Spoilers: Elements, MacPherson, Time Will Tell
Disclaimer: Warehouse 13 is © Universal Network Television LLC
"Do you know how long it's been? Way too."
Pete and Myka slumped on opposite sides of the couch in the Inn's living room, exhausted but not ready to go to bed yet. Artie was alive, Mrs. Frederic was out of the hospital, Claudia was back and decidedly not guilty of betraying them all, and Leena, who was guilty of betraying them all, had a really, really good excuse. The boogeyman, McPherson, was dead, and although a new boogeywoman was loose in the world, that was a problem for another day (probably tomorrow, unfortunately). In other words, all was as right as it ever got in their crazy little Warehouse world. Time to turn to matters of slightly less than Earth-shattering importance.
Myka scooted close enough to Pete to send the back of her hand into his ribs.
"OW," Pete said in exaggerated pain. "What was that for?"
"You were a little distracted during this mission, partner," Myka chided. "I know focus isn't your strong suit, but geez, the fate of the world was hanging in the balance, you'd think you could stop thinking with your … your man parts long enough to get the job done."
"My man parts? Besides, thanks to my man parts, I identified the bad guy, which I believe was the job at hand," Pete argued. "And plus, she was HO-OT!" he sing-songed.
Myka rolled her eyes. "You don't get credit for finding the bad girl when it was totally by accident and only because you were horny."
"Listen, we might as well harness my horniness for good, because I don't see any prospect of relief anytime soon," Pete lamented. "The pickins is mighty slim in this town."
"You mean the women of this town have too much taste to go out with you," Myka teased.
"Whatever," he said in a tone that clearly conveyed that that could not possibly be the case. "We're gone half the time chasing after magic eight balls that can really tell the future and lint from Edison's first dryer, doesn't leave much time for making a LOVE connection, you know what I mean?" Pete looked at her speculatively. "What about you, don't you ever feel the need to, uh, bond with someone?"
"Nah, not since I snuck Linda Lovelace's dildo out of the Warehouse a few months back."
"Myka!" Pete exclaimed. "I cannot believe sweet, innocent you just said the word 'dildo.' You didn't even whisper it!" He paused. "You're, uh, kidding about that, right?"
"Yes, I'm kidding. Actually, Artie and I have had a little thing going for a couple of months; he takes care of all my needs."
Pete stared at her, horrified. "Oh, man, I just threw up a little in my mouth. PLEASE tell me you're kidding about THAT."
Myka held a straight face as long as she could, which was about 10 seconds. Then she cracked up. "Oh, man, you should have seen the look on your face!" she giggled.
"Geez, Myka, you can't go putting pictures like that in my head! I mean, Artie's a great guy, but … eww."
"Well, now we've solved your horniness problem," Myka argued. "Anytime you feel the urge coming on, just picture Artie getting ready to get all the way down."
"Please stop," Pete begged. "I may not be having sex right now, but I do want to have sex again someday."
"Sorry," Myka apologized insincerely.
Pete continued, "You know, you pretend you aren't hurtin' for the hot monkey sex, but I know something about you that you don't know I know."
"And what is it you think you know?" Myka asked.
"I know that you like to be touched," he said triumphantly.
"What? C'mon, Pete everyone likes to be touched, it doesn't mean I can't go a few months without sex."
"A, try a year, and B, not everyone likes to be touched, I've got a scar from Missy Jones from 10th grade to prove it, and C, I mean you really like to be touched. You are a closet hug fanatic, and I bet you are a total cuddler, too."
"Am not!" she protested.
"Are too! And it's got to be driving you just a little bit crazy that you haven't been touched in such a long time."
"How do you know I haven't been touched?" she parried.
"Hel-LO, we're in the middle of nowhere here."
"We travel! How do you know I didn't hook up with Jeffrey Weaver?"
"No, but you don't know that?"
"I do now. C'mon Myka, seriously."
Nettled, Myka blurted out, "FINE. I haven't been with anyone since Sam, okay? You happy now?" Her eyes filled with tears.