Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto and is no work of mine.
The Uchiha Fraud
"Are you shitting me?"
The blonde sitting on the other side of the desk stared at him in disbelief, confused as to whether he should laugh or feel embarrassed for his best friend. Uchiha Sasuke massaged his temples, clearly agitated over his rather… unfortunate predicament. A week ago, Uchiha Mikoto had proudly announced over the telephone that she was heading back to Tokyo in order to visit her youngest son at his estate. His mother's announcement wasn't the reason why the young Uchiha was currently frustrated; the sudden visit was the least of his worries.
It was the fact that a year ago—he was engaged. To Karin.
The same conniving bitch that cheated on him with Suigetsu, his bodyguard.
Fuck relationships. Really.
"I need to find a wife," Sasuke repeated slowly, as if what he stated was part of a normal routinely schedule.
"If you haven't noticed, teme," Naruto started, raising a brow, "You've been asexual for the past year, and the only female you've had contact with is Hinata—and that's only when you ask her to drop off the paperwork in your office."
"Dobe," Sasuke hissed, his impatience getting the better of him. "I didn't ask you to point out the fucking obvious."
Realization dawned on him.
"Are you serious?" Naruto blinked. "Why can't you just tell your mom that you broke off the engagement with Karin? Things happen, she'll understand."
"If it was that easy, you moron, I'd have done it already."
"No need to get all anal, what's your problem anyw—" Naruto suddenly stopped, a smirk snuck its way onto his lips. Before Sasuke had a chance to tell his friend to "shut the hell up," Naruto bursted into a fit of laughter. After a few minutes of silence, save for the blonde's stifled chuckles, he calmed down enough to wipe the few tears that formed. "Well damn, teme. Does your pride really mean that much to you?"
Sasuke glared, causing Naruto to refrain from another round of laughter. "Yes or no, dobe. If not, get the fuck out."
"Alright, alright," Naruto replied, bringing his hands up in front of him as if to surrender. "You know it's going to be hard finding someone that can put up with a bastard like you…"
The Uchiha heir blatantly ignored him, returning to the stacks of files on his desk as Naruto begun prattling on about 'Assholes' and 'Ramen'. Sasuke stared at his desktop—calculating, no doubt. His mother was bound to ask questions, so he'd need an alibi; luckily for him, he had acquaintances that owed him a favor or two. He wouldn't go as far as calling them his friends, the last guy he thought he could trust had run off with his ex-fiancé. Speaking of the red-head, her stuff was still inside the house… he never got around to rid of them due to his hectic schedule. As Sasuke thought of sending the packaged boxes off to good-will, a thought occurred and he instantly froze.
His mother was going to be staying at his house.
Yamanaka Flower Shop
"Ino, please!" Naruto begged, blocking the girl's way as she attempted to maneuver towards the window display. "He's willing to pay you!"
"As much as I'd like to be considered a high-class whore—" she reached up, arranging the roses in the vase, "I don't."
"No, of course not!" Naruto spluttered, scratching the back of his head. "My friend's mom is visiting Tokyo, and he needs a temporary wife until she leaves. Nothing sexual, acting at most. Two weeks of it, tops."
Ino narrowed her eyes, resting her hands on her hips.
"What's wrong with telling his mom he's not married?" She scoffed. "Really, men these days. Going through all the trouble of pretending to have a wife when the truth would have sufficed."
"Well, you see…" Naruto trailed off.
She raised a brow, suddenly suspicious. The only friend of Naruto's that was supposed to be married by now was... "Your friend, it's not the same one involved with the scandal last year… is it?"
Naruto's nervous laugh was the only clue she needed.
"Uchiha Sasuke?" Ino gaped, nearly tipping the vase behind her over in surprise. She had heard about the relationship between Uchiha Sasuke and THE Karin, of course she had. Ino was one of thousands to be completely outraged after hearing of the impending nuptials… that is, up until last year. The engagement was suddenly called off, for the Uchiha heir himself claimed it was due to "complications" but only a selected bunch knew the true reason why.
Karin had been unfaithful.
Ino always knew that woman was no good.
"I'd like to play housewife to Uchiha Sasuke, really I do, but I won't," Ino explained, shooting the blonde an apologetic look. "You're going to have to find yourself another candidate."
"Why not?" Naruto whined.
"Just recently I started dating Shikamaru," Ino answered, smiling to herself as she thought of her lazy boyfriend. "Unless you'd like to tell him that I'm going to dump him for two weeks to act as an Uchiha fraud, I'm sure he'll love that."
Naruto groaned in defeat. "Teme's going to kill me."
"Tell you what," she paused momentarily, "I have a friend who's currently in medical school, making her way towards becoming a pediatrician. I know she needs the money to pay her tuition, so I'll relay the information to her and if she agrees you'll be the first to know."
"Hell yes," Naruto breathed in relief, tackling Ino into a hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"No problem," Ino laughed, her expression suddenly stern. "She's my best friend, so if I so much as smell anything wrong or she gets blamed for anything—it's your ass that's going to get handed to you."
"Yeah, yeah." Naruto dismissed her threat, looking ten times brighter than he had prior to walking into her shop. "Sasuke's mom will be here by next Friday, so make sure she knows before then!"
He then headed off with a wave.
"Idiot," Ino muttered, rolling her eyes. After wiping her hands on her apron, she made her way towards the phone and dialed a familiar number. She fingered the patterns on the counter while waiting for the other line, and a smile formed on her lips as she recognized the answering voice.
"Sakura! It's me, Ino."
A woman in her early twenties turned the page of her medical textbook, unperturbed by the obvious distress in her best friend's eyes. Haruno Sakura was no fool, even though she lacked the experience of the real world she had enough common sense to spot a shady situation when she saw one. The predicament that Ino's unfortunate "friend" was currently in spelled nothing but trouble, and she refused to be involved.
"As much as I value our friendship, Ino," Sakura said, looking up from her book, "It's not enough to engage in a make-believe relationship with some desperate guy who doesn't have enough courage to tell his mother he's not married."
"It's complicated, Sak." Ino sighed, grabbing a pillow on the bed to rest her chin on. "And I owe Naruto this." Which wasn't completely a lie, he had introduced her to Shikamaru after all. Well, technically Hinata did but the two were basically the same person.
"Then you can play wife, don't drag me into this," Sakura said, running her fingers through her hair. "I don't even know who the guy—"
"He'll pay you," Ino cut in, smirking to herself as Sakura's ears perked up. "Any amount you want. I know for a fact that you have a few bills to pay… and last time I checked, you're heading to graduate school soon so you need all the money you can get."
Sakura remained silent.
After a few moments, she exhaled rather loudly and groaned.
"Ugh, fine," she answered reluctantly.
Ino squealed, immediately digging into her purse. "Here, this is from Naruto," she said, handing the pink-haired woman a manila envelope. "All the information you need to know is there. Oh, and pack your bags—a limo will be here tomorrow at nine 'o' clock to pick you up."
"What? Tomorrow? I barely found out today!" The shock was evident in her voice. "What if I had refused?"
"I knew you wouldn't," Ino said arrogantly, crossing her arms. "Anyways, I better get going. Shikamaru and I are attending a wedding reception, something about his old teacher getting married. I'll call you tomorrow!"
After being engulfed in a tight hug, Sakura saw her friend out the door. As if on cue, a car pulled up into the driveway signaling Ino's departure. "Yeah, see you tomorrow."
As she made her way back inside, the manila envelope caught her eye. Sakura sat down onto her bed, grabbing the package and slowly opened it—dumping out the contents. Inside was a stack of paper stapled together, along with a yellow sticky note posted onto the front.
The bastard wants you to read through
this booklet, and uh, the ring should be
in the plastic bag. Can't wait to meet you!
"Ring?" Sakura muttered questionably, mentally beating herself up for even agreeing to everything. She opened up the booklet, noticing various profiles of different people and her supposed relationship to them. "He really doesn't do anything half-way, does he?" Even the story of how her and her "husband" met was printed neatly under a picture of him.
Uchiha Sasuke… why does that name sound so familiar?
"Might as well get started," Sakura stated, getting into a comfortable position.
Tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.