Authors Notes: Look, LOOK, see how quickly I updated again. I am sure that this pace will in no way slow down at any time (obvious sarcasm is obvious). In the last chapter I mentioned that Bill shows up in other films, for those interested in the specifics: he's in Ratigan's gang in "The Great Mouse Detective", and is seen helping someone with a ladder (how ironic) in the beginning of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?". Also, don't know where the tittle came from, (I mean the reference is obvious, but) I was tired, it sounded okay at the time, and I couldn't think of anything else. You'll also be glad to know that I wont be writing out the sing along, granted I like the song, but I feel a little ashamed for writing out "The Walrus and the Carpenter" in chapter 2. Finally, I'd like to give a shout out to DragonSoul Prod who recently started doing a little fic called "Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy: Lost Episodes", it's pretty good so check it out if you like the sound of it. Well, that's enough of my ramblings, ON WITH THE SHOW, er, chapter.
Chapter 4: Clock, Stock, and Two Smoking Hookahs
Mandy had walked until her legs were sore and throbbing. It had felt like days since she had left the rabbits yard, when in fact, it had only been about an hour. Looking up, she could see the branches and leaves of trees off in the distance. Evidently, she had made it back to the forest. Walking in the shade of the branches kept the exhausted teen cool. It was almost relieving to be free of the Endsville heatwave. It would have been perfect if she wasn't in this idiotic place. Glancing around, Mandy noticed that she was now strolling through a flower patch. Any other person would have been astounded by the gorgeously colored plants, any person other than Mandy. Suddenly, something strange fluttered past her face. A thin insect, with large wings made of sliced bread smeared with butter. The faint aroma wafting from the delicate creature sent her stomach into a fit of rumbles, and was almost enough to distract her from her confusion. Almost. "Is that, a butterfly?" she wondered aloud to herself, weary from hunger. "A bread-and-butterfly." answered a mysterious voice, shocking Mandy for a moment. Great, thought Mandy, her trademark scowl once again resurfacing, Now I'm hearing things. Soon, yet another winged pest buzzed past Mandy's gaze. A small rocking horse, adorned with dragonfly wings. "Oh, let me guess." she said dryly, "A rocking-horsefly." "Naturally." responded the voice yet again. Mandy, now convinced that she was not going crazy, now began to feel enraged at the prospect of being unable to see her new guest. "Alright, who's out there?" asked Mandy, her rage now beginning to fester within her, "Show yourself!" "Why, we never tried to hide ourselves, dear." said a tall rose sweetly, bending over and getting closer to Mandy. "That's right." stated a group of violets in perfect unison, "We're all out in the open." "Some of us, more than others." continued a rather posh sounding orchid. Mandy watched as all around her as multiple flowers sprung to life, engaging in a cacophony of chatter. Whilst most people would be filled with wonder after witnessing such a miracle, Mandy only began to fill with annoyance. Much like any other encounter she had experienced since entering this strange world.
Focusing intently, Mandy was able to decipher exactly what the strange plants were discussing. They were attempting to decide what song to sing... for her? "Now girls, let's all calm down!" declared the rose, "Let's just sing The Golden Afternoon." "That one's about all of us." continued the rose, giving Mandy a wink. The flowers began there singing exercises, cluttering the air with fa-la-la's and do-re-me's, making Mandy cringe. If I ever get of her I'll never mock the schools quire again she thought, desperate to escape the onslaught of noise. Then, as though her wish had been granted, the noise ceased. The flowers had finished practice and were now ready to sing. With a wave of the roses leaf the flowers began, a golden voice echoing from the, er, stem of each and every one. High notes and low notes, sharp notes and soft notes. Notes of all manner danced expertly through the air. Truly it was a feast for the ears. Sadly, Mandy was far from impressed. "What sort of overly sappy bullshit is this?" she asked herself quietly, "It's like I've been trapped in poorly written Disney film." However, much to her chagrin, the flowers continued on. Oblivious to the girls protest.
Soon the flowers had finished there performance and turned there attention to Mandy, each one expecting rave reviews. "Well?" asked the orchid excitedly. "Well, what." replied Mandy bitterly, none to happy about the drivel she had been forced to endure. "What did you think of the song?" asked the rose, just as eager to hear Mandy's opinion. "You all have the talent and musical senses of Justin Bieber." Mandy stated smugly, certain that the verbal lashing she had just doled out would leave them weeping. "Jus tin be ber?" asked a puzzled flower. "Never herd of her." added another. "Well whoever she is, she must have talent." stated a third flower. "She must have liked is!" declared the final plant. All the flowers seemed content with the comment. Mandy pinched the bridge of her nose (yes, she has a nose), annoyed by the flowers oblivion to her obvious insult. After the plants had all settled down and regained there composer, they once again turned there attention to Mandy. This time in hopes of polite conversation. "Now, what manner of species, or should we genus, are you?" the rose asked politely. "I'm not one." she stated bluntly, sending the plants into a fit of murmurs. "Not a genus?" "Now that you mention it, she doesn't look like any flower I've seen." "Actually, she doesn't look anything like a flower at all." "She doesn't have a scent." Mandy was surrounded by accusations. Slowly her temper continued to build inside her. She couldn't believe that these plants were talking about her as though she weren't there. They were being completely disrespectful, and that was Mandy's job. "No scent or petals." "Her tops yellow too." "She look similar to a dandelion." "Could she be?" "She couldn't." She must be!" the chatter continued. "She's a weed!" the flowers shouted alarmingly. Mandy opened her mouth, about to protest to the heinous accusations, when the plants began to shove her around. They pushed her every which way, passing her back and forth. "Get out!" "Shoo!" "Go away!" "We don't want weeds in our bed!" the flowers mocked her. As Mandy fell to her hands and knees at the edge of the flowerbed, she felt her anger reaching it's breaking point. "Listen here you tone def pricks!" she warned, her voice low but commanding. "Enjoy the time you have left, but I WILL have my revenge!" she continued, some of the smaller flowers giggling at the enraged teen, "You will all know the wrath of Mandy!" She shot the rose, the obvious leader of the group, a final piercing glare before storming off deeper into the forest.
After a few minutes of walking, Mandy happened across another phenomenon. Tiny, colored clouds drifted over head, down below the blades of grass. Her curiosity still controlling her mind, despite all of her less-than-amusing misadventures, she decided to follow the clouds to there source. As she neared the origin of the clouds, she could hear a faint... singing? No, it couldn't be singing. Singing implies a musical tune, and if... THAT qualifies as a tune then Billy's chocolate dipped pickles qualified as food. As she came closer, she could make out the words. Well, words isn't exactly right. The person in question was naming off vowels, seemingly at random. Eventually, Mandy arrived at the source of the strange clouds. A tall blue caterpillar (well, tall compared to her) was reclining on glowing pink toadstool, smoking a hookah. Mandy took notice of the calm, glazed-over expression on his face. She also noticed that each time he exhaled, the smoke was a different color. After a few moments, the insect took notice of the teenage girl who had been watching him. "WHO. ARE. YOU?" asked the caterpillar slowly, a green cloud of smoke wafting from his mouth. Mandy just stood there, staring at the creature with disdain. "WHO. ARE." "I heard you the first time." Mandy said, interrupting the caterpillar. "THEN. WHY. DIDN'T. YOU. ANSWER?" asked the caterpillar, taking another puff. "I didn't feel like it." she answered, staring deep into his unfocused eyes. "WHY?" asked the bug, blowing a puff of smoke into the girls face. "Because," Mandy began, coughing all the while, "when you ask someones name, you should introduce yourself first." "WHY?" asked the caterpillar yet again, riding Mandy's last nerve. "THATS IT!" Mandy shouted, making no effort to control the volume of her voice, before storming off. "I've had it with this place!" she said aloud to herself, "At least in Endsville I only have to deal with one idiot!" "I don't care about finding the rabbit anymore, I'm tired of nothing making sense!" she continued, her scowl now intense enough to burn through steel, "And if I hear one more musical number, I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL..." "YOU THERE! GIRL! COME BACK!" shouted the caterpillar, "I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU!"
After a few minutes of trudging through the (very) tall grass, Mandy once again stood in front of the intoxicated creature, glaring at him coldly and tapping her foot. "KEEP. YOUR. TEMPER." said the bug calmly. "IS THAT ALL!" responded the young girl. Despite her previous outburst, Mandy's rage was still at its bursting point, prompting a vein to appear on her forehead. "NO." said the insect bluntly, a purple cloud unfurling from his mouth, "ONE. SIDE. WILL. MAKE. YOU. GROW. TALLER." "One side of what.?" asked the teen angrily, her forehead vein beginning to throb wildly, as she jumped onto the toadstool. "AND. THE. OTHER. SIDE. WILL. MAKE. YOU. GROW. SHORTER." "THE OTHER SIDE OF WHAT!" she shouted, picking up the hookah and shattering it over the bugs head. When the smoke cleared, all that was left where the caterpillar had been was some broken glass and a lump of silky blue material. "THE. TOADSTOOL. OF CORSE." called the caterpillar, who was now a beautiful butterfly, from up in the air. Mandy pulled off a sizable chunk from each side of the fungus. Mandy considered the possible outcomes of eating either pile. Would she actually return to her normal size? Would she shrink until she was nothing? Had the caterpillar lied to her? Would she be poisoned by eating such things? Would ANYTHING even happen? She thought each question over carefully before deciding "Fuck it. Its not like I have anything to loose." Taking a bite out of the left piece, she began to grow taller and taller. So tall that tree branches began to scratch her head and arms. Soon, her head was just above the tree tops, a nest of eggs having been knocked out of a tree were now resting on her head. "Serpent, SERPENT!" shrieked a white crow in a blue bonnet, coming face-to-face with the girl. "I'm no serpent you feathered freak." stated Mandy dryly, whilst crossing her arms "I'm just a girl." "HA. You're just a girl, are you?" said the bird sarcastically, "and I suppose you don't eat eggs either." "Fine. You want a snake?" began Mandy as she closed her hands around the crow, its protesting screams muffled by the girls hands, "How about a constrictor?" The bird writhed in agony as Mandy squeezed the life from it, screaming in vain for help. Suddenly, the birds cries ended with a sickening crack, and the feathered form went limp in her hands. Knocking the nest from her head, and allowing the corps to drop to the ground, Mandy licked the right piece of fungus.
Soon Mandy was back to her normal height, deciding that it would be easier to find her way out of this world if she wasn't tripping over trees. Soon, a familiar figure fluttered up to her, a little blue butterfly. "See." squeaked the insect, "I. Told. You. It. Would. Work." Without thinking, Mandy reached out with the speed of lighting and grabbed the butterfly. She slowly tore his left wing from his body as he squeaked in anguish, before tossing both pieces onto the grass. Glancing around, Mandy noticed another familiar sight, a patch of land filled with colorful flowers. As she approached the flower bed, Mandy did something she hadn't done since she set foot in the bazaar world. She smiled... because she had a wonderful idea.
END CHAPTER 4
My apologies if the caterpillar scene seemed rushed. I spent a whole day not knowing how to write it, I finally forced myself to write it. It's not nearly as good as I'd like it to be, but I couldn't think of another way to write it. I didn't really like how this chapter turned out, but now I can move on to bigger (pun intended) and better things.
My friend Miranda is convinced that she knows what exactly is in the caterpillars hookah. Cocain and food-coloring.
Billy's chocolate dipped pickles originate from the episode "Reap Walking", which is one of the weirder episodes in my opinion.
One of my gym teachers used to work at a YMCA that Justin Bieber went to, and, infact taught him there. His opinion on Justin. He's a little prick. Don't know about you, but I totally saw it coming.
Green and Purple, the two stated (not just implied) colors of drug smoke, are actually my favorite colors. This was not done intentionally.
Mandy doesn't fuck around.