The Wizard of Ozford

A HariPo ficlet

by mew-tsubaki

Note: These characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. The original The Wizard of Ozstoryline belongs to L. Frank Baum (though this parodies more the movie than the book), not me either. These pairings (Scorlor, Scorander, and Scred) were discovered by me and are therefore mine; please gimme a little mention if you write them! Thanks! They are three of many of Mew and Mor's Weird Pairings, which you can find via the link of the same name in my profile. And yes, this is a parody and has plenty of slash; the rating is subject to change at any time, fyi.

This is my 100th FANFICTION! Sooo…read, review, and enjoy! (Just a little review. Pleezy? Since it's 100? X3 Thanks!)

- ^-^3

Chapter One: Getting There

Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy was a good boy with a good life. He lived with his mother, Astoria, and his father, Draco, in their modest (yeah, right) offshoot of Malfoy Manor, a place known as Malfoy Keep. Scorpius never wanted for anything in his life. Why should he? Say the name "Malfoy" and your desire was granted.

But Scorpius didn't use that whenever he pleased. He'd grown up with a sense of humility, worth, and compassion. I daresay he was the first Malfoy with such traits. …Please. Go with me on this.

Honestly, Scorpius had it good. He had a lot of friends, even, though most of them were Weasleys and Potters, much to his father's dismay. But the Weasley/Potter clan was made up of good people and the Scamander twins (Luna Lovegood's sons, that witch being along the same rather distasteful lines for Draco) completed the circle with Scorpius. In fact, his best friends were the Scamander twins—Lorcan and Lysander—and the male Weasley twin, Fred (Freddie, as everyone called him). Scorpius' gang of friends made up for the sometimes rocky atmosphere at Malfoy Keep…like the one going on right now.

"We need to find a good match for Scorpius!" yelled his Grandma Cissy. Narcissa's blue eyes flashed venomously at her husband.

"He's a year out of Hogwarts, Narcissa," Grandfather Lucius drawled, swishing his firewhiskey around in its bottle. "There's no real rush yet."

"You and I were engaged before our last year," Narcissa retorted.

Lucius smartly said nothing.

Scorpius' mother, Astoria, brushed her hair off to the side and sighed. "Draco and I weren't engaged until almost five years out of school."

Narcissa smiled sweetly. "Astoria, darling, those were different, post-war times."

"No, Astor's right," Draco stated, sitting up in his chair across from his wife. "Why should we rush Scorp? It's a different time even now, Mother."

Scorpius, who stood in the doorway to the sitting room, scratched his head. "Look, guys, why don't we sort this out some other day? It's the day after my eighteenth birthday, for Merlin's sake."

"All the more reason to find you a lovely witch," his grandmother replied.

"You know what, Grandma Cissy? I'm going to go hang out with my mates," he said, walking over and kissing the top of her head. "I'll leave you 'adults' to all this planning."

"Scorpius, you're an adult, too," Draco stated.

He shot his father a look and glanced at Narcissa. "Well… I'm still a kid when it comes to these matters, soo… Yeah. I'll check back in later." He kissed his mother's cheek and left the house before his father could protest any more.

Outside, Scorpius stretched out his arms, holding out his left limb. An ebony Hunting owl swooped down and landed gracefully on his arm. The bird nuzzled Scor's jaw.

"Ah, hullo, there, Jojo."

The bird trilled in response.

Scorpius gave him a treat. "Shall we go find the blokes, then? What do say? We spent all yesterday with the family, so why don't we go find my mates?"


The blonde boy looked at the front gates to Malfoy Keep. He broke into a smile. "Aunty Andromeda. How are you?"

"Fine," Andromeda Tonks replied as her great-nephew allowed her inside. "I thought it was an improvement when Cissy approached me ten years ago and decided she wanted to reestablish our relationship." She squinted in the murky, cloud-strewn sunlight. "I didn't mean that I wanted to have a hand in setting you up in an arranged marriage. I didn't like that at all; it was one reason why I left the family."

"But Uncle Ted was worth it."

She smiled wistfully. "But your late Uncle Ted was worth it. Without him there wouldn't have been Nymphadora, nor would there have been little Teddy."

"Uh, Aunty? Teddy's not so little anymore."

She shrugged. "He'll always be little to me." Andromeda cupped one of his cheeks. "Just like you'll always be little, too, Scorpius."

He beamed. "Thanks, Aunty. They're all inside, by the way."

"I know. I'll go in and—" She stopped short as Scorpius' owl began attacking her hairpiece. "Ack! Get Jorman off me, Scorpius!"

"Jojo! Jojo, stop! That's not owl food!" Scorpius released the bird, who flew off. "Aw, hell…"

Andromeda huffed. "I don't understand why you keep him, Scorpius. That-that bird!" The witch shook herself. "I hate owls…"

Scorpius offered her an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Aunty. I've gotta go after him. Good luck with the family, though." He ran off in Jorman's direction, then, feet pounding the pavement. It was times like these when he really wished that a Summoning Charm would work on something other than inanimate objects.

Somewhere in town, Scorpius saw Jorman fly low and disappear between buildings. The Malfoy son ran faster, for he hated that he'd already lost sight of the damn avian. When he'd gone another few blocks, he slowed and listened.

There was an owl's screech off to his right.

Scor took the turn and walked until Jojo's cries grew nearer and nearer. Then Jojo stopped. His master had found him.


"Scorpius." The Weasley witch shook her arm and Jojo hopped back to Scorpius. Rose gathered her ruby red hair into a ponytail before looking at her former boyfriend. "I hadn't expected to see you. Oh, happy belated birthday."

"Uh, thanks…" He blinked a few times, wondering why his owl had found her, too. "So, uh, what brings you over here?"

"Oh, Aunt Audrey and Uncle Percy live nearby. I was visiting them and Mols and Lucy. You?" She laughed. "Ugh, stupid me. Jorman tried running away."

"Yeah…" He frowned. After dealing with his grandmother's antics, the last person he wanted to see was his ex-girlfriend. Well, at least he and Rose had stayed somewhat friends.

"It's that time, isn't it?"

The wizard looked up. "What?"

Rose peered at him smartly. "You're a Malfoy. They want to find you a bride, don't they?"

Of course. Rose was fairly keen. She'd be able to figure what was bothering him easily. "Yes. Mum and Dad are trying to slow Grandma down, but I don't know how well they can do that. Then Aunt Andromeda turned up."

"Ah." Rose lifted her eyebrows and sat down on the swings in the playground a few meters away. Scorpius joined her and leaned against one of the posts of the swings. "You never did like those things, engagement stuff and all."

He pursed his lips. "That's not why we broke up, Rose."

"I know. It's because you wanted me to be myself and rebel in that other way."

"Did you?"

She never answered. Instead, she winked at him. "Why don't you close your eyes? Imagine that all the bad things are far behind you and that there's nothing but a good day ahead." She chuckled at his peculiar look. "Oh, come on! Don't give me that! It's fun. And helpful."

With a doubtful sigh, Scorpius lowered his eyelids until he saw nothing but black. He waited for further instruction.

"There's no arranged marriage. There's no impending engagement. There's only Jojo, the boys, you, and an open field. Haha, you're zooming around on your broom playing Quidditch now!"

He opened one eye. "Very imaginative, Rosie."

"Hey, no looking! … Good. Both eyes closed again? All right, let's see… Oh, the Tutshill Tornadoes are scouting. Ah, Puddlemere's come along. They want you, too. Haha, you've got to—"

When Rose didn't continue, Scorpius smirked. "What? Ran out of ideas?"

"No… No, Scorp, it's not that."

The note of concern in her tone forced him to look at her. There was worry etched on her face. "Rose? What's wrong?" He blinked…and looked around him. Was it just him, or had things become suddenly very dark?

She frowned. "The sky, Scorpius… It's too dark. And look at the clouds over there." The redhead pointed to the other side of town. "Those clouds…"

His heart leapt into his throat. That was the general direction of Malfoy Keep. And those weren't clouds. He'd heard the tales from Rose's Uncle Harry. "Dementors."

Rose glanced at him, fear in her eyes. "But that…"

Scorpius didn't wait for her comment. He didn't wait for anything, really. He ran back so fast it was like he'd ridden his broom. When he neared the house, he slowed and gaped at the sight before him:

There were hordes of Dementors surrounding Malfoy Keep.

The blonde wizard didn't even stop to wonder why the monsters were there. He could only think that his parents, his grandparents, and his aunt were in there. Another fear seized him: His Aunt Daphne was supposed to join the family after her early morning shift in the Portkey Office was over. He didn't know if Aunt Daphne was in there, as well.

Scorpius cursed himself and fumbled taking his wand out of his belt. Once he finally grasped the hilt, he held it up and tried muttering the incantation. But the Dementors were already descending.

"Expecto Patronum! Expecto Patronum! Expecto Patronum…! Expecto…Patronum…!" The Dementor was so close now. "Expecto… Patronum…" And then everything went black.

It wasn't the same kind of black as before when he'd closed his eyes. No, that darkness Scorpius knew he had control over. But this inky, jet color was horrifying. He felt like he could barely breathe.

Reflexively, he sat up with a jolt. He looked around him, shocked and gulping in great amounts of air. He was inside the vestibule at Malfoy Keep. That was weird. He didn't remember getting inside the house. Hell, he only remembered just getting inside the gate only to face a Dementor first-hand.


He jumped up and looked around. The house was quiet and it seemed like there wasn't anything wrong. He couldn't believe it. There were scores of Dementors outside; the house shouldn't be this quiet. And he shouldn't be alive after the Dementor's kiss.

Scorpius patted his blue and white checkered shirt and his khaki slacks. No, he wasn't harmed at all. But his family… He ran through the house, calling out their names. No one responded. It was as if they'd all just vanished into thin air.

A screech made him glance back. Jorman sat on his post inside the door. Sunlight came in through the window on the front door and illuminated the bird's black feathers.

"Jojo…? Is that a…dog tag on your neck?" Scorpius squinted and then walked over to the bird. Indeed, the owl was wearing a dog collar. "Okaaay…" Scorpius glanced at the sunny window. "Where the bloody hell are the Dementors?"

He held out his arm and Jojo latched on as Scorpius grasped the door handle. He swung the oak door open wide—and wondered if he'd been slipped a Wheeze when he was with Rose earlier.

The landscape before him wasn't his neighborhood. He wasn't even sure if it was England or the United Kingdom. Scorpius prayed he was still on Earth, despite the gaudy colors of the view. Scorpius observed his surroundings and sighed.

Jorman screeched and hopped to the ground to swallow a field mouse whole.

"Jojo, we're not in Kent anymore."

- ^-^3

BWAHAHAHAHAHA~~~~! XD This is going to be fun. Despite the bit of worry over why the hell there were Dementors attacking, I think I've done a fine job of setting things up, no? ;) Oh, and that attack will be remedied/explained in the end, so no worries. One note: I never read the book and I haven't seen the movie in years (but it is one of my favorites!), so this is a very loose parody. I'm going by what information I can find and what things I feel I can twist around.

Which is just about anything. XDDD

So please review! I will do my best to update soon! :3

-mew-tsubaki ;3

Thanks for Betaing as always, Morghen! *passes out a little more Scorlor* Y'know, to hold you over. B3