Disclaimer: If I owned Dark Angel or V would I be writing fanfiction?
Summary: Father Jack Landry remembers the pulse. More than that he remembers what actually happened, not just the government cover-up.
Pairings: Max/Logan & Jack/Erica
Notes: Welcome to the next part of The Soldier Priest. This story frequently changes viewpoints allowing the reader to see the same events through the eyes of multiple characters. This Chapter's POV character is Ben
Interlude 2: In the Lady's Service
I watch the people head into speak to the priest. I want to listen to what they're telling him, but something tells me that the Lady would disapprove. At last the last person leaves, and I approach the booth. It is only when I step in that I realized the problem that comes with me not listening. I have absolutely no idea what I am supposed to do. I sit privately worrying over the situation before me. Is there something I should say? Is there something that I must do in order to convince the priest to speak to the Lady on my behalf?
The priest is the one who breaks the silence, "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen." He pauses then asks, "How long has it been since your last confession?"
Confession? Ah yes, that's right. Confession is what they call it when people come to the priest and tell him what they have done, so that he can speak to the Lady for them and tell them wants from them. I've never been to confession. Is that why it feels like the Lady has abandoned me? "I've never been to confession."
I hear surprise in the priest's voice as he answers me, "You are not a Catholic, then?" Catholic must be what these people who come to worship the Lady, who are trained in all the things to say and do are called.
I worry briefly that my not be one of them makes me less worthy in her eyes. I quickly quash the idea. I have always served the Lady in the best way that I can. Surely she understands that. I quietly reply, "No. But I do have faith in the Lady."
"Our blessed Lady." I can hear the joys he feels as he says her name. It mirrors the joy I feel in my own heart whenever I do her will. Perhaps this priest would be able to help me after all. Perhaps he will tell me what I need to do to once again feel the Lady's strength in my life.
My spirits lifting slightly at that thought, I reply, "Yes."
Apparently any fear I had that my not being Catholic would make a difference was unfounded, for the priest then quietly asked, "Well, why don't you tell me your sins then?"
The question brings to mind Max's tone of voice when she asked me why I kill people. When she spoke she sounded… sad. Disappointed in me. Obviously she thinks that I am doing the wrong thing. She is angry because she thinks that my killing is evil. Why doesn't she understand that this is who we? Doesn't she understand that I feel the pain of every kill? But I must do the Lady's work. It's who we are, what we were made for. I have no choice but to kill. It is with these thoughts on my mind that I reply, "I've killed." Internally I brace myself. In the years since the escape I have learned a thing or two about humans, and they usually do not look favorably on killing. I know that I cannot even try and explain the truth to this priest. What hope do I have of convincing him if I cannot even convince my own sister? I wait for the priest's words to tell me I am as wrong as Max's eyes say that I am.
The waited for a rebuke does not come. Instead in a calm, quiet voice the priest says, "Go on."
Why isn't he condemning me? Does he not understand the magnitude of what I have done? "I've taken human life. What more is there to say?" Surely he'll condemn me now.
"So have I." What? Why would a priest have taken a life? "Doesn't mean we did the wrong thing," Was it possible that he would possibly understand why I had to do it? "Sometimes it's necessary to take a life in order to save yourself or others," No, I decided he wouldn't. No one did. The person he killed was probably in self-defense or trying to protect someone else. Still, maybe there was a chance, "I was a soldier and-"
A soldier! He was a soldier? Maybe he would understand after all. "I'm a soldier."
"Ah." That ah tells me that I can trust him. He understands why I kill. As a much as I hate it, it is what I am good at. The only thing I know how to do. "Killing is what I was trained to do."
"And that bothers you. You don't have to answer that. I know it's true. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't. But you're not alone. When I was a soldier and I was forced to take a life, it bothered me to." He does understand. He knows the pain I feel every time I take a life as a soldier for the Lady. Perhaps he can help me understand why I feel so alone sometimes.
"Sometimes, I feel as if the Lady's given up on me."
His response is comforting, "No. She never gives up on any of us. Even when as soldiers we are forced to kill, she's always with us. We just have to have faith in her. "
"I try." Really I do. It's just so hard sometimes. It's hard to trust when Lydecker is hunting me, when Zack's face turn's up in anger at what I have done, when Max looks on me with sadness.
"Sometimes, that's all we can do. Just try, and trust and put our lives in her hands." At those words, something within me stills. Is it possible that the Lady sent me to him not so that he could give me guidance, but because he was finally the one that could stop me?
I have to confirm it. "Is your life in her hands?"
His answer is confused, "She's always at my side."
I know that he doesn't understand why I am asking him this but I need to know if he's the one. "She protects you?"
"She's always there to help me." That's a good answer. It holds true to the experience that I've had. I know that the Lady always helps, even when she isn't completely protecting us.
Yes. I smile. He's the one, "Then you've got nothing to be afraid of."
My hand shoots through the grate and I grab him by the throat. As sson as I'm sure he's unconscious I lift him up and flee to the warehouse. The next round of the hunt is about to begin.
AN; I know, I know, I know. I've been gone forever. School was crazy last semester. Things should be calmer this semester, so look for new stuff coming your way soon.
I promise I will be more regular this semester with a new chapter of The Soldier Priest every Tuesday or Wednesday (depending on homework) and Hopefully a chapter in the Probie & Kitten 'verse each weekend. Everything else will update as time permits. The Next thing to post should be the next piece in the My Big Brother... Series. Expect it late tonight or early tomorrow. Until then drop me a line to tell me what you think.
Til Next Time,
Up Next: Chapter 4: Make Your Choice, Soldier or Priest?