Crazy Times in the Kitchen

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Glee or the Addams family.

AN: This is a follow on one-shot from 'Weekend of Crazy'. Thankyou so so so much for the reviews and adding my random Puckleberry one-shots as a favourite. You guys have really inspired me to keep writing!

I have more ideas for more one shots! I'm not linking them together as a story as the plots stand alone.

As always, please let me know what you think.

Bree.


He pressed her against the wall, kissing her desperately. Her fingernails were clawing at his t-shirt, which was fucking hot, and she was making her fucking hot noises again, all moaning and whimpering and shit into his mouth. Twas fucking hot. (Not much blood in his brain caused adjectives to just fall out of his vocabulary).

He moved his hands down her back to grip the top of her thighs. He lifted her up, not breaking their kiss, and she twisted her legs around him.

Fuck she was flexible. He couldn't wait to find out just how flexible she was. Oh the possibilities.

He staggered through the house, not wanting to look where he was going cos that would mean breaking the kiss and he actually never wanted his lips to leave hers. Ever.

She shifted slightly to loop her arms behind his neck. He grunted. He needed her under him. Or on top. Whatever. He just needed her.

In his peripheral vision he spotted the kitchen table. That would do. He couldn't wait to struggle up to her bedroom. There were stairs in the way. There would be time for stairs later. Maybe they could do it on the stairs? He had never done that before. Hmmm.

He lowered her carefully onto the table and paused just to look at her for a second cos she was the fucking bees' knees. Okay that didn't really properly explain just how good she looked, he hair was all splayed around her head and her lips were bruised and parted and her breathing was all over the place and he had never been more turned on.

She pulled him down to her with a sexy smile, capturing his lips in another scorching kiss. She could win awards with her awesome mouth. No jokes. Fuck, now she was running her fingernails were scratching down his back and he was seriously burning from the inside.

Her robe was falling more open and he switched to kissing down her neck, nuzzling under the fluffy pink material to access more skin hungrily. Her exploring fingers pushed his t shirt up his torso, teasingly grazing his exposed bare skin. He threw the t shirt across the room and grinned at her, his eyes dark with lust.

Her soft lips kissed his chest, and she flicked her tongue out to cause a total deadly combination. Fuck. Robe...off...now... He gently pushed the robe over her shoulders and suckled at the warm skin. She moaned and arched off the table into him. Oh sweet fuck. Her wriggling didn't help either, though she did somehow manage to free herself of the robe, which couldn't have been an easy task since he was lying with most of his weight on top of her.

And she was completely naked. He was almost certain that he wouldn't be able to walk into the Berrys' kitchen again without getting a hard on by just glancing at the kitchen table. Totally worth the risk.

Rachel's fingers were searching for his jeans zipper. Though she had overestimated how far down it was and was instead gently probing his erection. Fuck. He had to catch her hand and move it upwards slightly otherwise he was going to lose his shit already.

Together they divested him of his jeans.

He massaged her breasts, rolling her nipples in his fingertips. At that point he remembered that Mike had the same kitchen table. Ha. He would have to be carrying something in a strategic position whenever he walked into Changs' kitchen.

She was doing amazing little slurpy things with her mouth on his neck. It was fucking amazing. And he had a condom in his hand and had kicked his jeans to the floor and had completely forgotten how either of those things had happened.

He was looking at his hand in bewilderment when she took the packet, tore it open with her teeth and slipped the condom over his hardened cock. He moaned against her neck. He tensed his lovely arms to raise himself slightly off the table.

Woah, she had just licked her lips.

"Fuck Rach", he gasped.

She smirked suggestively.

His voice was so low if there had been any plates on that table right now, they would be smashed to smithereens. (Well they probably would already be quite broken seeing as they were both lying across the whole table).

"It may be a bit uncomfortable", he warned breathily, because he really didn't want to hurt her.

She nodded, because she couldn't actually form words. It was crazy. She was aching for him to be inside her. She had always imagined she would have a relationship where deep and meaningful foundations were built before she ever stepped up to a sexual relationship. But everything was different with Noah. She decided she liked it different. Especially when he was all solid and naked on top of her.

He positioned himself at her entrance, kissing her sweetly, one hand supporting her head and the other spreading her legs apart for him. He pushed a finger inside her before slowly pushing himself inside her, anxiously watching her face for any signs of discomfort. It very nearly killed him to lie there so still. But it hurt so much more to see her shoulders tense even if it was just for a second. He showered her face with open mouth kisses, kissing away the hurt.

And then she was overwhelmed with a feeling of completeness.
A burst of pleasure shot through his body as she bucked her hips, pushing him deeper inside her. Fuck he wasn't going to last long. Still he stayed still and placed a lingering kiss to her warm forehead.

She bucked again and he bit his lip hard. "Noah. Move. Fuck."
He didn't need telling twice. He drew almost out and thrust back into her. She smashed her lips against his; meeting his thrusts like a pro. He suddenly felt very honoured to have this girl between his legs. And she wasn't just any girl. She was his girl.

He was so close; her fingernails in his back were sending electric pleasure through him. He gasped a breath, pushing at the edge of the atmosphere, so close to the stars.

He pushed his hand between them and massaged her clit, kissing her deeply.

She broke off from the kiss, squeezing her eyes shut, her whole body clenching and shuddering. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. Fucking intense.

She screamed his name. Fuck yes she screamed his name. They were going to have to explore this whole tele... telegraph... communicating without words thing. Would save passing notes on class and that was good cos he didn't want to be caught passing the dirty notes he had in mind.

He followed her as she clenched around him, and he collapsed on top of her, murmuring complete nonsense into her ear (he was pretty sure he said ice cream- not really sure where that came from).

The table shook violently. He moved a bit cos he was crushing her boobs and he was sure that couldn't be comfortable. In doing so he slightly pulled out of her and slammed back in as he let his weight fall back on top of her, his arms useless from lack of blood.

She shuddered and moaned his name. Fuck. She had just had another orgasm. He was the man (that's right- ribbed for her pleasure). His triumph was short lived as there was a long, drawn out, dodgy creaking noise and the table legs gave way beneath them and they fell with it to the floor.

Shit. It had lasted with all their thrusting. Useless table. Fucking useless. There should be some kind of sex test for tables. He would gladly volunteer his and Rachel's services for this job.

They just lay there on top of the wreckage, still recovering their breathing, and after a while Rachel spoke.

"I think we broke the table". She was smiling kinda proudly.
"I think we did", he kissed her lips.

He rolled off her. Okay so the ground wasn't quite as close as he had thought. Ouch.
He lay there, at deaths door. He may actually be paralysed. He had definitely broken every bone in his body. Fuck. He couldn't feel his hand. Oh. Okay. That wasn't actually his hand. That was probably Rachel's hand (or else just a hand like in the Addams Family, that was kinda creepy).

Rachel leaned on her side and smiled at him, there was laughter in her eyes. Hey! He was hurting here. But fuck she was hot. And all glowy from being sexed real good. She was fucking hot. And also beautiful, cos she wasn't just about what she looked like on the outside. The fall must have knocked his head. He was being all deep and meaningful. It was actually scaring him.

"Noah you're bleeding".
Oh god. He would never be able to play the guitar again; the splinter stuck in the back of his hand was the size of a baseball bat. No jokes.

She was next to him now, inspecting it carefully. He moved his head towards her. Good view. Fucking good view.

He vaguely heard her speak and gave a non-committal reply.
"Well come on then", she said, tugging at his hand.
"Why? Where are we going?"
"Hospital. You might need stitches in that. It's gone pretty deep."
"I need an ambulance", he said dramatically, "I need urgent medical attention. I think I've got tonsillitis".

She laughed. Hey that was mean. This was not a laughing matter. Oh fuck. What if this had caused him to become infertile? What if he couldn't have sex ever again? Fuck. He couldn't breathe. Life wasn't worth living any more. What a blow. Especially after he had just had what was hands down the best sex he had ever had.

Rachel ran a finger down the centre of his chest. Okay whatever she told him to do- he would do it, even if it meant them telling him at the hospital that he would have to have his entire arm chopped off. He could still have sex with Rachel with one arm.


He sat in the passenger seat of his truck, nursing his bandaged hand. "Are you sure I can still have children?" he asked, for the third time. Rachel rubbed his leg. His cock twitched. Oh okay. Maybe he could.

It was so hot watching her drive. Seriously. She mostly was steering with one hand as in between changing gear she had her hand on his leg. And the changing gear thing. Most girls were hopeless in manuals but she was brilliant. He realised that she was the only girl he had ever let drive his truck. Woah.


He held her hand from the truck to the house. It was nice.


They walked into the kitchen and noticed the wreck of the table and the blood on the floor. Oh yeah. They had broken the table. Bummer. It was kinda obvious now he thought about it.

"D'ya think your dads will notice if you don't have a table when they get back?"
"A little bit", Rachel said, chewing her lip thoughtfully. He had had a brainwave but her lip chewing was really distracting. Oh yeah.
" I know what we can do!" he announced, and grabbed her hand again (it was totally studly to hold hands- shuddup).


Mike opened the door after the second ring of the doorbell.

"Hello! Surprised you two have left the bedroom yet this afternoon!"
Rachel blushed slightly, twas cute (oh god his brain had been taken over by tiny ninja bunnies).
Puck was straight down to business.

"Chang. Emergency. I need to buy your table".
"What?"

"We need to buy your table", Rachel repeated, and looked at him as though it was a perfectly normal thing to ask.
"I think you better come in." Mike said, gesturing inside, still wearing a look of complete confusion.

When they entered the kitchen Puck immediately began examining Mike's kitchen table critically.
"S'a bit lighter than yours". He commented.
"I spilt cherry tango on ours", Rachel remembered, "That might have made it darker."
"I'll give you 20 for it." he said, turning to Mike.
"You still haven't explained why you need to buy my table."
"It broke"
"Oh." He frowned then realization and slight awe struck him. "Oh. Grief. They're pretty sturdy tables".

Rachel blushed again.
"20 dollars. My final offer".
"Hang on a minute. We need a table too!"
"Rach's dads are gunna notice if theirs is gone", Puck pointed out. "And there isn't really a good cover up story for why it's a pile of splinters in the kitchen."

"I dunno… beavers?" Mike said, hopefully. "Anyway, so's my mum gunna notice if our table is gone."
"No she won't- you don't even use this table much anyway, you've got those stools over there."
"To be perfectly honest, she would probably prefer the kitchen without it", Rachel expanded, "it doesn't really fit the colour scheme of the room."

His girl was good. Mike was gradually buying this, throwing in that colour scheme crap had totally swayed him (well it could very well be true, he wasn't quite sure what a colour scheme was).
"Okay", he said slowly.
"Great", Puck said quickly, before he could change his mind, "I'll give you the money soon as you help us carry it down the road."

The three of the stood in the Berry's kitchen, comparing the tables. It was like some real life 'spot the difference', and Puck had been a demon at those when he was a kid. Now he knew why this had been helpful, though he'd never imagined this would be a situation he would be in.

"Yours is much lighter", Mike said, glumly.
"We need cherry tango", Puck decided, "Rach?"
She got some out of the fridge and handed it to him.

Puck took the lid off and generously poured some onto the table, dripping it down the legs. There was a bit left in the bottle so he added that too. It was quite a bit lighter- wouldn't do much harm.

"Hey!" Mike said. "Watch what you're doing to my table. That's not good for it"
"S'my table now", Puck pointed out, "the money has been paid".

He stepped back to admire his handiwork. Well he should blatantly be an artist. It was fantastic even if he said so himself.
Rachel wiped off the tango. It did look a bit darker now, though there was also a reddish tinge to it.

They all three stood and looked at the table.

"Oh yeah, ours used to wobble", Rachel said remembering. "That leg was shorter." She pointed.
Puck thought for a minute. "Chang, you got a saw?"
Mike felt in his pockets. "Nope".
Rachel frowned. "I think there's one on the multi-tool thingy in the drawer under the sink."

She rummaged around in there a bit.

Puck and Mike stood looking at the table. Puck felt like he should be wearing a badass tool belt and be holding a power drill in his hand. He felt like he had sculpted this table with his own bare hands. He should so sign his name on the underneath.

There was a saw on the multi-tool thingy in the drawer under the sink. Awesome. Now just watch the beautiful craftsmanship of the master at work.

Mike helped him tip the table up and watched him crouch down and work at the table leg with the tiny blade.

After a while Puck just nodded in appreciation of his work and they put the table back on its feet.

Okay so maybe he'd taken a bit too much off. It was quite wobbly now. And the saw wasn't particularly sharp so he'd had to hack at it a bit and the bottom of the table leg looked a bit fluffy.

Mike raised his eyebrows and made his excuses and left.

They stood and looked at the table again. He had to give it a name. Doris? Frank? No. Terence. Terence the table.

"Ours has a few chips in the top", Rachel said.

"Ah yeah."

Puck got out the tool from the multi-tool thingy, the one that no-one knows what it is or what it does. He had just found a use for it.

He prodded at random at the table, making a few chips here and there in the varnish.

Then he stood back beside Rachel. They looked at Terence silently.

"It's beautiful", she said, mostly seriously.

"Yeah."

He sighed and she leaned back against his chest. He wrapped his arm around her and dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

They stood there for a moment in comfortable silence.

Then Rachel murmured, "He's got your eyes".

Rachel took a picture of the old table before she let Puck hide it over the fence behind next doors garage.
It represented some seriously crazy hot kitchen sex.

She jumped on her bed a couple of times before deciding that it would probably be okay.

It didn't break. And the wall didn't break either, nor did her vanity, desk, doorframe or door.


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