((I've been working so hard on doing something serious, so I just wanted to do something silly for a change. I always wondered what Carlisle and Esme might have gone through if all of their 'children' had been really little. Enjoy!))

Baby Cullens

PART 1

Esme sighed. She had begun to feel that the beautiful home she and Carlisle shared had become a zoo. She loved all the little ones so much, especially after the loss of her own real son, but sometimes she wished they would grow up just a bit faster. Or that perhaps they could behave for an entire day. She almost dreaded Carlisle coming home now, for fear that he'd bring home another one. He had taken in five of them already. He stayed home to help her with them at least, and worked only at night, but five was more then enough.

Emmett was the oldest at four years old. He was as sweet as could be, but he got riled up very easily. Esme couldn't remember ever hearing a boy's voice go so high from excitement. It would be cute if it weren't so loud. He was also very active. It was because of him that everything in the house that had been breakable was now in the attic. Anything even remotely accessible was plastic.

Jasper was the next oldest. He was still three, but only a month from being four. Esme felt very bad for him. For some reason, he was very distant. He liked to curl up under a blanket with books. He didn't mind being cuddled, but he didn't especially like it. He was very caring, and always concerned for his siblings when they cried. He would become very concerned for them and sit with them until they stopped. Then he would pat them on the head and quietly go about his business again. The only real problem he had was biting, though thankfully not the others. All of the chairs, the table legs, the corners of the furniture, the bottoms of the doors and even the blinds had Jasper's tiny teeth marks in them.

Rosalie was in the middle of her third year of life. She was a very beautiful little girl, and she knew it. She used it to her full advantage. Esme had noticed Rosalie's liking of her plastic beauty playset. She spent an awful lot of time in front of the little mirror. Esme thought it must be just a short phase of vanity that she was going through. It surely couldn't last forever.

Alice was still two, but only a few months from three. On one hand, she was an absolute sweet heart. She loved to be cuddled and was very playful. On the other hand, she was very naughty. Just like Emmett, she wanted to get into everything – especially what she wasn't supposed to. She could also get a bit wild and pester the others. She had a very random personality.

Last, there was little Edward. He had been the first to come to them, and he was very special to Esme. Edward was two. He was very quiet and very shy. He liked to be carried around, or at least very close to what his new mother was doing. Alice could get him to play, but he always seemed reluctant and cautious. He didn't like it when she got overly excited. He had a blanket that he carried around everywhere. He preferred to curl up in corners with books, or with his little player piano. He was very creative for a toddler.

Esme was glad that Carlisle was staying home. She didn't know how she could do it without him. She went to the kitchen with Edward in her arms. He still remembered his other mother who had passed away. Sometimes he would become very sad about it and be overcome by sniffles. Esme let him cling to her on these days. He was such a darling that she secretly hoped he would always be her baby this way.

She went to the kitchen and sat him down on the counter. He whimpered, looking up at her with sad, green eyes.

"It's alright darling,"she smiled. "Mama just needs to rinse some dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Yes. Your big brothers just eat so much and it's always a mess!"

Edward nodded, though Esme doubted that he had any idea what she was talking about. He curled into a ball on the counter and tucked his blanket around himself. He put his thumb in his mouth and watched her patiently.

"MAMAAAAAAA!" Alice screamed.

Esme found her legs under assault by her tiny daughter. Alice tried to squeeze herself between her mother and the counter.

"Shh, Alice, don't scream, baby. What's wrong?"

Carlisle came soon behind her. "Don't you butter her up, Esme. She's in trouble."

Esme gasped. "Alice! Were you naughty? What did you do?"

"No spanking,"she replied.

"I was just in time to see the weekly toilet paper races," Carlisle said. "Three rolls, all the way down the stairs."

"Oh, Alice! We told you that was a no-no. Toilet paper is for your bum, not to play with! How did she get into the bathroom anyway?"

"I have no idea. You know how fast they scoot away when you stop looking." Carlisle leaned down and picked Alice up. "Now listen you, you are going to sit quietly on the stairs until daddy gets all of your mess cleaned up."

He went away with her and Esme went back to her cleaning.

"Your sister is such a stinker, isn't she?" she said to Edward. "Yes, I don't understand how she manages to be so naughty. She's usually such a darling little thing. She does tend to rough you up a bit though, doesn't she? She just doesn't know how to be gentle yet."

Carlisle returned after a few minutes and kissed her neck.

"You did it to yourself, you know,"she laughed.

"Yes, but she's just so adorable. I can hardly punish her when she looks at me with those huge blue eyes and those little pigtails on top of her head."

"She's got to learn sometime though. She's not going to get away with everything."

"Yes, I know it. At least you're quiet, aren't you buddy?" Carlisle asked, running his fingers through Edward's messy hair. "Would you like to come here?"

Edward reached out to Carlisle, never letting go of his blanket. Carlisle lifted him up and kissed him.

"What a sweet boy you are! Oh, you're getting to be so big. Are you looking after mama? I think she's quite safe around dish water. She hasn't drowned yet. Would you like to come play with the others? I have your car all charged up. Would you like to drive that?"

Edward nodded. Carlisle kissed Esme then took him into the living room. He set Edward down next to his little piano then went to retrieve the car. It was a battery operated yellow Porsche that he could actually sit in and drive. It was his favorite thing to do.

Edward watched Emmett and Rosalie. She was on the pink stool in front of her beauty playset. She kept running a plastic brush through her blonde hair. Then she looked at Emmett standing next to her and frowned.

"Sit Emmeh," she instructed. Once he obeyed, she began brushing his hair. "Dere. Emmeh look siwy, but Rosie is fix you!"

She went back to brushing her own hair. Emmett stood and petted her head.

"Rosie is always pretty," he gushed.

"I know," she replied.

Edward looked to the other side of the room. Jasper was sitting at a plastic table, coloring. Alice was coloring too, though she seemed to be having trouble staying on the paper. Every so often, she would look up at Jasper's page and reach over with her marker to color anything she thought he'd missed. He would frown at her until she sweetly kissed his cheek and grinned at him. Then he would decide that perhaps unwanted colors weren't so bad and smile back at her.

Carlisle came back with his car then. Edward was very happy. He didn't have anyone to play with like the others did, but he could play by himself in this and not worry about being lonely.

"There you are little man!"

Carlisle set the car down and helped Edward get in. He loved the huge grin on his son's face.

Edward put his foot down on the little pedal and started going. It didn't go more then three miles and hour at best, but from Edward's squealing, it sounded as though he'd just joined NASCAR.

"Are you sure it's safe to let him ride that in the house?" Esme asked.

"Oh, it's only three feet of plastic. It doesn't go very fast – and besides, Edward is a lot more careful then anyone else."

"I just don't want anything to fall on him. Or it could flip over! Should he wear a helmet?"

"To ride in a plastic car?" Carlisle laughed. He gave Esme a big kiss. "You really are such a mother."

Edward rode around for fifteen minutes. He didn't want to stop, until he spied the plastic kitchen set. He decided to get a picnic together and share with Esme. He found a plastic hamburger patty and hot dog and tossed them into a little basket. He put the tiny ketchup and mustard bottles in. He began to throw in plastic lettuce, tomatoes, onions, french fries and anything else he could get his pudgy fingers around. Edward turned around and put it in the passenger seat and was surprised to see Alice behind the wheel.

"Heeeeey, no!" He tried to run around to pull her out but Alice shut the door on him. "My caw! Mine, mine!"

"No, Ewad. Ali dwives! Bye-bye,"she smiled at him and began driving toward the other side of the room by the stairs.

"My caw,"Edward sniffed. He couldn't quite believe Alice had just taken it from him. Once he recovered from the shock he began wailing. "NO! My caw! My CAAAAW! MINE!" He attempted to waddle after her, but was unable to see through his tears. He fell over on his butt and sobbed.

"Edward, my goodness, what's wrong?" Carlisle came back and lifted him up.

"Mine caw!" Edward pointed.

"Your... oh no. Alright, come on, let's go talk to Alice."

Carlisle had no trouble catching up to Alice. He stood in front of the car so she couldn't go anywhere. He sat Edward on his lap as he knelt down to confront the tiny carjacker.

"Alice," he said patiently. "Did you steal this Porsche?"

"No..." Alice didn't want to look at him.

"Hm, I don't think that's true. Look, you've made your brother cry. You have your own car dear, why did you take Edward's?"

"Cuz is fasther...and is shiny..."

"IS MINE!" Edward cried.

"Shhh," Carlisle soothed. He held Edward close to him. "Yes, that's your car, Edward. I know it is. You did have it for quite a while, though. Do you think Alice could have a turn now if she asked nicely?"

"No, I's need it!"

"What did you need it for?"

"I takes pickie-nic to mama."

"Oh, I see. Mama is busy right now, she's doing laundry. But daddy would just love to have picnic with you! I'll help you carry the basket, that way Alice can have a turn with your car. Is that alright?"

Edward sniffed. "Otay."

"Alice, can you tell Edward your sorry for taking his toy? He'll let you have it now, but you have to ask."

"I sowee. Ali dwives now, peas?"

"Yes, you can have it now."

Carlisle took Edward and the basket to the dining room floor. Edward dumped all the food out on the floor. He began trying to put it all together, then handing it to Carlisle. Carlisle wasn't about to put any of it close to his mouth; the kids drooled all over it and sucked on it when they played house.

Esme soon came by with a whole plastic bin of clean clothes. She stopped to see what they were doing. It always made her so happy to see Carlisle playing with the little ones. Not many men were open to loving children the way he did.

"I heard somebody took his car," she said, hoping not to upset Edward again.

"Yes, but he's learning to share. We found something else to do."

"Somehow, I don't think he's the one who needs to share."

A ball rolled across the floor and under a small couch. Emmett chased after, laid on the floor and began reaching for it. Alice came around the corner in the little car.

"Yay, 'peed bump!" She cried.

She made the Porsche go faster and ran right over Emmett. Alice kept going, giggling as she sped off.

"Mary Alice!" Carlisle called.

He sighed, getting up to chase after her. Esme stopped him for a second.

"Darling... promise me that girl won't get her drivers license until she's fifty."

He laughed and went off after Alice. Esme went to pick Emmett up. He wasn't hurt, just grumpy at being the victim of a hit and run. Edward came after her and held onto her leg, upset at having been left alone. Emmett wiggled out of her arms and ran off to find Rosalie.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"Oh my,"she sighed. "What now? Come on sweetie, let's see who that is."

Edward took her finger and followed her to the door. He wasn't sure he wanted to know who it was.