So why'd I come to Gotham?

Good question.

Believe me, spending Daddy's money around Sin City is just about the only thing I have to look forward to when I get up in the morning. Sticking to one town gets a little boring after a while, though. I wanted to give that place a shot. It was made for people like me from what I heard. Time was, it wasn't any different from Sin City. There was total and complete freedom for anyone with the right connections. Then "You-Know-Who" showed up. Took out the mafia, brought down some city officials, and got the police department all nice and squeaky clean. Some jerkoff named Gordon is the commissioner now. He's apparently even more of a boy scout than Hartigan.

Here's the funny thing: Gotham isn't much better off now than what it was before "You-Know-Who" showed up. There's no more mafia but now there are freaks that make me look like Tom Cruise running it. They get their jollies off on other things, though. Like gasing people to make them go crazy and shit. So while I was sure I could meet up with some characters for the weekend, I had a much bigger chance of getting caught. Made things more fun for me.

Anyway, I took Shlubb and Klump with me and they found me a nice little princess from the suburbs. After I was done with her, somehow, my name was passed around the city and I ended up meeting a guy named Crane. Called himself the Scarecrow and dressed the part. Yeah, one of the freaks I was talking about. He heard how much I like it when the girls scream. "I dabble in fear myself," he told me. He wanted to perform some weird experiments on one of my girls. Normally, I like to do these things alone but I wanted to meet the locals anyway, so I figured why not.

He helped me find a couple brats. The last one was from the slums, near some town called Blood-Heaven or something like that. He had her rigged to his machine while I was about to do my business. That was about the time "You-Know-Who" showed up.

The guy just dropped through the skylight, looking like a... well, like a giant bat. I mean, that's his whole schtick, right? Pointy ears, dressed all in black with a big cape that looked like wings. He dropped down through the skylight with shards of glass falling and Crane's men firing bullets in every direction. It was nuts. The guy just lands right in the middle of them and all I see is his cape flapping around and the next thing I know, these guys are getting tossed left and right. My boys, Shlubb and Klump, they're not bad shots even if they talk too much. They couldn't hit the guy for nothing, even with uzis! Next thing I know, they're unconscious at his feet. As for me, I admit, I'm a lousy shot. I never get into gunfights much. I emptied my berretta but didn't hit a damn thing. Didn't help the fact that I was scared shitless. The last time some do-gooder got on my case like this, I ended up getting my ear and hand shot off. Then, I got my nuts blown away for good measure. Spent a while in a coma and woke up as an ugly ,yellow bastard. This guy wasn't John Hartigan, though. I didn't know if he was gonna stop at just ripping my equipment off. Before he could get to me, Crane stepped in, "A perfect opportunity for a guinea pig," he said.

From what I understand, Crane's machine studied my girls' brainwaves and somehow brought up childhood fears or ... yadda, yadda, yadda. It was something like that. Anyway, he turned the machine on to "You-Know-Who". The guy fell to his knees and mentioned something about his mom and dad. It was kinda weird. Didn't think a guy like that had parents. So anyway, here's the crazy part: some kid in a red costume burst through the door, riding a motorcycle. I have no idea where this kid came from, either. These people just show up, I guess. Apparently, this kid in tights runs around with him on adventures sometimes. And they call me sick?

So the kid smashes the machine with his motorcycle, then "You-Know-Who" gets right back up. This machine was supposed to bring full grown men to their knees. Crane had used it previously on one of his stooges and the guy was in quaking fear for hours. "You-Know-Who" got over it just like that. Knocked Crane out from what I could tell. At this point, I was hauling ass out of there. I got in my car and took off as fast as possible while the Scarecrow was getting his head kicked in and who knows what else. I never got a chance to even touch that little girl. Crane went to some place called Arkham while the rest were thrown in jail, including my boys. My dad was pissed but he was still able to pull some strings to get Shlubb and Klump off. "You-Know-Who" grilled them for a few minutes while they were being held. They told him about me, so who knows what will happen there. Dad said to lay low for a bit while he tried to handle things.

The funny part is, I must've gotten some kind of rep while in Gotham. A lot of those sickos heard about me now and want to visit Sin City. It seems that they think they can do business over there without ayone sticking their nose in it. They're probably right, too.

I only know one thing, though: I'm never going to that fucking town again.