Since Dumbledore slashed Hagrid's pay by half, Hagrid is forced to become a stripper at the Hogsmeade Stripclub so he can make a living. But little does he know that he is just a pawn in one of Voldemort's evil schemes.

Hello there :) I am the potionsmaster369 , and I have a reputation for being notoriously disturbing. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I wish Snape was my husband.


The owner of the Hogsmeade Stripclub considered the man standing in front of him. The man was damn ugly, and very very tall. In fact, he looked like a large hairy giant (and smelt like one too.) The owner looked down at his clipboard, reading the man's details.

"Rubeus Hagrid , is it?"

The giant gave a grunt in reply; he was obviously looking very uncomfortable. The owner couldn't blame him; it wasn't often that he had male job applicants.

"Well take a seat."

The owner gestured to a worn velvet chair that was situated in front of an old mahogany desk that was cluttered with paper, glitter, a few feathers and some interesting colored potions. The walls covered by rich deep red wallpaper that was decorated by an intricate silver pattern.

"My name is Org Asmic , and I run this joint."

Hagrid nodded, his eyes drinking in the surroundings.

"So Hagrid, why did you apply for this job?"

Hagrid hesitated and then spoke, slowly regaining his confidence, "Well er , 'twas a friend of mine tha' suggested it , they said the pay was good."

"But why this job exactly, anything else apart from the pay that entices you?"

Hagrid blushed, and cleared his throat, "Um, er , this is the only job available in Hogsmeade at the moment"

Org Asmic nodded.

"I see, the thing is Hagrid, you don't really fit the criteria required."

Disappointment struck Hagrid's features and the owner felt a stir of sympathy, it was clear that the man really wanted the job.

"But, I may be able to fit you in on Gay Sundays. You will have to work from five 'til one, is that okay?"

A small smile appeared on Hagrid's face, "Sounds great sir."

"Good." Said the owner , "Now Hagrid , you will have to work up to a reasonable fitness level because you will be pole dancing and lapdancing and it requires a fair amount of stamina. Don't be surprised if the customers pay you for something extra and take you upstairs."

Hagrid looked disturbed, "They're gonna' pay me for sex?"

"It's not unlikely."

Hagrid swallowed nervously. He had never considered this , and quite frankly it made him feel a little excited. He wasn't exactly very…lucky. In fact he had very bad luck in that department.

"Do you still want the job, Hagrid?"

Hagrid nodded.

"You will have to sign this contract." Org Asmic passed a long piece of parchment to Hagrid along with a quill. Hagrid started reading.

Terms and Conditions of Employment-The Hogsmeade Stripclub.

The employee must abide by the following conditions:

1. The employee must always be semi-dressed , i.e the wearing of pants , robes , shirts , cloaks , skirts , blankets , jackets , ponchos , and oversized sombreros is not allowed during the hours of employment.

2. The employee must strive to give the customer the highest amount of satisfaction, every customer should be treated as a guest and their every need should be catered for.

3. The employee must use protection (Always)

4. The employee should do their best to be appealing to the customers , this includes but is not limited to – sexy dancing , eating fruits in a seductive manner , the use of whipped cream and fluffy handcuffs , the use of whips , leather and collars and moaning/groaning.

5. The employee should not deliberately rape/assault customers and other employees without their permission.

6. These customers should not be served , as they have low pay rate :

Mundungas Fletcher

Lucius Malfoy

Madame Bones


Luna Lovegood

D. Umbridge

7. The employee must stretch every morning to ensure a wide spread and flexibility.

8. The employee must refrain from unauthorized touching/licking/biting.

9. The employee must always for on time for work (and other activities)

10. The Hogsmeade Stripclub reserves the right to alter/change these terms and conditions at anytime in the foreseeable future.

I (full name) have read and accepted these terms and conditions.



Hagrid swallowed and with a bout of Gryffindor recklessness, he signed the parchment.

Org Asmic smiled, "Good Hagrid, Very Good."