A Hypothetical Situation

Summary: She was pregnant and all Ukitake can think of is; "Sensei is going to kill Shunsui when he finds out!" How do you tell the most powerful Soul Reaper, a man who sees you as their daughter, that you're pregnant to a man he thinks is a cad?

Pairings: Shunsui/Ukitake

Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters associated with the Anime of Bleach.

Warnings: Juushiro Ukitake is dictated as a female in gender in this story. Yes, I am well aware that he is male in both Manga and anime, but work with me here.

AN: Hello once again. Now, I am placing the blame for this solely on the shoulders of FS2011, who gave me the inspiration to write this after she started writing her "Yamamoto's Gonna Kill Shunsui!" fic, of which I demand there be an update soon. Again, this is just a silly little oneshot which doesn't need to be taken serious, just go with the flow, alright?

Comments, observations, remarks and suggestions are welcomed and valued. I hope you enjoy.

For the first time in a very long time, Captain Juushiro Ukitake of Division Thirteen was incredibly nervous.

It wasn't your average case of nerves either; it was drawing nearer and nearer to a full blown panic attack. Breath quickening, heart rate increasing, hands shaking, palms feeling clammy and a light layer of sweat beaded across her brow as she stood before the large doors to her Sensei's office. If he had not sent for her she would have turned on her heel and all but fled back to the sanctuary of her beloved Ugendō.

These doors had never seemed so...ominous before in her life; the large wooden structures towering over her, almost appearing if they were the gateway to an endless abyss, a portal to an agonizing and eternal doom.

She had stood upon this threshold a many a time in her years as Captain of the 13 Division and her relationship with the Head-Captain was considered comfortable and familiar. The much older man had even stated that he saw her as a daughter he never had, and Shunsui, although his flirty behaviour was something left to be desired, he saw as his son.

And it was because of that outside of meetings casual relationship that was making the usually calm and collected captain shuffle her feet on the floor, chewing on her bottom lip as she hesitated in knocking on the door before her.

The reason why she was so nervous was something she herself was still trying to get her head around.

About a week ago she had received some very surprising, yet not entirely unwelcomed, piece of news from Captain Unohana. She had turned to her fellow captain for comfort and help after an entire month of throwing up every morning and at random times during the day. Her sense of smell has also oddly increased, and with that, feeling of nausea from her usually favourite food. As well as a bit of cramping not of her stomach, but somewhere near it. She wasn't even going to comment on the fatigue or the increasing need for naps throughout the day.

Initially, Ukitake had put her symptoms down as side-effects of the new medication Unohana had placed her on for her lungs, momentarily forgetting the fact that her medication hasn't been changed in 10 years.

So the truth was a bit of a surprise; she was pregnant.

Yes, she apparently was heavy with child, had a bun in the oven if you will.

She, at first, didn't know what to think. Could it be true, after living for so many countless years, she was finally going to have a child of her own? This wasn't a joke, was it?

It was true, Unohana reassured her.

Usually, when one was informed that they are pregnant, a numerous amount of emotions are experienced in a matter of seconds; joy, surprise, disbelief, fear and uncertainty the most prominent of them all.

But for Ukitake, a sense of dread settled over her, not because the pregnancy was unwanted –she wanted nothing more than to have a child of her own- but because of the one thought that immediately raced through her mind;

"Sensei is going to kill Shunsui when he finds out!"

Yes, Shunsui, her longest, dearest friend was the father of her unborn baby. They had been much more than friends for quite some time now. They've actually been romantically linked since, well...their days at the academy. Yeah, 2000 years ago.

And Sensei, despite being all knowing, still wasn't fully aware of what kind of relationship she and Shunsui really had together. And the reason why they haven't told him was, well, while Sensei was proud of Shunsui becoming a respected captain, an honourable man who can see the truth in everything and a talented, skilled warrior of the sword, there was still one little thing that irked the much older man.

Shunsui's flirty behaviour. Sensei had always asked her how she could be best friends with such a fool-hearty, heavy drinking, moral-less cad.

If only he knew the truth...

Counting back on her fingers, Ukitake was able to pinpoint when she was likely to have gotten pregnant and she immediately flushed at the memories; a tangle of silken sheets, whispered words of endearment and of passion, heated breathes across equally intense skin, bodies moving together, touching, caressing, being taken to the brink of ecstasy, of insanity and being kept there in sensual, desirous bliss. It was a spur of the moment, a moment of comfort after a gruelling mission, only to be caught up in the rapture of talented hands, hands that knew her body, and how to excite her, skillfully well.

Their love-making during that night was slow and reassuring, comforting after suffering the loss of Division members in knowing that they were still together, with each other and are in as much love now as they had ever been.

Still, she had succumb a many a time to Shunsui intoxicating and spontaneous love-making –which happened more often than not – so she was understandably surprised that she had gotten pregnant. Surprised, but happy all the same.

Well, she will be happy once she tells Shunsui...and Head-Captain Yamamoto, her powerful, dangerous, protective and fatherly Sensei.

...Oh God...

"How long is it do you wish to keep me waiting, Juushiro?"

Ukitake nearly jumped out of her skin when her sensei's gruff voice sounded through the heavy set door, startling her out of her thoughts and promptly dropping her back into reality. Settling herself down, or at least trying to, by drawing in a few deep breathes; she placed her hands on the door and pushed it open, peering around the wooden piece in a rather terrified child kind of way.

"You wished to speak with me, Sensei?"

"Come inside and close the door," Head-Captain Yamamoto instructed her as he sat at his desk, a brush in one hand as a piece of unmarred paper laid out before him.

Doing as she was told, Ukitake stepped inside before turning away from her sensei to close the door soundly shut, chewing on her bottom lip in order to prevent herself from succumbing to the urge to throw the door open wide and making an impromptu, and most likely unsuccessful escape.

"It has come to my attention that you've been distracted the last few days," Head-Captain Yamamoto stated as she turned around to face him, standing a few feet away from his desk. As per usual, his eyes were closed as he set his writing instrument down upon his desk and then folding his hands in front of him. "This is unusual."

"Oh, I apologize," Ukitake responded with her usual reply; apologizing for anything and everything. It may help in the long-run.

A moment of silence stretched out between the two of them, her Sensei not making a sound while she desperately tried not to fidget where she stood. She mustn't have succeeded very well as Sensei suddenly sighed and opened one of his eyes to peer at her, searching her presence with a well trained and somewhat concerned gaze.

"...What is wrong?" he finally asked her, reverting back to the casualness they had both grown accustomed to over the many years they've known each other.

Ukitake continued to remain silent for a few moments longer, noticeably chewing on her bottom lip as she wrung her hands out in front of her. She caught her sensei's gaze for a second before quickly looking away. "I don't know how to say it, really."


Well and truly fidgeting now, Ukitake unwittingly began to pace, walking over to the railing that lead out into the open air of the courtyard before walking back. And then, repeating the process.

"Yes, there is something that is distracting me, and I apologize, it's just..." she said as she pressed the palms of her hands together and tapped her fingers subconsciously against her chin as she struggled to find the right words. She then paused momentarily in her pacing, a possible idea, though an undoubtedly feeble one at best, presented to her mind and she turned to her Sensei. "...Can I ask you a hypothetical question?"

Yamamoto was now looking at her with both eyes open; half-lidded but still very piercing. "Proceed."

"Ok, so um, there's this woman," Ukitake said slowly, uncertainly as she returned to her pacing, turning on her heel to head back toward the balcony of the upper circle. "Pretend she's someone you are very fond of. A daughter, perhaps?"

Leaning back in his seat, Yamamoto began to stroke his beard, listening intently. "Someone like you?" he asked.

Ukitake immediately recoiled at his words and turned around swiftly to face him, her hair whipping around her shoulders from the sudden movement, her eyes wide and her tone somewhat frantic. "No no no, not me, of course not," she immediately protested.

Sensei simply looked at her deliberately.

She then coughed lightly into her hand, clearing her throat and taking a moment to mentally berate herself for acting out-right suspiciously. Of course, she could most likely blame hormones...and Shunsui, but now was hardly the time for that.

"Someone like me, maybe," she conceded as she went back to her pacing, pressing her two index fingers together timidly. "Anyway, this woman, who is absolutely not me," she quickly reminded him. "has only just found out that she is a little bit...pregnant."

A deathly still silence fell over the room. It was so thick and consuming that Ukitake very physically and visibly shivered.

"A little bit?" Head-Captain Yamamoto asked with a huge, blatant amount of scepticism and disbelief in his voice.

"And it kinda came about on a spur of the moment passion type thing," Ukitake immediately began to explain, clarifying that it was purely unintentional. "You know, comfort becoming a little bit more heated and totally unexpected so protection wasn't use?"

A tell-tale twitch rippled through Yamamoto's form and his eyes narrowed threateningly. "That was rather brainless," he stated gruffly and harshly in that overly protective fatherly manner she was only one of a few that had the fortune, or misfortune, to hear.

"Yes, very stupid, I totally agree," Ukitake agreed readily, nodding her head at the truth in his words before swallowing thickly, hoping to clear up a few more things. "Now, imagine her spontaneous lover happens to be her dearest friend whom she has love for quite some time. Someone like..."

She paused again, taking another deep breath as she stopped moving and nervously turned to face him, peering at her powerful Sensei through the strands of her hair. "I don't know, some like Shunsui, perhaps?"

Her Sensei's fingernails suddenly scrapped painfully across the shiny veneer on his desk with a cringing, ear-ringing scratch; almost like finger-nails across a chalkboard. Which in turn caused tiny wood chip curls, almost like ribbons, to appear spiralling skywards from under his fingernails. "I see..."

A sense of dread began to form in the pit of her stomach and she licked her lips apprehensively. "As a hypothetical situation, what would you perhaps do?"

Again, that ominous silence deafened the room, almost as if a thick, black cloud had suddenly descended over the two of them. It has also gotten incredibly hot in here...

"I would kill him," Yamamoto said in the most slow, steady, absolutely terrifying voice she had ever heard. "Slowly and painfully."

"Well, I guess it's lucky it's only a hypothetical situation then, isn't it?" Ukitake quickly squeaked pathetically, hunching her shoulders and meekly turning away.

Her sensei's eye, both of them now open completely and full with nothing but malicious, murderous intent, simply twitched and the dread in her stomach only increased. It was obvious she wasn't very good at drawing attention away from herself.

And, if only to make matters worse, it was in that instant that Shunsui decided to stroll by on the other side of the courtyard, whistling a merry tune to himself, appearing all the bit happy and content with life around him. It almost appeared as if he had a little bounce in his step, not having a care in the world what so ever.

Her Sensei's gaze immediately turned toward him mechanically, demonically, his eyes slowly narrowing with pure, fiery malice.

Shunsui soon stopped his whistling and he even shivered dramatically, immediately casting his attention in their directions, his shoulders hunched and eyes wide in bewilderment. He was no doubt wondering why he could feel their Sensei's thoughts of murderous intentions flowing toward him like all consuming waves of lava.

Ukitake did the only thing she could really do; she ran toward the balcony, placed her hands on the railing and leaned over the side. Fear and urgency was in her voice as she yelled out to her dearest friend and most cherished lover, caring not that the court yard was filled with the hustle and bustle of their fellow Soul Reapers nor the fact that everyone within a ten miles radius could feel their Head-Captain radiate homicidal intentions.

"Run, you stupid fool!" she cried out in warning, not saying why he had to run for his life.

Apparently, Shunsui didn't need to be told why and he most certainly didn't need to be told twice as in a blink of an eye he was gone. Only his precious pink kimono and hat laid where he once stood, no doubt casting them off in haste so they won't be ruined in the battle soon to come. And behind her, Ukitake felt her Sensei's Spiritual Pressure spike with just barely controlled rage, the much older man all but seething in his skin.

And then, he was gone as well.

It didn't take long for several loud explosions to erupt from around the Seireitei, sending off alarm bells in every direction as well as innocent Soul Reapers scrambling out of the way. Even her fellow Captains had the right mind to clear the area quite rapidly. With two of the strongest Spiritual Pressures known mixing together, one of fury, the other somewhat fearful, it caused many of their weaker Reapers to pass out in a dead faint so bodies were quite literally littering the streets.

Now this was what she was so fearful of.

"Sensei, please stop!" Ukitake desperately cried out her plea as she too shunpo'd off the balcony to chase after her irate Sensei who in turned tried to maim her poor lover and best friend. "Don't kill him, please!"

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Sitting in her office, a steaming cup of green tea in her hands, Captain Unohana smiled to herself as she watched the continuous explosions reign over the Seireitei, blazing hot columns of fire spiralling upwards in a dramatic display of power. The earth was nearly rumbling, trembling under so much unrestrained power.

"Captain!" Came her vice-captain's voice, fear and panic easily heard in her tone as she all but scurried into the room. "What's going on? Is it an attack?"

"Calm yourself, Isane," Unohana said soothingly with a gentle smile as she turned to her vice-captain. "There is nothing to fear. It seems that Captain Ukitake has merely explained to Head-Captain Yamamoto of her current state of health."

"Oh," Isane said as recognition dawned upon her delicate features. However, a wince soon rippled through her slender frame and she cast a pitying look toward the most recent tower of flame, wringing her hands out in front of her. "Shall I prepare a room for Captain Kyouraku, then?"

"That would be wise indeed," Unohana simply said with her ever knowing smile and turned to look back out the window.