No one knows the precise size of Earth's current urban "Alien" population and with the Xenomorph pandemic reaching a critical high contact with the extraterrestrial menace has increased. Late last year medical officials announced that the Xenomorph species is a great risk towards the general public and there means of reproduction is cause for great concern. The parasitoid form, nicknamed the "Facehugger" hasfound its way in to the black market pet trade and people are willingly bringing these creatures into households across the planet. Much like the 20th century's craze for exotic and deadly house guests, these highly illegal pets have taken a foot hold in our society and for the time being are greatest weapon against these monsters is knowledge.
Are you and your loved ones safe?
Please read the enclosed pamphlet to insure you have the knowledge needed to fight against the growing Xenomorph threat. (Please do not take the word fight in a literal sense; these actions could result in death!)
The Xenomorph has many stages in its life cycle but the parasitoid form mentioned above is our biggest concern. Unlike the advanced forms in the life cycle the Facehugger does not poses any visible appendages that can be mistaken for defensive weaponry. The visually harmless creature has peeked are interest as a curious species, with a misguided sense of safety we have opened our doors to an extremely hostile organism. The role of the parasitoid form is to implant its embryonic seed inside a living host. Attaching itself to the face of its chosen incubator the Facehugger will use a proboscis to deliver its seed via the mouth of its chosen victim. Once the creature has fulfilled its task it will detach itself and shortly after die. Complications can arise once the host regains consciousness; the limited oxygen fed by the parasite during the impregnation can leave you feeling weak, disorientated and confused. In this state you may fail to notice the deceased animal and leave the scene none the wiser to the actions that had taken place. Some people believe that once the creature is dead the implanted embryo will also die, this is not true. The creature has completed its life cycle and a new one has begun; time to look for signs of pregnancy.
The first and most obvious symptom to look for is the parasite attached to your face. Being conscious during the interspecies rape is rare and most have little memory of the act itself, this can make it hard to tell if it ever happened at all.
Warning! Trying to remove the parasite from its victim may result in death!
Other visual symptoms include dried mucus around the mouth and bruising around the neck.
Internal symptoms build acutely after detachment of the Facehugger, the most common being sore throat, slight nausea, increased congestion and moderate to extreme hunger. Symptoms will alter towards the final stages of embryonic development and these may include a shortness of breath, exhaustion, and haemorrhaging presented in random bleeding.
There is none.
Once the embryo has reached maturity it will chew its way though your rib cage, erupting in a violent birth to live an equally violent life and you will be dead. Even though the Alien pregnancy proves fatal to all mothers there are things you can do to make this horrific death more bearable.
Since becoming aware that the Xenomorph presence on earth had developed into an international heath crisis, world wide birthing centers have been funded across the planet. These centers' prove quite popular amongst male victims who have trouble coming to terms with pregnancy. The birthing process is an excruciating experience and can cause emotional stress to the other visitors, in delicate times such as these we like to provide as much privacy as we can. Isolation chambers are insisted upon so you will not hear anyone scream, they are also a convenient way of containing the new born creature. These centers supply a relaxed and calming environment for victims to live out there remaining day. We understand that many victims wish to spend there final hours with there loved ones but we must stress the fact that this is not a moment you should share with your children, the event could cause life long emotional trauma and the larval form of the Xenomorph "Chestburster", although small can prove detrimental to there health.
(No human remains will be released from the berthing center, they will be held for scientific research.)
Please read the frequently asked questions to save time you may not have.
Frequently asked questions?
Question. "I have been raped! I want justice!"
Answer. "As far as we know there is no law set in place for extraterrestrial beings, they cannot be arrested and put on trial. If its any consolation the thing that did this to you is now dead."
Question. "Hi, I think I'm pregnant with an alien, will it be a boy or a girl?"
Answer. "Each Xenomorphic embryo is male; it may develop into a Queen later into the pregnancy, in which case it will be a baby girl and you should be very proud."
Question. "Your operator told me to go suck it!"
Answer. "The operator in question has been fired for his insensitivity, do have a lovely day."
Question. "Hello. My son had a pet Facehugger and it's now dead on my carpet! What happened?"
Answer. "The Facehugger will not die of natural causes; Madam your son is pregnant."
Question. "There has to be a morning after pill, or something!"
Answer. "I am sorry sir; there is no contraception for this kind of pregnancy."
Question. "I wanted to do the birth alone but man I'm scared. Can you get me to a birthing center?"
Answer. "Have the convulsions started? There may still be time, don't pack just wait for the helicopter!"
Question. "Hey, I think the girlfriend is infected? How long do I have to wait before I can shoot her?"
Answer. "Sir we must strongly advise against killing your loved ones, she may not be pregnant."
Question. "Me again, she's bulging at the chest can I shoot her now?
Answer. "Yes! Do it now!"
We hope that the information provided proves useful. If you are unsure on anything please contact our 24 hour help line, it's never to late to be sure. 0800 IGOT-RAPED-IN THE-FACE-BYALIENS