Warnings: A little swearing. And a decent amount of smut. A major amount of Failed!smut. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Disclaimer: I haven't owned anything for the past 3 chapters. What did you expect?

In Ikebukuro and Raira Academy alike, Kida Masaomi was a (in)famous flirter who attempted to pick up every female he met. He was prone to making scandalous comments regarding sexual concepts everywhere he went, and he was recognized for his attitude and fervor used in "girl hunting." Thus, Kida was confident that everyone would think that the great and almighty Kida Masaomi was the equivalent of a sex god who lured every girl to his bed/room/home or wherever people thought he could do the deed. Of course, nobody really gave him credit or even hinted at such a reputation, but Kida Masaomi just had some delusions like that.

(and since such delusions could be accredited as harmless, really, what would be the point of telling him the truth?)

What nobody really knew was—or more like what nobody cared about was—the fact that Kida Masaomi was utterly and completely a virgin.

Although he had loudmouthed his way through crowds about his Incredible Hulk in his jeans or his grinding techniques—Mikado had really considered abandoning Kida that moment as he watched a girl pale at the pickup line—Kida was quite innocent, in a physical way. Sure, he had his own needs that he took care of through Internet sites or the rare magazines he had acquired, and he had the cutest boyfriend ever, so sex seemed like the obvious thing to happen in his life pronto.

The thing was, Kida Masaomi was very freaked out about the very idea of sex.

Yes, the apocalypse was approaching. He might as well convert to Islam and start preaching. But the truth was the truth: Kida Masaomi was scared to screw his boyfriend. In fact, he was scared because he didn't know who was going to screw who, at this rate. It seemed more natural for Kida to take control, since he was physically taller and he had the outgoing personality. Plus, he was the more romantically developed one—save the fact that he never got rid of the damn virgin label. But what people didn't know was that Mikado had a dominant side, filled with sarcasm and jibing comments and occasional smirks that sent shivers—both pleasant and unpleasant, depending on the smirk and situation—down Kida's back.

Honestly, Kida didn't mind whatever position he got when it came to Mikado. He could drag his friend around forever, but he also hung onto this best friend, his light, his love, with all his might every day in his life. Top and bottom were trivial matters in their relationship.

But that didn't change the fact that Kida was freaked out about sex.

Kida nervously fiddled with his pen. He glanced out the window to see two familiar figures on the field. His gaze softened as he saw Anri deliver a swift smash and Mikado stumble to reach his target, only to miserably fail. Really, Mikado was holding the badminton racket with both hands. Kida smiled.

And there went the bell.

Kida watched the class outside gather and cluster to avoid the heat and swarm back indoors. At the very back of the miniature crowd, bluish eyes blinked and met with golden ones. Mikado waved and Kida returned the favor. The brunette smirked (uh oh) and mouthed something shortly.

Today, my place.

Yes, Kida was very freaked out.

"Ne, Masaomi. Do I need to buy a sex tutorial and have it delivered to you?"

Kida blanched at the very prospective. Although the insinuation behind those blunt words should have evoked an arousal, the very deadpan manner that the question was delivered in just was…well, a turnoff. Especially in the middle of a perfectly fine makeout session!

Kida voiced his exact thoughts to Mikado, who was currently on Kida's lap with his arms around the blonde's neck.

Mikado pointed out the fault of Kida's statement. "It's a perfectly fine makeout session except for the part that you don't want to go any further."

Kida didn't really have a comeback for that.

But damn it all, what kind of comeback was there for that in the first place? 'Oh sorry honey, I'll rip off your clothes and strip myself and we'll hump all the way to next week, satisfied?' Like hell he would do that.

Great. Now he had just killed the mood. Butchered it ruthlessly and dropped it into a dirt grave.

"I hope you know how to do CPR," was what Kida breathed out instead, fingers delicately trailing over the contours of Mikado's exposed chest.

The brunette's breath hitched. "Eh?"

"Because," Kida paused to nip on a pink bud, "you take my breath away."

Mikado bit back a moan and hissed indignantly. "Ma, Masaomi…! P-pickup lines….now?"

"Mmhmm. Might as well bury the mood since I tossed it into the grave."

"What are you talking ab—Ah!" Mikado's eyes widened. Did Kida just bite him?

Yeah, he did. And Mikado wanted him to do it again.

It was working. At least for Kida, it was working. "It" being pickup-line-induced-confusion and distraction. Plus seduction. For some weird reason (that Kida intended to never find out), letting a pickup line roll off his tongue made everything easier. As if the tension would melt like ice in heat.

The really buttered up phrases seemed to be meant for usage in this scenario, and Kida didn't let any of them go to waste. He whispered them as he ran his tongue over Mikado's earlobe, murmured them into the flesh right below Mikado's bellybutton, spoke them to the inside of Mikado's ankles before delivering a chaste kiss to each of them. As long as he chose the decent lines and spoke them with his best husky voice (damn his throat was going to hurt tomorrow), he could avoid the wrath of Mikado's pen.

Kida leaned back to admire his boyfriend. Mikado was now wearing nothing except for boxers, and the way that his limbs were splayed upon the futon exposed pretty much every perfect inch of his skin. As he drank in the sight, Kida felt some emotion akin to guilt tug at the back of his mind; Mikado's flawless skin was beautiful, wonderful beyond words—but Kida, his torso was not so smoothly colored in. Scars marred his body in flecks and rips, dirtied him, marked him as a sinner—


The sound of Mikado's voice brought Kida's mind back from the downward spiral, back to Mikado's room. Back to safety.

"Sorry, thought I was in heaven for a moment." Kida murmured.

While Mikado spluttered at the comment, Kida lowered his head to press a reverent kiss to the brunette's left inner thigh. He heard a sharp intake of breath but didn't bother to lift his eyes. Kida mouthed an incoherent phrase (I love you) against Mikado's flesh. When Mikado squirmed in response, Kida gave the white expanse of skin a slow, languid lick. He felt Mikado shudder at the contact.

Mikado gasped as Kida continued. "Not…fair!"

Either the comment was deliberately ignored, or simply missed. But the truth was trivial since Kida was tugging down the waistband of Mikado's boxers and his tongue felt so good and-oh my god!

Apparently, Mikado had verbalized the last part of his thoughts, because Kida was commenting appreciatively, "God is a little beyond me…How about Your Majesty?"

"Masao,mi… Shut up."

"Right away, sir!"

Kida's anxiety spell must have lifted, because the flaunty attitude was back. And that wasn't a good sign. Having a smirking Masaomi with your, er, dick in his hands was…the very idea was in a sense, quite terrifying. In another sense, it was a little arousing. Mikado glanced down to see Masaomi raise an eyebrow before giving Mikado's length a tentative lick. When the blonde saw Mikado's reaction, he smirked and without hesitation took in a satisfactory amount of the shaft into his mouth.

Mikado nearly screamed.

"''Oo ohay 'her?" Masaomi asked after Mikado's initial spasm.

"D-don't," Mikado summoned all the self-control he had to make sure he was talking in coherent Japanese, "talk with…it in your…mouth!"

So Kida stopped talking and started sucking. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, probably because watching Mikado writhe helplessly under his ministrations was spurring him on. Kida's self-confidence was growing. So was the bulge in his boxers.

Kida growled and slid Mikado's cock out of his mouth. Pre-cum slid down Kida's chin as the blonde crawled over to face Mikado directly. Blue eyes opened from a daze to look into lust-filled amber ones. For a few seconds, the two teenagers just stared at each other, etching every detail into memory and immortalizing the moment as much as possible. The memorization process didn't even pause in Mikado's mind as Kida slowly brought up a hand to cup Mikado's cheek. Mikado gazed into those honey orbs, and saw something that made his face blush.

Maybe it was utter admiration. Pure awe. Somewhat reverent, as if looking at something so damn holy. Like Mikado was the most beautiful thing in the world. Mikado searched and dug into his brain to place a word that described what was in that golden gaze. What could one possibly name the unadulterated love held in his boyfriend's-his lover's-eyes?

Perhaps, adoration would be a fitting word.

Kida slowly leaned in and kissed Mikado's lips, and underneath the rushing current of want and need and pure lust Mikado felt the urge to kiss Kida, kiss him until they were both out of breath. Kiss him so that the words could be passed from tongue to tongue and heart to heart. But Mikado didn't move and simply accepted the brief peck on the lips. He watched Kida pull away and saw a smile tug at his friend's mouth.

"If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity."

How the hell that one sentence, spoken with affection and breathlessness, just became the ultimate turn on was a mystery. The rest of the night was a jumble of limbs, tongue, begging, screaming, and sheer bliss. Somewhere along the way Kida made a shameless joke about him being Alice and Mikado's body being the Wonderland he wanted to explore. Not long after that Mikado was bucking his hips, gasping a hybrid of "Masaomi" and a completely incoherent word, pleading for release. Masaomi was eager to comply with any wishes, the uneasiness from the afternoon completely gone, and willing to experiment.

"Masaomii-! Th-there… Aahhn!" Mikado was tossing his head to left and right, unable to contain the churning in the pit of his stomach, the boiling in his abdomen that demanded for climax right now.

Damn, Mikado was very hot when he was begging with his face flushed like that. Kida took note of a few spots where the brunette seemed particularly sensitive. After all, they would come handy again soon enough. Apparently teenage hormones were infinitely superior over apprehensiveness and all that crap.

"Mikado…" Kida let out a low guttural groan.

Kida's voice during sex was definitely bad for Mikado's health. Somehow Kida's tone grew lower, huskier, and just too sexy when the blonde let hormones take charge. Mikado fought valiantly (and failed) to keep back a whimper at the sound of Kida's voice. This wasn't fair! Just hearing Kida utter a few sounds and words were making Mikado harder than ever. The sexiness was overriding the nonsense of any pickup lines that the blonde chanced to say, and Mikado knew that the lack of release was going to drive him nuts or Kida's voice was going to drive him over the edge before that. Whichever happened first.

"-Oi, Mikado." Kida managed to find coherency in between grunts and groans.

"What," was Mikado's reaction. He couldn't push anything else out except gasps and moans.

Unexpectedly, Kida lowered his head down right next to…Oh hell no.

"Like the sheets on your bed, I want to cover you with love." Kida dragged every single ounce of seduction into the lowest octave he could attempt, right next to Mikado's damn ear.

Mikado swore and came.

Kida laughed triumphantly before reaching his own climax. He then proceeded to wrap his arms around his weakly protesting boyfriend and relax for a few moments. Mikado had closed his eyes, breathing in and out slowly in an attempt to regain his breath. Kida watched, opening his mouth, and then closing it again. In favor of verbalizing what he wanted to say, Kida pressed a kiss to Mikado's temple, and mouthed the words once more.

I love you.

Strange, how cheesy pickup lines were so much easier to say than what he really meant. Then again, what he really meant were the things that were the hardest to say. It wasn't like he had never said it before, but the words were too intimate. More than the physical act of love-making. They were words that Kida cherished, and he couldn't vocalize it as much as he wanted to.

"Love you too."

But Mikado always understood. Kida smiled and replied.

"The night is young, the moon is bright, and you are here with me tonight."

Mikado knew what Kida meant.

I love you.

/ FAIL smut is FAIL. It was my first attempt at writing anything beyond the T rating. Ugh, I think I just lost my literary virginity...nvm. I lost it when I started reading Shizaya smut.

So I've been rambling a bit in this chapter...I wrote part of it last month and practically the entire smut part this month. Spot the differences in writing style?

I was going to end the chapter with "Mikado swore and came" but I the mush lover in me won out. I'm not sure how well I characterized Kida in this one. And everyone who wants to laugh with me, laugh at how quickly Kida changes his mind about sex during this chapter. Getting it on really must've changed his mind. lol.

That being said, I need to run! But here is some good/bad news. I'm starting a new KidaMikado fic, the sequel to my previous two oneshots, as soon as I end this fic. I plan to finish this fic at chapter six. Two more to go!

And as always, reviews are loved.