Ok so firstly sorry for the delay in getting this out. I've had it done for ages and ready to post but we changed service providers and had to wait for our internet/phone/tv to be connected. I feel like I've been living in the stone age this past month.
Secondly a reviewer commented saying they hoped this story wouldn't be all about the Rosalie/Royce thing and I agree. It's an uncomfortable subject to read and to write but I also don't think it can just be swept under the rug. Rosalie has to deal with this. The reason I made her a victim of child abuse is although this is a fun little story to read if you think about these characters as real people they are pretty fucked up so they'd need a real reason for them to be as abusive as they are. This chapter mentions CHILD ABUSE quite alot, not in any graphic detail but I want to warn you just in case it triggers anything. There will be one more chapter focusing on this aspect of her past and then it wont be mentioned as much from then on. So hopefully that answers your question.
"You look a mess." Alice commented, eying Rosalie curiously as she sat atop the counter in the girl's bathroom, reapplying her eyeliner.
"I feel a mess." Was all Rosalie offered in response as she wiped at the mascara that was smudged under her eyes.
Alice sighed as she pulled herself up to sit next to the sink, making sure the area was clean so as not to dirty her dress.
"So… whose ass do I need to go kick?"
Rosalie looked over at her loyal friend and gave her a small smirk.
"It's all good, but thanks Al."
Alice looked at her sceptically.
"You never cry."
"Must have been one hell of a fight."
"I didn't fall out with anyone."
Alice raised a delicately manicured eyebrow at Rosalie's words. Rosalie made a small annoyed noise before putting down her expensive eyeliner and turning to face her friend.
"I tried it on with Emmett, he turned me down."
"Shit Rose, I know you're not exactly used to people turning you down but it's hardly a reason to get upset over. You know the guy is crazy over you, he's probably just being a gentleman."
"That's what he said."
"So what's the problem here?"
Rose gave a small shrug before angrily running a hand through her long hair. Alice glared and gave Rosalie a look of warning.
"I spent hours on your hair. Get your hand out of it before you turn it into a bird's nest."
Rosalie laughed in surprise before offering Alice a genuine smile.
"I… I guess I just realised how much of a colossal bitch I am and that all actions, big or small, have consequences and repercussions. And well… shit…. I deserve all the shit that I get… I bought it on myself."
Alice had never seen Rosalie look so small and insecure. She was so honest and open in that moment it made her throat go dry. She didn't have much experience with this side of Rosalie and it scared her because this Rosalie only ever showed herself when shit was serious.
"We all make mistakes." Alice smiled. "We all fuck up now and again. It's human nature. Nobody's perfect Rose. Nobody's expecting you to be."
"That's just it." She spat bitterly. "Emmett doesn't THINK I'm perfect, he knows it. He's placed me so fucking high on an imaginary pedestal. It's a really long way to fall."
"You willing to take the risk? You know Emmett would be there to catch you."
"Fuck. I'm too drunk for bullshit analogies about pedestals and falling and catching and shit. This isn't a fucking rom-com." As Rosalie said this she pulled out her hip flask and took a good drink from it, the taste of bitter alcohol hitting her tongue. She licked her lips, savouring every last drop, before placing the flask down beside her. "Sometimes I just wish… I just wish I had one EASY thing in my life. Something that was totally natural, that I didn't have to try so hard at. I thought maybe I could have that with Emmett but it was doomed before it fucking started… I mean c'mon… I slept with his brother!"
Alice's eyes went wide as her mouth gaped open in surprise.
"You slept with Edward?!"
Rosalie shrugged sheepishly.
"Yeah… once. We did it against a tree and then I went home."
"But… but… you were waiting and… and… I don't even…"
"Exactly. I'm a massive whore."
"No you're not, it was a mistake. Emmett doesn't ever have to find out."
"So what, we'd just build a relationship built on lies… my lies?"
"It's hardly a lie… you're just not telling him everything."
"You're a real ruthless bitch tonight aren't you Alice? I approve." Rosalie grinned as Alice blushed.
"No, I just want you to be happy Rose."
"How can I do this? How can I be that cold that I'd just sit round his place, having family dinners with his parents whilst the other brother I fucked sits across from us?"
"If it was a one off, a mistake, then it shouldn't matter. People have one night stands all the time. It's not like you both confessed your love for each other and planned to elope. It was one night…it wasn't even that… it was one hour, against a tree. Purely physical, no emotions… right?"
Rosalie suddenly looked down, finding the hem of her dress very interesting.
"The silence in here is deafening me Rose. Say something."
"I don't even know myself so how could I explain to you?"
"You're in some deep shit Rose. You better figure out what it is you want… and fast!"
Rosalie left the bathroom a little while after Alice, swigging down the last of her hip flask for courage before entering into the school's hall. Decorations were flung carelessly around the ceiling and a strobe light was flashing mechanically towards the make shift dance floor. All in all it gave Rosalie a pounding headache. She spied Alice grinding and laughing with Jasper in the middle of the room, looking like they were having the time of their lives. Alice reached up and wrapped her arms around Jasper's neck, having to tip toe to do so, he dipped his head like a gentleman so that their lips could meet. Rosalie watched, almost transfixed, as both their eyes slowly drifted shut and their lips, their whole bodies, moved together in tandem. It was so sweet she almost threw up. But a part of her… a tiny little part of her knew that she was jealous of what they had with each other. Or it could have just been the alcohol talking. She nodded and carried on walking over to where Emmett was sat talking to James.
James looked up at Rosalie and gave a suave smile. "Damn Rose. Dance with me in that dress." He laughed.
She gave him a disgusted look before perching herself on Emmett's lap. He looked up in surprise and gave her a big toothy smile which showed off his adorable dimples. Two strong arms wrapped around her waist, securing her in place.
"Don't be such a perverted ass, James."
"What? You must have known how good you look in that dress when you left the house. It worked, I'm impressed, you got my attention." He winked over at Emmett, who laughed along with him.
Rosalie rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Why thanks James. All the time I spent preening in front of a mirror tonight was all just for you. Thanks for noticing me. Now I can die happy." She replied sarcastically.
"Good to know." He laughed good naturedly. He stood up, giving the couple a mock bow before pulling a joint out from his shoe. "Now I'm off to get fucking baked. Anyone care to join me for a smoke?"
Rosalie gave him a pointed stare as James laughed and walked away.
Emmett's hands came up to rest on Rosalie's shoulders, massaging the exposed skin lightly. He lent forward so that his mouth was almost touching her ear. "You want to dance beautiful? You look so perfect tonight; I just want to show you off."
Rosalie gave a small nod as she stood up and took Emmett's hand in her own as she led him towards the dance floor. Alexandra Stan's Lemonade started to play over the speakers as Rosalie began to move rhythmically to the beat, Emmett's hands on her hips. She let her eyes close as she concentrated on just dancing, letting herself get lost in the music. She felt Emmett pull her closer and she opened her eyes to give him a questioning look. He was smiling down at her with the tenderest eyes she had ever seen. She sharply looked away, making eye contact with Jessica Stanley. She was dancing with some no-mark from the year below but seemed to be enjoying herself. Jessica gave Rosalie a bright smile before turning back to her dance partner.
Rosalie continued scanning the dance floor, telling herself she was just avoiding Emmett's advances but even she knew she was lying. And that's when she what she was looking for. A flash of auburn coloured hair amongst the blinding strobe lights and she rolled back on to the heels of her shoes to get a better look. Sure enough Edward Cullen was dancing with his blonde haired date, Tanya, looking like he was thoroughly enjoying himself. Rosalie felt her insides burn with hatred. She quickly looked back at Emmett who was still smiling at her as if he'd just seen her for the first time. It made her feel uncomfortable and unreasonably claustrophobic.
She lent up so that he could hear her over the obnoxiously loud music and told him that she was going outside to get some air. She rushed off before he had the chance to reply.
Outside, she sighed in relief as the cool air hit her skin and she slapped lightly at her cheeks, trying to sober herself up. She pulled her hair up into a mock ponytail before releasing it, so that it fell once again down her back in pretty curls. She lent against the wall for support and let her head fall back against it. She had no idea what was wrong, why she was so upset, frustrated, annoyed, angry, unnerved, uncomfortable… the list went on. She banged her slightly against the wall in irritation. She was always so cool and composed. Just what the fuck was going on.
A loud rush of music signaled that the exit door was being opened and someone was joining her outside in the school's parking lot. She scrunched her eyebrows up in irritation about to give the person a verbal bashing when she caught sight of that familiar copper hair. The poisonous words on the tip of her tongue got stuck and she felt like she could barely breathe.
"I've got to say, I think that's the least attractive thing I've ever seen in my life." Edward Cullen smirked as he took in Rosalie's face scrunched up in detest. Her forehead was wrinkled and her eyes almost crossed as she was looking at him with rage. "Careful princess, the wind will change and you'll be stuck that way… or so the saying goes."
Her face evened out as she fixed him with her most venomous glare. "That's a stupid fucking saying." Was all she offered by way of conversation.
He didn't comment, just looked her up and down, his eyes always on her. The silence and his stare were getting unbearable for Rosalie. She had to say something or she felt like she was going to explode.
"What are you doing outside? Tina not doing it for you?"
"It's Tanya." He replied with a knowing smile.
"Tina, Tanya, makes no difference to me." She shrugged coolly.
"And yet you were the one who bought her up." He laughed, shoving his hands into his pockets.
Rosalie made an indignant little noise before looking over at him scornfully.
"She looks like me."
He didn't deny it.
"I guess I have a thing for blondes."
"Funny… I always thought you were more of a brunette kind of guy."
"I used to be." He answered nonchalantly.
"What changed?" She cringed at the high pitch of her voice, begging the rising happiness she felt to go away.
"I met Tanya, obviously."
She felt her teeth snap together and quickly turned her head away from him. She cursed at herself. Just what exactly was she expecting him to say?
"You want to go sit in my car?" He asked unexpectedly after they hadn't spoken for a while.
"Why would I want to do that?" she bit out, harshly.
"I was only asking. It's cold as fuck out here."
"Then go back inside." She all but snarled.
"You look cold." He said pointedly as she looked down to see the goose bumps all over her exposed flesh.
"Then maybe I should go back inside." She said it yet neither of them moved an inch.
"Yeah, maybe. I bet Emmett's waiting for you like the faithful little lapdog he is."
"Faithful isn't a bad thing." She snapped at him.
He laughed and she closed her eyes at the sound. It sounded so beautiful to her. Like her favourite singer had just turned up and dedicated a concert entirely to her. She decided then and there that it was her most favourite sound… But she'd kill herself before anyone ever found that out.
Edward dug out his car keys from his pocket and dangled them on one finger in front of her, propositioning her, daring her to say no. His eyes never left hers as he raised one eyebrow in defiance. She could never back down from a challenge so she grabbed the keys and made her way towards where his car was parked, never looking back at him. Edward followed silently behind her, his eyes on her ass the whole walk over.
She unlocked the car and then climbed graciously into the passenger seat. He sat down in the driver's seat and shut the door behind him. Silence enveloped them and Rosalie had to physically restrain herself from looking over in Edward's direction.
"Wont Tanya be mad you ditched her?" She didn't really care but she needed to say something… anything to kill this maddening silence. She felt like she was going to lose her mind if one of them didn't speak soon.
"I don't really give a fuck."
She gave him a disgusted look and rolled her eyes. Its not that she liked the girl… far from it… but she could understand how much Edward being an asshole hurt so for once she was totally on Tanya's side.
"You're such a fuck nugget sometimes." She spluttered before leaning over and punching him lightly in the shoulder. He looked up, shocked at the contact before giving her a hard look.
"Only sometimes? Careful there princess or I might start to get the impression that you actually like hanging out with me." He grinned.
She gave a small laugh. "I definitely wouldn't want that to happen. I never like being around you."
He looked down, placing his hands on the steering wheel. "I know." He said seriously and she felt her heart tighten in her chest at the tone of his voice.
An uncomfortable silence set upon them once again and she couldn't help but study his features. His gorgeous messed up hair, deep green eyes, plump red lips. She remembered the last time those lips were on her and a pulse of heat spread throughout her abdomen. His strong arms gripped the wheel tightly and she could see his fingers clenching and unclenching around it. She knew what she had to do, had to say, to make this right. She just didn't know if she had the courage to do it.
She cleared her throat noisily and he looked up at her, startled out of his thoughts.
"About… about last time we spoke… at mine." She saw him flinch and open his mouth to interrupt her but she just held up a hand and continued speaking. "I… I don't even know why you're speaking to me right now… I thought…. Well I thought after what I said that we weren't…. friends anymore." She cringed, saying the word friends as she didn't know what else to call it. He had his eyes closed, totally unreadable. "I never apologised… cause…. Well shit…. I never meant any of what I said. You were right, so fucking right. I do use whatever emotional blackmail I have on people and throw it back in their face. I do it when I get scared… and fuck… I, well I am sorry… for what it's worth. I never meant it. I was just so angry, and it wasn't your fault. You don't know the whole story… but I still took it out on you… when you were trying to be, well… a friend." She cringed again, trying to read something from him to no avail. She played with her hands nervously, unsure of what to say or do next.
Edward sat with his eyes closed, unmoving. The more time went on the more unnerved Rosalie was.
"Fuck Edward, I just bared my soul and shit to you and you can't even say anything?"
Slowly he looked up at her, his hard eyes meeting hers.
"That's all it's ever about Rose. Making YOU feel better. You didn't apologise because you genuinely felt sorry, you apologised to clear your own conscience. You call that baring your soul? Well then you're about as deep as a puddle. I bared my fucking soul to you that night… when I told you the story of my birth mom. I've never told anyone that story. Why I chose you I'll never fucking know. I've never regretted anything more."
He didn't shout or raise his voice but Rosalie flinched back at the sadness of his voice. She didn't know what to say, what to do, all her confidence had vanished. She felt like a pathetic ten year old who had just got chided by her father. The worst part was he was completely right.
"I'm sorry." She whispered into the silence. "I just don't do deep and meaningful conversations. At least not about myself."
"Why? I thought talking about yourself was your favourite topic?"
She closed her eyes choosing to ignore his comment. A yell from outside the car made her jump as she peered out into the dark and saw a tall tanned girl running from the hall's exit and off towards the forest that surrounded the school. She was laughing and shouting behind her and then suddenly Rosalie could see a guy with bright red hair following behind her, a huge smile on his face. Then they were gone… off into the woods… doing God knows what. Rosalie could hazard a good guess. She heard a chuckle and turned to see Edward staring off into the woods.
"Must be getting pretty late if the kids are ditching the school to go hook up in the woods."
Rosalie felt the heat creep up to her face before she could catch herself. Hooking up in the woods… like she had done… with him. Then she felt an odd sense of determination, like a flick had just switched in her brain. She was going to share with Edward Cullen tonight, she was going to bare her own soul for judgement. Just this once… then they would be even. Whatever happened after that at least Rosalie could honestly say she tried to make things better between them. Though why she was trying so hard was completely beyond her comprehension.
"You took my virginity." She said suddenly, her voice emotionless. She saw Edward glance at her in surprise.
"I know." He replied. "I was there."
She thought back to his earlier comment about it not being memorable but decided to let it slide.
"Despite what you may think of me I was actually saving myself for somebody that genuinely cared about me."
"You think I don't care about you?" he interrupted.
"I know you don't but still I gave it up to you." She smiled wistfully as her eyes lost focus. "It's really my own fault. My stubbornness. I wanted to get one up on you, wanted to prove that I was in control. I guess having sex with you was my way of doing that. Of showing you that I was capable of doing the most intimate of things and walking away without giving a shit about it… I was wrong as usual."
She gave a small sardonic laugh before shaking her head. "I don't exactly have any normal healthy relationships in my life to learn from. From a young age I knew that sex was all men were ever interested in. I learnt that the hard way."
She looked over at him and although her face remained blank he could see the tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. He didn't move, didn't react.
"Even my own parents. They look like they're so in love. Daddy is always buying my mother gifts and she's always preparing him lavish meals and showering him with affection but it's all so fake. They only do all these things when people are watching… like they're putting on a show. They don't even have the passion to argue with each other anymore. They just ignore each other and shut everyone out. I suppose I'm to blame for that as well. My mother said as much the other night."
Finally Edward spoke, daring to interrupt her. "I don't understand. How could you be to blame for you parents relationship breaking down? Don't put that on yourself."
"I didn't, my mother did." She sighed, turning to gaze out the window. "You see when I was young I… well….I told her something… something that she didn't want to hear. I was always a daddy's girl so he immediately jumped to my defense." She gave a genuine smile and Edward couldn't help but stare at her in that moment. She looked so ethereal and beautiful and wistful and unattainable. He was mesmerised. By her words, by the way her mouth moved to form those words. He'd never been more entranced in his whole life.
"But as much as he loved me, he still loved my mother too. Would do anything to please her. I was still only a child and children, well… they say silly things all the time… it doesn't mean they're real, right?" she looked at him suddenly and could see the confusion on his face. "So I was told just to forget about it. Stop making up silly stories that would get people in trouble. Daddy couldn't face up to the fact that he failed me so he moved us to a new house, bought me everything I ever wanted and bribed my mother with expensive gifts to keep her happy… to keep her here."
Edward's eyebrows knitted together in frustration. He knew he was missing something big, something Rosalie wasn't telling him. She was hardly making sense but he knew not to rush her. Knew that she had never told another soul this tale.
"She was big on family my mother. It killed her moving away from everyone she loved… especially her brother… my Uncle Royce. Daddy forbid him from ever contacting us again. So I suppose that shows he believed me…. The gifts didn't keep mother happy very long though and soon she was in contact with him again. I… you can't even understand the betrayal I felt at just thirteen. I wanted to die Edward."
He didn't know why but he reached out a hand and placed it on top of her clenched fists. Her hands were balled together so tightly he thought she was going to cut off the circulation to her fingers.
"You see Uncle Royce, when I was little liked to take me on little trips. Days out… just me and him. I was the apple of his eye… his… his golden girl. He never had children himself, thank God, so he loved spending time with me and Jasper… mainly me. Then one day when I was very young he asked me to sit on his lap… as he had done many times before… but this time was different. He held me really tight to him and then… and then, even though both our clothes were still on, he began to move me on top of him… as a man would do with his wife…." She trailed off, lost in thought, not noticing that Edward's hand had become cold and lifeless atop of her own.
He felt like he could barely swallow, his throat was so dry. He had sat with that… that MONSTER… her own family had allowed him into their home… he couldn't even think straight. Blind rage was all he could feel, see, think. And then just as quickly as it came it went. He felt Rosalie's hand shift beneath his and she linked her fingers through his. He just felt sad… desperately sad for her.
"Uncle Royce was a paedophile. He liked little girls… me especially. He justified to himself that it was okay because he never took off my clothes or removed his own. Because he never placed his fingers on my… private area or because he never made me touch him and because of that I think my own mother was able to just block it out. Because I was still a virgin, because I'd never really been touched she could just act like nothing was wrong, like I had a wild imagination." Rosalie almost jumped as she felt a cold tear splash onto her bare thigh. She hadn't realised she had been crying.
"It happened for years, every time I saw him and he got me alone. He treated me to lots of sweets afterwards… to buy my silence. It wasn't until I was ten years old and I asked Jasper if he wanted to play a game that I played with Uncle Royce and then tried to grind on top of him, that I realised something was very wrong. My mother saw all this and told me to stop telling lies…"
Hope that wasn't too bad. Review please.