A True Account of Some of the Recent Adventures in the SOS Brigade as Founded by Haruhi Suzumiya, Sometime Creator of the Universe as We Know It, and the Interactions with Such Guardians of Death as Hisoka Kurosaki and Asato Tsuzuki as Described by Kyon and Written by Nekoraven

A/N: This is my first fanfiction for either Haruhi Suzumiya or Descendents of Darkness/Yami no Matsuei and also my first crossover! Dang, writing from the perspective of Kyon is annoying and difficult for a girly non-sarcastic otaku fangirl like me... Oh, this takes place in the Yami no Matsuei story between the King of Swords arc and the Kyoto file, since I don't want to have to deal with emo Tsuzuki... Time in Haruhi-fandom holds no consequence!

DRAMATIS PERSONAE (With included disclaimers)

(Note: Appearance in dramatis personae has no guarantee of actual importance or even appearance in plot)

VARIOUS IMPORTANT BEINGS

Enma (king of the dead)

God (a god; relinquished job to Haruhi Suzumiya)

Tanigawa Naru (writer; possibly a god as he created Haruhi Suzumiya i.e. god with yellow headband)

Matsushito Yoko (writer; very beloved for imagining Nekoraven's darling 'Soka-chan' and other Yami no Matsuei characters)

Nekoraven (writer; owner of nothing and no one fictitious, or Cinnabon)

SOS BRIGADE

Haruhi Suzumiya (creator of the universe and an addictive dance routine)

Kyon (Guy)

Mikuru Asahina (Time traveler endowed with certain physical gifts)

Yuki Nagato (Alien; also bookworm)

Itsuki Koizumi (Esper; possessor of 'I SHALL KILL YOU' pedo smile)

GUARDIANS OF DEATH

Asato Tsuzuki (Hisoka's partner, lover of Cinnabon)

Hisoka Kurosaki (Young shinigami)

Seiichiro Tatsumi (shadow-manipulating old Scrooge)

The Count (Likes candles)

PEOPLE

Kazutaka Muraki (Scary doctor man)

Man on Street (a man walking down the street)

Kyon's sister (a younger sister)

Cinnabon Guy (a man who makes yummy cinnamon-season sweet rolls with sugar glaze)

SOS BRIGADE GENDERBENDED

Haruki Suzumiya (a boy with an inexplicable yellow headband fetish)

Kyonko (chick)

Mitsuru Asahina (Time traveling boy often forced into crossplaying as Sailor Moon)

Yuki Nagato (An Alien. Who is not genderbended as he/she/it is in fact a data program and besides that has a unisex name)

Itsuko Koizumi (An esper girl very intimidated by pedo smiles)

FULL CAST OF ZOMBIES, EVIL SPIRITS, VAMPIRES, SHINIGAMI, PORCELAIN DOLLS, CINNABON ROLLS AND OTHER SUCH THINGS THAT PERTAIN TO YAMI NO MATSUEI

DRAMATIS PERSONAE END


Chapter 1: My Sad Little Excuse for a High School Social Life

It was a normal day.

Yuki was playing computer games. Miss Asahina was serving tea in her maid costume. I was kicking Koizumi's ass at Othello.

And then she arrived.

"Hey guys guess what?" Exclaimed the yellow-headband-adorned she-devil, scaring the heck out of everyone as she slammed open the door.

Do I want to know?

"Yes, Kyon! You should be especially interested!"

Crap. Yet again with the seemingly speaking to my thoughts.

Koizumi pushed his chair back from the table and asked, "Haruhi, does this happen to have anything to do with that new transfer student coming in tomorrow?"

"Of course! Imagine how popular the SOS Brigade will get when we have not one but two mysterious transfer students in our club! They'll be banging down the doors to get in on the action!" I rolled my eyes. Really, Haruhi? You this this little 'Saving the World by etc. etc. blah blah blah Suzumiya brigade' will really become top dog at school. Not likely. Not even if you force Miss Asahina into more of those cute bunny costumes and make her hand out flyers... When will you wake up?

"And... If this new transfer student guy is really hot then we can make him our male mascot and Mikuru won't have to do all the work and wear all the costumes! Bonus points!" She cackled.

"R- really?" came an angelically timid statement from the corner of the room. Ah, Miss Asahina, how I long for the day when Haruhi will no longer force you to give up your dignity for the good of our club... not that those costumes don't look very good on you, I mean.

"Yeah, Mikuru! Therefore, I am giving you all our mission assignments!"

Everyone blinked in confusion, except for Yuki, still focused on the screen and wearing her bunny headphones. "Mission assignments?"

"What? Ya don't think this Hisoka guy'll join our brigade willingly the moment he walks through the doors, do ya? We have to convince him." Tere was something about the way she said 'convince' that chilled my very soul.

"Itsuki!" She stuck a long finger at the esper's face, "You shall take... the friendly approach! Just smile at him a bunch in your class and casually mention the club you're in!" Sure. That'll work. Creepy smile+'Hey, wanna come to my club?'+ more creepy smile = one scared transfer student.

"MIKURU!"

"Eep!" she squeaked as she ducked Haruhi's mission designating finger.

"You act cute and sexy and lure him into joining!"

"But I-" Haruhi started to give Mikuru the evil eye, and then Yuki caught her attention.

"YUKI! You will... um... guard the clubroom?" She ended uncertainly. There was a slight nod from the lilac-haired figure over the computer. "AND KYON SHALL NOT SCREW THINGS UP BY SCARING HIM OFF!" Okay, who would scare him off, among us?

Koizimi smiled. "What will you do Haruhi?"

"I will be... THE LAST RESORT!" She laughed maniacally and swept out of the room.

Mikuru was shivering in the corner. Koizumi was smiling and putting up the Othello game. Yuki was playing a computer game. And I was picking up my bag, ready to leave for the day, in dread of what horrors tomorrow would bring...


A/N:So that's chapter one! PLEASE REVIEW! Reviews are like tasty cake... lovely, addictive, happy-making and tasting slightly of strawberries. I've never written from the perspective of a boy before, let alone one as sarcastic and Kyon, so I want to know if I totally failed or just kinda failed. Oh, the DRAMATIS PERSONAE was inspired by the one at the beginning of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman's Good Omens. Crediting that just to be safe. And reiterating that I own nothing used in my stories! Au revoir!

-Nekoraven