Rayquaza's Guide

How to Deal With Your PO'd Counterparts

For Dummies

By: Crystal

Summary: Rayquaza's turn! Covers both Groudon and Kyogre!

Disclaimer: I dun own Pokemon or the 'For Dummies' series.


Yo, I'm Rayquaza and in this guide we'll be covering my counterparts Kyogre and Groudon. This is dedicated to them. (Because of them is the whole reason I decided to write this thing.) Enjoy!

Who are Groudon and Kyogre?

Groudon-My Ground-type counterpart. He has the ability to wield the earth as a weapon. He likes hot, sunny places and Rocky-Road ice cream. His best friends are Raikou and Palkia. He can be found fighting with Kyogre and running from Hydro Pump attacks every Sunday morning.

Kyogre-My Water-type counterpart. She is lord of the sea (Not to be confused with Lugia 'Beast of the Sea' or Manaphy 'Prince of the Sea'. I had to force her to stop trying to attempt to eat the poor thing.) She likes Celebi, Suicune, and Cresselia. (How she is not scared of Cress is beyond me) She can be found swimming or trying to kill her generally sweet-natured counterpart with high-powered, Water-type attacks.

Random Fights I've Broken Up.

Just in the past week.

Fight: Whether Pepsi or Coke tastes better.

Result: Darkrai got hit with a stray Water Spout attack.

Victor: Kyogre and her Coke.

Fight: Whether Shadow Lugia or Ho-oh hate each other

Result: S-Lugia nearly got fried by Fire Blast (Damn. Let's just say it's a good thing he can move fast.)

Victor: Shadow Lugia 'Shadow Storm'd' them both.

Fight: Whether Mew is annoying.

Result: Mew got flushed down one of Registeel's toilets.

Victor: Kyogre. 93% of legendaries find the little pink cat annoying.

Fight: Whether or not the sky is blue.

Result: I called in Mewtwo and he gave a long lecture (spanning eight hours) on atmospheric conditions, gas particles in the air, and the history of water vapor before I had to call Deoxys in to make him finally shut up.

Victor: I'm going to call this a draw. At least we did learn that the sky is, in fact, blue.

Loser: Me. My head still hurts.

Fight: How babies are made

Result: I called in Mewtwo again and he gave another long, rather disturbing lecture on how babies are generally made. Groudon was scarred for life and Kyogre was slightly green when he finally finished.

Victor: *glares* I am NOT touching that one. I still feel vaguely nauseous.

Fight: Whether Manaphy tastes like shrimp or not

Result: They decided to stick Manaphy in their mouths to see how he actually tasted. Yeah, I pummeled them and saved the poor kid. Needless to say, Manaphy is now seeing Mesprit for counseling.

Victor: I don't think anyone. But Manaphy's still alive at least.

Best People to Get in Case they Start Fighting

Me (I generally stop their fighting. I am their counterpart after all)

Arceus (The Goddess of all Pokemon is damn scary when pissed)

Giratina (Let me put it this way: "STOP FIGHTING OR I WILL KILL YOU ALL!" He screamed this so loud I thought my head was going to explode.)

Cress (The Legendary of Sweet Dreams can give me nightmares sometimes.)

Registeel (Everyone's at least a little scared of this psychotic Steel-type for obvious reasons. Refer to Regirock's guide for information pertaining to Registeel)

Mewtwo (Ten hours later, he's lecturing on the history of gummy worms and the science behind them.)

Mew (Anger of each other? Forgotten. The anger has now been directed at the Legendary of Children)

Latias (She cries. They stop. They make up to make Latias feel better.)

What to Yell at Them to Get Them to Stop Fighting

'Rayquaza! They're screaming at each other again!' Just about every resident of the Hall of Origin has said this to me at least once

'The corn chip was discovered back in 1492 when Columbus discovered America. It used to run free in the forested areas but now it's-' Shut. Up. Mewtwo.

'Shut up! Can't you see I'm trying to think of ways to kill Regigigas, here?' Registeel. Kyogre and Groudon both looked at each other, paled, and ran away.

'W-why a-a-are you t-two f-f-f-fighting? W-we s-s-s-should all be f-friends. L-L-Latios would've w-wanted it that way! Waaahhh, Latios!' Latias. Come here La-la; Rayquaza will make it all better for you.

And on the opposite side of the scale is our favorite death-dragon:

"SHUT UP OR I WILL KILL YOU ALL!" They didn't fight for three whole days. A new world record. Kudos to you, Giratina! *hands Giratina medal*

Giratina: *O.O'* Thank you…?

What to Get Groudon if He is Mad at Kyogre

Palkia or Raikou

Rocky Road ice cream (Ben & Jerry's)

The Pokey Little Poochyena (The only thing he will read. I have no idea why besides that it's a classic. But that does not change the fact that it's a little kids book.)

Mesprit (Being the Embodiment of Emotions must be a wonderful gift)

What to Give to Kyogre if She is PO'd at Groudon

Pudding. Chocolate pudding (About fifty gallons ought to do the trick)

Cress, Celebi, or Suicune.

Twilight novels (about 400 pages of extremely-mushy romance. What more can a girl ask for?)

She hates Manaphy…but if anyone hurts that cute little thing I will personally *goes into a very detailed, very explicit, very gruesome rant on what he will do if anyone even makes Manaphy cry that I will not put in this fic because if I do, it will be rated M.)

Ways to Get them to Stop fighting

Get me or Mewtwo. They'll stop. Trust me. Unless they want to be killed or lectured on the history of corn chips or trees or something like that for twelve hours straight.


I am so glad Registeel is not my counterpart. *looking at Registeel who is dragging a protesting, mozzarella-cheesed Regirock down the hall and into her room. Weird exploding noises are heard.*

Mewtwo tapped Rayquaza on the shoulder, causing the green sky-dragon to look up in annoyance. "Excuse me, Rayquaza." he states, "But Kyogre and Groudon are fighting again." I nod at this. "And when you're done, will you mind coming to my lab and-"

"I'm not testing anything." I say as I fly off to go stop my warring counterparts.

Yayz! Part 2 is done! Part to is done! Next Guide I'm gonna work on is gonna be Mew's Guide to Celebi, Lugia's Guide to Shadow Lugia and Ho-oh, or Palkia's Guide to Dialga!

As always, Read and Review!

Adieu and until next time,