A/N: So, here's my new story! It's been like... a year since the last one! But anyway, this is AH and I guess that means AU too, so there's that. Also, I guess you could say OOC, but I must say I like this Bella much better. Any italics you see are the person's thoughts and processes. Lemons to come in future chapters. Skip those if you want, but they're there. Also, I like my expletives. They add flava. So, there ya go, I'm tired of typing this author's note!

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Never have, never will. (That will be the only disclaimer...and it's a lazy one at that.)

A Knack for Bad Timing

Chapter 1


I stirred slightly. Something smelled weird; it was a mixture of something pleasant and stinky. I took another sniff then wrinkled my nose. Without opening my eyes, my thought process kicked in.

Something smells really good, like Axe body wash. But something else smells really bad, like…dirty clothes.

Just as I was about to open my eyes, something stirred beside me. I froze and scrunched my eyes closed tighter.

Oh god, this definitely is not my room. My room smells like clean washed sheets and Vanilla because those are Angela's favorite candles. This is not my room. But, oh god, whose is it?

The body scooted closer to me and then I realized we were both naked.

Shit! Could it be Mike? No way, I'm not that desperate. So it has been a full six months since I was in a relationship, but no girl could get Mike-desperate. That's nearly impossible. Then who—

"Are you awake, Bella?" the voice beside me said quietly.

Shit! No, no, no, no way in hell, it can't be—

"Edward?" I hesitantly whispered back.

"Hmm?" the body answered.

Fuck a duck. Damn it.

I managed to execute a perfect jump-out-of-bed-with-the-blanket move so no skin would show.

"Edward, this can't be happening. We could not have done," I faltered for a second as the situation caught up to me, "this." I looked at the bed. Indeed, covered with one (very flimsy I noticed) sheet was Edward. And dammit, he had sex-hair.

"Edward, what the hell happened last night?"

He looked at me. "Uh, apparently we happened last night." Edward's hand rubbed his temples soothingly. "That must have been some crazy keg party Emmett threw last night."

Damn you, Emmett! I cursed him. This is all your fault! If you hadn't decided that Sigma Theta Sigma just had to throw the biggest fucking keg party in the history of Penn State, I wouldn't be in this situation. Damn alcohol!

My eyes wandered over Edward's body. His long, lean, pale body with the amazing abs (Funny how I remember doing a body shot off of those abs last night, but nothing else….) and the closed eyelids with the long lashes that held beautiful green eyes behind them and the amber colored hair that was all messy because apparently we had sex last night, and…I am not checking out my best friend.

I wrapped the blanket around me and started to pace the length of the small dorm room he shared with Emmett. "Oh my god, how the hell did this happen? What are we going to do? We can't do this. This is not good. Oh, shit."

As I was busy freaking out Edward had managed to get boxers and sweats on, and was now making his way towards me.

"Bella, calm down. You're overreacting." He stopped to find a shirt in his small dresser.

"Calm down? We just had…" I couldn't bring myself to say it. I may have a mouth like a cheap mechanic, but talking about sex always made me uncomfortable.

"Sex." Edward finished. "And it's no big deal." He pulled the shirt over his head.

"Yes it is a big deal! We're best friends and we just did the nasty! You're under-reacting!" I yelled at him. My voice was reaching a screechy volume and revealed my panic. He rolled his eyes and opened another drawer to get a towel.

"Exactly. So it's not a big deal. We've gotten dressed in front of each other before, so it's not like we're looking at something new."

I stopped to look at him. True, we had been friends since the beginning of high school and had decided to attend college together. Also true that we had seen each other in varied states of undress. But sex was not something we had done before; I didn't understand how he could just be so nonchalant about it.

"But Edward, this—this is not okay. What if, what if we didn't use protection or something? We were both drunk!" My eyes followed him as he picked up a bottle of Axe shampoo. I knew I recognized that smell. The smell of Edward.

"Judging by the opened condom packet that was under my jeans, that doesn't seem to be a concern. Besides, you're still on the pill aren't you?" The question was rhetorical. He didn't bother to meet my eyes and look for an answer.

His easiness about the whole situation was sort of pissing me off. We had just been intimate (what the hell, am I turning into my father?), had sex I mean, and he was acting as if it was another one of our simply innocent sleepovers. Okay, so what if I did seem to be practically having a heart attack over the thought of it, but that didn't give him the right to act as if it never happened.

I needed him to stop brushing me off and tell me that this was okay. I needed him to tell me that things weren't going to change between us. I needed him to tell me that we would still be best friends. But he wasn't, he was acting like an ass. I needed his attention, so I blurted the first thing that came to mind:

"Edward, what about Tanya?" I asked.

Edward had met Tanya Denali at a club meeting he had on campus earlier this year and had been dating now for about 6 months. I squinted my eyes and turned my mouth at the thought of that. Tanya was a blonde, curly-headed bimbo who had hated my guts ever since Edward had introduced us. She's always been jealous that I'm his best friend, and she'll never take that place. But no matter how much I disliked the dumb bitch, Edward was still with her, and I dealt with her, because I loved him.

Shit, it feels weird when I think that, I thought as my stomach turned somersaults. But I did, I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him.

My relationship with Edward was strange. Well, it wasn't that strange; we were best friends. We had been best friends ever since I had been shipped to rainy Forks, Washington care of Charlie Swan.

I had been a freshman who wanted to fade into the wall, but for some reason, rather popular Edward Cullen had seen me and decided that I was interesting enough to be his friend. As we grew closer we squashed rumors repeatedly that we were dating. Once in 11th grade there was a rumor that I had "gotten knocked up by Cullen" because I had been out for a week. It was mono, thank you very much! And no, I did not get it from him. Actually we had not done anything (except for a kiss during truth or dare in 10th grade), until now that is. And it felt as if everything were screwed up.

We were perfect just the way we were, best friends. There was no risk involved with being best friends, which is exactly how I liked it.

Edward paused with his hand on the doorknob to his room, body wash and shampoo in hand with clothes under one arm. He sighed. "Damn. I forgot." He seemed to be thinking hard. That line appeared between his eyebrows, that sexy thinker line. Except it wasn't very sexy this time because I had caused it.

"Um, you don't say anything about it, and neither will I. Deal?" He turned to look at me.

I considered his offer. What would happen if I said no? I immediately thought of that show with that bald guy and all the women with the suitcases. The audience was screaming "No Deal!" at me. I was almost tempted to scream "No deal, Howie!" when I realized that I was not on the set of Deal or No Deal, I was in Edward's bedroom with a very serious question at hand.

"Deal, Howie." I agreed quietly, clutching the slipping blanket tighter to my chest.

"What?" Edward looked at me questioningly.

"Nothing." I squeaked out, cheeks heating up.

"Okay. Anyway, that's why I love you, Bella. I couldn't thank you enough." He came back into the room and kissed my forehead. "I'm going to take a shower. You can get dressed and let yourself out. I'll see you later." With that, he was gone.

As the door closed I let the blanket fall. I crossed to lock the door and start the look for my clothes. The tears were welling in my eyes before I could figure out why. Now that he was gone, I could cry.

Never let 'em see you sweat. I said to myself. How could I do something so stupid? Things will never be the same between us now. And after all that, all I get is a kiss on the forehead. Fuck my life.

And that is how this weird phase of the relationship between Edward and I got started.


I closed the door and stood on the other side.

"Shit." I whispered under my breath. Waking up beside Bella was not how I imagined my morning to start.

Correction, I thought, you've woken up beside Bella before. Just never naked. Taking a breath, I continued my trek to the showers. I felt confused, so I did what I usually do when I feel confused: I became analytical. It's a side-effect of being a chemistry major, sue me. Start with the 5 W's and an H.

Who? I asked myself. I thought of the answer. Bella. Well, and Tanya too.

What? We slept together. Me and Bella that is. While I'm dating Tanya, which is why this is such a problem.

When? Last night? This morning? I don't know, next question.

Where? My room. On my bed. Right next to Emmett's bed. Sure glad he wasn't home.

Why? This question had me stumped. Why did we do what we did? I'm in love with Tanya because she's nothing I've ever had before. I think she's beautiful and wonderful; a little mean, but I can get over that. I thought about what's on the other hand. Well, I think Bella is beautiful and wonderful too, but in an entirely different way than Tanya. I love Bella, but I'm in love with Tanya. Simple as that, no need to confuse the two. I considered the matter settled and went onto the next question.

How? I don't think this one needs to be explained, I thought as I cringed.

Bonus question time! Do I tell Tanya? Abso-fucking-lutely not. I won't say anything, Bella won't say anything, and we'll act as if this never happened. I hope.

A/N: So, there's the first chapter. I'm trying my hand at humor, though I feel as if I failed miserably! But here's the good thing: This whole story is pre-written! That means that you'll get to have regular updates! Yay! So, if you get a short chapter, I'll give you two chapters a week. You know how some people are addicted to chocolate? Well, I'm addicted to reviews. So please feed my addiction!