighs deeply. "That was really awesome, Rachel."
"Definitely," she sighs. "You'll be here, right? When I open my eyes?"
"I wouldn't go anywhere…couldn't, even if I wanted to. But I don't. I'll be right here when you open your eyes." He slides against her, the sweat between them making it a slick, hot medium.
"And you'll never leave again, will you, Finn?"
He kisses the top of her head before pulling her even closer. "Never."