"…this faggy lamp, and this faggy blanket…"
It happened only hours ago, and it was still playing on repeat in Finn's head. Man, Puck was right. I really AM dumb. Poor Kurt.
As he lay on the floor of Puck's room, listening to Puck snoring loudly, he missed sleeping in Kurt's room. It was awkward as shit, but at least he had a warm bed and someone nice to talk to. When he showed up at Puck's, it was…well, less than welcoming.
"Hey…I got kicked out of the house…can I stay here for a night or two?"
"Damn, man. Did you steal a car?"
"What did you do?"
"I called Kurt a fag in front of his dad."
"Well, you're dumber than I thought. Come on, HBO has that Real Sex show on right now."
Nothing ever changed with Puck. He still couldn't stand him, but he was all he had left. Rachel had Jesse, Kurt had Burt…AND his mom, Puck had Quinn and the baby, and that just left Finn, alone, looking for a clean floor to sleep on.
Clean was objective. He was lying on a pile of junk on Puck's floor that he was pretty sure included old porn magazines, dirty clothes, and rotten bananas. But it was a place to sleep.
He looked at his phone. 3:23 am. He wanted desperately to call Kurt, so he did.
Hi, it's Kurt. Sorry I missed your call. Or, depending on who you are, sorry that I'm avoiding your calls on purpose. Leave me a message and I will call you back. Or disregard it completely. Kisses!
"Kurt…it's me…" Finn whispered. "I really want to talk to you. Call me back."
He closed his phone and dialed again. And again. And again.
Hi, it's Kurt. Sorry I missed your call.
Hi, it's Kurt. Sorry I missed your call.
Hi, it's Kurt.
Kurt picked up his phone from his bedside table. A voicemail. From Finn.
He didn't bother to listen to it. He didn't want to hear what he had to say.
Buzzzzz. Buzzzzz. Buzzzzzz.
He kept calling. Kurt kept ignoring.
He turned over in his small bed in his new, fabulous room that he had now come to hate.
Yes, he was heartbroken. Yes, he had every right to be. And even in his heart of hearts, he knew he would forgive Finn very soon, and then probably get back into the groove of loving him in a way he had never loved anyone before. He felt pathetic, but he knew it was the truth. Finn Hudson was special. When Finn Hudson looked at him, he saw the real Kurt. The vulnerable, fun-loving Kurt who just wanted him around—if not for romance, then for friendship. He wanted that more than anything. To rewind to yesterday before suddenly his lamp and his blanket were "faggy".
For the record, he threw both out before collapsing onto his bed and crying until his pillowcase was completely soaked through.
School the next day was just weird, and not just because the girls were wearing crazy outfits and Kurt was wearing 10-inch glitter-heels. He tried getting Kurt's attention, and was met with ice.
He directed his few lines that Puck had given him in Beth to Kurt. He was hoping he got the message.
Truth was, he wasn't homophobic at all. Sometimes, he considered himself "questioning", even. Yes, he was very, very attracted to girls. Very, he often reminded himself when he was starting to freak out about his sexual identity. But there were little glimmers of question marks everywhere…that mischievous grin that plastered itself across Puck's face when he had a plan…the way Mike bit his lip when he was thinking…and yes—oh yes—the way Kurt's hips swiveled and swayed in time to just the right song…yes, sometimes he definitely thought he was bisexual. And that was part of his stress.
The freak-out moment was when he lost his virginity. Santana was smokin' hot, no matter what she was doing, and when she offered to take his virginity, he was more than a little excited about it, but when the time came…sure, it felt good, but at the same time, there was an air of "that's IT?" It was disappointing, and nothing like he had imagined. Which made him wonder briefly if he was gay. But Finn was sure he was at MOST, bi. Not that he'd decided yet.
So that kind of pressure was building, and then they moved in with Kurt and Burt, and he started getting bullied more. And tempted more, with Kurt's constant flirtations, with Kurt coming out of the bathroom in tight boxer-briefs that clung to his damp body in all the right places, and Kurt being hyperactive and dancing around their room, being just too cute for words…too cute for words? Did I really just think that? Damn. And so, he snapped. On Kurt, probably the last person to deserve it, since it's not like he doesn't get teased enough already.
Finn didn't know how to make this right. Or rather, he knew, but he wasn't quite ready for Kurt to throw him a coming-out party. Did bisexuals have coming out parties? He would have to google it.
"Kurt! Wait up!" Finn ran to catch up with him in the hallway. It was obvious that Kurt was trying to speed up so that Finn wouldn't be able to get to him, but 10-inch heels don't really make it easy.
"Kurt!" he shuffled up behind him and clapped a hand on his back.
"DON'T. Touch me." Kurt said, swatting his hand away like one would swat a small child trying to touch a hot stove.
"Kurt. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Finn looked to be on the verge of tears.
"You're gonna have to come up with something better than that if you're going to want to be friends again, Finn. Dad is already looking for someone to rent out your bed to."
"God, you really are that dumb, aren't you?"
"Hey, don't call me dumb!" Now, Finn was starting to get mad. "I'm trying to apologize here!"
"Well, fine. Let's see what you've got. Why are you sorry?"
"Um…" Finn wasn't expecting a pop quiz. "because what I said was offensive, and upsetting, and wrong…and I didn't want to hurt you. I never, ever meant to hurt you."
Kurt's look softened, but just a little. "I appreciate that. What else?"
"I'm bisexual." Why. The fuck. Did I say that.
"That's really not funny, Finn." Kurt turned on heel and walked away, disgusted that he was seconds—seconds!—from forgiving Finn, only to be teased again. He felt a hand close around his wrist.
"No, Kurt, I really need to talk to you…about this…"
Kurt's eyes nearly fell out of his head. Finn made a mental note to remember how hilarious this face was. "You're SERIOUS?"
Finn nodded. It was strange, yet satisfying to say it out loud.
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I've never told anyone before…that's the first time I've ever said it out loud…" Kurt had a brief flashback to when he told Mercedes. Even now, it almost brought a tear to his eye.
"I'm glad you told me. And I'm proud of you." He hugged Finn, who hugged back, grateful to have Kurt back. Then, Kurt slapped him across the face.
"What the fuck, man!" Finn rubbed his face where the contact was made.
"That's what you get for using that word when you're ONE OF US!" Kurt replied. "We have a lot to talk about. I'll talk to dad this afternoon about you coming back home. You," he replied, looking him up and down, "have some 'splaining to do."
With a wary look from Burt, Finn cautiously stepped into their home and went down the stairs into his room. Kurt was already sitting in his hanging chair, applying clear nail polish to the run in his tights.
"What are you doing that for?"
Kurt looked up. "Oh hey there, Tinkerbell! The clear nail polish keeps the run from getting worse." He crossed his legs and leaned forward. "So, how long have you liked a little sausage with your ham?"
"How is you calling me Tinkerbell any better than what I said to you?"
"It's not offensive. And I won't call you that anymore. So come on, spill!"
Finn let out every feeling he had in his body—losing his virginity, stress from the jocks, the confusion from all the guys he was friends with, Kurt included, and the fact that he didn't know how to handle any of those emotions. Kurt nodded and patted Finn's hand.
"I know how all of that feels, Finn." Finn nodded, glad for someone who really understood. "So, how are you planning to come out?"
WHOA WHOA WHOA RED FLAG. "I'm not ready to come out, yet. I don't even really see a need to come out…not yet. I mean, if I get a boyfriend or something, sure, but until then…"
"Finn." Kurt sighed impatiently. "Until you come out as a bisexual, you will be living with that fear…the fear of people finding out."
"I'm not ready." Finn was insistant.
"Okay, fine." Kurt had a last question. "So, what were you talking about…when you said all the guys you were friends with made you start to question your sexuality?"
Finn took a deep breath. "Puck's smile when he's about to do something stupid. And the way Mike Chang bites his lip when he's thinking…or when he dances in the shower. Artie's voice when he says something that's kind of ghetto. When you—" Oh shit. Why.
"When I what?" Kurt was more than a little intrigued. He stood up and began to change out of his GaGa outfit. "Don't mind me—I'm just changing into comfy clothes…I swear…I don't know how GaGa does it…"
Finn cleared his throat. "When…you dance."
"Mmmhmm…what else?" At this point, he was wearing nothing but underwear and heels, reaching up over his head to hang up the top half of his GaGa outfit. His long legs were all muscle, buldging and flexing as he stood on his tiptoes in his heels. Finn had to concentrate to form words.
"Umm…aaahhh…ummm…" Wow, I'm making an idiot of myself. Calm down, Finn…calm down…"When you wear those tight jeans…"
"Which ones? The dark blue ones?" Kurt had a hand on his desk to steady himself as he leaned back almost impossibly to pluck his heel off of his foot. Damn. He's flexible.
"I don't know. I guess." Finn's head was swarming. If I wasn't sure I was bi before, I am definitely sure now…
Kurt pulled a t-shirt over his head and laid down across his bed. Finn's eyes stayed on him. "Well, I'm flattered. You're not bad looking yourself." He said this very nonchalantly. If Finn didn't know Kurt a little better, he would think that he didn't know what he was doing to him. He sighed deeply.
"Well, I'm glad we talked."
"Me too, Finn. I'm glad you trust me. And your outburst yesterday is understandable, now that I know what you've been dealing with." He was rubbing lotion on his legs, reaching all the way to his ankles and running his lotioned-up hands agonizingly slowly up the length.
"What are you doing?"
"It's to keep my legs smooth. You want some?" He reached out a slick hand to Finn.
"No thanks…I'm…gonna go to the bathroom…" Finn hobbled up the stairs, his pants pointing the way.
Kurt grinned to himself. Oh, how things change in the course of 24 hours.
It all happened so fast. He went to the bathroom in the middle of 5th period because he just couldn't wait, and as he was coming out of the bathroom, Azimio and Karofsky were there, cracking their knuckles and looking ready to kill.
They dragged him out of the bathroom, the rhinestones on his heels flying off in several directions. They had him by the neck against the wall at the end of the hallway. They were exchanging words, Kurt giving his swan song and hoping the blood didn't get on his outfit. He could see Finn (what the fuck was he wearing?) heading their way, and he didn't know whether to be relieved or fearful.
Relieved. Relieved was the perfect word.
Finn knew he looked ridiculous. But he didn't care. He knew Kurt needed his help, and he trusted Kurt with his secrets, so should Kurt be able to trust him for protection?
As he spoke to Azimio and Karofsky, he felt more powerful than ever. Which is saying a lot while wearing a red rubber dress. They gave their little idle threat and left. He was about to tell Kurt how he was feeling, when the entire club showed up.
They were all one big family again. They all walked down the hallway in their ridiculous costumes, back to the choir room to gather their things and go home. Kurt lingered in the choir room.
"Why did you do what you did?"
"Because we need to be able to count on each other."
"Oh." Kurt sighed. "Well, thanks. It was…really great of you to do that."
There was an awkward, thick silence between them.
"Well?" Finn asked.
"Well, what do I get in return for saving your butt?"
"What did you have in mind?"
Finn stepped forward, very close to Kurt, and leaned in, inches from his face. Kurt closed his eyes and puckered his lips.
Finn grabbed his wig off of his head. "I like this wig." It sat comically small on his head. "What do you think?"
"You tease!" Kurt growled, and wrapped his arm around Finn, planting a forceful kiss on his lips. Finn laughed against his mouth. He picked Kurt up off of the ground, allowing him to wrap his legs around his waist.
Kurt pulled away breathlessly. "Don't tease me like that!" he grinned.
"I learned from the best tease there is, Mr. I'm-Just-Changing-Into-Comfy-Clothes."
"That was pretty bad, wasn't it?" Kurt giggled, and kissed Finn again.
"Hey, ladies?" Puck stuck his head into the room. "School's over, go home." As he eyed the scene, Finn wearing a red dress and rhinestone eyepieces, wearing Kurt like a belt, tights and heels and all, kissing in the middle of a choir room, he shook his head. "You two are gayer than cum on a mustache."
They all laughed. Kurt hopped down from Finn's waist, grabbed his hand and winked. "Come on, let's go home. I'm gonna need help hanging this up."