Title: Now I Know
Summary: Harry and Ginny have a serious fight over a decision that Harry's taken. He then proceeds to explain that things aren't the way Ginny is seeing them. Set a few months after DH.
Harry Potter had visited Ginny Weasley's room a lot since the beginning of that summer and yet, he had never felt more unwelcome than how he was feeling right now.
Ginny was wearing her typical summer attire, a muggle jean short that she always wore (they were the only pair that hadn't been inherited) and a baggy Holly Harpies t-shirt that one of Bill's old girlfriends had once given her. She was throwing things into her trunk with no care what-so-ever, making it clear to Harry that she was still as angry as she had been three days ago.
"Hey," the eighteen-year-old spoke quietly, leaning on Ginny's doorframe.
Ginny eyed him for less than a second before turning her back to him and continuing with her pattern of throwing things into her wooden trunk.
"Where have you been?" Ginny asked, trying to sound like she didn't care but letting anger slip through.
Harry gulped slightly. God, how much he hated when Ginny got angry at him. He had always tended to be the one who got angry at everyone but not when he was with Ginny, when he was with Ginny everything seemed to go different, his whole world was turned upside down; he wasn't the boy who lived, the chosen one or the saviour, he was just a stupid wizard who knew nothing about keeping his girlfriend happy.
"I came by yesterday but your mum said you had gone to bed early so I didn't want to bother you," Harry told her. "Before that I went to see Andromeda and Teddy; she still doesn't know when she's coming back to London, she likes it in the south, she says the beaches are nice and the house she's got there is great. Teddy's already said a few words."
At this, Ginny looked up and stopped moving. Harry and her had spent a lot of time with Andromeda this summer, they had helped her move into a house she had rented and they had helped out with Teddy whenever they could.
"What did he...?" Ginny adventured.
Harry smiled. "Mostly just a strange form of 'grandma' but I swear I heard him say 'uncle' once; however, Andromeda insists I'm imagining it."
Ginny didn't want to smile but she found she couldn't stop the sides on her lips from curving slightly.
"That's nice," Ginny spoke, starting to move the things she had thrown in her trunk around.
Harry took a step forward, carefully and slowly. "So, you haven't packed yet?"
"No," Ginny answered, not looking at him."I had been planning to do it yesterday but I was counting on having some space in you trunk...I know you never really fill it up."
Harry sighed and took one more dangerous step closer to Ginny. "Can't we talk about this?"
Ginny spoke so quickly and quietly that Harry almost didn't hear her.
"Come on, Ginny," Harry slightly begged. "You didn't even give me time to explain myself!"
"You didn't think about giving me time to accept it! Bloody hell, Harry! The whole summer I've been thinking something and four days before...four bloody days before? You've had the whole summer!" Ginny shouted at him.
Harry frowned. "I haven't known this all summer! Kingsley sent me an owl at the beginning of August!"
"Well that's three weeks, Harry Potter!" Ginny continued accusing him. "Every single time I mentioned something about Hogwarts...you just nodded like an idiot."
"I always nod like an idiot when I'm with you," Harry spoke, trying to lighten the tone of the conversation but, with one look at Ginny's expression, he realized that it wasn't working.
Ginny sighed. "Why don't you just leave, Harry. I'll see you at Christmas," Ginny spoke, once again avoiding his emerald eyes.
"Well, we both know I'm not going to do that but we both know you're not going to just speak to me so...I'm guessing we're going to..."Harry spoke with uncertainty.
Angel flashed in Ginny's brown eyes. "Are you serious? You're seriously going to break up with me?"
"Break up with you?" Harry asked, startled. "Who said anything about breaking up with you?"
Ginny raised an eyebrow. "You just did. 'I'm guessing we're going to...', break up, right?"
"No, I...you want to break up?" Harry asked, suddenly feeling scared.
"Do you want to break up?" Ginny asked Harry.
Harry looked at her hardly. "I asked first."
"Yes, and I'm the one who was hoping to spend the whole year with you so, if you thought about it, you'd realize how stupid your question is!"
"And yours isn't?" Harry asked, feeling slightly hurt.
"Well, I don't know, aren't you the one whose ditched me for Auror training?" Harry was about to protest but she didn't let him. "And specially after spending a month telling me you'd had enough of dark wizards for a life time?"
Harry shook him head. "Ginny, I..."
"Don't know to say? Oh, well, that's new isn't it? Listen up, people! Harry Potter doesn't know how to put something in words!"
Ginny regretted the words the minute that they left her mouth, she was acting like a bitch and she knew it but she was still annoyed and hurt that Harry hadn't trusted her before.
"Maybe I should leave," Harry spoke quietly.
Ginny looked down. "No...I-I...I'm sorry, it was a stupid thing to say but, I feel like I mean nothing to you! How many people knew, Harry? Before I did?"
Harry ran a hand through his hair, a move that was becoming very typical when he became a little exasperated with Ginny. "Does it even..." the young man started, but a look from Ginny made her answer to the question he hadn't finished pretty obvious. "Well, people from the ministry, your dad because he gave me the letter, I suppose that he told your mum and Andromeda and, well, Ron and Hermione and then George caught me..."
"So pretty much everyone?" Ginny asked incredulously and with a sad laugh. "So that's how much I mean to you...less than George...I would expect Ron and Hermione; I mean, we all know you'll never have that connection with..."
"Ginny," Harry tried. "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be upset."
"So would Hermione," Ginny spoke with resentment; she sounded like a little girl who had just been told she couldn't have something.
Harry laughed. "So, now you're jealous of Hermione?"
Now it was Ginny's turn to laugh. "Jealous of..." Then suddenly she became serious. "Well, you know what? Yeah, I'm jealous of Hermione...and of Ron and of every single person who knew where you would spend this year before me! Sometimes I feel like the only reason you're doing this is because you want to be with them."
"What?" Harry asked, not catching the meaning of Ginny's last sentence.
Ginny looked down. "I...I thought about it loads last year and then when you were away. You want so bad to be a Weasley, you love them all so badly that you'd do anything to just, well...be with them officially...and, obviously, you can't marry Ron...because well, he's taken and you're obviously not...well, the point is, I'm your last choice!"
A small smile appeared on Harry's face and he went to sit down on Ginny's bed. "So, you think I'm with you because I want to be a Weasley?"
Ginny leaned against her trunk.
"Well, let's face it, Harry...I'm no Cho Chang and all of a sudden, during sixth year you kiss me and go out with me and then you break it off..."
"For your own good," Harry included but, it wasn't really him defending himself, he was simply making it clear as he listened to her, he wanted to hear what she had to say.
"Yeah, okay...but, even you have to admit, it was a pretty lame excuse because if you really cared then Voldemort would've seen it through your head or whatever that thing is and I...Well, look, I'm just saying that I can't really think of a proper reason why you'd be with me apart from the fact that you adore my family and I'm the perfect excuse to officially be a part of it."
Harry looked at her but didn't say anything. Ginny stood up straight and walked towards the bed, taking the spot next to Harry. "If it's true," Ginny continued speaking. "You don't have to be embarrassed or anything, Harry...I guess I kind of get it and...It makes sense. If you really...cared for me like I do for you then you would-"
But Ginny was cut off by Harry's lips on her own, moving gently against each other. After a few seconds Harry pulled back.
"Ginny, I was already part of this family before we ever went out. Yes, maybe the fact I like you so much is because you're a Weasley but not because it's your surname, it's because it makes you smart, kind and caring...funny, witty and strong, strong like no one I've met before."
Ginny turned to look at him and smiled but a second later the effect of his kind words evaporated.
"Then why? You've got your whole life to go to Auror training...and, do you really want that, Harry? At the beginning of summer all you could talk about was how much you loved that it was over, that you had taken that pressure off your shoulders," Ginny insisted.
Harry wasn't an expert in romance but he was beginning to be an expert in Ginny and he knew that right now all that she needed was comforting and reassuring. She moved nearer to her and put his arm carefully around her back.
He looked down at her for a second before continuing. "When I got the owl, my first impulse was to say no, to throw the letter in the bin and not think about it again...then I started eying the newspapers that I had avoided reading and I realized that the war might be over but its consequences are far from it, they've actually only begun. Look Ginny, I'm no hero, you and me both know that...I was chosen randomly, for all I know...if Voldemort had been told about the prophecy at some other time, he would've marked Neville as his equal; however, it was me and not because I'm a powerful wizard, I mean, I'm not bad but, let's face it I had nothing on Voldemort."
"That's not true, Harry!" Ginny interjected. You had so much more than him; for a start, you were human!"
Harry chuckled. "Yeah, but, what I mean is...I was no Dumbledore, but...I was good at Defence, I always have been; well, save Umbridge's year but that hardly counts, right? And, well, I started thinking about what I would do instead and there's no other job I'd rather do."
"That's all very nice, harry," Ginny told him. "And, even if I'd rather you stayed home or owned a shop where you would be perfectly safe...I get that you've got a saving people thing and that's not going to go away with Voldemort, but why does that stop you from coming back to Hogwarts with me?"
"Ron's not going!" Harry defended himself. "And you don't see Hermione getting angry at him, do you?"
"It's different in so many ways, Harry, and you know it!" Ginny tried to make him see. "Ron's staying because George needs him...he can't run the shop without...well, he can't run it alone and Ron's just going to help him. Besides, they've spent the whole year together, in every sense of the word and...They need a small separation...Hermione wants to go slowly, she doesn't just want to get married at eighteen."
Harry didn't say anything so Ginny continued.
"You and me...we've barely had six months together in our whole lives...I...I was hoping this would be our year...I just, I know it sounds childish but, I hate to know that you can stand a whole year without me."
"I can't stand a whole year without you," Harry told her sincerely. Ginny raised her eyebrows at him. "I'm serious, I can't...and I'm going to see you at every chance I get...I'll even pull the Harry Potter card to get into Hogsmeade."
"And why don't you just come with me? If it's classes you don't want to go to...then pull the Harry Potter card for that!" Ginny told him. She knew she was being a little irrational but she needed to understand.
"I can't go back to Hogwarts, Ginny," Harry admitted. "That part of my life is over, I...I just don't feel like Hogwarts is home anymore and I...I don't want to go there feeling like that."
Ginny frowned. "Do you thing I want to go? Go back to the place where Fred...where I thought you...Harry, I have no desire going there."
"You need to go back, Ginny...like a said, you're strong and you can deal with it; In fact, I think you need to go back so you can deal with it. Besides, I don't want anyone looking down at you because you have no NEWTs. I know you want to go into Quiddich anyway but, I'd rather you have a backup," Harry tried to explain.
Ginny was silent for a few moments before looking up at Harry. "Why do you talk like that? You sound like...like a parent who only wants the best for his kid. You should be thinking about what's best for you, not what's best for me...You should be selfish for once. If it's true that you want me here the why do you put my education, something that probably won't be worth a thing, in front of what you want? I know you care about me but..."
"Remember when I told you about Horcruxes," Harry suddenly said. "I told you that's what me, Ron and Hermione were looking for last year but...I didn't tell you, I haven't told anyone that there was another Horcrux, me..."
Ginny eyes went a little wide. "You?"
"I didn't just fake to be dead in that forest...that's the story I told publicly because I didn't want to get into...well, the point is I was going to tell all of you when the time was right but I...Look, the point is that I wasn't faking to be dead all along. Voldemort hit me with the killing curse when I surrendered so that he could kill the Horcruxes I had in me. I really, died, Ginny. For a second only but I died and I can't go back to Hogwarts because my life as a 'boy' ended there," Harry explain, leaving Ginny with her jaw hanging open.
"I...I...what am I meant to say? I'm such a stupid, immature...God, I'm-"
"Ginny," Harry soothed her. "I didn't just tell you that story because of Hogwarts I also want to prove to you that...I don't just care for you Ginny."
Harry tried really hard to put his feelings into words.
"When Voldemort was going to kill me, I saw you...your hair, your eyes, the way I feel when I'm with you, when you kiss me," Harry explained. "Ginny, I..."
A small smile appeared on Ginny's face as she pressed her body against Harry's and kissed him with all the love she could, pouring all she had into it.
She pulled away and brown met green. With her left hand she caressed his cheek.
"You don't have to say. Now I know."
Hope you liked it! please review and let me know what you thought. :)